Mathew Bell got out of his old black van and stretched his tired bones. He found this idea campsite out in the wilderness to continue his cross county hunt. The hunt of humans and slaughtering them. He noticed a group of young women and men sitting around a campfire laughing and drinking. He approached with a friendly smile and holding a twelve pack of beer.
"Evening neighbors, I am Jack Olantren." He said offering beer to the group. They in return offered him some venison with beans and potato salad. He smiled sitting down and diving into the food. Its good, but not as good as the taste of sweet human meat. He thought to himself.
"What brings you into these parts Jack Olantren?" Charles asked even though he had a strange feeling about this stranger. It worried him at how the stranger was eyeing Melanie up and down. Melanie was a plus size girl and very friendly.
"Hunting, yes good ol' hunting. Its how I like to celebrate the holidays. There is nothing better then tracking and killing your dinner." He told them as he watched Melanie stagger into the porta john.
After a few hours of talking and drinking everyone decided to call it a night and Mathew remained sitting by the campfire waiting for his prey to come out to go to the porta john. Like clock work Melanie came staggering out of the tent sick from all the beer. Mathew walked over to where she was getting sick.
"Drank too much did you little moo?" He asked as he imagined biting down on those thick thighs.
"Yes, I am never doing this again!" She told him.
Mathew helped her up off the ground and began walking her into the woods as he kept looking back to make sure no one else was coming to check on her. He led her deep into the woods before they stopped. He slapped her face so hard it knocked her to the ground. She looked up at him startled and touching her face.
"What the fuck?" She asked him and then saw the riffle in his hands.
"You got to the count of ten to get away before I kill you for my meal tonight." He told her smiling and began counting. "1,2,3"
Melanie scrambled to her feet the best that she could for a drunk. She ran deeper into the woods, falling down and ripping her pants as well as her flesh. Tears flooded her eyes as she desperately tried to escape. She could hear he was whistling which told her he was closing in on her. Every once in a while he would call out her name so eerie. She found a large opening to hide in and scramble inside of it as far as she could. She went in head first and did not realize her bottom half was exposed.
Mathew smiled when he saw his hunt had made it so easy on him. He stuck the barrel of his gun between her thighs and fired the fatal shot. Smiling he pulled her dead body out and began cutting her clothes off so he could filet her. He made a fire and seasoned the meat with the seasoning he kept in his back pack. He devoured his meal once it was done. His belly became full and then he buried the remains of the body and carried what was left over to Melanie's friends he met the night last night. They were up looking for Melanie When he approached their camp.
"Something wrong?" He asked Johnny who was Melanie's husband.
"Melanie is gone, have you seen her Jack?" He asked.
"No, but I heard her getting sick and then I heard her talking to a man late last night." He told them. "Perhaps she found a quiet spot to sleep off her drunkenness. Here is some left over steaks I had in my cooler, please eat it before it goes to waste. I have to be on my way. I am traveling cross country for the upcoming Halloween holiday.
"You're probably right, join us for some steak and eggs?" Johnny asked him.
"No, I have had my fill of the little moo." He said with a chuckle and headed to his van. He watched as Johnny place his wife into the skillet. "Until death do you part or shit. He said laughing like a crazed lunatic.
He drove down the long road to find the next town, the next camp site and the next victim to fill his belly with. He turned on the radio when the song Animal crackers by Melanie came on the station. He began laughing hysterically.
"They won't be eating animal crackers, no afraid not my dear girl, it will be you moo." He said as he was laughing so hard.
Oh, eat your animal crackers
'Cause my mother told me so long ago,
"If you eat your animal crackers,
The children in Europe won't starve anymore".
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, once I went on a diet,
A carbohydrate diet ain't nice
'Cause you can't eat animal crackers.
So, I'm gonna stay a fatty for all of my life,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
But some people think that fatties are nice, yeah.
I love eating ice cream,
Chocolate, vanilla and butter pecan,
But I best love animal crackers
'Cause I love helping my fellow man.
Yeah, I really do.
Did you ever hear of Alice's restaurant?
I eat at Alice's restaurant year after year.
She makes an animal cracker pizza, ha
And she gives animal crackers out free with the beer.
Oh, let's give Alice a great big cheer.
She knows the age of the animal cracker is here.
Ah, animal crackers are in this year!
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, la la la la la la la la la
Mathew drove as he sung along to the song . . .