tagHumor & SatireGet Into My Shorts

Get Into My Shorts

byCoolville©

For those with little time on their hands in this busybusy, non-stop society, here are some short erotic tales for quick release.

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ANAL
Bob and Jill are on the bed. It is dark. Bill thrusts.

‘Um, honey... you’re aiming too low...’

‘Uhhh...’

‘But honey, I poop from there!’

‘Not today, you don’t...’

'Oh, my!!'

BDSM
Sam and Julie are on the bed.

Slap!

‘Mmmbhyem!’, mumbles Julie, mouth gagged.

‘What?’ asks Sam.

‘Mmmbhyem!!!’

‘Oh, nevermind’, says Sam impatiently.

Slap! She orgasms.

CELEBRITIES
He spots the pop star on the street.

‘Ohmygod! I am, like, your biggest fan! Please suck my cock!’

She does so.

Grunt.

CHAIN STORIES
author #1: John licks Molly’s cunt...

author #2: Molly swings around and sucks John’s dick...

author #3: John and Molly fuck....

author #4:... without noticing the meter maid watching from outside the window...

To be continued...

EROTIC COUPLINGS
Gunnar and Juliette are under a waterfall.

‘I’m horny...’

‘Me, too!’

They copulate erotically.

EROTIC HORROR
‘Boo!!!’

‘Eek!’

She orgasms.

EXHIBITIONIST & VOYEUR
Reginald’s cock is in Matilda’s mouth as they sit on a park bench.

‘Um, Matilda, I think that man is watching us...’

Matilda mumbles something unintelligible onto Reginald’s cock.

‘Uhhh!

Reginald cums.

FETISH
‘Wilbur is rummaging through his wife, Dorothy’s closet.

‘Honey?! Can I borrow the pink panties and the black dress?!’

‘Sure, sweetie!’

He puts them on, she comes in and they fuck.

FIRST TIME
Billy and Jenny are in the back of Billy’s dad’s station wagon.

‘Gee, that looks awfully big, Billy... I don’t think it’ll fit.’

‘Ugh’, grunts Billy, thrusting hard.

‘Ooh, I guess I was wrong...’

He ejaculates far too soon.

GAY MALE
Peter and Peter are in the bathroom at the club.

‘I simply LOVE your outfit!’

‘Bitch!’

Peter bends over and Peter slides his big cock up his ass.

GROUP SEX
Britney and her husband, Dennis are entangled in a sweaty mass of flesh with Rajeev and his friend, Christy, on the bed in the Jamaican hotel room.

‘Hey, who’s dick is this?’, says someone.

‘Does it matter?’, replies someone else.

Someone else, sounds like a female, orgasms loudly.

The bellboy comes in, undresses and leaps into the fray.

INCEST
The entire family are watching Survivor on the TV. Dad gets up and puts on a porn film, smiling mischievously, eyeing his daughter.

Mum notices her son’s erection and licks her lips.

They undress and proceed to fuck happily on the floor.

Grunt.

INTERACIAL LOVE
The horny, neglected rich man’s wife offers the black gardener a cold glass of lemonade and notices his mammoth, erect cock in his shorts. Oh, and he notices that she notices.

‘I got me a feeling I’m gonna be working overtime, little white hoe...’ as he pulls out his dick.

‘Oh my! It’s so... big!’, she mumbles as downs her gin and tonic and drops to her knees.

Groan and grunt and he cums.

LESBIAN SEX
Sandi and Sandy are naked on the bed. Sandi is holding a large dildo.

‘Lie down...’

‘No, you lie down...’

‘I’m the butch one today...’

‘No, you were the butch one yesterday...’

‘Oh fuck it. Lick me like no man can lick me.’

She does so.

Moan and scream.

LOVING WIVES

Gerhard comes home from work. Trish is naked in the kitchen.

‘Hi honey! I’ve fixed you your favourite meal and bought beer for you to drink while you watch the game!’

‘Um, okay...’

The doorbell rings.

‘Oh, that’s the sexy teenage daughter from next door. We’re going to fuck and suck you, and each other, on the floor in front of the TV while you watch the game! I love you!’

‘Um... okay...’

They do so.

MATURE
Mr. Figglebottom, the aging school janitor, discovers the girl’s locker room isn’t quite empty. Mindy is in the shower, naked and waiting for him.

‘Mr. Figglebottom, the boys my age don’t know how to fuck. Fuck me hard, like only a man with your age and experience can...’

Mr. Figglebottom gets his dick wet, quite unexpectedly, for the first time in 23 years.

Grunt.

MIND CONTROL
The rather pathetic-looking Paul ogles the sexy secretary, Cornelia, from across the room.

He has, rather conveniently, been given secret powers by a mysterious genie.

‘Come over here and fuck me, come over here and fuck me, come over here and fuck me...’ he whispers to himself while staring at the unsuspecting Cornelia.

Cornelia rises, trance-like, and goes over to Paul, mounts him, and fucks him.

Groan, grunt, squirt.

NON-ENGLISH
The bello ragazzo italiano flirts with the aufreizend Deutsche Mädchen at the Paris café.

‘Ciao, bellisima.’

‘Was?’

‘Che?’

The French waiter sees their communication problem and comes over to help.

‘Alors, cherie... il veut... tu sais...’ He shrugs Gallically.

‘Bitte?’

The waiter sighs and makes fucking motions with his hands, pointing at the man.

‘Jawol! Ja, danke!’

’Va bene!’

They go back to her hotel room and fuck.

NON EROTIC
A man and a woman sit on a park bench... talking.

NON-CONSENT
The rather irritated man growls at the innocent looking girl.

‘Fuck me!”

‘No!”

Whack!

‘Oh, alright then... but I’m not going to enjoy it...’

She fucks him. He pulls her hair. She orgasms against her will.

NOVELS AND NOVELLAS
Autumn was upon us and the leaves danced on the north wind in their descent to the dying grass.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

They stared into each others eyes and orgasmed simultaneously.

To be continued if I get feedback enough...

ROMANCE
By the light of a thousands candles he tasted the expensive wine on her tongue as they kissed and they gave each other their bodies, as well as their souls.

Soft, gentle groan.

SCI-FI & FANTASY
By the light of the seven rising moons of the planet Fidgitopia, the green, multi-penised creature approached the stranded, and rather naked, earthling, Xenia. She spread her legs for him, keeping one hand firmly on her phaser rifle, just in case.

‘xhmms!’

TOYS & MASTURBATION
Grace, the fruit and vegetable vendor, lying in front of the mirror watching herself insert a corn cob into her pussy, realised that she loved her work as she orgasmed.

TRANSEXUALS & CROSS-DRESSING
The lesbian, Millicent, soon forgot all about the shock of seeing ‘Sandra’s’ (Greg to his rugby friends) penis appear under her dress as she asked,

‘Where did you get those shoes!?’

‘Sale at Wal-Mart...’

Millicent shrugged and sucked Sandra/Greg’s cock.

Grunt.

EXTREME
Face covered in Robin’s faeces, Candy pulled out her trusty pistol and splattered his brains all over the wall before, with a little giggle, she cuts him open and rubs his still-warm entrails all over her body.

Or something...

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