tagHumor & SatireGonad the Ballbarian

Gonad the Ballbarian

bymillennium_bard©

Gonad stood there holding his hard-on in one mighty fist as he gazed down at the backside of the lovely slave girl kneeling before him, presenting herself to him for his pleasure.

Gonad finally remembered what it was he was supposed to be doing; now all he had to do was to figure out what hole he was supposed to stick his pee-thingy into.

Thinking was never the big ballbarian's strong point.

The beautiful, and impatient slave girl solved Gonad's dilemma by reaching a hand under herself and parting her labia with her fingers.

With Gonad to see was to act, and he thrust his hips forward with unerring aim and buried his immense erection ball deep into the slave girl's pussy with a single mighty stroke.

"Holy Hecate! What are you fucking me with, a tree trunk?" yelled the slave girl in shock.

Gonad was never able to master doing more than one thing at a time, and it was either talk or fuck. Fucking won out. It took less effort.

The girl put her head in her hands and sighed. Why did she have to get these barbarian heroes all the time? Handsome faces. Bodies like the gods themselves. And all the brains of a retarded turnip,

Still, she mused as she felt the huge cock pumping in and out of her, they did have their good points.

Gonad came, nearly blasting the girl off of his erection with the force of his ejaculation, and then he withdrew and tossed some gold coins on the bed next to the exhausted slave girl.

He had overpaid her by several dozen times. But then Gonad had never master counting past "One Two, Many."

Strapping on his sword belt took no thought at all since he had done it every day since he was old enough to walk.

Remembering to put on his loincloth however was a different matter, and Gonad strolled out into the night wearing nothing but his sword belt and boots.

He attracted a certain amount of attention anyway with his 7-foot tall mighty thewed frame and jet-black hair. Today however it was the fact that his cock was swinging in the breeze and literally banging his knees as he walked that gathered the majority of stares.

Gonad was on a quest, if only he could remember what it was.

This made completing the quest a little more difficult, but Gonad wasn't worried.

Worrying meant thinking, and thinking caused Gonad to her headaches and that of course made him cranky. And when he was cranky, he tended to take out his frustrations by swinging his sword at the nearest unfortunate people.

As everyone knows, Luck is a Lady, and she was positively besotted with the well-hung ballbarian. As a result, he was the luckiest bastard in history,

At last, the chill breeze cooling his exposed cock penetrated to Gonad's brain. After a bit of painful thinking, and resulting mayhem upon random passers-by, Lady Luck directed his steps toward a shop catering to barbarian heroes.

The proprietor of the shop happened to be the evil sorceress that was the object of Gonad's quest.

She used the barbarian equipment supply shop to keep track of would be heroes who might pose a threat to her evil schemes.

When Gonad came striding into her establishment the evil (but beautiful) sorceress knew that she had to do something about him, lest he upset her carefully laid plans.

Gonad of course was oblivious to all of this; he just wanted to find something to keep his pee-thingy warm.

The ballbarian grabbed the nearest oversized loincloth from the counter in front of him and put it on with only a minimal amount of trouble. (In other words, he only put it on backwards twice before finally getting it right.)

Watching the big ballbarian closely, the sorceress laid her most devious plan yet. It was brilliant, It was evil. It was fool proof. It was however not Gonad proof.

Putting on her most seductive smile, the sorceress invited Gonad back to her quarters for supper and dessert.

The ballbarian was dull, but not that stupid, he understood on an animal level what the woman was really offering.

Picking her up and putting over his shoulder, Gonad carried the sorceress through the curtains to the back rooms of the shop.

He dropped the woman on the bed and stripped off his loincloth in one smooth movement.

"Wait a moment," she sorceress said as she scrambled to her hands and knees so that she could reach the bottle of poison on the shelf next to the bed.

This put her back to Gonad, and for him, to see was to act. In one mighty thrust he drove his cock to the hilt in the beautiful sorceress' offered opening.

Unfortunately for her, Gonad had forgotten which hole he was supposed to be fucking.

Feeling 18 inches of cock as big around as her forearm suddenly invading her backside paralyzed the sorceress long enough for Gonad to grab her hips and pull her closer to the edge of the bed.

Unable to reach her bottle of poison, the sorceress was forced to endure a world class buggering.

By the time Gonad was finished, the sorceress was nearly passed out from the combination of pain and pleasure.

Gonad had forgotten his pouch of coins along with his other loincloth, so he simple wiped his pee-thingy on the Sorceress' sheets and departed.

The sorceress was too sore to walk properly for the next month, and thus her plans to take over the world were wrecked.

She came up with another scheme during her convalescence. She would lay a trap for the big ballbarian and keep him as her personal sex slave.

But Gonad was off on yet another adventure.

He had wandered out of the city gate and could not figure out how to get back inside.

So he wandered away in a random direction, certain that something interesting would come his way sooner or later.

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