Hole

There comes a time in a boy's life when he has to dig a hole, when he's explored the x and y axis of his environment to the limits of his capabilities and the z axis now attracts his attention and he wonders what's under his feet, and so for a season that may last weeks or months or maybe even a year, he's obsessed with digging and seeing how deep into the earth he can go. He's heard vague stories about China and Australia being under there, and about there being molten rock and magma, or maybe gold and diamonds or dinosaur bones and Indian arrow heads, and so he gets a shovel and he enlists the aid of a friend and they begin to dig their hole. And how deep it gets depends on the strength of their imagination and curiosity on also on what they might find along the way that keeps them digging, and on the special psychology of boys that age, just before the winds of puberty start blowing.

For Billy Butala and Jason Ochsman, the hole went down better than two feet, down past the soil and beyond the hardpan that underlay it, and to get through that they had to use Billy's Dad's pick that had stood in the garage since the divorce five years ago, and to do that they'd had to pull it free of the cobwebs and spider eggs by snagging it with the flat edge of the spade and grabbing the handle and dragging it free wearing the white garden gloves their moms had given them while jumping around hysterically and screaming because they were both sure they felt the mother spiders crawling on them and biting them for stealing and killing their horrible egg-babies.

The hole was out behind Billy's back yard, past the old toppled cottonwood that served to screen their activities from Billy's mom in the house, because digging a hole was a secret operation, so secret that they even stopped when Tracy, Jason's little sister, came by to watch, when by silent agreement they'd just start cleaning up the sides of the hole or neatening up the dirt pile but never going any deeper. Digging a hole was secret, and—though they never would have said it or even known it—was somehow sexual too. There was something sexual and lewd in what they were doing to the earth, and they both felt it in the backs of their minds, and so they stopped whenever Tracy came around and they never ever discussed the hole with grown-ups.

And their instincts were right. There instincts were right when, on the third day of excavating, Jason's shovel hit something that didn't feel like gravel or rock anymore, or even like a root, but more like leather or skin, and they got down on their knees in the cold earth and brushed and dug away the clay and rocks and found what appeared to be a huge tube of some kind, semi-transparent and flowing with some thick, sluggish liquid.

They both looked at each other and the thing began to pulse. It looked like a big slug of mud was sliding through it, and at this they both yelled and scrambled out of the hole and started to run.

They ran too fast though and Billy's legs gave out and he fell not twenty paces into his backyard and Jason went back for him. He looked back at the hole but he didn't see any geyser or feel the ground rumbling so he figured they hadn't damaged anything. He and Billy went back to the hole and looked down into it at the tube.

"Holy shit!" Jason said, because they talked like that when they were alone, and Jason swore more because his father was dead. "Do you know what this is? It's a fucking vein or an artery or something!"

"You're fucking crazy!"

"The fuck I am! Look! It's bleeding!"

There was a puncture where Billy must have hit it with the pick and an ochre-colored gruel was dripping out of it. It looked like dog shit.

"Man! You hurt it, Billy! You wounded it, man!"

"Fuck did not!"

"You were using the pick! That's a pick hole, dick-head! It's bleeding!"

Billy picked up the spade and pushed the blade into the semi-soft solid that was dripping out of the hole. It stuck to the iron and he pulled it back. He touched it and rubbed it between his fingers.

"It's smooth," he said. "Like butter. I thought it would be sandy."

Jason touched it and rubbed it between his fingers too, then wiped his fingers on his leg.

"Gross, man! It could be shit or something. Maybe it's some kind of sewer pipe!"

"Why would there be a sewer pipe out here?"

"Let's cover it up."

They began to shovel dirt back on top of it. It was late in the autumn, and the dark gathered quickly and with it the cold, and they only got about five or six inches of dirt over the thing before they were too tired and their hands too raw to go any farther.

"That's enough," Jason said. "It's covered. Let's get out of here."

"What do you mean, Jase? Are we done with the hole? Are we just going to quit?"

"For now we are, yeah."

They put the shovels back in Billy's garage, and with the lights on, they weren't so scared anymore.

"What do you think it was?" Billy asked.

"I don't know. Maybe it was like a vein like in a mine. You know, they always talk about a vein of minerals. Maybe that's what they're talking about."

Billy read more than Jason. "No way, fuckhole! A vein is like when the stuff is just stuck there in the rock, not like a vein like in people. That's part of some creature or something."

"You're bullshit, man. That thing would be humongous! That's like Godzilla-sized. No way they would have built Willowcrest on top of a monster like that!"

"What if it wakes up?"

"It's not a fucking monster, dude. There are no monsters like that," Jason said. Since his father had left his mother for his karate instructor, Jason had given a lot of thought to monsters and was terrified of them, so his pronouncement had the certainty of one who had thought long and hard about it. Jason's mother had assured him many times there were no monsters hibernating underground below Willowcrest Homes.

"Well, just don't tell anyone about it."

"No, man. Our secret. We might become millionaires from this!"

"Millionaires, man! You're right!"

"Mansions, man! Fucking-ay!"

"Hummer stretch limo, man! Dude!"

They parted, and as Billy went in his house, Jason ran for home as fast as he could, and try as he might, he couldn't stop the horrible sound that came from his mouth, like the a wounded animal might make.

%%%%%

"Okay Jill, where's this hole?"

"It's back here somewhere. There, Ray. Look—" she grabbed his hand with the flashlight and pushed it up till it was shining on the pile of dirt. "See. There's where they were digging! Christ! I'm amazed they didn't get to China! No wonder that kid gets so filthy!"

"And what are we supposed to find out here?"

"I don't know. Some kind of vein or artery in the hole. I don't know, maybe some animal got killed. You're the great white hunter, Ray. You look at it and tell me. I don't want to get close to it."

"The kid was pretty spooked by it, huh?"

"He was goddamned hysterical and got worse as the night went on. At first, you know, I figured, 'Well Jesus, this kid's going to get it! Look at how filthy he is and I just bought him those jeans!' so I sent him up to take a bath. And then he starts calling for me from the tub, and then he's crying and blubbering about this thing in the hole, a vein or something."

"Probably a root. He's just got the Halloween jitters. You should have let him go out trick or treating, Jill. How'd you get him to bed?"

"He doesn't need all that excitement and all that candy, Ray. He's hyper enough as it is. I just gave him some Nyquil. A mother's best friend. Well I had to, Ray. You were coming over."

"Yeah. So I come over for my trick or treat and you've got me freezing my balls off out here. This isn't the kind of hole I want to be exploring, Jill."

"Ray! You're gross!"

"Ahh! Gross, but you love it!"

They had to backtrack to get to a part of the cottonwood they could climb over. Ray shined his light up into the trees. There was a gusty, insistent wind and the trees were tossing as if in fitful dreams. The clouds were sliding like razors across the moon, and everything seemed to be fleeing, fleeing. This time of year there were just a few crickets left in the high weeds, and autumn seemed to have the world by the throat.

"Spooky out here," he said. He held the light under his face and turned on her. "Boo!" He laughed. The house was only thirty yards away, but with just the kitchen lights on and the light in the hall outside Billy's room, it looked strangely forlorn and deserted. His joke wasn't funny.

He gave her his hand and helped her over the tree. The bark was rotten and where it fell away, pale white insects scurried for cover. He was surprised they were still active this late in the year. They should be hibernating or dead by now. They walked over to the hole.

"It's a hole," he said. "Nothing in there. Not even a root. Let's get back to the house."

"He said they covered it over with dirt. Brush the dirt aside, Ray."

"Come on, Jill!"

"I promised him I'd look. I keep promises to my kids."

Ray stepped down into the hole. There was a plastic shovel lying on the side of the hole and he picked it up and bent over. It was a pretty big hole—almost as big as a bath tub—and when he got his head below the surface it was like another world. It smelled like clay and wet dirt and stone and the secrets of the earth he remembered from his own childhood, of things buried and hidden, shameful things and thoughts you didn't tell anyone, not even the buddies you were digging with.

He put the thoughts out of his mind and begin to scoop the soft backfill out of the way with the plastic beach shovel, using the moonlight for illumination when he hit something, something leathery

"Yeah," he said. "I hit something. It feels like a root. Hold the light Jill."

She took the light and he bent over, brushing at the dirt with his hands.

"What the fuck...?"

"What is it Ray? What is that thing? God, it's moving, isn't it? Jesus, Ray! What [I]is[/I] that?"

"I don't know. There's something oozing out of it. It's not a pipe. I've never seen a pipe like that. This stuff... It feels like lard or Crisco or something. It's not dirt, that's for sure. Christ, I feel... God! I'm going to be sick. Get away, Jill. Don't look! Oh Christ!"

He pulled himself out of the hole and staggered a few feet away, leaned over with his hands on his knees and began to vomit, and Jill pulled the light off him. turning away from the repulsive sounds as he emptied his stomach and she heard the flat, splattering sound as it landed in the grass.

Again he heaved and she put her hands over her ears, fighting down the urge to retch herself. She closed her eyes and tried to think of the beach, of her honeymoon at Mazatlan. The clean white sand, the sparkling blue water—clean, clean, everything had been so clean. And warm.

She opened her eyes and swallowed heavily, heard Ray coughing. She breathed though her mouth in case there was any smell and looked up at the wildly tossing leaves of the trees. They seemed possessed, positively insane, as if they were trying to reach down and get her. What was wrong with the trees? What was wrong with the world?

She was suddenly terrified and she turned around, shining the light on the hole and then up at Ray, but Ray was gone, the spot he'd been standing in was empty, and fear made her head spin. A tramped line of grass heading off into the woods the only sign of his passing. She swung the light and could just see him entering the woods down by the stream, moving wildly, swinging his arms like a man possessed, desperate to get to the tree line.

"Ray! Ray! Where are you going! What's wrong? Ray! Come back!"

The wind swooped down upon her, blowing her hair in her face. Sand and grit from the dirt pile blew in her face and she turned away, stung, then sidled up to the hole. She turned and looked down and saw Ray's footprints and the marks from the little shovel in the soft dirt the boys had piled into the hole. Through the hole he had made she saw the surface of something glistening, something that looked alive, organic. It did look like a vein or an artery, and she could see something moving inside it, some thick, viscous material like peanut butter or some terrible earthy phlegm.

The very sight of it made her sick, made her queasy, and she turned from it only to suddenly feel eyes upon her—savage eyes, predator eyes from the woods and she was suddenly afraid for him.

"Ray!" she called. "Ray! Where are you?"

She scanned the tree line with the powerful flashlight but all she saw were the mute trunks and the wildly tossing branches. Above her she heard branches creaking as they rubbed together and she felt the presence of the hole in the darkness and that hideous vein.

A glimmer of motion off to the left caught her eye and she sung the light in time to see Ray emerging from the woods, pulling himself up from the stream by holding onto the branches. He waved at her when the light hit him.

"Oh thank God!" she muttered, then she yelled: "Ray! What happened to you? You scared the hell out of me!"

He came trudging through the blowing grass. His pants legs were soaked.

"God! I had to get the taste of puke out of my mouth! I can't stand that. It'll just keep making me barf if I don't. Come on, honey. Let's get back to the house, huh?"

"Ray, what happened? Why'd you get sick? What's that thing in the hole, Ray? It looks like a vein or something!"

"I don't know. Some root or something , Some vein. I don't know and I don't want to find out. Let's call someone. The police or something. Let's just get back to the house and forget about it."

She stared at him incredulously. "What are you saying, Ray? There's something weird in the ground here and it's right near my home! It's near where me and my baby sleep, Ray! What is it? The earth doesn't have veins in it, Ray. The earth isn't alive. There's something freaky going on here and I want to know what it is. This is my back yard!"

He turned on her and he yelled back. "Well what do you want me to do about it? I don't know what the fuck it is, Jill! I touched some of that shit and it made me sick! It's bad stuff, it's evil, I know that much! Jesus Christ, Jill! You know how much bad shit people bury in the earth? All the bodies and the garbage and corruption? I don't know what that thing is but it looks like it's some kind of waste thing, some kind of waste disposal system, I don't know. Maybe the earth is growing a set of kidneys or something. I'm just not messing with it!"

The wind came up hard, the trees tossing frantically as if to second his words and Jill had to duck her head to protect her eyes from the flying grit. The night was insane. It was like she was on a cliff overlooking the ocean instead of a Midwestern suburb.

"You're goddamned out of your mind, you know that?" she swore.

She aimed the light at the hole and marched over. Ray stayed were he was, several yards away, the legs of his jeans blowing in the wind. Jill slowed down when she got to the edge of the hole and pointed the light at the bottom. The vein was dusted with dirt and pebbles, but it definitely was translucent and flowing with something, pulsing as if with a heartbeat, and as she watched, the wall opposite where she was standing began to pulse too, then cracked, fissured, and slumped into the hole, revealing a massive heart-like object as big as a large pumpkin, glistening red and purple in the beam of the light, rivulets of dirt spilling from it.

"Oh Jesus God!" she screamed. "Ray! Ray!"

He walked over and stared, then took the light from her hand. She was shaking too much to hold it. She grabbed onto him and pressed herself against him.

"Ray! My God, what is that? What is it?"

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know."

The thing rolled slightly back and forth as it beat, pressing out a little nest for itself in the damp earth. It was traced with more veins and was definitely organic. The beats were very slow, almost relaxed, hypnotic, and it trembled after each beat. With each contraction, a thick, viscous bolus of the gruel slid within the vein and disappeared into the darkness at the other side of the hole.

The wild, wind-driven bowing and dancing of the trees seemed suddenly ominous, as if the boughs were paying homage to this obscene spectacle of naked life revealed, as if they expected Ray and Jill to bow down as well.

"Come on," Ray said, taking her arm. "Let's get back to the house. Come on."

They walked back, his arm around her, the yard suddenly seeming dark and vast. The wind seemed to be coming straight from the hole now, blowing upon their backs.

"There's things in the earth," he said. "You know that when you're a boy. You know that when you start to dig. Secrets and lies. Everyone takes their sins to the earth, Jill.. They plant them down there with the worms and the grubs..."

"But what was that thing, Ray? It was like a big heart or something."

"I don't know. It was— You know. It might have been some fungus thing. I heard once they get huge underground. Maybe it's some kind of weird fungus or something. It must be something like that. What else could it be. Hurry up, baby. I'm freezing,. My feet are wet and that wind is freezing!"

They walked across the patio and into the kitchen. Ray kicked his boots off and went to the bathroom to clean up while Jill ran upstairs to check on Billy. He was sleeping, dead to the world. His window was open a crack and the wind was whistling in, making his curtains flutter in a way that upset her so she closed and locked it, and from here she could see the fallen cottonwood and the hill of dirt, but not the hole. That made it almost worse, like it was planning something out in the darkness. That thing was out there.

She still had the light and she turned it on and shined it out the window, shined it on the grass. The beam just reached the trunk of the tree and lit up the weeds and she saw the hole but she couldn't see into it. Billy stirred in his sleep so she turned the light off and went to him.

She sat on his bed and felt his forehead to see if he had a fever but he was cool. She bent and kissed his head. He smelled like sun and sunflower seeds and his scent made her smile and feel warm inside. She kissed him again and ran her hand through his hair, then tucked him in and went downstairs.

Ray had made them rum and cokes in two glasses. He handed her one and lifted his in a quick toast then took a big pull and grimaced.

"Whooo! Does that taste nasty on top of toothpaste!" He added more liquor, then walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Jill followed him.

"You going to call someone?" she asked.

"I don't know. Who do you think I should call?"

"I don't know. Call the sheriff, or the fire department."

"Maybe the fire department." He turned and picked up the phone. "What are we going to tell them? Maybe the sheriff would be better. But then they'd come out here and wake up Billy and everything, lights flashing. So would the fire department. "

"Ray. You're just afraid they'd send Joe Schoeberg."

"Maybe I am. You still seeing him?"

"We said we wouldn't talk about him."

"You are, aren't you? You bitch. You said that was over."

"He's a friend, that's all."

"The hell he is. You're still fucking him, aren't you Jill?"

"Ray, you said you wouldn't."

"Damn you!"

"Ray, we still have to do something about that thing out there."

"I don't give a damn about that thing out there. I want to talk about things in here. Turn out that light."

"Ray, this is no joke."

He turned to her. "Turn out the light, Jill! It bothers me! I'm not even sure we saw something out there. We did see the same thing? What did you see?"

"God, Ray! I saw like a giant heart or something in that hole! And it was beating, and there was like a big vein going from it under the ground running through the hole..."