her Heart Ch. 04

she set about moving on with her life. she worked on forgetting Him. The next few days, she kept busy, occupying her mind with stories and life. Sunday and Monday passed in a haze. she knew that it had been days, and when she logged online, she checked. The weight of disappointment was always pushed to the back of her mind when there was no message. she wondered and waited. Thinking to be helpful in her quest, she became a smart ass for thirty seconds. she sent Him an offline message. "It would be very beneficial for You to pay attention to some things." she waved and disappeared.

Smiling softly to herself, and hoping that He would take up her challenge, she went about her days, thinking at times of Him, but always finding the strength to move on. she would conquer the desire to "fly into His conversation" when He happened to return.

Tuesday dawned bright and sunny. she was doing well. her day started with a smile on her face and an almost light heart. she was picking up some of the pieces. her writing seemed to help her, not only deal with the pain, but also to help her be stronger in heart. she worked around her house, making sure things got done. she logged online and read others blogs and comments, and then she decided to log onto Literotica. her room of choice was empty, but she went there hoping that someone would show up to talk to.

Within a few minutes friends entered the room, asking how she was, starting up conversations. Two friends showed up, zenobia and sub.lingual. The conversation wrapped itself around the events of the past few days. they both agreed that she needed "bitch lessons". The first rule was: always say what is on your mind and never worry about offending someone with what you have to say. her response was, "Oh, i never want to offend anyone." The second rule was never let anyone walk all over you, stand up for yourself and if someone crosses the line, make them cross back over. her response was, "Well, i could try to do that."

she sighed softly to herself and said, "i won't make a very good bitch, i'm already failing." All three of them had a good laugh over this as the conversation flowed on to other things. she drifted out of the chat site some time later after many wonderful conversations and laughs. her spirits were lifted, and she could meet the dawn of another day with a smile on her face and a light to her eye. He had not contacted her at all Saturday, Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, but she would survive, she would be strong.

she awoke in much the same manner on Wednesday. her strength gathered around her and she met the dawn of a new day with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. she spent the morning picking up here and there around the house and accomplishing small tasks. After eating lunch, she logged onto the net and walked around pages of friends, reading and leaving comments. Checking her own page, she saw a comment from a dear friend, pure heart. she was shocked to find the comment, but secretly smiling to herself. The conversation became quite fun, jumping back and forth, misbehaving. pure heart, without knowing it, kept her mind busy with laughter for some time.

Part of the conversation went as follows.......

pureheart:Smile

you are an inspiration to U/us all with your thoughtfulness, kindness, inner beauty and humility. It is a pleasure to know you, and call you a friend .. hugggs you tightly..... ps just HAD to go back and read the WHOLE of it again!!!! *giggles*

her:Shhh

Now, pure one, my niceness, beauty, and etc are suppose to be a secret. Here you are telling everyone. *sighs* Thank you pure one, for your thoughts and comments. i'll try to live up to the picture you have painted of me in your head.

pure heart: Smile *takes bugle ..summons E/everyone around* announces posting below for A/all to hear ... *grins* .. no way is it a secret now!!!! ROFL ....

her:Pinch

*GASPS* Now, i have to go tell Alan that you are being naughty again and that you DON'T deserve a spanking just for that. Hmmm... or DO deserve a spanking, depending of in you are a masochist or not.... are you? *laughs*

pureheart:Hmmm...

Sits looking demure and innocent ... fluttering eye-lashes ... would I EVER be naughty??!!! .... and as for being a masochist .... whispers reply indistinctly .... a discussion topic for some point then yes??!!!!

her:Tickle

Stop misbehaving. NO spankings, well i'll help my cause, i hope, by speaking with Alan. *sighs* you are going to give all my secrets away, and you are NOT innocent, fluttering your eyelashes. GROWLS *laughs*

her:Wink

Alan, Sir, i respectfully have to inform You, that pure one is misbehaving on my page. i told her, i would talk to You about no spankings as punishment. (smiles)

pureheart:Pinch

ROFL, just visited Alan ..and there I was thinking you were my friend!!!! *smiles*

***********

The frivolity helped saved her mind from thinking too much and the laughter helped to heal her heart. she knew that there were others out there that cared about her and for her. It was His loss to disappear from her world as she had much to offer.

Once again, she found her mouse trailing across the computer to the link for the chat site, Literotica. After several tries, she entered the Lounge and then her "home". A tingle of fear raced through her body at the sight of His name. He was there, in the room. she thought about leaving abruptly, but she had more strength than that. she wanted to prove to Him and to herself that she could cope in a mature, adult fashion with the situation that had arisen. she greeted those in the room and was surprised when He told her He was sending her a message.

she acknowledged His claim and merely stated she had not received anything. A few moments later, a message from Yahoo appeared. His apology appeared, telling her once again that His life had pulled Him away from the set up time to meet. He had been fishing with some children in the community. she did not give in too easily. she secretly thanked zenobia and sub.lingual for giving her those brief lessons, and proceeded to be exactly that, a bitch. she began asking her questions...

"How long does it take for a person to log online and leave a small sentence? How long does it take for someone to realize, a human being is around with a heart hurt and wounded by Your easy dismissal? Do You think Your time is more precious than mine?" He calmly stated that life always comes up, no matter what the heart might desire to do, and that He needed the time to work, sleep and deal with matters at hand. she felt the tug of her heart at His words. she knew He worked hard. she knew that in this way He was a very solid man.

her heart began to thaw, but her back bone stiffened. "If You are truly a Dom, wouldn't You expect more consideration from Your submissive? Would You not expect her to finish a task on time, or show up at the appointed time? How can a Dominant expect this from Their submissive, and yet, not show the same consideration for them?" When these questions etched into black and white onto the screen, her anger began to recede. He answered the questions, and she knew in her heart that she understood. How could she not understand His answers, she was connected to Him.

Tthey began chatting about day to day life. He talked about His job and the idiots He worked with. she talked about what she had filled her days with in His absence. As always, the easy conversation and camaraderie fell into place, and the ice thawed the tiniest bit more. she asked if He had paid attention to the point she had made. He told her He had gotten the hint, but that He had not realized the true effect He had on her. A whisper echoed in her mind that perhaps He was not as connected to her as she was to Him. Perhaps in the swing of things, she had felt what He had not.

After some time had passed, and her anger and hurt had dissipated, their talk turned to where He stood. He told her that He would be stupid not to stalk her. she merely laughed at this and chose not to comment. Secretly, in her heart, she hoped the stalking would be good. she wanted to know for sure that He sought after her as she did Him. He told her that when His head turned and saw her, and she sparked His interest, He was afraid. Pain from previous aspects of life caused Him to watch her in fear. There was a part of Him leery of opening Himself to her, afraid she would disappear. her only response was, "i am not the one who did not show up at the appointed times to talk, and why if You have been caused pain in Your life, would You want to hurt someone else so deeply?"

she felt in her mind that He was troubled. He responded, "Because I did not realize that I could hurt you as I have, and I will strive harder in the future not to hurt you at all. I may be a Dom, but I am also human. I have struggled and fought in My life. I have been hurt and put up walls. There is a reality that I have a life and in that life, I have experienced great pain. The fear of feeling that pain again can hold Me back, just as fear and pain can hold you back."

her heart broke a little inside, knowing that He had ever been hurt. she wanted to be there next to His side, holding Him, bringing Him comfort. Knowing pain in her own life, she opened her heart to Him, feeling the pain that He had been through. Always having a tender and giving heart, she reached out to Him, sharing and comforting Him. she did not forget His callousness and carelessness in disappearing on her, but she did remember her own pain and her own heart and allowed Him to once again step into her heart's inner embrace.

As their conversation ended, He made it clear that He did not know when He would be around again. she told Him not to set up times to talk with her. she would rather play a hit and miss game then to feel the pain of being alone again. Tthey parted ways amicably, and both knew in time, the possibility still existed for something to happen. she wandered into her bedroom. Laying down she thought about their conversation. she remembered His comment in passing about the fishing trip He had gone on before she fell into a sleep filled with thoughts of Him, a boat, fishing, and much, much more.