Help Me Say Goodbye Ch. 03

"Do you really wish for me to answer that, Alexandra?" His angelic voice was steely and her impudence was rewarded with that menacing flash in his golden eyes that set her heart to racing. When she didn't reply, he rose with the sleek feline grace of a panther and stalked out the door. She couldn't help but admire his physique when he left the room and wondered how that grace would translate in the bedroom. At a soft noise, she caught the detective watching her with a knowing grin. Alex just shook her head and tried not to blush like a fourteen year old. Da'ud smirked and returned to the files and his notes, cautiously optimistic that his friend had found someone to heal the scars Christine had left on his heart.

While Erik was gathering the drawing materials, he couldn't resist another look at the portrait she'd drawn of him without his mask. She had captured him perfectly in all his horrific glory and yet...his attention was drawn to his eyes. Alex had put so much emotion in them with so few strokes of her pencil that you almost missed it at first glance. He could see pain and anger but also something else that he couldn't put his finger on. She'd avoided his questions about the picture earlier but they would discuss it and soon. He had to know what she meant by drawing him in such a way; as if he was attractive, as if he wasn't a monster.

Closing the book, he returned to the Library only to find the detective very obviously trying not to be amused at something while Alex's skin resembled a very ripe strawberry. He glanced between the two of them and wondered just what he'd missed. Da'ud looked up with one of his oh-so-innocent smiles but the girl refused to look any higher than his knees. With a shake of his head, he decided he probably didn't want to know, gave Alex her things, and retreated to the chair behind the desk.

"What have you got?" Locking away his emotions and personal questions, Erik became focused and business-like once more and was pleased when the detective followed in kind.

"European Electronics is thought to be a front organization for the GRU that buys breakthrough technology as well as lures workers away from competing countries. There are many branches throughout the world though no one can prove what they do with the technology once they have it. The company that approached Mr. and Mrs. Roberts the day they died is the same company Samuel, among others, had been investigating. They are also the company who originally accused Sam of hacking and electronic theft after their attempts to recruit him also failed. And, they own the warehouse we investigated earlier in the week."

"What?" Alex looked up from the sketch she was working on and stared at Da'ud in shock. "This...this company is responsible for my parents' and my brother's deaths? But why?"

"It isn't an actual company, Alexandra," Erik explained, concerned at how pale she'd gotten. "A front organization is merely a pretty façade for other companies or organizations to hide behind, similar to the money laundering companies for organized crime. I doubt there are any physical offices in any of the countries in which they operate. Few are suspicious of a large entity that uses a postal box."

"Exactly," Da'ud nodded in agreement. "European Electronics provides a legitimate sounding work environment with great benefits and pay; however, it is really just the GRU in disguise. Understandably, few who've gone to work for them were ever seen again. The official word is they were relocated to another branch and simply lost touch with those they left behind. Of those who have resurfaced are two names you should recognize, Alex: Martin Szoboszlay and Frederick Winkfield."

"Sammy's attorney and the judge!"

"Yes. The whole accusation and trial was a sham. The company manufactured false documents to provide evidence of your brother's theft and even deposited money into an off shore bank account in his name. They had been trying to intimidate Samuel into joining them since it was clear he was extremely brilliant and persistent but he refused them at every turn. It seems he was already suspicious of their role in the deaths of your parents. Once he was released, they approached him again only this time they threatened the one thing he held most dear." The detective looked at Alex as comprehension dawned and the little remaining color drained from her face. "You were his only remaining family and he was desperate to protect you. He gathered information and mailed some of it to you and gave the rest to one of his friends at the café. When Samuel was killed, the friend went into hiding and was found only a few hours ago."

"My God..." Alex could barely absorb all the detective was telling her. It sounded like something out of a spy novel or action flick. She was so far out of her league it was pathetic and, though she was already scared, now she was terrified. Desperately, she turned to the one person who could keep her safe as tears formed in her eyes. "Erik? What do I do? This is so..." She made a helpless gesture with her hand as her voice trailed off.

"You will be safe, Alexandra," he moved to sit beside her and gently take her in his arms. "No matter what else may happen, I will protect you." He held her close and stroked her hair, whispering soft words of comfort. When her tears ceased, she pulled back with a watery smile.

"Thank you," she wiped her eyes with her fingers until they were suddenly filled with Erik's handkerchief. "You'd think I'd be through with crying by now. I'm sorry for being such a pest."

"Hush, petite, never apologize for being afraid. It's when you fear nothing that you must worry." He trailed a finger along her cheek before leaning in to kiss her softly. As he returned to the desk he caught Da'ud's eye and scowled at the perceptive smile he wore.

Oct. 20 –8:30pm

Once she was finished with the sketch of Raoul, she tore it from the pad so Da'ud could fax it to his friends in both the police department and the Agency. Though there had been no luck tracing the supposed intern's name, it was hoped the portrait might jar someone's memory. At least she had done something to help out. They had also contacted some people to do some stealthy digging into European Electronics to see if there were any other known employees or associates. Most of the discussion had descended into cross-referencing the data and making lists of those they felt were the most trustworthy.

Staring down at the blank page of her sketch pad, she glanced quickly at the two men and wondered if they'd notice she was no longer listening. Biting her lip, she knew she had to draw him as he was tonight: casual, relaxed and yet somehow still intense. The pull of sketching Erik was strong so she settled into the sofa and started with her favorite feature: his eyes. Whoever said that the eyes were the windows to the soul had described Erik's perfectly. When he was unguarded, she could see so much passion in them that it was nearly frightening in its intensity. She wondered what it would be like to be graced with the affections of such a man.

Slowly, she became more and more absorbed with the portrait and tuned out the men's conversation. Wanting to capture every facet of the enigma known as Erik Devereaux, she drew him with the black half-mask. It could lend him such a frightening aura but most of the time he simply exuded a sensual mystery that commanded attention. It was that sensuous, dark, passionate side she wanted to put to paper. His hair was mussed like he'd run his hands through it several times or just crawled out of bed. She could feel her cheeks heating up as she wondered what he'd look like first thing in the morning; did he sleep in the nude? Smiling faintly as she indulged in "what ifs," Alex wasn't aware she was humming softly until Erik called her name.

"Yes?" She blinked owlishly, wondering what she'd missed. "I'm sorry, I was...um...occupied." She quickly closed the sketch book and placed it and her pencils on the sofa beside her. Looking around, she noticed they were alone in the room.

"The daroga was tired from being on his feet so much today and so has retired early. I caught your attention, Alexandra, because I was wondering what you were humming? I don't believe I've ever heard it before." Erik's eyes lingered on the sketch pad some seconds after she'd closed it before raising them to capture hers.

"Oh..." Alex blushed faintly. How did he always manage to ask the most embarrassing questions? "It's just a pop song, Erik, nothing worthy of someone with your talent, I'm sure."

"Try me." He moved to the chair Da'ud had vacated and pulled it closer to the sofa. Leaning back, he wondered what kind of song brought the color to Alex's lovely cheeks.

"No!" She bit her lip as she thought frantically. There had to be a way out of this; there was no way she could tell him the words to that song! "I told you I was a terrible singer, Erik, and I'm sure you have work to do." Erik chuckled and reached over to the desk for the laptop.

"I'm sure you can find it online, correct? And just to be clear, you're not going to bed, getting dinner, or anything else to evade my questions this time, ma petite. We shall touch on the sketch book in a moment but first...the song, if you please."

Alex took the machine automatically but prayed the sofa would come to life and simply swallow her whole. Glancing up, she knew she'd not get out of this. He was relaxed and friendly but there was a steely determination beneath it all that let her know she was trapped. Typing in the URL for YouTube, she located the song and clicked on play. When the lovely voice of Amy Belle sang through the speakers, Alex gave the laptop back to Erik but refused to look at him.

"Close your eyes what do you see on the inside?

A long remembered memory of tears once cried

Of a different place and a different time

And it's long ago and far away on the other side

Tomorrow was yesterday

The truth was denied

In a different place and a different time

And we're here, now

All you have to know is I am close

And I will never go

I understand all the pain you've been through

If you hear nothing else, hear this:

I love you"

As the song continued, Alex felt the sofa dip under Erik's weight as he moved to sit facing her. He reached for her sketch book and turned it to the portrait she'd been working on that night. She clasped her hands tightly in her lap as she fought back tears. The song laid bare feelings she was still trying to sort through for herself; feelings she never intended for him to know.

"Through it all and in between

A voice from the past

In your days and in your dreams

A question to ask

Do you know how it feels to be under the wheels?

And we're here, now

All you have to know is I am close

And I will never go

I understand all the pain you've been through

If you hear nothing else, hear this:

I love you"

She winced at the reminder of his past and the woman he loved. Having held onto his memories of Christine for five long years, Alex knew better than to imagine she could draw him to her in a mere week. Why oh why did she have to hum that particular song? One mortified tear inched its way down her heated cheek. She could only hope that he was too distracted with the song and the sketchbook to notice this further humiliation.

"Your hard times are over

Your long roller coaster ride

Draws to an end

Now that your mine

And we're here, now

All you have to know is I am close

And I will never go

So sorry for all the pain you've been through

If you hear nothing else, hear this:

I love you

Close your eyes what do you see on the inside?"

When the song faded away, the silence in the room was oppressive. Alex knew that if she tried to say anything she'd only embarrass herself more and, really, what could she say? It wasn't like the song was very subtle, after all. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she reached for her sketch pad with shaking hands. She wanted nothing more than to hide in the bedroom and die of shame. When Erik refused to release the book to her, she could feel that tiny thread of control fraying. Caring only for the sanctuary of her room, she stood to flee the Library and cry in solitude.

Quickly, Erik stood with a faint growl of frustration and swept her into his arms. He kicked the door closed behind him and lit the small bedside lamp. He could feel her body trembling with silent tears; so instead of laying her on the bed alone, he stretched out and held her close to him. As he stroked her hair gently, he was struck speechless by the possible meanings of her humming such a tune while she sketched him. Did she really care so much for him or was she simply clinging to whatever was safe and steady in her chaotic life? If that was so, wouldn't she have drawn at least one picture of the detective? He knew she felt something for him, their kisses in the Music Room proved that. But how deep did her feelings go? And what did he feel for her?

"It was a beautiful song, ma petite." Erik whispered softly against her hair as he planted a soft kiss to her head. "Nearly as beautiful as you. Will you answer me now, Alexandra? Why mar so much beauty with drawings of a beast?" He tapped the sketch pad that was laying beside him.

"What?!" Alex sat up quickly to gape at him in shock only to collapse against his chest as pain shot through her side. "You are not a beast, Erik; a moody, temperamental, enigmatic, sexy pain in my ass, maybe, but never a beast."

Oct. 21 – 6:30am

The morning sun struggling against the heavily curtained window found Erik pouring his troubled thoughts into the piano. The music was in turns hopeful and despairing, joyful and pained, excited and filled with dread. These feelings that were growing within him for the unpredictable Alexandra Roberts confused him as much as they thrilled him. Could he risk reaching for a second chance of happiness? But then, what of Christine? He'd sworn he'd love her until his last breath and beyond and yet...since Da'ud had brought him a fiery auburn-haired minx, he'd managed to go days without thinking of her at all. The nights had begun to be peaceful as well. For the first time in five years he was sleeping through the night with no painful nightmares to jolt him from his rest.

Without realizing it, his playing shifted into the melody of the song she'd been humming last night as she drew. Erik wasn't a fan of so-called popular music but the emotions of the song and the beauty of the singer's voice had him reconsidering his disdain. Besides, what had she meant by humming such a song at such a time? She'd deflected that question each and every time; no matter how many ways he worded it to catch her off her guard. And then her reasoning for drawing him...enigmatic, he could understand; moody and temperamental, he most definitely agreed; but sexy? She found him sexy? No matter how much he'd pushed, she refused to expand further and he eventually took pity on her and dropped the subject. They shared a light meal, she took some medicine to help with pain, and then he left her to rest.

Sleep would not come for him, however. Though his nights were no longer filled with reliving the nightmarish betrayal of his once-beloved Christine, now he was more determined than ever to remove all that would harm Alexandra. He still wasn't sure what he felt, or how deep his feelings ran, but he definitely knew it was time to let go of the past and explore those feelings without the guilt of betrayal eating away at him. For five long years, Erik's heart had remained firmly in Christine's hands even after she'd forcefully proven she wasn't a good steward of his regard. Little by little, Alexandra had pried his former lover's fingers from that aching muscle and returned it to him. It was beaten and battered but no longer broken. Under her gentle care, he felt it might heal and even flourish.

Before that could happen, he had to remove the threat that overshadowed them. Erik pushed away from the piano and started up the stairs to his bedroom. As he gathered the things he would need, he called the front gate and told the head of security to arrange it so that the night and midday shifts overlapped with each other and the morning shift for at least one hour. He wanted no gaps during shift change. He also stressed that if someone got past the guards and near the house again, they would all be looking for new jobs. Satisfied that the security chief and was sufficiently convinced it wasn't an idle threat, Erik jogged down the stairs to knock lightly on Alexandra's door.



The gentle tapping on the door brought Alex out of the most pleasant of dreams involving herself and her host. Not pleased at all for her fantasy to be interrupted, she rather snappishly called for whoever it was to enter. Expecting Da'ud, she was not prepared for Erik to glide in and perch on the edge of her bed. Wearing his flesh toned mask that blended so well with the rest of his face, blue jeans, a stark white dress shirt, and what appeared to be boots of some sort, he looked good enough to eat. Alex remembered some of the more vivid moments in her dream and blushed faintly.

"Good morning, Erik," she was inordinately proud that her voice didn't waver. Now if she could just turn off the switch that kept her blushing like a school girl with a crush she'd be alright.

"Bonjour, ma petite," he picked up her hand from where it lay on the blankets and placed a soft kiss to the back. Turning it over, he repeated the gesture on her palm; only this time he lingered and she could swear she felt the tip of his tongue dart out to taste her. His grin when she blushed once more – that damn switch must be broken – told her he knew what he was doing to her and was enjoying it immensely. "I am going into town today to gather what intel I can. I want you to remain prone; however, I will be satisfied if you choose to sit. What I will not be pleased to hear is if you've attempted to walk for any other reason than visits to the lady's room. Do I make myself clear?"

"What about meals? Surely you don't expect Da'ud to be able to prepare them on his crutches, do you?" Alex wasn't sure she liked the idea of Erik going off alone. How would they know if anything happened to him?

"I want you to order in. Security has been notified to expect a call from the house concerning food deliveries and they will accept, pay for, and deliver the meals to the house. Da'ud knows the verification routine so let him handle it. If he's asleep, awaken him. I do not want you on your feet."

"I understand." Now that the pain killers have worn off, she might just stay in bed all day. Shifting slightly, she winced as the pain shot down her side again.

"Excellent. I'll bring you something to eat and some coffee. Did you need another pain killer?" He'd noticed she was hurting this morning and that concerned him; the medication should last longer than that.

"Oh...maybe not right now but if you could bring it to me, I'll take it after I eat if I can't get back to sleep."

With a nod, Erik headed for the kitchen to fix a light meal of fruit, toast, jam, and coffee. He added a glass of water and one of the pain tablets as well and returned to Alex's room. Helping her sit up, he placed the tray over her lap and planted a tender kiss on her brow.

"I should be back some time tonight so get some rest. Is there anything else you need before I go?" He was slowly stroking her soft cheek without really being aware of what he was doing; he simply enjoyed touching her. Alex leaned into his hand and shook her head. He had already opened the door when she bade him to be careful. The smile he gave her before leaving the room very nearly stopped her heart. It seemed to be full of promise...but promise of what? As the door clicked shut, she started on her breakfast but her thoughts were on Erik. She prayed he'd be safe.