Give Me a Little Credit Here

Smokey Saga #12: "Give Me A Little Credit Here"

*****

Intro #1: This is a tale first written as a play script. It has its share of romance, but no sex (though still a cute, spoofy little yarn). It's my first in "Non-Erotic." This bounces between first- and third-person. The first-person parts are bold with the girls' initials in parentheses. And even after cutting it way down, this is another long one. That and the lack of sex ensures it won't be my most popular, but the charm's in its parodic whimsy. Just please go with me on this. Suspend your logic. Have fun with it. And play along with the second intro. Use your imagination. Thank you for stopping by, and I do so hope you enjoy your visit. Happy reading!

Intro #2: Dear Reader, greetings. My name is Smokey, and I'll be your narrator.

I'd like to show you something. It's a digital aerial map of the entire fictitious city of Juniper, Minnesota, in which all my stories take place. Pretty, isn't it? .........

Thank you! Please click the zoom button to push into the center...click it again...one more time...keep going, almost there...now pan to the north-northwest. Not quite that far, little back the other way...there you go. Now zoom in one more time. See that red and blue one-story on the corner? ......... Ye—no, not that one. The other one. .........

Right! That one. That's 301 N.W. 3rd Avenue, a.k.a. the home of newlyweds Donna and Valerie O'Hanlon. It's the setting for the entirety of today's story. .........

Sorry? What's that? ......... Yes, newlyweds. They're our main characters. .........

Yeah, no kidding. ......... Yes, they're married. ......... Yes, to each other. .........

Oh, well, you'll find out; th—huh? ......... Well, I appreciate your interest and curiosity, Reader, but I don't want to give away all the details right here. .........

Well, you will see; just go ahead and read th— .........

Well, Reader, why don't you just read the story, and find out for yourself? .........

Oh, for heaven's...gee whiz, Reader, you certainly ask a lot of tedious questions right off the bat, don't you. Okay, you can close out the map now.

Oh! I almost forgot. When we visit Valerie and Donna, please be discreet. I feel it incumbent upon me to warn you: we're going to visit them in the middle of something of a, uh...friendly moment. Not intentionally, of course; that's just the way it'll happen. ......... No, no, nothing like that. They're just going to be making out a little.

Also, please bear in mind that our lasses Valerie and Donna are truly newlyweds. They're married less than a month. So they've been a bit busy with, shall we say, other activities, to unpack a lot just yet. The living room's pretty filled with boxes. .........

What?...No, no, no, don't even worry about that; I promise, they are expecting us. They extended the invitation. Trust me, you can take my word for it, they love company.

You might want to straighten out your clothing, though; I think you've got a wrinkle.

*****

(V) Kiss me, you fool.

(D) Mmm...y'know what I'm gonna make you do tonight?

(V) Yeah, you, if things go your way, cutie-pie! Hee hee hee!

(D) Damn, I could take those clothes of yours and just rip 'em right the f—

(V) Uhhh...hon?

(D) Yes, love goddess?

(V) The door...?

(D) ...OH! Hi there! Welcome to our home! We're so happy to have you! I'm Donna O'Hanlon, born Donna Gardner.

(V) And I'm Valerie O'Hanlon, born Valerie O'Hanlon. Donna took my name 'cause it means "of beauty." But more importantly, check out the ring!

(D) Oh yes, please excuse our lovey-doveyness. We only just got married almost a month ago. And now we have a beautiful brand-new house.

(V) We're really glad you were able to make it. We're breaking it in, but we still have a lotta unpacking to do, as you can see by all the boxes.

(D) It's a real pleasure to have you here. Especially now, 'cause we were in no shape to have company last week...particularly over the weekend.

(V) Exactly...we had a little misadventure. Now, we realize what we are about to tell you is gonna be a...well, a pretty silly story.

(D) Yeah. Matter of fact, f.y.i., this might just be the craziest, dumbest story you've ever been told in your lives. But it taught us (among other things) just how overzealous we c—...well, I can get...over the weirdest little things.

(V) Oh, no, no, honey, you're right; it got me pretty obsessed and nuts too. Just please take our word for it, the whole deal was pretty ridiculous.

(D) So here's what happened. We'd just got home from the store, and as luck would have it...we had nothing else to do the rest of this fine day.

(V) Your mother came over the next day, though.

(D) Well, yes, but we didn't know that at the time. So at first glance, it looks like your average, ordinary weekend. At last glance, it turns out to be, uh...

(V) ...Let's say "interesting."

(D) Yeah, that's a diplomatic evaluation. This ended up being the most "interesting" weekend we've had as a married couple. So, we get back to the house, and...I pick up the mail...

(V) She'd been waiting for something kinda...heh...special, to come in the mail for awhile. And Saturday, it, eh...finally showed up.

(D) In retrospect, I was probably just a tad more excited than necessary.

(V) Okay, so here we go: last Saturday morning, 11:00...or thereabouts.

*****

Saturday, September 7th, 2013, 11:12 a.m.

It was a gorgeous 67° day. Puffy cloud bits made their carefree way across the clear blue. The street boasted half a dozen varieties of trees amid every other yard. Birds were hard at work in them, chirping, nesting, doing all the things birds are paid to do. Continual breezes circulated, refreshing the atmosphere. Citizens went about business (and pleasure) indoors and out. A perfectly lovely, run-of-the-mill late summer day.

From the supermarket, five blocks down the highway, and around the suburban bend to 301 N.W. 3rd Avenue trolleyed a lime-green Beetle. The mail carrier was just departing from the O'Hanlons' mailbox. Seeing this, Donna slammed into park and jumped out. Valerie stepped out carefully—so as not to get trampled in Donna's path—hefting the not quite lighter than air grocery bags. She was about to ask for a little help when she heard Donna's scream of excitement.

"Aah!" she shrieked. "OMIGOD! It came, it came, it CAAAAAAME!" She bolted for the door like a five-year-old on Christmas morning, fumbling for the correct key.

"Uh, Don—" Valerie started to say before she heard the screen door slap shut.

Ohhh-kay. Guess I'll lock the car later, she thought, shutting the Beetle's door with her toes. Once the grocery-lugging Val maneuvered her way inside, she saw Donna admiring her new prize with a huge smile, rest of the mail in her other mitt. She seemed to get more excited the more she examined it. Seeing Valerie come in, she let out a squeal.

"Oh my God, it finally came!" she reiterated. "Ya believe it? How awesome is this?!"

Her wife lumbered towards the kitchen. Why she didn't just tote the bags in one at a time, not even Val herself knew. But the last thing she wanted to do was squelch Donna's enthusiasm, even over a simple credit card. She stopped to smile lovingly at her beaming bride and nod in approval.

Valerie adored Donna with all her heart. Anything that put a smile on Donna's pretty face put a heavenly moment in Val's pretty life. It also didn't hurt that she made love like an angel. It didn't happen often, but if Donna did something that particularly irked Val (accidentally or intentionally), all Donna had to do was smile, and say she loved her—or poutingly apologize—and she was forgiven.

They were amazingly lucky to have met: both single, in need of a cute lady in their lives, with a perfect combination of things not in common. Val was easygoing, agreeable, light and fluffy, whereas Donna could be a bit edgy, aggressive and challenging. Val worshiped God, Donna worshiped chocolate. Donna had a kid brother, Val no siblings. Valerie was sensible, orderly and organized, and Donna was free-spirited, flighty and capricious. Valerie was a nature and animal person, Donna was a people person.

Donna tended to give up if something took an exceptionally long time. Valerie, once really determined, could work on a single activity forever. Thus something such as, say, the amount of foreplay in their sex lives was negotiated and agreed on beforehand. Donna was a smoky and passionate lovemaker; Val was more delicate. She liked to dangle herself in front of Donna, play hard-to-get with her and mischievously tickle her wife's libido to make her go crazy.

Then there were the things they did have in common. Both were very loving, giving and generous. Both loved to laugh. And both kissed the ground the other walked upon. They'd been together for two years before deciding to pop the mutual question. And in that time, the number of small spats they'd had could be counted on one paw.

"Sweetie," Valerie exhaled with a grunt. "Di—...d'ya get the rest of the mail?"

Donna, unable to pry her eyes off the card, deposited the remainder of today's mail in one of the bags Valerie was carrying. Val stared at the bag as if it did not weigh enough already. Turning back to Donna, she resumed her gracious smile. She loved this girl to tears, but the occasional "good thing you're cute" moment popped up now and then.

"Thanks, babe," she sighed, staggering into the kitchen. "Love you!"

Donna looked up. "Hm? Oh, love you too, Valentine! 'Kay, let's see here...'please call number on card to authorize.' I do believe I can do that."

Her cell was...somewhere. Probably in her purse. The land phone sat on the coffee table. The living room furniture currently consisted of the table and two recliners. The rest was unpacked or yet to be acquired. The phone was active, though no computer yet was. It had indeed been almost a month since they tied the knot. A week and a half was spent making the housing arrangements and moving in, and another week went for their honeymoon. Fresh off said honeymoon, things were officially underway, though with still lots of unpacking to do. But that was fine; both considered unpacking a privilege rather than a chore, a reminder that this was their new home together. Valerie put things away in the kitchen as Donna pulled one of the La-Z-Girls closer to the table.

"...Donna, honey?" Val called from the kitchen. "You wanna please come and help me with the groceries for two minutes?"

"Hm? Oh, babe, I'm, uh...I'm-I'm just gonna get my card authorized here." She pressed speakerphone and started dialing. A sec later, she again heard the voice of her lifemate.

"...Donna, honey?" Val called from the kitchen. "You wanna please come and make out with me for two hours?"

Those words made a dent in Donna's plans. She dropped the card on the table, dashed into the kitchen and took her sweet bride in her arms. Both giggled in exhilaration, their fiery newlywed passion long yet to wear off. Being in one another's embrace tantalized their senses something crazy. When their lips were in contact, everything else in the world went away. They squished their bodies together, kissing, nuzzling, cuddling and groping. They pinned each other up against the counter, fridge and cupboards. They breathed each other, letting the intoxication of their scents take over. Before they knew it, they were on their knees on the tile floor.

"D—...Donna, honey!" tittered Valerie between kisses. "I still have to put the rest of the groceries away!" She thought she'd be able to make out and put things away at the same time. But she always too underestimated the power of Donna's flaming passion.

"I have a credit card now; I'll buy you more groceries."

Val caught enough breath to answer. "No, no, honey, I...I really do. Besides, w—AHhaaahhahaa! Stop, I'm ticklish!...Besides, we can't have sex on the kitchen floor!"

"Dollface, this is our house," Donna asserted, wrestling her down, rubbing against her like a kitten. "We can do anything we want on the kitchen floor! We could play Cops and Robbers if we felt like it!...Actually, that sounds fun!" She flipped her eyebrows at her.

"But...but I...bu—..."

Five kisses and three well-placed touches later—

"Oh, Donna...you little devil...why do I want you so darn bad?"

"Because I'm a witch and I possessed your mind so you'd marry me."

"Ah."

An indeterminable spell of time later, the O'Hanlons ambled out, unable still to take their paws off each other. It'd apparently be a while before achieving some unpacking.

"Y'know, my bride, I hope you appreciate that," Valerie told her facetiously, now able to flex her flirting muscles. "I don't make out with just anybody in my kitchen."

Donna collapsed in the armchair on the right. "I do," she dreamily sighed. "...Appreciate it, I mean. I don't make out with just anybody in your kitchen either." Taking another breath, she threw in, "Actually, I thought I wasn't allowed in your precious kitchen."

"Honey, you know that's only when I'm cooking," said Val, crashing in the other La-Z-Girl. "Heaven knows I've got enough people rushing through the one at the restaurant. At least I get a little peace and quiet here."

"That still sounds better than being stuck in an office with a bunch of robotic straight women forty hours a week," Donna chuckled, soothing her eyes with generous blinks.

"You wanna trade?"

Donna nodded. "You're right. 'F it ain't broke, don't break it."

Valerie giggled like a schoolgirl as she let the reality settle once more.

"My gosh, can you believe we're married for almost a whole month now??"

Donna leaned her head back, eyes still closed. "Mm, yeah..." she purred. She then looked excitedly at Valerie and replied, "Can you believe my credit card came??"

"...Yyyyyeah." Val was not quite as jazzed about the card, but kept her smile up. If Donna was happy, Val was ecstatic. If Donna was sad, Val was crestfallen. It occurred to her that they were back home now, and had no more obligations to honor this easy-breezy Saturday. And she had a sudden urge, to feel the softness of cozy pajamas on her skin.

She pushed herself up from the chair. "I'm gonna go get in my jammies."

"Oooh," commented Donna. "Can I watch?"

"There'll be plenty of time for that later," said Valerie, tuckered out by the flirtatious and ticklish kitchen activity. "Now lemme go change."

Donna felt a ping of affection cue her. "Why? You're perfect."

"Awww..." Valerie turned back, her heart melting. She fell in love with Donna again every thirty seconds. "You're the perfect one."

"No, you are."

"No, you are."

"No, YOU are," Donna chuckled, returning to the phone. Again, she clicked on speaker and dialed the number on the card. It rang. It rang again.

It rang a third time. Donna shifted her eyes, twiddling her thumbs. A fourth ring...and a fifth. She waited patiently. A sixth ring...a seventh...an eighth...a ninth...a tenth...

Valerie, meanwhile, was in the bedroom, having slipped her clothes off. She viewed herself in the mirror, evaluating each angle. Her eyes fell upon the dresser, where a photo of her beloved bride smiled provocatively at her. As if Donna were a peeper, spying on her getting naked. She imagined the scenario, and her nude body felt a twitch where it mattered. Suddenly, Val got a second wind. She decided to toy with her wife.

"Oh, heavens!" she called out, extra playful and frisky. "I've left my door open, and..." She gasped loudly. "...Why, I'm naked! I certainly hope no one comes IN here!"

That (again) being all Donna needed to hear, she turned back to the phone, hung up (again), sprang from her chair (again), and scurried to the bedroom, yanking her own top up and over her head in the process. Reaching her destination, there indeed sat a lovely naked Valerie, on the corner of the bed. She cleverly concealed her ladyhood, looking out the window. When she noticed Donna come in, she leered seductively.

"You dirty girl..." she cooed. "Just couldn't resist a nude damsel in distress, could you?"

Donna inched in on her, desire coloring her face. Her eyes sultrily narrowed.

"Get...on your back, sweet thing," she ordered, a sordid smile curling up her cheeks. "Don't make me force you."

Val sat coyly on the corner, defying her a few seconds. "You're cute when you're rough."

"Well, then you're about to find me downright adorable, little lady," Donna rejoined. "You better buckle up and strap in," she warned, "'Cause this is gonna be one wild ride."

The more soft and tender-hearted Val held out her arms, eyes pooling with affection.

"Do...come to me, angel. Rock my world."

*****

Saturday, September 7th, 2013, 1:08 p.m.

Once Valerie fetched the paper, the two made way back to their respective armchairs. Val kicked her recliner back, tossed her feet up on the end, crossed her legs, unfolded the paper and started reading. Donna turned the speaker back on and dialed again. And proceeded to wait...again...as it rang once... twice... thrice... four times... five times...

Donna turned to Valerie. "Ehhh...whaddaya think's going on?"

"Oh, babe, you know how that stuff goes," Val muttered. "It takes a while. 'S annoying."

Six... seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven... twelve... Donna began gesticulating with her hand, as if to say, So...we actually gonna get on with it here, or...?

At thirteen rings there was finally a response...by an electronic recording.

"Welcome, and thank you for calling DiscVisMasterExpress. If you wish to hear options, please press 1, or say, 'Yes,' now."

Donna paused for a second, then acquiesced. "Ohhh-kay."

"If you wish t—"

Donna pressed 1. Through the phone came a high-pitched ding! The recording went on.

"Thank you for your selection," the cheerful-sounding recorded voice continued. "If you wish to apply for a new credit card, please press 1, or say, 'Yes,' now."

Donna smiled, brandishing the card in her paw. "Nope, no thanks; already got it."

"If you wish to cancel your credit card, please press 2, or say, 'Yes,' now."

Donna's smile began to fade. "...Nnnnnnooo...just the opposite, actually."

"If you wish to know your credit score, please press 3, or say, 'Yes,' now."

Donna furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah, I kinda need to authorize it first before I can actually have a credit score, phone."

"If you wish to hear more options, please press 4, or say, 'Yes,' now."