tagHumor & SatireHey, It's a Gal Thing!

Hey, It's a Gal Thing!

byBOSTONFICTIONWRITER©

"Hey, it's a gal thing!"

A hot girlfriend, expecting a different answer, asks her insensitive and self-centered boyfriend his favorite sexual act.

Knowing full well his answer, I asked my handsome boyfriend, my gorgeous lover, what was his favorite sexual act to do with me. Immediately, without giving it any thought he responded.

"Blow job. I love it when you blow me." He reached out his finger and touched my lips. "Oh, yeah, I love cumming in your mouth. I love it when you deep throat me, take me in deep, and swallow me."

His immediate response, as well as his selfish answer, surprised me. I figured, certainly, that his favorite sexual act to do with me was to eat me or when we have intercourse spending the day or the night making love in bed, on the living room carpet, in the bathroom, on the kitchen table, out on the back lawn, in the swimming pool or on the pool table. Nonetheless, I persevered.

"Okay, calm down, Tiger. I am surprised that blowing you is your favorite sexual act to do with me but, certainly, I believe it, since you responded so quickly." I twirled my curly, blonde hair in my fingers while looking up at his big, brown eyes giving him my sexiest look. "What is your next favorite sexual act to do with me?"

I knew, now, that he would either respond that he loved sucking my pussy or making love with me along with all the intimacy that it encompasses, kissing, touching, feeling, fondling, and caressing. My boyfriend is such a great kisser. I love feeling his lips and tongue all over my body. I love it when his kisses flow from my lips, to my neck, to my breasts, trail down my stomach, flowing down and back up my legs, until; finally, he spends time filling my pussy with his wet kisses and hot licks before plunging his long, thick cock deep inside of me and fucking me until I have orgasm after orgasm.

"That's easy. My second favorite sexual act to do with you is when you go down on me."

"Really!" I could feel my blue eyes bulge out with his self-regarding answer. I took a deep breath and relaxed my temper. "But, Honey, you already said that. You must really like it when I do that for you, huh?"

"Yes, I love it when you unzip me, take out my cock, and take your time with it." He reached out and touched my lips again with his index finger. "Oh, yeah, I love when you wear that ruby red lip gloss and get your lipstick on my dipstick."

I always thought that he enjoyed giving rather than receiving. Then, I remembered Christmas and birthdays when I am exceedingly generous to him and I am the one who gives rather than the one who receives. It is funny how you really do not know a person until you ask them some probing questions about their likes, dislikes, and preferences. Last Christmas he bought me a scarf and I bought him a complete wardrobe of clothes, including cologne and jewelry.

Even though my boyfriend is a big, dopey guy, I love him and I knew that eating me or making love and having intercourse had its place in the top three, so I asked him again.

"Okay, Freddie, but what is your third favorite sexual act to do with me?"

I batted my long eyelashes at him and gave him a sexy smile. This time he thought a minute before responding that he loves eating me or making love to me or fucking me and I smiled in anticipation of his correct answer.

"I love it when you suck my cock."

WTF! I could feel my blue eyes turning red. Surely, he forgot that sucking my pussy or making love or fucking was one of his favorite sexual things to do with me, if not his favorite sexual thing to do with me. I took another deep breath and counted to ten, again, before responding. I rephrased my question.

"Yeah, but, Sweetie, blowing you, going down on you, and sucking your cock are all the same answers."

I reflected on his blank stare trying to think how else I could rephrase the question to penetrate his thick, one track mind.

"They are not the same answers, Donna, at all," he said, finally, with a face full of confidence. "When you blow me, giving me a blow job or giving me head, that, usually, is a quickie in the car, in the elevator, in the men's room or, I fantasize, on the 50 yard line during a Patriots game," he said laughing while unzipping his fly to see if I would take the hint, fall to my knees, and blow him. "On the other hand," he said zipping himself back when I gave him a dirty look, "going down on me is when we have more time, usually on the bed in our bedroom or a swanky hotel during one of our vacations," he smiled that smile when he thinks that he knows everything. "Sucking my cock is when you are horny and just want to quickly satisfy your sexual urges while satisfying mine, too."

This guy is reading way too many stories on Literotica if he believes that women would rather give a blow job than to have her pussy eaten or to have intercourse or to get fucked. He really needs a reality check.

"Dearest, I love having your cock in my mouth but blowing you, going down on you, and sucking your cock is, trust me on this, more for you than it is for me," I said returning the smile that he smiles when he thinks that he knows everything. "Think of it as an appetizer before the main course or think of it as a sexy treat after you have taken care of me." He looked dumbstruck. "Now, let me ask you, again. When you are trying to please me and get me off, what is your fourth favorite sexual thing to do with me?"

He thought again before responding and, as if a lightning bolt illuminated his mind, he responded with lusty eagerness.

"Oh, I know, I enjoy turning you on and exciting you by having you feel my cock through my pants before you blow me, go down on me or suck me off."

This is crazy. Either he is saying this to aggravate me or he just does not get it and, at this rate, he will never get it, again. He has a one track mind when it comes to his sexual needs.

"And what else, Sugar?"

I was getting more than a bit annoyed that eating me or making love to me was not rolling off his lips. I could feel the vein in my neck pulsating with the anticipation of his next answer. Surely, he was pulling my leg trying to annoy me and, certainly, he was doing just that.

He thought again, this time it took him a bit longer to respond to my question.

"Oh, I love it when we cuddle before you eat me."

WTF! When we cuddle? Is he on drugs? Cuddling is not a sexual act. Yeah, I love to cuddle, too, but I am talking hardcore sex, here. Geez, he is such a typical guy and that is what a typical guy would say thinking that is what I want to hear. Cuddling my ass, he just wants a blow job.

"Honey, cuddling is hardly a sexual act," I said with a forced smile.

"It is for me, Sweetie," he said returning my smile. "It acts like foreplay before I stick my cock in your mouth."

"Okay, then, Freddie, what the fuck else is your fucking favorite sexual act to do with fucking me and not with fucking you?" Now, I was really getting pissed.

"Calm down. Why are you so angry, suddenly?

"Freddie, I am not angry."

"I cannot believe you are writing this down. Why are you writing this down?"

"I am, uhm, just making some notes."

"Donna, you have a numbered list."

"I'm just trying to know you better by finding out what you really like and do not like. So, you didn't answer my question. What is your next favorite sexual thing you like to do with me?"

"Geez, I don't know, Donna, uhm, oh, my God, I totally forgot. That's why you are getting irritated with me and with my answers. I should have put this at the very top of the list. I'm sorry, Honey." He kissed me on the lips and continued his kiss with his tongue. "That is why you are yelling at me and acting so tense suddenly."

"I am not yelling. I am not acting tense. I'm not tense. I'm relaxed, God damn it. I am so fucking relaxed that I could fall the fuck to sleep." I threw my note pad and pencil down on the table and watched as the pencil bounced off its eraser and rolled off the table and on to the floor. I took another deep breath. "All that I am trying to do is to have some open communication with you. Please feel free to say anything. I assure you that I am not put off by however fucking stupid you answer my questions."

"Okay, then, what I forgot to say and what I should have listed as my number one answer...can we move blowing me, going down on me, sucking my cock, and eating me down to numbers , 4, 5, and 6, 7, because those are not my top three favorite sexual things to do with you?"

"Of course, my love," I said with a smile. Finally, I was making progress.

"I absolutely love kissing you. You are a wonderful kisser. You blank my mind when you kiss me. Kissing is, without doubt, my number one sexual thing to do with you. Yes, kissing first, intercourse second, fucking third, blowing me fourth, going down on me fifth, sucking my cock, sixth, and eating me seventh. Oh, wait, I almost forgot."

Now, I figured that eating me was eighth, albeit pretty far down his list of sexual things to do with me. No matter, at least it made it to his list; at least, it was on the list of his favorite sexual things to do with me.

"Number eight is when you give me a hand job. I love it when you jerk me off and let me give you a cum bath with my cum dripping off your face and all over your breasts."

"Geez, Baby, what about me?"

"About you? What do you mean about you? You asked me questions about my most favorite sexual things that I like to do with you and not the sexual things that you like to do with me." He gave me a thoughtful look. "Oh, I know, I almost forgot. My number nine is boning you up the ass, anal sex." He smiled. "I love bending you over and giving it to you good like that when I am all heated up."

I folded my arms across my breasts and sulked. Suddenly, I got quiet and did not look at him.

"What? What's the matter with you all of a sudden? Why are you mad at me?"

"Mad? I'm not mad at you."

"Yes, you are. After living with you for three years I know when you are mad."

"I just thought you loved eating me," I said with my saddest look. "And giving me pleasure orally is not even on your list. Seriously, you'd rather have a hand job than to lick my pussy?"

He laughed and put his big arm around my waist pulling me closer. God, how I love feeling his muscular arms around me, it makes me feel safe. He makes me wet when he holds me tight like that.

"Yes, of course, I love eating your pussy, Sweetie, but that is not my favorite thing sexual thing to do with you." He gave me a look. "Okay, move everything down, again, and insert eating your pussy to number eight."

I kicked him in his ankle.

"Ouch, I meant to say, number four. Yeah, giving you oral sex, eating your pussy, is my fourth favorite thing to do with you after fucking you," he said rubbing his ankle. "Okay?"

"Well, that's more like it, then," I said with a smile picking up the pad and pencil and quickly changing the order of his answers and inserting eating me at number four.

"Okay," he said, "let me ask you a question, then. What is your favorite sexual act to do with me?"

"Never mind. I do not want to continue this conversation. It's asinine, now."

"C'mon, don't be a baby. You are the one who started this. Answer my question. What is you favorite sexual thing to do with me?"

I put my head down, folded my arms under my breasts, and answered his question without looking up at him.

"I like it when you eat me?"

"See! I knew it!"

I could tell by the way he responded that he was pissed at me. I looked up at him and sure enough, he was giving me that look.

"I'm sorry but I like it when you eat me. I love it when you suck my pussy. That is my favorite sexual thing to do with you."

"You are so typical."

"Geez, you say that like there is something wrong with that." I threw my hands up in the air. "Hey, it's a gal thing."

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