Georgia-- aka Heaven Ch. 04

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"Guess I'd better hit the shower again before I go. Do you mind?"

I'm sure I looked puzzled.

"Mind if you take a shower? Of course not!"

Kiefer chuckled.

"No, no. Do you mind if I ride with Rachel? I haven't seen her very much lately. The ride would give us some time together." He looked at me expectantly.

I wasn't sure if he really thought I'd mind or if he was being polite.

"Kiefer. Are you serious?" I emphasized the word serious. "Of course I don't mind if you go with your sister. My gosh, did you really think I would?"

As Kiefer looked at me, perhaps searching to test my sincerity, his cell phone, in his duffel bag, began to ring. For a few seconds, neither of us moved. Kiefer seemed reluctant to retrieve it from the bag that had been tossed on the floor near the door.

"Go ahead," I told him. "It could be important."

Kiefer rolled out of bed and retrieved the phone in a matter of seconds. He returned to bed, facing me, as he flipped open the phone and said "hello." I knew something was wrong immediately. Kiefer's inclination, I'm sure, was to instantly exit the bed, but this movement was impeded by the arm I'd draped over his torso when he returned to my side. He did, however, look away.

"Oh, hullo. Uh, yeah. I'm busy right now." He wriggled underneath my touch.

It hit me. It was a woman. I didn't react the way, in retrospect, I would have thought I would. I was actually embarrassed for Kiefer. He was trying so hard to melt down through the bed and disappear into the floor.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. You? Well, maybe." A pause as the other person said something.

"I'm in Georgia with my family. Yeah. Well, I dunno. Look, I'm busy, like I said. I really have to go now, 'kay?"

A slight pause, and then he ended the conversation.

"Yeah. Okay. 'Bye."

Had Kiefer not been so obviously in pain, I would have laughed. He looked so pitiful. His eyes held questions and apologies. It was so unnecessary, and I tried to let him know instantly.

"Kiefer, it's . . . "

He interrupted.

"Jossey, I am so sorry. I had no idea who was on the phone or I wouldn't have . . . "

I reached for and gently placed my palm against Kiefer's cheek. I smiled and looked straight into his eyes.

"You can't control who calls you, Kiefer. Don't be silly. I'm not upset."

He wasn't convinced. It was as if he were holding his breath, waiting for me to explode. He blinked his eyes slowly and continued to survey my face.

I moved my hand down to his chin and squeezed my fingers into his face.

"Why don't you believe me? I don't blame you, Kiefer. Who dials your number is out of your control."

"I'm sorry. Really."

"Okay." I gave him a quick hug. "It's fine. Really."

I resumed my hug, and Kiefer placed his arms around me. We remained in an embrace for several minutes. I tried to convey through my touch that all was well. Finally, I knew it was time to get him on his way.

"Hey," I said, as I pulled away, halfheartedly, from Kiefer's warm body.

"You better get ready. Don't wanna keep Rachel waiting."

Kiefer's eyes locked onto mine for several seconds, then he rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. I took Kiefer's duffel bag into the bathroom. When he got out, he thanked me for bringing in the bag and gave me a quick hug. I grabbed the robe hanging on the hook behind the door and left so he could get dressed.

When he came out, Kiefer walked over to me, wearing still the apologetic face. I didn't know what else to do to let him know that I was not upset. I was at a loss.

"I won't leave if you don't want me to."

"Kiefer. Please. I don't know what to say to you to make you certain that everything's all right. Of course I want to be with you - but more than that I want you to be with your family while you have the chance."

Suddenly, it struck me how I might allay his fears.

"Now get outta here, pirate-boy! If you don't, I'll have to spank you again!"

Kiefer didn't laugh out loud, but he instantly gave me a grateful, lopsided smile. The levity had hit its mark. He looked relieved and, as he opened the door, he assured me that he'd see me at dinner.

"By the way," he winked, "don't go lookin' for any pirates. Save it for me!"

"No way," I retorted. "I'm looking for a pirate with a parrot!"

Kiefer stopped his forward movement, turned to me with a truly evil grin on his face, and made his own rejoinder.

"Forget a pirate with a parrot. I got somethin' better. I got a cock-a-tiel!" Oh, how he emphasized the "cock" in the word!

And with that he was gone.

I took a hot bath, dressed, and decided to walk along the beach for a bit while I ruminated about the events of the day. I was happy, but there were unsettled feelings swirling around inside my head. I thought the walk might help me sort out these confused thoughts, and I spent near a half-hour strolling the beach.

As I neared the steps to the big house, the steps that less than a day before had led me to the beach and the delightful, moonlit evening with Kiefer, I looked up to see Shirley descending them.

"Hi, Shirley. How are you today?" I smiled, happy for the company.

I was happy for only a moment. I was about to hear from Shirley how, as we say in the South, the cow ate the cabbage.

**

Tom headed to the beach. He had time to take a nice walk before the kids and his wife awoke from their naps. He had no idea that he would stumble on his mother and Jossey in conversation. Or better put, his mother in conversation.

"Don't try to hide it. I know what's going on. I'm not blind. You've slept with him. I know it. But it won't do. Listen to me."

"I'm listening. Go ahead."

"You are not right for my son. Period. You're too old. I don't want you with him. It's that simple."

"Shirley. Why are you saying these things? I like Kiefer. I always have. You know that. Why are you talking to me this way? It's like you're warning me or something."

"I'm not warning you. I'm not threatening you. I'm giving you the facts. I'm telling you that you are not the one for my son. Forget it. He needs someone other than you."

"Shirley. Don't you think Kiefer is a better judge of what he wants or needs?"

"Of course not. He's a child. He doesn't know what's right for him. I do. And you're not it. Jossey. I like you. I hoped we could be friends for a long time. But no more. I want you out of my life and I want you out of my son's life. If not, I'll make your life miserable. I can do it. Don't wonder about it."

"What do you mean miserable? You really are threatening me? With what?"

"It means you'll not have a moment's peace. I have nothing else I have to do."

I knew Shirley had no true malice within her. She believed, earnestly, that she had her son's best interest at heart. She would not hurt me. One thing I did know - this was not a time to push her limits. Although not vicious, she would follow up on her words.

Her words had also sparked questions in my mind. Was it not perhaps better for Kiefer that I disappear? I was not, in any fashion, what I presumed was his usual fare. Admittedly, I found his profession fascinating, but that was not why I was attracted to him. I'd been attracted to him the instant I first laid eyes on him in that Texas rodeo arena. Frankly, the whirlwind of his life was a bit daunting to me. The whirlwind of the past twenty-four hours.

"Shirley," I finally spoke, "I think you're overreacting. You heard me before. I like Kiefer. I would never do anything that I thought would hurt him. Nothing. I'm also very sad that you wish to end our relationship - mine and yours. I've enjoyed your company. I admire your drive - your vision."

I dared not add that I thought her personal vision was stunted. It was true, though, that I greatly admired her public vision. She had done, and would continue to do, wonderful things. With regard to Kiefer, however, perhaps other of her loved ones as well, she was not as clear-sighted. They were not beneficiaries of the vision Shirley carefully gave to her civic duties.

"Jossey, I'm not happy about this either. I liked you. But I love my son. I believe it's in his best interest for you to excuse yourself from his life. And from mine. Please don't make this more difficult than it already is. Bow out gracefully. With dignity."

Lord, she certainly knew how to put a dramatic spin on things. She probably thought her line of rhetoric actually had something to do with my decision to leave. But it didn't. I wasn't thinking of Shirley. Nor of me. Well, maybe a little of me. Mostly I was thinking of Kiefer. Giving him some space, some time, might be good for him. And for me, too.

I determined not to drag this out any longer. If Kiefer chose not to contact me, then Shirley had made the right call and it would save trouble all the way around. If he did try to contact me, then I had some time to think about how to react. I looked Shirley squarely in the eyes. She flinched ever so slightly.

"As you wish."

I turned and headed up the stairs on my way back to my room to pack my belongings.

Behind me, I heard Shirley's voice.

"I'll have a cab waiting for you. It's the least I can do."

I considered telling her that I could get my own fucking transportation, but changed my mind.

"Yes, it is," I calmly uttered in my haughtiest voice.

I kept walking, not turning around to see the look on her face. But I wished I could have seen it.

As I made my way back to my cottage, I began a conversation with myself concerning my current situation. There were good reasons, not Shirley's, to encourage my departure. To begin, it was never a good idea to get between a person and his or her parent. Although Kiefer would probably not agree with his mother's assessment of "suitability" concerning any short or long termed relationship between us, I could not, with honesty, deny that she had a point. His age was such that a marriage and, perhaps, more children would be appropriate - appropriate, at least, in the eyes of many. I was unfazed by her reference to my age. I was not that much older. It was irrelevant to me.

Second, there was the consideration of his fishbowl lifestyle. Pried into. Scrutinized. Decidedly not as private as that to which I was accustomed. This didn't even take into account the subtext of this consideration of Kiefer's lifestyle - the detriment that being linked to me might have on Kiefer's reputation. I didn't for a second believe he would be bothered by being associated with a decidedly un-Hollywood-type, but those who employed him and those who buoyed his career, the media, might use my "unsuitability" to do more harm than I was ready to be responsible for.

Third, there were the slightly disquieting moments created by the phone call to Kiefer from the woman I'd secretly named "Bambi," an ugly thing on my part, I know, but she just had to be a Bambi in order for me to move on. The phone call had honestly not bothered me. It was the subsequent contemplation of Bambi this afternoon on the beach that had unsettled me. There was probably a shitload of Bambis around the globe who claimed much more intimate knowledge of Kiefer than I. Was I prepared, prepared to accept this kind of intrusion and reminder of his "other" life?

The final, and perhaps the strongest, reason for my impetus to leave had everything to do with me. Well, almost everything. I had been unable to shake the feeling concerning my seemingly uncontrollable attraction to Kiefer. It was as if all, and they were considerable, of my feelings were crammed into an unmanned freight train plunging brakeless down an incalculable precipice. A mouthful, yes. But it's the image that came unbidden to my mind.

My emotions had been unbridled for about a twenty-four-hour period now. It was, in more ways than one, scary. First, I'd been down this freight train track before with disastrous results. I hadn't forgotten the lessons learned from those previous experiences. Second, it was a bit unsettling to recognize that another person had a measure of "control" over me, albeit an unintentional one.

It would be wise on my part to put some distance and time between me and this intoxicating man who'd become my focus this week. Sure. Even before his overtures, I had spent my time studying Kiefer in an attempt to know him more fully. I had never, never in my most unfettered dreams, imagined that I would end up in the intimate situations that I'd enjoyed today.

These were the ruminations that occupied my mind as I mechanically stuffed everything into my luggage and readied myself to leave. True to her word, Shirley had made sure that a taxi was parked curbside when I exited the cottage that I'd called mine for the last two days. Honestly, I was not sad. My fear was that my delightful memories would be marred if I tarried. At this point, I had nothing but joy to carry back with me to my home. That wasn't bad.

**

Tom turned away from his mother and Jossey as Jossey headed up the stairs. He'd been near the head of the stairs out of sight behind a large column during the conversation and now headed even farther out of sight. His mother had threatened her, and he'd have to tell Kiefer, but it had been hard on his heart to hear his mother's words. As Tom walked away, he retrieved the cell phone from his pocket and punched #3, Rachel. Before the phone rang in, he heard these words behind him.

"Tom. Put that phone back in your pocket."

"Mom." Tom was surprised at hearing his mother's voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I saw you skulking around up here when I was talking to Jossey. But I know what's right for your brother. Do not call him. I have things under control."

Oh, yeah, Tom thought. You know what makes him happy. Just like you knew what would make me happy.

He chuckled bitterly to himself and thought about his life. Yes, he was happy. Happily miserable. He had beautiful children. A kind and caring wife. All was well. But there was no passion in his life. No excitement. No surprise. He knew Kiefer. Better than she. He didn't need what she wanted for him. He'd always admired his little brother for getting out, for escaping.

"Mom, you . . . "

"Tommy. I know what's good for him. Put the phone up!"

He closed the phone, replaced it in his pocket. He had to think. Think what he would do.

**

When Kiefer arrived, Shirley went straight to the car to accompany him inside.

"You timed it just right, darling. Dinner's ready in ten minutes. Did Rachel get on all right?"

"Sure. Everything's fine."

"Come sit with me, dear, before we eat. Let's catch up. I haven't seen enough of you this week." Shirley ushered her son towards the sofa and sat down, Kiefer following her lead.

Kiefer leaned over and gave his mother a hug. He hadn't indulged her enough the past two days. He needed to catch up. His quick embrace and even quicker smile melted Shirley's heart and for a split second she worried about her choice concerning Jossey. But only for a split second.

"So, what's in your future?" She smiled at her baby boy.

Kiefer chuckled. "Whaddya mean, Mom? You mean like I'm a fortune teller? No can do. I have no idea what the future holds." He smiled again. "I like it that way! I like surprises!"

Tom, on the other side of the room, wondered what his brother would think of the surprise he'd get any moment now.

"I guess that's not what you meant though, was it?"

"No, silly. I meant what's on your schedule? What plans do you have? For work. Or, for play. Taking any time off?"

Kiefer thought this an odd question considering that he was taking time off as she spoke.

"Oh, you know me, Mom. I have lots of things going on. No rest for me. I rust when I sit still too long." As if to prove the point, Kiefer stood and started pacing around the room.

As he paced, he surveyed the room's occupants. Two missing - Rachel and Jossey. He knew where Rachel was. But what of Jossey. He laughed quietly to himself. Probably in her room napping. Perhaps that would have been an enjoyable way to have spent the afternoon had he not escorted his sister to the airport.

"Jossey's not here. We can't eat without her. I'll give her room a call." Kiefer headed to the phone on the table near the entryway.

Shirley stood abruptly.

"No, sweetheart. You don't need to call." Shirley made her way to her son's side and gently took his arm.

"Jossey's not here. She had to leave. Got called away."

"What?" Kiefer's voice was a screech. Chalk on the board. He'd been gone only a bit over two hours.

"Whaddya mean she had to leave? Called by whom? For what?"

Kiefer's agitation translated itself to his body movements. He jerked his limbs as he walked away from his mother and started a circle around the large room.

Suddenly he stopped still. He reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. Her number was on it. Under received calls. When Shirley divined what he was about to do, she rushed to him again.

"Kiefer, it's no use. She's gone. I'm sure she had her reasons. You don't need to call her. I mean, she didn't owe you anything but thanks for the invitation and she told me to tell you how much she enjoyed it."

Something didn't feel right. Kiefer's bones told him that Jossey wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. Yesterday, today - they'd been too good for her to just walk away. Hmmm. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe she didn't feel the same. Kiefer became very still again as he entertained the notion that perhaps she left so she didn't have to hurt his feelings by telling him that she just didn't feel as good about today as did he.

Shirley carefully watched her son. He was going through some thought process. He sometimes did this - left the room even though he was there.

Kiefer absently shook his head side-to-side. No, he said to himself. Once, and then again. She couldn't have faked that. Couldn't have faked those smiles, those laughs, those touches. He felt unsure though. Was it the cell phone call? Was it leaving with Rachel? No. She'd made it clear that she was fine about both. Maybe we moved too fast. Yeah. That was it. Should've slowed down a bit.

Tom stared at his brother, watching him think. Seeing him draw a conclusion.

Kiefer, still holding the phone, flipped it open, pushed a few buttons, and held it to his good ear. One ring, two, three, four. Voicemail. Damn.

"Hey. It's Kiefer. Didn't you like the accommodations? I'll call back later." He smiled into the phone.

His brother, in the corner, winced. He got the feeling Jossey would avoid Kiefer for as long as she could. And then, he wasn't sure if she'd tell him about their mother. She didn't seem to want to rock the boat. So that left him. Him to be the bearer of truth to his brother. If he could find the balls to tell him. He lived too close to his mother to put up with her wrath.

Tom's reverie was broken by his brother's fist in his belly. A childhood leftover. Kiefer delighted in play-punching Tom in the stomach. Quickly, Tom bent over in mock pain.

As he looked up into Kiefer's laughing eyes, he felt remorse as he uttered the words, "You got me, bro. You win." Shirley stared into Tom's eyes from across the room.

Kiefer gave his brother a bear hug and put his arm around his shoulder, leading him to the dining room.

The older brother bit his lower lip, swallowed hard, and allowed his baby brother to lead him into dinner. Time would tell what Tom would do or not do, say or not say.

**

Jossey had turned off her cell phone as she entered the airport. There were not many things she hated more than the loud use of cell phones in public spaces. Before turning it off, she'd changed the message to "Hi, I'm at the airport and looking to head home to Texas. Leave a message and I'll get back with you later." iHHIt was not until she landed safely at DFW International Airport, turned on her cell phone, and completed a call to her friend Kathryn to come and pick her up that she listened to her messages. A smile lit her face as she heard the last part of the newest voicemail, Kiefer's voice saying, "I'll call back later." With a bounce in her step, she headed to the luggage carousel and considered what she would say when he called.

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