Hard-To-Find Porn

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Ramb-ohh (Peter North), wearing green Vietnam War soldier wear (with rolled up sleeves so we can see his muscles) is fucking blonde vixen Tracey Adams in the opening scene. There is no way of knowing whether it's soft-core or hardcore, but if I had to guess I would say this first scene is soft-score. We don't see his penis actually doing any penetration. He's fucking her from on top while she just takes it and is relaxed under him, with her legs on his shoulders. Lots of close-ups of her, smiling, giggling, but not really moaning a lot.

Her breasts are very big and possibly fake. Peter North drills her pussy but she doesn't seem to have a big orgasm at the end. He, on the other hand, has what appears to be a rehearsed, very theatrical and fake orgasm because -- we don't get to see his cum shot!(And Peter North is famous for his fountain-like cum shots and his female partners get what has been called "Peter North facials" when he ejaculates into their faces. We don't see any of this. This is probably from a time when he wasn't yet famous for that stuff.

It's revealed that he was enjoying himself with his best girl but now it's time for business. She is being trained under him as a female soldier on very urgent missions. In fact, he's got a whole platoon of sexy girls ready for battle. No weapons. They're going to fuck the enemy until they surrender or die of pleasure.

This film is all about the actresses doing their thing -- Tracey Adams, Alicia Monet, Megan Leigh and Tiffany Storm. There are no lesbian sex scenes and the sex is purely hetero. Ramb-ohh instructs the girls and he sets them off on their adventure. The movie is shot outdoors but my guess is it's some location in Southern " The Valley" California that has a lot of trees and hills. It's supposed to be a Vietnamese jungle or maybe a South American jungle, but it's really not. And some of the indoor scenes appear to be shot in a studio set.

The next scene finds the first girl (Tracey Addams) seducing the enemy (Jerry Butler). The dialogue is so stupid, so cheesy. It's a bunch of one-liners, sexual innuendo and non-sense. Jerry Butler Overdoes a comic routine, albeit of a retro kind, like some comedian from the 50's or early 60's) and soon falls under Tracey's sexual attack. She rides his cock. Oh, and he's supposed to be injured and can't move. Stupid sex scene, but it's not soft-core. We see Jerry Butler's cock and actual penetration as she rides him. The setting is his tent in an army camp and it's daytime, with the sunlight very visible.

In the next scene (if I remember well) Alicia Monet is surprised by an enemy who attacks her. But soon she manages to calm him down. They're in some secret base and it's night time. The man is Russian (either actor Billy Dee or Mike Horner with an accent) and he soon becomes aroused by this American girl. They begin to kiss and he's grateful that she is even allowing him to touch her. They soon begin to fuck. First up, there is classic missionary position. The camera doesn't move up close and instead we see him fucking her from a distance.

The camera only moves in for close-ups of her body -- breasts, face, legs, ass. After missionary position, he fucks her from behind. It looks hardcore and real enough. But the way they do it is not hot enough in comparison to today's anal or doggy style porn. There is no way of knowing whether it even is anal. My guess is it's doggy style. He doesn't fuck good, he's bored, scratching his hair or neck and she is bored, too and saying nothing. She makes a lot of faces at him. This scene is not as good and it appears as if only the sex scenes with Peter North and his girls are the hotter scenes.

The only good thing about this scene is the music. It's definitely classical and it sound like it's a symphony or overture by Tchaikovsky; possibly in keeping with the Russian enemy man's theme. It's loud and march-like, bombastic and grand. I suppose they used better music in porn back in the day. Classical music is free domain music since the composers are long dead and so it must have been part of porno music soundtracks.

In the next scene, one of the girls, not sure which one (maybe Tiffany Storm) sneaks into Rambo's tent at night while he is sleeping. He is surprised but pleasantly so. They have been lovers in the past and she wants him -- right now! Peter North expertly kisses her and sucks her breasts. He really looks like he enjoys it but he's so theatrical and over the top that it also looks like he does it for pure show too.

He's still in his military soldier outfit and she is too but she's only got a top and nothing from the waist down. Soon, he's out of his clothes and fucking her intensely from behind. I think this scene is soft-core because, again, we don't' see his cock going into her pussy from behind either. It's possible the whole movie is soft-core.

I remember a few of the scenes as being hardcore, but not the ones with Peter North. Peter then fucks the girl from behind.

Previously, the music had only been pure synthesizer and elevator type music. Nothing especially memorable or beautiful. But in this scene, the sex is made out to look hot and incredible with the use of Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture". It also makes use of Sousa's Stars and Stripes Forever March. If you're not already familiar with Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture it's the "fireworks" music they play on the Fourth of July, usually in movies, cartoons or comedies. Very exciting piece of music and in this porno scene meant to symbolize orgasmic fireworks. The same applies to Sousa's March. But it's all smoke and mirrors.

After this sex scene, a different girl is once again caught from behind by one of the enemies. By the way, all the enemies are male and not one of them is female. The girl is French or mimicking a French accent. The guy is big, burly but American. He looks like G.I. Joe and has a green cap on his head. He is a dominant man and doesn't want to fall into her trap. But they only battle with words and she is very sexual in her phrasing. The girl says she wants to suck his cock. The guy doesn't resist. "Go for it, show me what you got". However, there is no scene depicting her giving him head. In fact, it looks as if they edited the whole scene out of the picture! Instead, what we see is him sucking her pussy. This one's hardcore though. She is very relaxed but taking pleasure in it, kicking her legs slightly up and down. In the background is a lake.

After he eats her pussy out, they begin to fuck. He is on top of her and fucks her very slowly, too slowly, and never quickens his pace. The girl seems to have some kind of war paint on her. The guy is well-built and she is smaller next to him so she has to wrap her legs around him tightly. He is very careful with her. The end or climax doesn't show her having an orgasm. It seems as if she didn't have one. Close-up on the guy having what looks like a real orgasm. But then again, he could also be acting, as men do in soft-core, the only instance in which men do not have an orgasm, even if aroused.

The ending is a scene in which Peter North congratulating the girls. The enemy males have been caught. Their work is done, mission complete. But it's hinted that they have more work to do and that there is to be even more missions and adventures. But Ramb-ohh 3 was never made. This series in two parts didn't seem to enjoy popularity. Comedy in porn was changing and this one was probably one of the last of its kind. Peter North still employs comic lines in his porno but in the 1980's VHS era it was over-the-top. It does seem to be mostly soft-core and probably not meant to be enjoyed by the extreme kind of hardcore porn lovers. I enjoyed it and laughed quite a bit and at the same time enjoyed the sex scenes, especially Peter North and his ex-lover and the last scene with the G.I. Joe man and the French girl.

And now to the rarest and most obscure porn.

If anyone wants to help me with finding this one, it will be too difficult and impossible. The video title had been stripped from the tape. It was labeled "Adults Only" and XXX but there was no title. But it's my hope that someone reading this might remember seeing the same scenes and might provide me with a title to look for. It is definitely porno from the 1980's and again from a time when it first got into VHS, so probably from 1983 to 1985.

There are no big stars, just good looking women and only about two male stars. The women are not young or girlish looking. They are very mature and middle-aged looking women. One in particular has big, long, puffy dark hair and a good looking body. I don't remember how it begins. There is no plot. The whole thing is a series of unrelated scenes. The performers just fuck and don't talk very much and when they do it's so crazy and so weird, as if a lot of what they've said was edited out. It also seems as if there might have been some semblance of plot in anecdotal form (the scenes are just Vignettes) but because so much of it is just hardcore sex and nothing else, it's hard to figure what the stories are all about.

The first sex scene that I can remember has a beautiful, dark-haired beauty being fucked in what looks like the interior of a radio station. The woman is evidently a radio station hostess. A red neon sign that reads "On Air" is in the background and we see the audio technology in a closed booth. No one is working. The woman is being fucked by a hot, muscular, bronze or tan man with dark hair. He fucks her missionary with her legs on his shoulder right over the same board where she does her radio show. He tells her to turn around and now he fucks her anally (or again vaginally but from behind). She seems to enjoy this position a lot more.

She grips a piece of paper for support and has a good orgasm that looks genuine. He cums and shoots a load on her belly. Her pussy has hair in a "landing strip" form. After it's over, he asks her: "Did I do well?" "You did very well," she says, using that retro 80's kinda voice (you know what I mean!). "With honor? "the guy asks. He's soft-spoken for a big guy. "With honor" she says to him, "in fact I don't think you need me anymore." What the heck is this all about?? It's so weird it's actually funny. I suppose comedy was really big in retro porn. It kinda still is.

My guess is the woman has some kind of sex talk radio show and the guy was a caller on her show. He must have admitted to never having had a good orgasm or had never fucked or something. She is not his lover and he doesn't seem into her other than in the capacity of a teacher or instructor.

If you thought that scene was weird, the next one is even weirder. A woman's voice-over is heard. We are no longer watching a porno. Now we're watching a sexual technique instructional video for couples. The woman is Asian with long dark hair, a hairy vagina and just a little fat on her thighs. The man is also a bit stout, but not terribly so, with a brown mustache and brown hair. She is wearing what seems to be some kind of sexy white wedding lingerie -- white stockings and garter belt. The man is nude.

She's wearing white heels. She is riding him and they make a lot of noise. But the woman's voice over still manages to be audible. "He will enjoy this position" she says, referring to the woman-on-top position. Then the guy has had enough and is anxious to fuck her properly by being on top. He lays her down on the small bed with gold metal posters. The voice-over lady says: "guide his cock in, slowly, relax, let him do the work." The guy then fucks her, slowly at first, as per instructions, the girl is enjoying it and her orgasm builds. The guy fucks her faster and harder. She is moaning loud. He's also very loud and animalistic. The bed is visibly shaking. He has a big orgasm and ejaculates on her belly. He's super loud when he cums.

The next scene is a lesbian scene. This is the first lesbian sex on a VHS I've ever seen. The girls are not attractive, they have big hair and hairy vaginas. They look like two mothers going at it while neither their husbands nor children are around. They are on a bed. After this scene is over, the same hunky muscular guy with the tan skin who fucked a radio show hostess returns. This time he's fucking two women.

They're on a bed, and might even be the same bed that has been used for all the previous scenes. The girls kiss and touch each other and him. They pleasure each other by touching and I think there is a brief oral scene (lesbian oral) He's wearing a silk, thin robe but takes it off. He has a muscular butt. He fucks one of the girls while being on top, with her legs around his waist. The other girl kisses her and seems to be comforting the girl while being fucked by a guy (apparently for the first time). The scene is over rather quickly.

The last porno I'll talk about is probably from around the late 1960's.

The title, as I remember, was "Love Witch". It's very possible it's out of print and discontinued as a video. But then again, maybe it's out there somewhere. See if you can remember watching this. It doesn't look like it's from the 1980's VHS era. It is clearly older looking but somehow was remade as a video. The attitudes are very "free love" 1960's, and the men and women in the porn look like leisurely, decadent "swinger" types with hair and dress that look very late 60's. There is a plot but again, it seems to be lost in the editing process.

A couple is arguing on their honeymoon. They're on a yacht or a sailboat. Perhaps this film was made in San Francisco or off the coast of Northern California, or maybe even Florida. It might also be on the waters off Baja California or either Cancun or Acapulco in Mexico. The camera moves around a lot and there is no shots of land. They are clearly near a beach but we don't see a city. They might be sailing by an island. It could even be Hawaii. Honestly, there is a mystery to its location and this is what fascinated me most about this rare porno. If only I knew more about it.

The married man is a sexual pervert, the woman is more frigid. He tried to talk her into having sex with other people in a swingers' boat party or orgy. He seems to be daydreaming a lot and has sexual fantasies about banging younger women and not his own wife. The whole movie is filmed on not one boat but many boats. There are often aerial views of these boats as they sail over the ocean. On each boat, couples are having lots and lots of group sex. There is no way of knowing who is who's boyfriend, lover, girlfriend, husband or wife. They are all just fucking. It's purely hetero sex.

The men especially look older but the girls look younger. The men are not attractive or fit. In fact, some of them are a tad fat and they have mustaches and hair chests. 1960s, jazzy, sexy music plays in the background at all times. Some couple fuck on the water, but only those close to the shore. The ones further out into the sea are busy gang-banging on the deck and even below deck. In the below deck scenes, the lights Change and it looks like a dark room/photo development room, or a nightclub where the lights change colors -- but it seems mostly red white and blue (hmmmm). It's a social statement that seems to say: America, get ready for big changes like more sex, more swinging, more orgies.

The weird scene ends with the married man worshipping a nude woman wrapped in the American Flag. Then he wakes up and he is being nagged at by his wife. The movie cuts to what seems to be a part of another film! Yet, it's also alluding to the same film. It's a court room scene. Thre's a man (looks like 1970's actor John Holmes or Harry Reems or one of these guys) who is being judged in a trial. It's all male jury. He's the only sexually liberated and modern thinking man. The rest are very moralistic, very Christian and very old fashioned about sexuality. They seem to disapprove of fornication and wanton sex. But the man on trail speaks very intelligently and expresses his more scientific/biological views on sex.

He insists that men and women should enjoy sex because it is a natural, pleasurable human function and that it should have nothing do with being married or having children. It's all about feeling good. He doesn't see anything wrong with men and women enjoying sex, not even in orgies (referring to the boat orgy as if he had just shown the jury a copy of the film).

So maybe the whole thing had been a movie he had shown an audiene of judgemental men who censor such sexuality on film. He's very academic and philosophical but it smells of the late 1960's sexual revolution phase. He seems to be "hippie preaching" and expressing his liberal views on adult content in movies and in one's life, accepting it as normal, fighting censorship and prudish mentalities. Of course, this could well be a film that was in porno theaters in the early 1970's (1970-1975) when porno became mainstream. It has higher production values than most porn today as it was shot in some exotic location, used several sailboats and a large cast.

Well, that's it. These films were very interesting to watch, very surreal and yet stimulating, especially "KISS KISS BANG BANG" by far my favorite porno. It was like a reare treasure collection of porn that became lost. I'm sure there are other underground porn that never saw the light of day on video and have been lost in time. Porno has actually been around for a very long time. I know my porn because I like to study the history of it as it pertains to human sexuality. Nude film reels from the silent era eventually lead to Stag films which in turn gave way to sexy B movies and then came X rated porno. I really liked these videos but they're lost to time and locked up in my memory. If you can find these videos, great, enjoy and tell me where I can find them. If not, well, then I hope I have visually stimulated you readers as well.

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epiphany65epiphany65over 15 years ago
Good read

I find it interesting that people collect vintage and rare porn like stamps or books. A friend visited me years ago and stumbled on an early Traci Lords video that should not have been on display. He tried to buy it but the owner wouldn't sell. Years ago I lived in Halifax (Peter The Bucket North's hometown)... he used to drive around in a sports car with his PRN STR license plate, trying to score in bars. I would have thought sex was the last thing onhis mind during a vacation. :-)

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