From the Ashes

Although this was submitted for the 2010 Valentine's Day Story Contest, please be aware that it falls under the INCEST category. Those opposed should avoid.

Many thanks to Bluechick1976 for editing my mess. You're the best!

As always, comments welcome and please remember to vote.

____________________

O my Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June!
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune!

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only Luve!
And fare thee weel awhile!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile.

Robert Burns

__________

I have always been amazed by how life can be like a rollercoaster. Just when you think you've got it all figured out and life is good, something hits you from behind and takes you out at the knees. Only a year or so ago, my life seemed absolutely perfect. I was enjoying an amazing career as Director of Marketing for a Fortune 500 company, with the love and support of the most wonderful family a guy could hope for. I felt on top of the world, then we learned the shocking news: my loving wife of twenty-five years had cancer.

Connie and I met in college, and by our third date, I think we both knew we were made for one another. She was beautiful, which certainly didn't hurt, yet she was also as sweet and smart as a guy could dare ask for. In spite of all her amazing attributes, she was just a regular girl without a hint of pretension, and unlike anyone else I had ever known.

We were married just about a year after graduation, and both embarked on our professional careers. We decided not to immediately start a family so we could devote our attention to our jobs and to one another without distraction. We waited about five years before we decided to try for a child.

I was on the fast-track in my career, so when we found out Connie was pregnant; we agreed that she would stay home with the baby while I worked. Times might have been tough, but we both liked the idea of her staying home rather than paying for a babysitter to partially raise our only child.

Connie was a wonderful mom, just as I expected. She relished her role as primary caregiver, and didn't seem to miss her life as an aspiring corporate tycoon. She and Kelsey seemed to share a special bond that I admit made me a tad jealous, yet when I arrived home at night, Connie made sure I had some alone time with my baby so I would not miss out on anything. We seemed to become the perfect team, intuitively understanding each other's needs.

When Kelsey went off to school, Connie became a bit bored staying at home without much to do. For the first couple of years, she puttered around the lawn most days, tending the gardens and making our yard the showplace of the neighborhood, yet I could tell she was somewhat unfulfilled.

Since she had some free time during the day, I encouraged her to find something to which she could lend her talents. Having always been a lover of plants and flowers, she enrolled in a floral design program offered at the local community college. She loved it and seemed to have a real knack for it, bringing home the beautiful bouquets she created after each session.

Within weeks after the class ended, she began working on me to finance a flower shop of her own. I was making decent money at that time, but not so much that we could stand to risk a large sum. Although it was a scary venture to contemplate given our finances, she quickly wore me down and almost before I knew what happened, the ink was drying on a lease for Connie's shop, which she named Everything's Coming Up Roses.

Connie's shop was never a big money maker, but she met her expenses and even added a few bucks in our coffers over the years. I wasn't concerned about whether she brought home a large paycheck; my sweetheart was happy and living a fulfilled life, so how could I complain?She seemed to take to being an entrepreneur as easily as she did to motherhood.

Everything's Coming Up Roses was near a large hospital, so she received lots of drop-in business for bouquets for both ill patients and recent mothers. But Valentine's Day was by far Connie's busiest and most profitable time of the year. If fact, she would prepare for it weeks in advance.

I once asked her what she wanted for Valentine's Day, and she said simply, "Help in the shop." She told me that would be the most wonderful and romantic thing I could ever do for her, so that year, I took the day off to deliver bouquets - and from then on, a tradition was born.

When Kelsey was in elementary school, my mother used to babysit her on Valentine's Day so I could devote time to Connie and the shop. My second year helping out, I returned to Everything's Coming Up Roses after my last delivery to find the place closed and most of the lights out. I had a key and let myself in, then called for my wife.

"In here, honey," I heard from the back room, so I moved into the shop after locking the door behind me.

I entered the office and was shocked by what I saw. Connie had spread a thick blanket across the floor and was lying upon it completely naked, like a nymph in the woods. Around her were scattered rose petals of all colors, their fragrance punctuating the air, while two candles burned nearby. She held out her hand and beckoned me forward. I sank to my knees next to her and she engulfed me in a loving embrace.

We made sweet love that evening on the office floor, an experience that was beyond perfection. I knew how much she loved her little store, so sharing intimacy in that setting was wonderful. I think we both felt a deep desire to please one another, so the moment was truly magical. The next few years, we happily re-enacted the scene with flower petals scattered around the room and candles burning brightly.

Kelsey assisted at Everything's Coming Up Roses on Valentine's Day when she was old enough to stay for the day without a sitter. She would help with the arrangements, while I would play delivery boy since I was of no use with the flowers otherwise. After all the craziness of the day, the three of us would stop for Chinese takeout on the way home, then we'd all sit on the living room floor and eat as a family before retiring to bed early. I greatly missed making love to my wife in her office as we had done years before, but our family time was every bit as special.

By high school Kelsey had grown into was the spitting image of her mother. She was an inch or two taller, but in most other respects appeared a carbon copy of the girl I met in college years before. They both had the same dishwater blonde hair and blue eyes, and given the way Connie had taken care of herself, to me they appeared more like sisters than mother and daughter.

Just over a year ago, Connie had been feeling run down, so I suggested she see her doctor for a physical. We instantly knew something was wrong when he called back and asked her to come in for more tests. Within just a few days, we learned her diagnosis, and next thing we knew, her treatment regimen was mapped out before us.

I took time off from work and spent almost every hour at Connie's bedside while she endured the barrage of cancer drugs and treatments. As you might expect, each time we arrived we toted armfuls of flowers for the other patients my wife had befriended. When the test results came in day after day, it was clear by the doctor's expressions that they were growing increasingly pessimistic. They said things could turn around at any time, a thought I clung to as if my entire body were made of Velcro.

Connie was more realistic and tried to prepare me for the future. She did not give up hope, mind you; she just appeared to have the need to mother me and tell me everything would be okay as she had always done. I had long admired her strength, but never more than during her battle with cancer.

One afternoon, Doctor James sat us down to break the news. In spite of their best efforts, they could not stem the tide and Connie's cancer had spread. He did not give us a definitive timeframe, but made it pretty clear he was expecting months rather than years. My wife and I just held hands silently as tears rolled down our faces. We could see the anguish on his face as he broke the news, and I actually felt sorry for him in spite of our own plight. Both Connie and I gave him a hug and thanked him for all his efforts, because it was clear he and his staff had done their best.

After Doctor James left the room, Connie turned to me with a surprisingly strong look on her face. She asked, "How should we break the news to Kelsey?"

Hearing her words, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably. Connie and I had always been each other's rocks; how could I go on without her? I had always tried to be a strong father for my daughter, too. How could I tell her that I failed to keep her mother safe?

"You need to be strong for Kelsey, honey. Take care of her; she's going to need you now more than ever," she said with a forced smile. I nodded my head, but tried my best not to think about the future. "You are also going to need her. Both of you have to find a way to move forward with your lives. I know you and I have shared a special love, but if I can't be here with you, I need you to promise me you will try to keep your heart open to love. I can't bear the thought of you alone," she added, squeezing my hand. It was just like Connie to think about everyone other than herself.

Kelsey was finishing up her final year of college, so we tried to be as positive with her as possible so as to not affect her studies. Just weeks before her graduation, we had to finally break the news that things did not look good. She spent as much time at home as possible thereafter, but was able to take her finals as planned and did as well as could be expected under the circumstances.

Fortunately, Connie was able to make graduation, which was the most bittersweet weekend of my life. I was so proud to see Kelsey receive her degree, and I knew my wife felt the same. We both beamed as our daughter walked across the stage and accepted the scroll in her hand. We shared a wonderful dinner with Kelsey and her friends, and things could not have been more perfect. Sadly, reality came crashing back into our lives early the next morning when Connie had a seizure, so I had to get her back to the hospital as rapidly as possible.

Within weeks, the doctors released her to live out her remaining days at home, and we prepared a bed where the home health aides could attend to her without being too intrusive. Connie barely shed a tear and was strong right to the end. We lost her on a Tuesday morning, with both Kelsey and me at her side. She looked very peaceful as she took her last breath, which gave us both a small measure of consolation.

The funeral was just for family, and then we hosted a larger group at our home afterwards. The party was a celebration of life, just as Connie had asked for. She told me she wanted no crying, but that was completely impossible. The loss of such a special soul was felt by everyone, so as we reminisced, we went from laughter to tears easily. But there was a lot of laughter, and I knew Connie would have been pleased.

Of course there were tons of flowers, which she would have loved. There were blooms of all sizes, shapes and colors, filling the room with a fragrance reminiscent of her little shop. The sensation left me thinking of much happier times, which made me smile but also at times made Connie's absence more acute.

I constantly looked around the room for Kelsey as I felt the need to monitor how she was holding up. She seemed to be doing quite well and floated between our friends and lent support to those that needed a hug or a pat on the back. She was so much like her mom, it was amazing. I marveled at how someone so young and small could be so strong.

Once everyone had said their goodbyes, Kelsey and I were alone in our large home. After all the chatter of that day, the house was suddenly very silent. We sat together on the couch and looked towards the fireplace. Connie's remains were in an urn on the mantle below our favorite picture of her.

My wife made it clear she did not want any gaudy mausoleum and wanted to be returned to nature in a simple way. Kelsey and I put our heads together, and came up with a plan we were sure Connie would have approved of. In the rear corner of our backyard, we had a small patio on which my wife would spend her free time in the summer. She had surrounded it with plants, but there was one open space that she never had time to fill in.

We mixed her ashes into some fresh potting soil, and then used it to plant Connie's favorite rose variety, a hybrid tea called, "Olympiad." Its blooms are a deep shade of red and are perfectly shaped like you might see in pictures. It's also highly fragrant, which reminded both of us so much of Connie as she was always surrounded by the scent of flowers.

We worked side by side in silence, digging the hole before planting the rose with loving care. It was impossible to refrain from crying as the moment felt so permanent. Kelsey and I leaned against one another, sobbing as we gazed down on what we had done and hoped Connie would approve. I knew my wife's ashes would blossom into the loveliest plant ever; I just wished she could be there with us to see it bloom and grow.

Over subsequent weeks both Kelsey and I spent a great deal of time around the patio, showering attention on the little plant. When one of us was not tending it, the other surely was. At times I felt guilty clipping flowers off its delicate branches, but I knew my wife would have loved to display the blooms on our kitchen table.

I had been having an internal debate with myself as to just what to do with my wife's shop. I wanted to keep Everything's Coming Up Roses open as a tribute to Connie, but was unsure how I could do it with my own full-time job. Kelsey had graduated from college and had been having trouble finding work, and she came to me just weeks after the funeral with a plan: She wanted to take over running the store and asked for my approval. I could not have been happier.

Kelsey had helped her mom for years and pretty much knew the operation like the back of her hand, so she was superbly qualified to take charge of Everything's Coming Up Roses. My wife had always run it exclusively as a flower shop, but our daughter wanted to make it more of a gift shop, utilizing the marketing skills she had learned in college.

While Kelsey transformed the shop dramatically, I could still feel her mom's presence there. I'm sure Connie would have been proud of the changes her daughter made, and customers seemed to appreciate the changes, as well. Business was as good as it had ever been at Everything's Coming Up Roses.

I found myself often leaving work early so I could visit the shop to check in on my daughter's progress. It was also a way of reconnecting with my wife while continuing to support the direction Kelsey was taking the store. I hate to admit it, but at times I became aroused looking at my daughter in that setting. I was constantly flooded by images of my wife as I watched my daughter move around Everything's Coming Up Roses. They were so similar; I felt both a longing for my wife and a love for my daughter that was hard to differentiate.

Kelsey and I had always been affectionate, but since we learned of Connie's cancer, we had become even more so. It seemed we could not go ten minutes without hugging one another, which filled my heart with joy. We had been through a lot, and had grown to lean on one another for support. As much as I tried to keep my hugs completely platonic, it was hard to hold the spitting image of my wife in my arms without feeling a strong attraction and like I was somehow depraved.

My daughter always gave me a warm greeting and would proudly fill me in on the events of the day, particularly any large sales. During one of our long conversations, Kelsey admitted that Connie had shared our secret about making love in the shop on Valentine's Day. I was a bit embarrassed, but Kelsey thought it was the most romantic thing she had ever heard.

She said, "You should be proud that you had something so special, Daddy." With a wink, she added, "I didn't think you had it in you, Pops."

Kelsey had been running Everything's Coming Up Roses for just a few months, yet Valentine's Day was looming on the horizon like a lead balloon. It was hard for me to ponder the day without thinking of my wife and what we had shared on that special evening a number of times in the past. I didn't dare speak of my apprehension until Kelsey came to me and asked if I'd be assuming my previous role as delivery boy for the day. How could I not? The idea felt like a warm hug after a long time away, and I readily agreed.

I was very proud of how Kelsey handled Everything's Coming Up Roses that Valentine's Day. She was incredibly organized and had the store running like a well-oiled machine. I would take the van out on trip after trip, yet each time I came back, she would have the next load stacked and ready to go for me.

I had to chuckle upon returning one time when I tried to give Kelsey my tip money. "No, that's yours, Daddy. You earned it," she said sharply before turning away.

I was making seven figures, so I could have done without the $35 dollars, yet I still appreciated her thoughtfulness. I should have expected her reaction as it was exactly what her mother would have done.

Normally the shop closed at six o'clock, but on Valentine's Day we always stayed open until eight to take care of walk-ins who hadn't planned ahead and needed something for their sweethearts on their way home. Kelsey sent me out on my last delivery route just after 6:30, as we had more orders than she had expected. As I drove, I was actually looking forward to stopping for Chinese on the way home, much like we had done the previous years.

Finally unloaded, I arrived back at Everything's Coming Up Roses at about 8:15, and parked the van near the front door. The lights were down low, and I was not surprised to find the front door locked tight. I slid my key in and clicked the door open, before moving into the shop. The smell of flowers hit me in the face as it always did, like a welcoming hug. I slowly made my way inside, feeling my way along in the low light. I called out, "Kelsey, are you here?"

"Yes, Daddy, back here," she answered. I felt a chill run down my spine as I remembered how her mother had greeted me on that Valentine's Day long ago, just prior to us making passionate love. I tried to push the images out of my mind as I went to greet my daughter.

I walked to the office door, assuming Kelsey was counting receipts after a crazy day of sales. I was thoroughly shocked by what I saw. Just like her mother had done, Kelsey was lounging atop a blanket on the floor, completely naked. Rose petals were scattered all about her, and candles burned everywhere in the small room.

I stood at the door completely stunned, unable to move. My daughter looked so much like her mother had years before that I was left with a longing I had not felt in months.

"Come to me, Daddy," Kelsey whispered as she held her hands out towards me.

I stared down upon her in disbelief. I had never seen anything more lovely, yet both my mind and heart were troubled. Judging by the effort she had put into making up the room, it was clearly not a split-second decision for her and certainly had been planned.