Heaven Is In Your Mind

The heat waves shimmered in the distance, inexorably rising off the sand in an unmerciful display of mother nature's authority. Shade from the sun was nowhere to be found. Off to the left, screams could be heard, the resulting silence signaling the evidence of another successful assault by the creatures

It was the summer of '69. It was the summer of the invasion.

The two lay together behind a dune keeping low to remain hidden from the invaders. He looked towards her and forced a smile as she looked towards him. The memory of the previous night when they finally became lovers still haunted him. He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her but he knew that the present situation was extremely dangerous and did not augur well for the future. They both knew they would have to lie low until nightfall though their intentions did not converge from that point onwards; she wanted to accompany him on his mission while he wanted her to stay behind in the safety of the house while he delivered his priceless information to the authorities.

They longed for one another but knew that they had to remain alert to the danger of discovery by the invaders. They kissed gently and caressed one another even though they desired nothing more than to resume their passionate love-making from the night before. Before long the sun began to set and he prepared to set off on his perilous mission.

"Let me come with you," she pleaded but he would have none of it.

"I've told you, it's far too dangerous for both of us to be together. You need to return to the house and if by chance I don't get through you will need to try on your own. We may hold the future of the human race in our hands."

They kissed passionately once more and he made his way up to the top of the dune.

"I love you," he whispered, turning towards her and putting his fingers to his lips.

"I love you too," she replied, wiping a tear from her eyes and she set off back towards the house. She had covered roughly half of the distance when she heard a roar and then a scream in the distance. She thought she recognised his voice though she couldn't be sure and hurried back towards the house. Arriving at the front door she fiddled in her pocket, trying to get hold of the key, then heard a noise behind her and as she turned and saw the creature she screamed.....

As the scream gave way to music, the end titles of the film began to roll. Jon turned his head towards Sharon. She still had her hand pressed against her mouth to cover the shock of the final scene. They waited until the lights came up and then made their way out of the cinema. He turned to her, she smiling at him in reply, and he put his arm around her shoulder as they walked back to the car. It was a chilly evening, so it didn't seem all that strange, and she snuggled into him.

Once inside he started the engine and let it heat up for a moment. His hands were shaking from desire as he wanted nothing more than to make love to her. He'd never dared try anything in the past but he knew it was now or never.

He drove back to her house and switched off the engine. As she was about to get out, he put out his hand and stroked her hair. She stopped and turned round to him.

"No, Jon. We're cousins. Let's go inside and talk about this,"

She had asked him to spend the night at her place but he now felt so humiliated he just couldn't face her anymore and waved her away.

"Come on, Jon. Look, it's late. Come inside and let's discuss it."

She stepped out and he leant across and pulled the door shut. She was just about to open the door again when he started the engine and raced away. Tears were streaming from his eyes; life wasn't worth living without her. He knew they could never get married but he could not get the idea of her having his baby out of his head.

With a screech of tyres, he set off a good deal faster than he should have and made a few risky moves, though without harm. Eventually he came up behind a slow-moving car and, unable to overtake because of oncoming traffic, he flashed his lights several times but to no effect.

He woke as from deep slumber and found he was lying in bed; opening his eyes he cast an exploratory gaze around the room. It was unfamiliar to him and he wondered where he could be. Thoughts returned to his mind and he began to relive those fateful moments: his car spinning out of control, the confused noise as it hit the oncoming car and the sudden pain in every part of his body. Now, however, that pain was nothing but a distant memory and he felt better than at any time in his life.

Pulling aside the covers he sat up and slipped out of bed; he was already dressed in a white coverall and he slid his feet into the pair of slippers lying alongside. Closer inspection revealed the absence of a mirror in the room and he moved his hands to his face but his inability to discover any obvious scars comforted him; perhaps this had turned out better than he could have imagined.

It was daytime so he made his way to the door and opened it to discover parkland criss-crossed by pathways and surrounded by pleasant chalet-type buildings. He stepped out to find that his was the same as all the others. Large numbers of similarly-clad people were making their way across the greenery. Deciding to explore the site, he turned towards the door and made a quick mental note of the number so he should be able to find his way back.

He picked a direction at random and headed off but he soon began to wonder if he was actually being directed, as he turned off the path several times for no apparent reason. This led him to a large, impressive building, different from all the others which were carbon copies of the same standard design, and which had the look of 'administration' plastered all over it; he went inside.

A young woman was sitting behind a reception desk and as he approached she looked up and addressed him;

"Hello, Jon. We've been waiting for your visit for some time now. The director is expecting you so you can go in; it's through the blue door over on your right."

He thought about speaking to her but she had immediately turned her attention away from him, down towards her desk, and so he moved across to the door she had indicated. As he was about to knock, it suddenly swung open in front of him and he entered the room.

"Come in, Jon. I've been expecting you for a long time now. It's good to see that you have finally come out of the coma. Please sit down."

Jon sat and checked out the man seated before him. He looked to be aged about 40, well-dressed, perhaps a little over-corpulent with a chubby, sun-tanned but pleasant face which immediately put one at ease.

"We haven't met before?" Jon asked hesitantly but, in the absence of a reply, he continued, "....so how do you know who I am and how did you know I would be coming?"

"I'm the Director. It's my job to know everyone who is here and everything about them. Once you know the facts everything will fit into place. Well, Jon, how do you feel?"

"Just great. I haven't seen myself in a mirror yet but the memories of the accident are coming back; the doctors seem to have done a great job on me."

"So tell me where you imagine you are?"

"In a hospital or a rest home though, whatever it is, it's gigantic. I've never seen such an enormous installation. Have I been here for long?"

"You've only seen a minute part of it, which brings us to the reason why you are here. This is neither a hospital nor a rest-home. As for how long you have been here, it's a question which has no real relevance; I'm afraid you didn't make it after the accident."

Jon's face dropped as he began to realise what he was being told. However the idea was difficult to take in.

"So you're telling me this is heaven? I died and came to heaven?"

"Well, in a way. It's true you are dead but this isn't heaven. To put it simply, it's what is usually called 'limbo'. It's the triage point between life and what are called 'heaven' and 'hell'. Very few people qualify directly for entry to those two places. In most cases it is simply because they have not experienced the full range of human emotions. Only those who have led a life of total depravity, who are totally beyond redemption, will go straight to hell; those who are qualified to go to heaven come here first and are then given the facts before making a decision; they can stay here as long as they like or they can leave immediately. Those who are pencilled in for hell can redeem themselves while those whose place is in heaven can finish their 'education'."

"So where do I fit into all of this?" Jon enquired.

"Well you basically fulfil all of the criteria necessary to enter heaven except for one: you have never known true love. Anyone who wishes to reach the ultimate goal must have experienced all of the positive emotions in life so, if you want to get to heaven, you must discover true love while you are here. However, there is no hurry; take your time, get to know everyone. Don't rush into it."

"Can you tell me what heaven is like?" Jon asked, unsure of whether he would get an answer or not.

"I have no idea," replied the Director. "I'm just like you. I came here a very long time ago and, as I had been an administrator during my life, I helped out the previous director. When he decided it was time to move on, I took his place. I have no idea what heaven or hell may represent. I'm merely repeating what was told to me all that time ago as it has, no doubt, been told to every director throughout eternity."

"So have you never been tempted to find out what heaven is like?"

"Oh yes, on numerous occasions, but, each time, I concluded that it was better to continue with what I know rather than head off into the unknown."

Jon rose, thanked the Director for his advice and left the building. He spent the next few 'days' visiting the site and meeting people, though he soon found out that the notion of time no longer existed, there being no day or night, and discovered that many still carried on the ritual of sleeping, despite its lack of purpose, as a means of holding on to their previous life. The initial excitement of meeting new people was, however, soon to turn to disillusion as he found he had nothing in common with most of them apart from being dead. He was, however, given an invaluable tip by one acquaintance who told him to look carefully at complexions; though the nuances were subtle the greyer the complexion the less one had in common with the subject.

The major alterations to normal life were difficult to accept; other than the non-necessity of sleep, the most important activities were now no longer an imperative: no eating, drinking, washing. There was now no need to shave or have one's hair cut. There was now no entertainment, no cinema, no television, no shopping for essentials or luxuries. No computers, internet, CDs, DVDs. This was now just an overpopulated Garden of Eden with endless Adams searching for their Eve. Jon now found himself spending more and more time thinking back about his previous life. In fact, he soon found himself spending more and more time in bed, living in a world populated by dreams. He wondered how others could inhabit such a dreary place and made up his mind to move to heaven as quickly as possible.

However, his situation was soon to change. At one point in the future, he no longer tried to think in days, as time no longer mattered, he was walking along a path, as he had done numerous times before, when he came face to face with a young woman of about his own age. He immediately saw the vibrant colours in her face and she smiled at him. They spoke and he immediately felt a rapport with her. Her name was Mary and she had missed out on a normal life as a young woman due to having to look after her sick mother. Her demise had been caused when she had passed by a house which was on fire and she had unsuccessfully tried to save the life of a young child. They sat down together at the side of the path and discussed their lives for what would have been hours on end before discovering that they were near neighbours. As they walked slowly back to their respective chalets, Jon suddenly noticed a path which he had never noticed before leading off between two large hedges which he had never seen previously. Taking Mary's hand, he led her through the gap in the hedge and they found themselves in a flowering garden where the air was full of birdsong. It was only at that moment that it occurred to him that, until now, there had been virtual silence other than the almost monotonous droning voices of those he had met.

They walked down the gentle slope and found themselves before a brook populated by

fish. Lying down together, they took in the smell of the flora and revelled in the sounds of nature as they had known them while on earth. If this wasn't heaven then what could be better than this? Mary turned and snuggled into him and he slid his arm around her neck. They kissed gently and then passionately. There was no extraneous noise, no-one to disturb them. They were as Adam and Eve in their own private Garden of Eden. Ever so gently and slowly they explored each other's body. Their passion seemed endless and totally devoid of lust; this was the true love that each had craved.

As their fondling became ever more intimate they both began to worry about being interrupted, even though such an event seemed extremely remote, and so they decided to carry on matters in the privacy of one of the chalets. They left the garden hand-in-hand and walked slowly towards Mary's room. Jon was immediately overcome with the femininity of the room and deeply inhaled the strong erotic perfume it contained in contrast to his own which was totally odourless. Still unsure as to the possibility of a physical relationship between them, it surprised him to find his penis rising to a state of full erection as he pulled off his robe. As Mary removed her own and turned towards him, he told himself that there had never been a more beautiful woman in the whole of existence.

He knelt on the bed and she lowered her head and took his stiff member into her mouth. Placing his hands on her head, he began to stroke her silky hair, recalling his last evening with Sharon, and soon discovered the wonderful truth about their situation; though it was possible to give and take great pleasure it was impossible to hurt anyone. He pulled her head towards him and thrust his cock deep into her until his balls were banging against her chin. When he reached orgasm there was no expulsion of sperm but the feeling was more intense than he had ever felt before. Much more surprising was the fact that he remained fully erect. They settled down on the bed and made love. How long it lasted was anyone's guess but it was a long time. Eventually John left and returned to his own room.

Sometime later, Jon met the Director and informed him of the situation.

"I know, Jon. You have met your soul mate and I am happy for you. You can now experience the love you should have known during your lifetime and beyond."

"Mary and I have decided we want to go to heaven together," replied Jon.

"You should wait, take your time and discover one another. There is no hurry to get to heaven."

They carried on together, their love never wavering, though the garden and the flowers and birds and fish began to become rather stale and they presented themselves at the admin office.

"Ah, yes. The Director is expecting you," replied the woman at the desk and she indicated the door before returning her attention to her work.

"Jon, Mary. It's so lovely to see you," announced the Director as they walked into his office. "I know why you are here though I must ask you to think about what you wish to do. There is really no hurry to go through the door. I have no knowledge of what is on the other side but I know that, once you cross the threshold, there is no coming back."

They looked at one another and discussed the matter for a few moments, though their minds were already made up.

"We've decided that we want to go," replied Jon. "It's nice here but nothing ever changes. We'd like to see something else."

"I understand your sentiments completely. I'm just telling you what has been passed on over generations of Directors. Now, before you go, do you have any last requests?"

"Can you tell me," asked Mary, "why there are no children here? Do they go straight to heaven?"

"No. Children don't really die. They are sent to a nursery and they grow up as though nothing had happened to them, even though they are far from their family and friends. When they reach adulthood, they come here to spend their time as you have done. Now before you go, do you have any last minute doubts?"

They looked at one another and then shook their heads. He showed them over to a door and opened it. Inside all was black.

"Good luck to both of you," he said as they stepped through into the unknown and the door closed behind them. Jon turned his head but all was black behind him. They advanced slowly, step by step, in what appeared to be a long tunnel. A small point of light was visible in the distance and they made their way towards it. After what seemed an eternity, they came close to the end of the tunnel and the bright light emanating from it. They had to close their eyes as the intensity became overwhelming and for one brief second everything went dark.

Jon opened his eyes to find himself in a small room. There was a table with a chair and a book lying on the table top. He turned and looked around but there were just four plain, white walls with no obvious doorway. With nothing much to see, he turned his attention to the book and immediately feared what he was about to discover. He had read it while at school and the memory of its final message had always stuck with him. Surely the opposite of its conclusion could not also be the truth.

With nothing else to do, he sat and read the book once more. The impossible triangle. The relationship which created hell : a heterosexual male, a bisexual woman and a lesbian locked together in a room. When he got to the end he closed the book and once more read its title. "Huis Clos" by Jean-Paul Sartre. The final message was "Hell is other people" and he now knew for certain that the opposite was also true: "Heaven is solitude". The book and furniture disappeared and he lay down on the floor with nothing other than his memories for companionship...for eternity.