Goodbye, Love Ch. 01byMissBri©
"Your expression says volumes," Marie whispered. "More than you know. I don't need to hear the words to see what's staring me in the face."
She sniffled and choked back a sob, her voice growing husky. She was apparently too wrapped up in her grief to notice the two small bird-like creatures sitting on the windowsill - one black and one very dark purple, they could almost have been mistaken for sparrows by someone far away and colorblind.
"I know now. I know I'm still just a naïve little girl, always looking to the stars and hoping for the best. After all this time, I should realise that doing the brave thing instead of the safe thing, the smart thing... Well, it never works out."
Marie paced. She sniffled again, wondering just how much snot and how many tears there could possibly be inside her head. They'd have to run out at some point. Wouldn't they? Everything else eventually did.
The black creature pecked at a passing bug; it snapped the tiny thing in half and swallowed the two halves in one gulp. "Can't she just hurry up and get it over with?" the black creature thought to its mate.
"I said that I would never put myself in this position again – stuck, miserable, alone. But that's where I am now. Stuck because I was careless and ran out of money, and even if I didn't try to make a point not to owe people, there's no one to bail me out of this mess. Miserable because I thought things might work out for once, and I was wrong. Alone because I put myself here. Didn't I?"
The purple creature looked at the girl and thought to its companion, "She is just lonely. I can help her, and I believe she will let me."
She roughly wiped the tears from her swollen eyes, blinked and looked out the window toward the train tracks. Her chin quivered and she started bawling all over again. The sobs shook her body, even as she struggled to control them.
Despair said, "Do you not see her misery? I will have her before long."
"Why am I here?" she asked the dark room. "Why did I have to fool myself into thinking I had a shot at happiness in this little town?" This time the question was vaguely directed at the cat at her side. She reached down to pet it, and the cat nuzzled her hand.
"No, she isn't so far gone as that. Have you lost your ability to see? I will have her tonight," whispered Desire.
"Fuck! I bet I know when you started having doubts. Was it the night we went to the bar? I'm so fucking naïve that I forgot I shouldn't hold your hand. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around you, hold you tight. You told me that people had made comments about us. It made me so sad... I sobered right up."
The feathered things on the girl's windowsill watched her intently. Each one outlined in its head the many reasons why it would be the one to sway her into its talons.
Absentmindedly, the girl continued to stroke the cat. She ran her other hand across her wet face and sniffled once more, wondering if she'd finally cried herself empty.
"I keep telling you. The poor creature is lonely. She has no death wish."
"You used to tell me that you loved me. When you stopped, I should have known something was wrong. But I know you've got an entire life of your own that has nothing to do with me. You value your space, your privacy. So I just figured you'd share as you were ready and tried to give you the space that you needed."
Her face hardened.
"Humans do strange things when emotions are involved. Watch, she grows angry." Despair pointed a tarry colored wing at the girl.
"Yes, I'm angry with you. I'm angry that you didn't say something sooner. I'm pissed off because I'd had such high hopes, and now they've been shattered. I don't know how to pick up the pieces."
Tears started trickling down Marie's face again.
"I will soothe away her tears. I shall make her forget the pain," cooed Desire.
"And I'm bloody furious with myself for not picking up on your hints, no matter how subtle they may have been. I was so busy letting my head float in the clouds. So fucking busy being blinded by love, I didn't notice that yours had started evaporating."
She shook her head, frowning.
"I wish I still felt invincible, like I did when I was younger. Nothing could hurt me. I'd just get high and let my mind wander, and I didn't waste any time wondering what would happen if I overdosed while self-medicating. It was so much easier than trying to do the right thing, or the good thing. Still, even back then, I believed in karma. Depraved as some may have thought me to be, I never fucked anyone over. I never intentionally hurt anyone other than myself. I'd really like to know who watches the scales of karma, so I can ask the bastard when it will be my turn."
"Hah! She was nearly in my grasp once," gloated Despair.
She balled a blanket in her fist. The cat, alarmed, ran away. Marie trembled and bit her lower lip, hard.
"Do I ever get a chance to be happy? Will anyone ever tell me what they want or need from me before it's too late?"
"But my grasp is not so final as yours," Desire reminded her companion.
The girl contemplated the bottle of sleeping pills on the table. She'd taken two, but they didn't seem to be working. She opened the bottle; her hands shook and she wondered how many more she should swallow. There were maybe thirty left; that should work. She'd get a nice, long rest. Some peace at last.
"Do you see how she falters?" Despair cackled, an unpleasant noise.
Marie took a deep breath. Then she tilted the bottle and shook out a single tablet. She washed it down with half a beer and replaced the lid.
"Fuck! I may be naïve, but I'm not stupid. And I'm too damn stubborn to do something so drastic, so final."
Desire laughed, a velvety sound. "I told you."
Marie lowered her head nearly to her breasts and let go. Her eyes wetted anew. Her bosom heaved. And one of the things outside her window would have scowled, were that expression not remarkably like the one it normally wore.
The other creature sort of grinned. It groomed its feathers and waited for the girl to fall asleep.