tagHumor & SatireFucking Chaos!

Fucking Chaos!

byCaligatio©

I was sitting at home watching Comedy Central on the tube, sipping a Coke and being bored out of my mind when the doorbell rang and changed my life forever. I thought it was going to be another "bicycle buddy" wanting to talk at me for a while, so I brought to mind all the rude things I could say to him. You know, the usual stuff, like "Can I fuck poultry in your religion?" or "I'd love to talk with you right now, but I was just about to shave my genitals. Would you like to watch?"

I opened the door and was rather startled at what I saw. Instead of short sleeves and pocket protectors, I saw a buxom woman with red and blonde hair wearing a white toga that conveniently left her right breast exposed. Quickly I thought up the most seductive line I had ever uttered when moments like this happen.

"Yes, can I help you?"

Clearly, a moment like this had never happened before.

"Look, we need to talk," she said as she shoved me aside and stepped into my home.

I stood there dumbstruck. A beautiful woman, thoughtfully showing me her right breast, was standing right in front of me. Damn, I thought, I must be one hell of a stud.

"You're as much of a stud as Bush is a diplomat," she said with a smile, reading my mind. "Now close the damn door, go get me a drink, and come back in here."

Without even asking I did as the woman commanded. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a Zima from the fridge. After cracking it open I went back into my living room, where I found her lounging on my sofa, leafing through a copy of National Geographic.

"Zima, huh?" she said, taking the drink from me and swallowing some of it down. "Tastes like zhit." She placed the bottle on the coffee table and motioned for me to sit next to her. I did.

"Ok, here's the deal. I'm Eris Discordia, the Greek Goddess of Chaos. All of the old Greek Gods and Goddesses are planning a reunion tour to be held sometime next year here on earth. Well, things have changed a bit since the last time we were here, and I was volunteered by the Goddesses to scout around and see what the males were like."

"Um…" I said, most intellectually.

"Yeah?"

"What about the Gods?"

"They sent Hermes to check out some woman named Ru Paul."

Oh, shit.

"So anyway, Aphrodite gets on my ass about the damn apple incident again, and says that I owe her one. That bitch never forgets anything, you know? Stupid Trojan War…"

She drinks down some more Zima and continues.

"So she goes 'Eris, you need to go and find out how they fuck.'

'Why me,' I say to her. 'Because of that damn apple incident, remember?' She says. 'But you're the Goddess of love and everything. You go fuck someone,' I say.

'I can't,' she says, 'I'm on the rag.' So here I am."

"Yes, here you are."

"So let's do it. I haven't got all eternity."

"Do what?" I ask, still trying to keep my train of thought from gaining more frequent-flyer miles.

"Fuck, screw, bump uglys. Get it, yet? I'm here to have sex with you."

"Um…" I say again, even more intellectually than before.

"Look, I'll make this easy on you."

With that she stands up, and removes her toga. Beautiful breasts stare lovingly at me, and a beautiful bush compliments the picture. An odd tattoo graces her left chest at heart level, a yin-yang kind of thing with a pentagon in one side and a gold apple in the other.

Kneeling down, she opens my pants, takes my dick in her hand and starts to stroke me. After a dozen or so strokes she makes me stand and drop my pants. At this moment she opens her mouth and starts to suck. I am soon lost to the feeling of her bobbing mouth and exploring tongue. One of her hands continues to jack me off while the other gently caresses my nutsack. Damn what a feeling!

"Well," she says while pulling her luscious mouth away from my pulsing dick after what seems like an eternity, "That tastes the same. Now it's your turn." She sits back down on the couch, spreading her legs. Almost without a thought I know what to do. I get on my knees before her, and start kissing the insides of her thighs. I work my way around until I reach her pussy, which I start to lick. A wonderful taste meets my tongue as a moan escapes from her lips.

While I continue to lick her hardening clit, I slip a couple of fingers inside her vagina. I work these in and out, rubbing the inside edge facing her pubic bone. I work some extra saliva out of my mouth and, with my pinkie, work it into her asshole. As my pinkie slowly enters her rear, she moans loudly and grabs my head with both hands, pulling my mouth and tongue harder against her wonderful vagina. I continue to fuck her with my fingers, over and over. After a few minutes she begins to come, her hips grinding against my head as she moans a staccato of noise. As her orgasm begins to subside, she gently pushes me away.

"Now," she says, taking my hips in her hands and pulling me toward her, "Let's see how you mortals fuck." She reaches down and positions my dick right at the entrance of her drenched pussy. With a single thrust I enter her, my cock gliding easily in to the hilt. Her pussy clenches at my cock as I begin to thrust, repeatedly grinding my hips into hers. She places her hands on my shoulders and, lowering her head, gives me a look of pure lust.

"Oh holy chaos," she moans between thrusts, "It never felt like this before! Ohhhhh………." Her pussy muscles begin to clench harder, over and over, attempting to milk my cock for everything it's worth. After a few minutes I realize that I can't take the excitement any more, and I begin to pulse a grandiose load of ejaculate deep into her. Over and over again I come, filling her pussy with sloppy white goodness.

I slowly withdraw and, laying my head on her belly, revel in post-coital bliss. I look up at her and return her heady smile. Man, that was good.

"Well," she says in a dreamy voice as she stands and replaces her toga,"I guess you all can live."

"Huh?"

She smiles a wicked smile at me as she walks to the front door.

"If you didn't fuck good enough, Zeus and my mother Hera wanted to destroy all humans and start life again. I think they were going to use ducks or bunnies or something. However, after what I tell them about you, I'm pretty sure that life will continue on as it is."

"Um…"

She opens the door and steps through. "Thanks for the fuck; it was fantastic. Best I've had in ages." With that, I slowly closed the door, a smile playing across my face. I had single-handedly saved the human race.

My joy was short lived as a furious banging on the door began. I open it, and she rushes back inside the house with a smile on her face. She begins to laugh.

"I think the neighbors saw me!"

I laugh as I take my wife in my arms and enjoy a nice, long hug.

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byCaligatio© 0 comments/ 14737 views/ 1 favorites

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