Fuck a Tie, Win at All CostbyHuedogg2©
If you're one of those bleeding heart people that think a woman has a reason for cheating, this story isn't for you. If you feel that revenge is wrong, this story isn't for you. The dialect is from Jackson, Tn. You know da "South". If you don't like someone getting their ass kicked, this isn't for you.
Bill, you telling me that, I have to give her ass half of the sale for the farm even thought I had it be for we met. Is that what you're telling me? It amazes me the number of people that will walk away from a lifelong investment.
Well, I'll be damn if it's gonna happen to me!
My name is Byron "Custer" Jackson. My friends call me "Custer" because I'll fight to the death before I give up. These are the times I wished we lived by the rules of the "Wild West". And well the dumb-ass I'm talkin to is my fuckin lawyer, Bill "I'm a fuckin Pussy" Mathews. All he ever says is "Custer, I can't take part in nothing illegal". What a fuckin, "BITCH!"
Bill you're my dag gum lawyer, you chicken-shit, man up and help me finds a way to keep my shit!
This crap started 30 days ago. I was just comin in for the back 60. "Shit", I gotta explain that. I own a 15,000 acre farm outside Jackson, Tennessee. I have about 2000 head of long horns, you know what I'm talkin bout. "Cattle", fucking steers, you know, cows. I also have a few goats and 40 chickens.
Anyway I was just comin from the back 60, when I saw Burt's Chevy Silverado short cab. I always wanted one but my, "I need this, I need that" wife Abby was spendin all our freakin money on "BULLSHIT". Why does anyone need high heels on a fuckin farm? Maw told me that Abby was nothin but trouble.
"Oh Yea", back to Bert's fuckin truck, why was it at my house? Burt knew I was on the back 60. "Hell" he was out there with me no more than an hour ago. I stopped the tractor. I got this really bad feeling. I hopped down and walk the last 200 yards to the house. I shimmed up to the living room winda and looked in, nothing. I walked to the bedroom winda, nothing. I was bout to walk in the back door when I heard a moan.
They were in the "Got Damn" shitter. I crept up to the screen, and show nough that was fuckin in the damn tub.
If you're one of those fella's that think first, you know the plan type, I gonna watch her for a couple of months, then lower the BOOM! I ain't one of them, I believe in shootin first then asking later.
I grabbed a 2 by 4 from under the porch and busted in the fuckin bathroom door. I kicked that fucker clean off the hinges. Abby and Burt looked up, saw the door, then me with a nice pick of hickory in my mitts and well there ya go.
I managed to crack Burt on the right ass cheek as that fucker tried to climb out the window. It was a very loud smack, sounded like a shotgun blast.
Opp's did I forget to tell you, I hit him with the end with the nails it. He fell out of the window. It wasn't hard to follow him. I just followed the red line in the dirt. He was trying to hobble away.
I yelled, "Burt!" When he turned around, "SMACK" 2 by 4 right to the family jewels. I was going in for another swing when everything went black.
The next day, I awoke in the hospital. I was strapped down. I looked up and there was my cousin Earnest. Earnest saw my eyes opened and called a nurse. Then my sister Val, her husband Ben and Kelly, Burt's wife came in. After the nurse looked at the chart, she told everyone 20 minutes then they all had to leave.
Kelly was first, "Custer" what in the hell happened?
Kelly, I caught Abby and Burt fuckin in MY damn bathtub!
I fuckin knew it was some then like that, when I saw where you hit'em said Kelly.
Kelly then told me that Abby has shot me in the back. It missed my spine and heart by a couple of inches. She told me, I was lucky the postman pasted by and saw the whole thing. He called the sheriff and county rescue to get me to the hospital.
Earnest told me that Abby was charged assault with a deadly weapon, till they got a chance to talk to me. I had to giggle at that, I'll tell them what happened alright.
I found out later from the sheriff, I had been charged with assault and battery. Before the sheriff left he said,"Custer", the clinic only has 4 beds, so Burt's at the end of the hall. "SO stay ya ass in this fuckin bed."
I called Bill and retained his services. I figure if I'm goin down, we all goin down. I also wanted to make sure Abby couldn't put up my farm for her bail. I made sure he knew it was a family owned farm. It had been started my great grandpa Fred in the 1800 and ain't no way in hell was she getting anything from my family.
End of Part 1