Getting the Lover You Want Ch. 02byGoldeniangel©
Ok, so men are not always totally sexual beasts. In a relationship, they often need love making as much as us women. Or at least, some very loving words during sex. Personally, I am not a fan of love-making, I like it rough and hard and very dirty. But I like to cuddle afterwards. I know this is not true for all women, but I have noticed that there are a lot more guys complaining about the lack of intimacy in bed than I would have ever thought possible.
I'm friends with a married couple. The woman professes herself to be a "non-sexual" type of person, and mostly she just wants quickies to get it over with. The man wishes that she would be more adventurous in bed and that they could make love more often, take their time about it. They've been married less than two years and are already seeing a marriage counselor. Personally, I think he needed to read "Getting Her Into Bed" and I think she needed to read this.
No one is ever going to get everything they want in bed, but there are some key things that you can do to make things more enjoyable for both of you on a regular basis.
One is be spontaneous. One of the best inventions I've ever found is those stupid little coupon booklets that you can get in almost any book store. You know the ones I'm talking about "Naughty or Nice", "Romantic Coupons", "Steamy Coupons"... or go make your own. I'm talking about those coupons that say "With this coupon I'll do all your favorite things until you can't take it anymore". THOSE kind of coupons. They are FANTASTIC. Give them to him for his birthday or Valentine's day. MAKE YOUR OWN. Because then you can include those things that you almost never do for him, that you'd maybe rather not do for him... and he'll see this ultimate profession of love that you would willingly give this to him. Choose some of his fantasies... although the coupon books you can buy provide for that too.
Keep things spontaneous. Surprise him everyone once in awhile by jumping HIM. He'll LOVE it, I can guarantee. Spend the day getting yourself revved up, thinking sexual thoughts, reading some stories (hey, maybe read a story with him?) And then jump his bones! You'll be surprised at how more often he's suddenly wanting you soooooo bad.
It's like creating a monster. First, you give him the great passionate sex that he's been wanting so bad. And all of the sudden you find that he wants it all the time... and so do you. Because it's spontaneous and fun, hot sex. Try to mix things up, do it a little differently for fun. Christen every room in your house! The other side benefit to this is that he's going to be a lot happier and so are you, because he's going to be treating you like the goddess that you are.
Men feel loved when they have sex. Women want to have sex BECAUSE they feel loved. So the logical place to start is with sex, and then the men will start showing the love.
Now the thing that I do have to stress is that please, PLEASE do not use sex as a bargaining tool. Unless it's a SEXY bargaining tool. "I'll give you a blowjob if you eat me out" is a little different than, "I'll have sex with you this weekend if you paint the house". That does NOT make a man feel cared about. That makes him feel like you WOULDN'T have sex with him UNLESS he does what you want. And that in turn makes him resentful, feel unloved, unattractive and not so thrilled with you. Obviously, this is not going to get you the lover that you want.
However, you CAN use sex as a bargaining tool (and successfully!) For such things as: a back massage, a full body massage, a night of pussy licking, the fulfillment of one of your sexual fantasies, and anything else sexual and/or sensual. Other things you can do is silly things like, "If you cook dinner, I'll play with myself while you're doing it." Ok, so dinner might be burned, but in the meantime you'll probably be having a great time. And it'll surprise him. TRY to surprise him, he WANTS to be surprised.
Men want to feel like sex gods just like women want to feel like sex goddesses. Do the unexpected.
Here's some ideas to get you started:
1. Find an erotic story that YOU like and read it to him
2. Play a game of hide-and-seek with him - every time you find each other the person who was hiding has to take off a piece of clothing... after that you can use forfeits
3. Surprise him with a toy that's JUST for him - good ones are cock rings (they even make them with vibrators!), GoodHead (if he's into oral), or something that you think he'd enjoy using on you.
4. Ask him to come home for his lunch break and surprise him totally naked at the door! Or, in some very skimpy lingerie.
5. Get some of those great dice that have different body parts and what to do with them. The favorite pack I ever found actually had 3 dice: body parts, what to do, and WHERE to do it!
6. Suggest a game of poker - strip poker. Mix it up a little by each of you writing down some things to do as forfeits so that the game goes on long after you're both out clothes. Forfeits could include, "play with my breasts", "give me a lap dance", "lick my pussy" (usually you need to put a time limit on the forfeits until you get to the last one ;).
All in all, what I'm saying is surprise him. And the reason to do this, especially with fun sexual stuff, is that then he's going to feel like a sex god. You want him, you need him, oh baby oh baby! And he's going to want you just as bad, and he'll respond to feeling this good about himself by wanting you to feel better about yourself too! Let him know just what a sexy stud he is, how bad you want him! Catch him when he's doing something he would've never expected to be a turn on - just back from the gym, out mowing the backyard, doing the dishes, recognize the sweet things that he does. Ok, so it's a little distracting when you're grinding your hips against him from behind while he's mopping the floor - who cares? I can bet that he doesn't!
Now, don't forget the emotional stuff either. Talk to him, let him know you're interested in what went on during his day, don't forget to keep the lines of communication open! But in the meantime, the little times, try to do surprises.
Slip some panties into his briefcase before he leaves for work, make him lunch for the next day and leave a sweet or sexy note in it, give him a call at some point and just whisper "I'm not wearing any panties" (or something like that) and hang up. First of all he'll have a smile on all day, and second of all he will be so excited to get home to his wonderful woman!
Third and final chapter's next... I think I'll make it about once you're in the bedroom ;)
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