Her Pussy is Where?

"Her pussy is where?"

"Look at these pictures of naked human women I got off the internet on Earth!"

"Damn Samsaweel, now that is some strange stuff!"

"I suggest we fly our saucer from Uranus to Earth, Kawkabel, and check this out for ourselves."

"But we are green, Samsaweel. Those earthlings are either white, black, yellow, or red. I don't see any that are green. We will stick out like a sore green thumb. Not to mention that our ears, noses, and feet are much larger than that of average humans. And our penises—"

"Yes, Kawkabel, that does present somewhat of a problem," Samsaweel interrupted. "I know! We'll go on Halloween. Nobody will give us a second glance, what with all those earthlings in costume."

* * *

"Wow, Sarah, that is some outfit!" my friend Rachel complimented when I got to her house to pick her up for the big Halloween shindig.

"Well, the party is at the Altar Bar in the Strip District. It used to be St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church. I thought this sinful nun costume would be quite appropriate."

Rachel looked me over closely, admiring the black vinyl miniskirt with elbow-length sleeves, white cross graphics, a bust cutout, and a high-cut white collar. White buckle-strap accents at the shoulders and on matching black wristlets gave the costume an extra-naughty edge.

I stared at Rachel's strange costume quizzically. "So what are you supposed to be, girlfriend?"

"A one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater."

"Oh, I should have guessed! And what sort of people do you eat?"

"Hot redheads with great tits and long legs that won't quit who are wannabe nuns."

"We'll be late for the party."

"Yeah, so what?" Rachel held my face in her hands and kissed me sweetly. "Let's make out," she cooed, as she stripped off the scary-looking costume.

Rachel reminded me of a certain top runway model. Her long jet-black hair contrasted dramatically with her chalk-white skin. And oh how those small but perfectly-formed breasts with large pointy nipples just dared to be sucked. She pushed me down gently on the futon in the living room and began to kiss me passionately and nibble my neck. She slipped a hand down the front of my top and began to play with my nipples.

"Eat me, Rachel, I'm ready," I soon suggested.

"That's what I lick 'er I mean like, an eager beaver," she jested.

Rachel got down on her knees as I lay back on the futon. She lifted up my skirt, pulled my panties off, kissed the inner part of my thighs, and made designs on them with the tip of her tongue. She came close to my pussy and then floated away as I started to moan.

"Quit teasing me, Rachel!" I pleaded. "Please eat me now. You got me so revved up."

Rachel licked the crease where my legs join my pussy. She nuzzled her face into my little red bush and brushed her lips over my slit but without pressing down on it. I began to buck and strain to get more of me closer to her, and she put her lips right on top of my slit, kissing me gently, and then harder. She used her tongue to separate my pussy lips and when I opened up, she ran her tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh, as she gradually spread my legs more with her hands. And then she tongue-fucked me, quickly pushing her tongue in and out of my wet pussy, alternating between slow and fast thrusts.

"Oh yeah, I just love horny purple people eaters," I babbled ecstatically.

Rachel started to suck slowly on my clit, as if she were giving it a blowjob. She gradually increased the intensity of the sucking, and added a little flick now and again. Then she swirled her tongue around the tip of my clit while sucking the base of it. As my clit throbbed in her mouth, she rolled her tongue into a tube around the shaft of my clit and slid it up and down, making her tongue like a little pussy for my clit to fuck.

"Oh yeah . . . ohhhhh . . . yeah oh yeah . . . ahhhhh . . ." I moaned over and over as I thrashed about.

My legs shuddered, and then I lost it, squeezing my thighs against the sides of Rachel's face. I cried out some words a nun shouldn't be using, but Rachel didn't stop. No, she made me cum twice more. Afterwards, I was so grateful I reciprocated by flipping her bean until she was satiated from multiple orgasms and begged me to stop.

* * *

We eventually arrived at the party and mingled with the devils, pirates, clowns, and the like. They were having a contest for best costume, but we didn't really think any of them were particularly innovative or impressive. Not until these two extraordinarily strange-looking green dudes hit on us. Rachel whispered to me she thought the make-up job on them was much better than for most horror flicks.

Just as we started talking to them, my ex-boyfriend showed up and started ranting and raging at me about my dumping him because he cheated on me, so my attention was directed to him. The men in green focused on Rachel. They introduced themselves as Kawkabel and Samsaweel. I strained to tune out my ex and tune in the conversation between Rachel and the two of them.

"So what are you two dudes supposed to be?" Rachel inquired. "You're too frigging big to be leprechauns. Dang, those big fake ears sure look real."

"Let's go outside and use my telescope to examine the rings around Uranus," Kawkabell suggested.

"Huh? Now look here pal, it's a little early in our relationship to start talking about anal sex," she snapped.

"He's talking about the planet, Uranus," Samsaweel advised. "We're homesick."

"Oh, I get it now. You two guys are supposed to be aliens from Uranus."

"Yes!" they both blurted in unison.

"Well, I was going to guess Martians, you know, so I was close. Hey, I have an alien story. A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink. Suddenly an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger, and sticks in the guy's ear. The guy is a little annoyed, but he doesn't say anything. The next thing he knows, the alien does it again. This time the guy tells the alien to knock it off. Five minutes later it happens again. This time the guy screams at the alien to stop. Ten minutes later, the guy has a finger in his ear again. The guy jumps up and yells, 'If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!' The alien thinks about it for a minute, and then does it one more time. The guy jumps up and pulls the alien's pants down. Nothing is there! In frustration the guy asks, 'How do you screw?' The alien smiles and sticks its finger in the guy's ear."

"That's not very funny," Kawkabel chastised. "Let me assure you that aliens from Uranus don't screw like that. And we have penises—very large ones as a matter of fact."

"Yeah right, dude," Rachel replied sarcastically. "But on the subject of large penises, here's another story. Two aliens landed near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. 'Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump of course didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun and shouted impatiently, 'Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire! The other alien called to his comrade, 'No, you don't want to make him mad!' But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them a couple hundred feet in the air, and they landed abruptly on the ground in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, 'What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?' The other alien answered, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him.' Now is that funny or what?"

Samsaweel shrugged, looked at Kawkabel with a puzzled expressed, and asked quite seriously, "I can't wrap my penis around myself twice and stick it in my ear, can you?"

Kawkabel thought about it briefly and responded, "Never tried it, actually. But I know one thing—we didn't come to Earth in peace—we came for piece."

Rachel continued with, "Here's one about a nun like my friend Sarah. This nun hottie was walking in the woods by the convent one day, when this man jumps out of the bushes and has his way with her. After he finishes he asks, 'What will you tell the Holy Father now, Sister?' She answers, 'I must tell the truth! I will say I was walking in the woods and a man jumped out from the bushes and raped me twice, unless you're tired.' Is that hilarious or what? Sister Sarah here would probably have been raped more than twice."

"I really do have a telescope that can see Uranus," Kawkabel insisted, bored with Rachel's stories.

"Yeah, right, and my girlfriend there is really a nun," she retorted.

"Come outside and I'll prove it to you," he offered.

"If you're lying, you have to furnish me and my girlfriend with free drinks all night."

"That's a deal," he agreed.

Rachel winked at me as they got up and left the table.

* * *

Rachel returned to the Halloween party about two hours later. She looked dazed and confused, and her one-eyed one-horned flying purple eater costume was on backwards.

"Rachel, were you smoking dope with those two dudes?" I interrogated. "I told you to lay off that stuff! It makes you act like a dope."

"No Sarah, those two green guys . . . they . . . they . . ."

"What, Rachel, what?"

"Well, I'm not sure exactly, but my pussy hurts real bad, and my other hole hurts even worse. Not to mention that my mouth feels like it has been stretched to my ears."

"Okay Rachel, start at the beginning and maybe you can remember. They took you outside. Where did you go?"

"Yeah, we went outside and they led me beyond the parking lot to a field where a large unusual object sat. 'What in the world is that?' I asked, dumfounded. 'That's our flying saucer,' Samsaweel replied matter-of-factly. 'Would you like to come aboard?' I replied, 'No thanks. I'm impressed how you two dudes went all out on this alien from Uranus thing, but you're weirding me out. I'm going back to the party.' I turned to walk away. And then they grabbed me."

"So what happened next?" I urged her on as she paused, trying to collect her thoughts.

"Inside the flying saucer, they had a big bed. Maybe it was more like a large examination table. They removed my costume and restrained me. Then they placed some sort of device on my bare chest. They seemed fascinated with my breasts and began fondling them, as they conversed in a language I didn't understand. I seem to recall becoming somewhat sexually aroused."

"What then?" I prodded, impatient to hear the sordid details.

"I can't remember much after that. Only that when they released me I felt like I had a profound mystical experience, accompanied by a feeling of oneness with God or the universe."

"Did you ever have that feeling before? What did it remind of you of?"

"Multi-orgasms, only intensified a hundred times."

"Can you remember anything else?"

"Uh . . . they had huge penises. Biggest I've . . . uh . . . ever seen. I keep seeing those monster green cocks in my mind."

"Bigger than that black dude you dated for a couple months before you decided you were a lesbian, at least for awhile? Wow, how about that time we all went skinny dipping? I couldn't believe how big his was. Hung like a frigging horse."

"Oh, their green cocks are much bigger."

And then it dawned on me. Rachel had been abducted by aliens from Uranus. But nobody would believe it. They could be plotting to destroy our civilization. I needed to get some sort of evidence. A plan came into focus for me. I walked outside to the parking lot and stopped at my car. I fetched various items I thought might be useful like the Glock 26 I kept under the seat. There is no other compact pistol that can match the Glock for firepower and safety features, and you can carry a round in the chamber. The trigger has to be pulled all the way back for the striker to be released. Another advantage is that there are no external safeties or hammer to catch on your clothing or gouge you. I stuffed my purse with other things like the Make Your Own Dildo Kit I had just got via the mail and picked up at the Post Office that afternoon. I had an empty container that had contained vitamin pills I thought might prove useful. Oh, and my knife. Every witch needs one like mine.

Then I headed for the location that Rachel had described and located what she had called a flying saucer. The door to the craft was ajar, and I went in. There was Kawkabel and Samsaweel utilizing what appeared to be some strange sort of communication device.

"Okay, you motherfucking aliens, put your hands up!" I yelled, as I pointed the Glock at them.

"What kind of ray gun is that?" Samsaweel asked, snickering.

"You two do exactly as I say or I'll blow your balls off!" I screamed.

"Go ahead, make my day," Kawkabel responded, making a sound that almost sounded like a giggle.

"I'm not really going to shoot you," I said with a sigh as I lowered the Glock, "but I'm pretty fucking pissed off!"

"Wouldn't matter anyway since we're invincible to pain and such," Samsaweel offered. "You see, we are immortal. Unfortunately, the female of our species had no such luck. We no longer have any females on our planet. That is why we have come to your Earth. To check out the pussy."

I was skeptical about the immortality bit, so I just addressed his last comment."You fucked my girlfriend! In every hole!"

"That we did, my dear," Kawkabel responded in a sympathetic tone, "and let me assure you that she loved every minute of it. She begged for more and more and more. Until she lost consciousness."

"Are you going to destroy Earth?" I asked.

"No no," Samsaweel tried to assure me. "We have concluded that your females are not compatible with us. Sexually perhaps, but we could never coexist with females such as your girlfriend and yourself on anything but a temporary basis. And I'm talking hours and not days here."

"Oh, and why not?"

"You Earth babes talk too much," he responded. "The females we knew on Uranus before they became extinct never spoke. Perhaps because their genitalia was right under their nose, in the spot where you have what I believe you call your mouth. We can shut you Earth girls up for awhile by sticking our dicks in your mouth, but we could never tolerate the constant yapping at other times. You have a pretty mouth, young lady. I must say, however, your girlfriend is not very good at performing fellatio. We had to force her mouth open and do all the work. The girls on Mars are dog ugly, but they can suck a golf ball through a hose."

"I'll make you a deal," I suggested. "You two let me make a model of your penises, and I will suck your cocks good, real good. Better than some Martian whores, for sure. My girlfriend is mostly a lesbian, and usually gets her fucking from a strap-on dildo. She prefers to suck clit and not cock. Although on occasion she does like some real dick. Now me, I love to suck cock, and I'd like to show you two dudes just how much."

Kawkabel and Samsawel conferred momentarily, and then the latter said, "That seems like a reasonable proposition to us. Please proceed."

"Get those strange-looking space suits off," I ordered, now believing I had control of the situation. They did. I gasped.

"What's the matter?" Samsaweel asked.

"Oh . . . uh . . . nothing. I . . . uh . . . hmmm," I stuttered as I couldn't help but stare at their crotches. "Now, we have to get you hard to make the model." I fondled their penises with my hands and rubbed the heads on my lips, seductively giving a hint of what was soon to come. It didn't take long. They started to get all worked up and I stopped with the teasing action. "Whoa boys. You'll get your chance to blow your wads down my throat. We have another job to do first, before you get your blowjobs."

I mixed the required amounts of water and molding powder and poured it into the molding tubes. I slid the tubes over their penises, and placed their balls into the attached cups. The moulds gelled within minutes, and I pulled them off their packages and set them aside.

"Now we get our blowjobs, right?" Samsaweel asked exitedly.

"I promised I'd blow your balls off, didn't I? Just watch me!"

I took one big cock in my right hand and the other in my left hand. I put one in my mouth and slid my moistened tongue over the head until my lips closed around the shaft just behind the corona, and began to slide about half of it in and out of my mouth. After about a dozen repetitions, I removed it and stroked it with my hand as I put the other one between the lipstick.

"Oh yeah baby, that's it. Suck the one-eyed spit monkey, Earth slut!" Kawkabel roared as he tried to push his cock further down my throat.

"You talk just like an Earth dude," I paused to comment.

"Suck mine now, Earth bitch!" Samsaweel demanded. "You talk way too much. I think you can get two big cocks from Uranus in your mouth at the same time."

"Yes, I probably can," I agreed. "I'm a witch and do magic tricks. I bet I can make your cocks disappear. You know, get it all the way down my throat. Would you like that?"

They both nodded like woodpeckers, as they pushed their peckers in my face.

"Gobble it, you chatty cunt!" Kawkabel urged.

"Yeah, tickle your tonsils!" Samsaweel added.

"Hey now, I like dudes talking dirty sometimes, but don't get carried away," I cautioned, "or instead of sticking your dicks in a warm, wet, willing mouth I might have another surprise in store. Like this." I produced the black-handled double-edged knife. "This is my athame. All witches have one for ritualistic ceremonies." I grabbed Samsaweel's cock and made a motion like I was going to cut if off.

"No, no!" he screamed.

"I thought you guys were invincible to pain and such?" But then I started to laugh hysterically. "The blade is rubber. It couldn't cut butter. I'm just playing with you boys!"

Their faces quickly turned from shock to relief. "Yeah, we appreciate a good joke in Uranus too," Kawkabel said gleefully. "You Earth girls are a hoot. Speaking of hooters, can we see yours? Your girlfriend has a real sweet pair. The females from Uranus had no breasts and the females from Mars have three, with no nipples. We like nipples."

I lowered my top.

"I sure could go for some of those fried eggs!" Samsaweel exclaimed with a whistle. "That's just how I like mine."

"Yeah, that's some set of penis squeezers!" Kawkabel agreed. "Can we fuck your tits?"

"Yep, you guys talk just like Earth dudes, like I said. Sure go ahead and get your titty fuck. My mouth needs a little rest, anyway." After I granted their wish for about ten minutes, I proposed, "So let's get back to the blowjobs, shall we?" There wasn't any argument.

Their monster cocks and my deepthroating promise brought to mind the trick I had learned on spring break in Costa Rica during my junior year of college. A local botanist had developed a strain of giant bananas and was giving them away for free as part of a taste-testing survey. One of the girls who went with me was infamous on campus for her deepthroating skill. We bet her she couldn't deepthroat one of those giant bananas. We couldn't believe she ate the whole thing. And then she taught me how to position myself to form a straight line between my head, mouth, and throat. Pop goes the banana. Right down my throat. I practiced until I could do it really good. Those giant bananas were about the size of the penises from Uranus I now contemplated.

I pulled Samsaweel by the penis to my mouth and took his cock in it to the entryway to my throat. I had to start and stop a bit to overcome my gag reflex. I slipped my tongue out a little further and slid it back into my mouth bringing his cock with it. Pop goes the cock. Right down my throat. All the way. My nose nuzzled his green pubic hair.