tagHumor & SatireHey, It's a Guy Thing!

Hey, It's a Guy Thing!

byBOSTONFICTIONWRITER©

"Hey, it's a guy thing!"

Knowing full well her answer, I asked my girlfriend what was her favorite sexual act to do with me. Immediately, without giving it any thought she responded.

"Intercourse."

Her immediate response surprised me as much as her answer. I figured, certainly, that her favorite sexual act to do with me was to blow me. Nonetheless, I persevered.

"Okay, I'm a bit surprised that is your favorite sexual act and that you responded so quickly. What is your next favorite sexual act to do with me?"

I knew, now, that she would respond that she loved giving me oral sex and allowing me to cum in her mouth.

"That's easy. My second favorite sexual act to do with you is when you go down on me."

"Really!?"

I always thought that she enjoyed giving rather than receiving. Then, I remembered Christmas and birthdays when I am exceedingly generous to her and I am the one who gives rather than the one who receives. It is funny how you really do not know a person until you ask them some probing questions about their likes, dislikes, and preferences. Last year she bought me a necktie and I bought her a complete wardrobe of clothes, not including perfume and jewelry.

"Yes, I love it when you finger fuck me while licking my pussy."

I knew that blowing me had its place in the top three, so I asked her again.

"Okay, Laura, but what is your third favorite sexual act to do with me?"

This time she thought a minute before responding that she loves blowing me and I smiled in anticipation of her correct answer.

"I love it when you play with my clit and bring me to orgasm with your fingers."

Surely, she forgot that blowing me was one of her favorite sexual things to do with me, if not her favorite sexual thing to do with me. I rephrased my question.

"Yeah, but, Honey, when it comes to me, what is your fourth favorite thing to do with me?"

She thought again before responding and as if a lightning bolt illuminated her mind, she responded with lusty eagerness.

I enjoy it immensely when you feel me up, play with my tits, and suck my nipples."

"And what else? I was getting more than a bit annoyed that blowing me was not rolling off her lips. Surely, she was pulling my leg trying to annoy me and, certainly, she was doing just that.

She thought again, this time it took her a bit longer to respond to my question.

"Oh, I love it when we cuddle."

WTF! When we cuddle? Is she on drugs? Cuddling is not a sexual act. Geez. She is a typical girl and that is what a typical girl would say. Cuddling my ass.

"Honey, cuddling is hardly a sexual act, love."

"It is for women, Sweetie."

"Okay, then, what else is your favorite sexual act to do with me?" Now, I was getting pissed.

"I cannot believe you are writing this down. Why are you writing this down?"

"I'm not. I'm, uhm, just making some notes."

"Freddie, you have a numbered list."

"I'm just trying to know you better by finding out what you really like and do not like. So, you didn't answer my question. What is your next favorite sexual thing you like to do with me?"

"I don't know, Freddie, uhm, oh, my God. I totally forgot. That's why you are getting irritated with me and with my answers. I should have put this at the very top of the list. I'm sorry, Honey." She kissed me on the lips and continued her kiss with her tongue. "That is why you are acting suddenly so tense."

"I'm not acting tense. I'm not tense. I'm relaxed, God damn it." I threw my note pad and pencil down on the table and watched as the pencil bounced off its eraser and rolled off the table and on to the floor. I took a deep breath. "All that I am trying to do is to have some open communication with you. Please feel free to say anything. I assure you that I am not put off by however you answer my questions."

"Okay, then, what I forgot to say and what I should have listed as my number one answer...can we move intercourse down to my number two favorite sexual thing to do with you?"

"Of course, my love."

"Is kissing, I absolutely love kissing you. You are a wonderful kisser. You blank my mind when you kiss me. That is, without doubt, my number one sexual thing to do with you. Yes, kissing first, intercourse second, playing with my pussy third, sucking my tits fourth, and—"

"Geez, Baby, what about me?"

"About you? What do you mean about you? You asked me questions about the sexual things that I like to do with you and not the sexual things that you like to do with me."

I stuck my hands deep in my pockets and paced. Suddenly, I got quiet and did not look at her.

"What? What's the matter with you, all of a sudden? Why are you mad at me?"

"Mad? I'm not mad at you."

"Yes, you are. After living with you for three years I know when you are mad."

"I just thought you loved blowing me. I thought sucking my cock would be your number one answer, surely in the top three. Yet, now we are down to cuddling and blowing me is no where on the list."

She laughed and flicked back her hair. God, how I love when she flicks back her blonde hair. For some inexplicable reason, that is so damn sexy. I just love it when she does that.

"Yes, of course, I love sucking your cock, Sweetie, but that is not my favorite thing sexual thing to do with you." She gave me a look. "Okay, let me ask you a question, then. What is your favorite sexual act to do with me?"

"Never mind. I do not want to continue this conversation. It's asinine."

"C'mon, don't be a baby. You are the one who started this. Answer my question. What is you favorite sexual thing to do with me?"

I put my head down, pulled my hands from my pocket, folded my arms, and answered her question without looking up at her.

"I like it when you blow me?"

"What!?"

I could tell by the way she responded that she was pissed at me. I looked up at her and sure enough, she was giving me that look.

"I said; I like it when you blow me. That is my favorite sexual thing to do with you."

"I knew it! You are so typical."

"Geez, you say that like there is something wrong with that. Hey, it's a guy thing."

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