Grains of SandbySlirpuff©
"I'll pick the rest of my shit up on Saturday. I hope they won't be in your way until then," I replied and hit enter.
Two seconds later I got my reply.
"Don't worry they won't be in our way. I can always put "his" clothes in my closet. It's not like we wear much of anything anyway when we're together anyway."
Lisa was either trying to bait me, get me to rush home or make me jealous, one of the three but it wasn't going to work. I just got more pissed and dug in my heels.
So went Friday morning and afternoon.
"You really should call my kids, they miss you. Oh did I say my kids? I would have said your kids, but I'm not sure if you're their biological father. I guess that's another thing we'll have to check out now won't we."
"God damn. Lisa sure was digging a deep hole for herself. Boy am I glad I filed when I did," I thought to myself as I looked at my check off list.
I never expected Lisa's dad to show up at my office Friday afternoon but hell, I'd never expected to be in this situation either two months ago.
"Rick what's this about you leaving Lisa and the kids? Have you lost your mind son?"
"Dan, I think you should be talking to Lisa not me. She's the one that brought this on herself," I told him.
"Look, I don't care who started this, you two belong together that's all that matters. You guys need to sit down, talk and work this out. Think about your children."
"Dan she's already moved in her lover and now tells me the kids may not be mine; and you want me to sit down with her? Our divorce will take about three months before it becomes final. Maybe in that time we'll get it together but I highly doubt it. I hate to cut this short, but I've got a lot of work to do by the end of the day and now I really do need this job."
He reluctantly left and though I did understand what he'd said, I couldn't stay together with Lisa just for the sake of the kids. Not going to happen in my lifetime.
"I'm taking my kids to the park Saturday. I don't want them to see their father walking out on them, again," Lisa wrote in her latest e-mail.
"You sure have a way with words, you golden tongued slut. Too bad I never saw much of it when we were married. Do what you wish with "your" kids, as you so eloquently put it in your last e-mail.
It took me less than an hour to pack up my clothes. There was little else I needed right now besides my iPod. Our bed was unmade and I even checked to see if there was a new wet spot, there wasn't. I left a letter for each of my kids on their pillow telling them how sorry I was and that I loved them very much. My final act was to remove my ring and put it on Lisa's pillow with a note.
"Sell it, toss it, I don't care any more. I hope you found what you were looking for."
The corporate rate for my Motel was $50.00 a night. I figured a furnished efficiency would probably set me back about $850 to $1,000.00 a month including all utilities so Sunday I went looking. There was a lot of crap out there. If it was a nice place in a good neighborhood, it was out of my price range. The only thing I found that I could afford would be a two bedroom in an ok neighborhood and only if I signed a year's lease. So I did nothing for now.
I called my kids every other day and saw them at my parents every other weekend. My attorney warned me that Lisa would probably get the house until the kids turned eighteen and then it would be put up for sale. I asked him if Lisa's lawyer had contacted him yet and he told me no.
"What the hell is she waiting for?" I asked myself.
"Have you signed the papers yet or given them to your attorney yet?" I e-mailed her the following day.
"No to each," she replied.
"Why the hell not?"
"I'm in no hurry. Are you?" she replied.
Bitch, she was still playing the games.
About a week and a half later I was sitting in my room watching T.V. I was wondering if she was still hitting the chat rooms so I powered up my laptop and hit pay dirt.
Lisa was telling everyone about her latest adventure. She went on and on about how her fuck buddy, from out of town, had come in the day before.
"I told him I didn't want to go to dinner, I just wanted him to fuck me all night," she told everyone. "And that's just what he did. We screwed from Wednesday late afternoon until Thursday morning. I gave him all three of my holes since no one else had been using them in quite some time."
"I guess she was taking pot shots at me thinking maybe I was still watching."
Lisa went on to describe in detail how she sucked him off until he got hard and took her for the first time.
"When you get a thick hot eight inches in you, there's no better feeling. That is, unless it's in your ass, then that's something you remember."
I was pissed but there wasn't anything I could do. Or was there.
I signed on with the handle Golden Tongue. Everyone greeted me including Lisa aka Slutpuppy. I informed everyone that I'd just gotten back from my date and went into great detail as I described the hot thirty old secretary from my work.
"It isn't often you find that caliber of woman on the market." I told them about our dinner making sure to mention my soon to be ex Lisa and our favorite restaurant. How after dinner we went dancing and how she enjoyed when we started taking it to the next level right on the dance floor.
"Hey dude, what was her name?" Hammer asked.
"Let's just call her Candy," because her tongue was now melting in my mouth."
That brought a lot of comments from everyone except Lisa.
I spent the next twenty minutes describing how we dry humped on the dance floor. The way I moved her thong to the side as I slid in two fingers. Finally how I took her back to my motel and made love to her all night.
Did you notice I said we made love? I did that just for Lisa because by now, she knew who was telling the story. I used every sensually descriptive word I could think of to describe what we were doing. From drinking her nectar from her flowing honey pot to watching her drain my lily as I finished up in her ass. I should have gotten a Pulitzer for my story.
"I plan on seeing a lot more of her in the future after my divorce becomes final," I told the group.
"Your wife must have been a real loser," one of the group posted.
"No not a loser, just someone who found it easier to talk out her ass than to me," I told them. "Well if you guys don't mind, I've got this warm body next to me that is begging for attention, maybe I'll write again tomorrow," I said signing off.
For the next two weeks we went back in forth exchanging insults through our stories. Lisa would tell everyone about her small dicked husband who could never really satisfy her while I would go on and on about Candy and Sue who would be sharing my life after my dead beat slut signed the divorce papers. And so our life went on.
When Lisa got the court papers to have a DNA test done on her two children she went wild.
"What the hell is this she yelled at me through the phone?"
"Just a simple DNA test to establish who or whom their father really is, that's all," I told her.
"You're their father you asshole and I'm not going to comply."
"No problem, I'll have an officer of the court see that your children are brought to the clinic to get tested. In that way the results can go straight to the judge to compare with my DNA sample."
"Have you gone mad?" she yelled.
"Aren't you the one who said the kids probably aren't mine? I'm just following up on what you told me," I said in a calm voice
"I lied. Ok? I lied to hurt you the only way I could."
"I know you lie and you're very good at it. That's why I don't trust a word you say any more. So if we're done, I have to cut this short, I have a date I'm already late for. Nice talking to you Lisa," I said as I hung up.
I didn't have a date with anything but a six-pack of Corona but I did start drafting my story for tomorrow night and it ended up being a real dozy.
The next thing I did was screw up was my face. Well I didn't exactly do it myself, it was more like done for me.
I stopped after work at one of the local bars for a quick drink before I headed back to my motel. There at the bar, in all his glory, was Carlos.
I'm now going to explain something to you and I want you to listen and remember it for the rest of your life. An adrenalin rush will not give you super human powers. You will be the same stupid shit you were before and after. Let me explain.
After seeing Carlos I guess I went a little nuts. There was the asshole that was banging my wife every month and I wanted my pound of flesh. I was pumped; I was hot and even maybe a little drunk, who knows. I just walked up to him, introduced myself, threw my beer in his face and took my best shot.
Shit if that as my best shot I was in deep shit I found out. Carlos beat the living crap out of me. To put it nicely, he cleaned the floor with my sorry ass. Two black eyes, a broken nose and a face a mother couldn't love any more along with a few cracked ribs.
The last thing I remember before passing out was Carlos lifting up my bloody head up by my sweaty hair and whispering in my ear.
"I'm gay you dumb shit. What the hell would I want with your skinny assed wife anyway?" he said now letting my head hit the floor for the final time.
I was escorted out of the club, thrown in a cab and spent the next eight hours in Mercy hospital's emergency room. Thank God for good health care. I was x-rayed, cleaned up and bandaged before catching another cab to go back to the bar to pickup my car.
I went back to my motel, called in dead and went to sleep, or at least I tried to. I did post my next story that night and everyone went nuts.
"Hey man is she in bed with you right now?" Hammer asked.
"She sure as hell is," I typed in. Something as sweet as this is hard to let go, if you know what I mean. Right now she's trying to get me hard so we can do it one more time tonight, but I don't think it's going to happen unless she does that special thing that always works," I typed in.
More than one person asked what that "special thing" was.
"Let's just say that she does something with the tip of her tongue in a private place that always gets me hard," I typed in.
"That is so rude man," one guy typed.
"No girl would ever do something like that," said another.
Then Slutpuppy wrote that I was fucking lying and she knew that for a fact.
"Well bitch, unless you're here right now between my legs with Candy you don't know squat. Why don't you go back to your gay waxer and stroke his and his lover's dicks and get them ready for each other. That's about all your good for. AND I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT," I wrote in bold letters.
Everyone was on Slutpuppy telling her she didn't know shit and that she was probably making up all that shit she was writing. And those were just the clean ones.
My attorney got the DNA results and confirmed I was the father of my kids.
"Guess she was telling the truth," he told me.
I told him I'd get back with him in a couple of days and went back to sleep. When I woke up I looked in the mirror and shuttered. I looked like hell.
I was gingerly eating breakfast when I got an epiphany; I really was a dumb shit. Let's see, Lisa wasn't screwing Rob or Carlos. The kids were mine and I was the one who had pissed off Lisa by invading her privacy. They were fantasies God damn it, and I'd over reacted. Lisa had tried to tell me that and I didn't believe her and only then did it get out of hand. I really was a schmuck. I knew what I had to do if I wanted my old life back. Or if that was even possible any more.
Lisa had said some ugly things to me and I'd reacted accordingly but it was time to eat a little crow, but I hoped not too much.
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you," is all I wrote and hit enter.
"A little late for that now isn't it?" was Lisa's reply.
"It's never too late if two people care for one another."
"How about Sue and Candy? How can you want to give up that special thing she does with her tongue?" was her sarcastic reply.
"The same way you can give up your monthly Carlos Specials," I told her.
Lisa never replied back until Wednesday morning.
"You hurt me, you hurt me bad," Lisa wrote. "After so many years together you'd think you knew me. I'm sorry about all the other nasty things I sent you. I never dreamed you were serious until I got the papers served on me. Then I got mad and dug in my heels. I was ready to stomp into your work a couple of times but I figured you'd come to your senses eventually or if not, well it was your loss. Carlos said he messed you up pretty bad and to tell you he was sorry. His partner and friends were standing next to him and he didn't want to appear soft even though he said you were a wimp."
"Come home. Come home now. I need you in my arms again. Don't pack up just drive home, climb into our bed and make love to me."
As always, your loving wife.
It only took me twenty minutes to get home. The front light was on and the door was open. The kids were asleep but Lisa wasn't. She gasped when she saw my face, but I told her it was a small price to pay to get her back. I tried to make mad passionate love to her, but the best I could do was a little gentle screwing because of my injuries. We did however fall asleep in each other's arms. I'm not sure if Lisa got up that night, only that she was in my arms when I woke up. It was good to be home.
I took off Thursday and Friday off and by Monday I wasn't feeling too bad any more. Everyone at work laughed and got a big kick out of it that I'd been in a bar room fight and lost. But by Wednesday I was old news. Lisa and I were back together and I'd dodged the bullet.
Thursday I told my boss, that I needed a couple of hours off so I could take my bride to lunch. "I owe her big time," I told him.
I picked up a dozen roses, had a bottle of our favorite wine in an ice chest in my car and had ordered a picnic lunch basket from the deli by my work. With everything in hand, I took the drive over to her office building. There was a park two blocks away and we'd have plenty of time I thought looking at my watch.
Imagine my surprise when I pulled up and saw Lisa walking out of the front door with a tall blonde haired guy.
"I knew I should have called her," I said to myself as I watched her walk to the rental car. "It's probably a vendor taking her to lunch," I said to myself.
When he held her door open and slapped her on the ass, I not only noticed, but also put my car into gear. When they took off I was on their ass just two-car lengths back. When they pulled into the Hyatt I wanted to ram their car but figured I didn't need a hit on my insurance.
When the two of them came out an hour later, they got a shock. There was a blanket on the hood of their car and a complete picnic lunch laid out. The wine was in an ice bucket and the flowers scattered amongst the food.
I really wanted to wait around, but I'd gotten my butt kicked once and I was in no shape to go another ten rounds with a guy I knew could kick my ass. I drove back to Lisa's work and found out the name of the person she was having for lunch. With a computer you can find anything. Names, addresses spouses names, anything. I called his house and being the nice guy I was, told his wife that her husband had wanted to send her an E-Card just because he loved her.
"It kicked back," I told her. "Just let me verify your e-mail address and I'll resend it," I told her.
The trusting sole gave me their e-mail address.
I sent her a phone picture of her husband and Lisa walking arm in arm into room #214, with the caption, "guess what their having for lunch?" I hit enter and went back to work.
I called Lisa's cell phone and wasn't surprised it went to straight voice mail. "Don't bother returning my call, ever. I guess I really did know you after all. Tell Mark that his wife isn't too happy with him right now, and I'd give anything to hear the lie he's going to try and tell her. I'd love to chat but I've got a lot to do this afternoon," I told her. "Oh by the way, just sign the God Damn papers this time," I said before hanging up.
She didn't call me back and two days later she signed them. I got stuck with child support but she wanted alimony also. I told her that if she persisted with that, I'd send the picture to her boss and get them both fired. She withdrew her request.
I guess sometimes fantasies are fantasies but other times fantasies are realities. Who knew?