tagHumor & SatireHe Said, She Said

He Said, She Said

byjonteD©

Two sides, a man and a woman. Two different versions of the same event. Would you believe a man further than you could throw him? Would a woman lie to protect the truth about a night she’d rather forget? Read what he says, read what she says – in your own mind you will know the truth.

He says :-“The first thing I noticed about her was her eyes, sparkling diamonds set upon a fresh and splendid face."

She says :-“My breasts. I could see that he was attracted by them. Okay, so they are on the large side, perky puppies. But that was all he saw."

He says :-“I knew she was my destiny and moved across to where she and her friends were dancing around their handbags. As she had been shyly eyeing me, the way that women do, I felt that should ask her to dance."

She says :-“His mates dared him to come over. He was embarrassed I guess, drunk too. His voice might have been addressing me but his eye line was asking my cleavage to dance."

He says :-“I took her by the hand to the dance floor and as the band played a seductive melody I gently held her to me and she felt warm in my arms as she relaxed and we floated majestically around the floor."

She says :-“He just grabbed me, pulled me to the dance floor I guess. Despite the fast rhythm of the music he just put both hands round my butt and pulled me in. His breath reeked of alcohol and I felt my boobs were getting crushed."

He says :-“I felt her heart skip a beat."

She says :-“He belched."

He says :-“As we danced I sensed us getting closer, a meeting of like minds."

She says :-“He seemed to quickly work out that I wasn’t wearing any bra of panties."

He says :-“Their comes a time, a defining moment, in every relationship. Her presence made me feel giddy and inevitably we stepped outside to embrace and kiss, mouthes locked, tongues fighting, a loving clinch. She was all over me, obviously wanted me so bad."

She says :-“He was drunk and nearly passed out so I got him outside for some fresh air. Then he tried to get his hand down the front of my dress but he stopped as if shot, turned, and then was sick in a bush."

He says :-“We continued to kiss long and hard, an eager love, a passion so very strong, two lovers who have what they have spent a lifetime looking for."

She says :-“He was sick twice more."

He says :-“No word was needed, eyes talk volumes, senses attuned. We took my sports car, drove the scenic route, parked up and, as she giggled with anticipation, I carried her manfully inside my executive apartment."

She says :-“I felt sorry for him. I could have left him but he would still be there now. I half dragged him to the street and poured him into a passing taxi and got him to stay awake long enough to say where he lived, down town, two blocks from the sewage works. That was the easy part. Finding the right key to his dingy apartment was the next task. Why do men carry so many keys? Once in he just fell flat on his face."

He says :-“Two hearts."

She says :-“One penis!."

He says :-“We kissed with zeal, aroused, excited. We kissed again when we had regained our breath. I slowly, oh so very slowly, took her dress off. My hand reached out, an experienced touch, and with a honed flick her bra was gone, her milky white breasts stood proud and wanting."

She says :-“He finally got to his feet, stumbled in his drunken stuper, reached out and grabbed my dress to stop his fall. Fucking ripped it open, tits everywhere."

He says :-“Her eyes cried ‘take me, take me here and now big boy’."

She says :-“He got his cock out – I had to put my glasses on to be sure, but yes, he did for reasons unknown get his cock out."

He says :-“We made love on the floor. For hours on end our writhing, arching bodies found new heights, new depths, new love."

She says :-“He fell asleep on the floor for a couple of hours. Looked so childlike sucking his thumb the way he did."

He says :-“In each others arms, the dampness of love forever stained deep into the carpet."

She says :-“He wet himself."

He says :-“We slept where we lay, given too much of our bodies to move. When I awoke she had gone but had left a note – it read, ‘I will never forget you’”

She says :-“He was deep in sleep, snoring even, so I got out. Left a note for him – it read, ‘I will never forget this, you bastard."

Two versions of the same night out. A night of passion? Who would you believe? I thought you might!

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