Home Early

With a wan smile Judy pulled her knees back to give me access. I told her I loved her, pushed forward and felt her hymen rip. She winced and I came!

I was mortified. I'd never cum so much in my life, or gone soft so quickly. I tried. I squeezed the base of my cock trying to hold the blood in to stay hard. I tried to push that limp noodle into her, but all I accomplished was to pull out of my condom.

Judy didn't say word but her quizzical expression spoke volumes. I blushed, "No, that's not supposed to be all there is, but... I just got too excited. I've wanted you so long you felt so good that I couldn't help it. The next time will be much better I promise."

Judy wasn't able to keep all the disappointment from her expression but her words were more than kind. "We've got a lifetime to get this right, and practice makes perfect. Are you ready to try again, now?"

I didn't have the courage or the heart to tell her that as much as I wished otherwise I required more than three minutes to re-charge. Instead I said, "I'd love to, but I only have one condom." I silently addedin my billfold. "I'm going to need to run to a drug store to buy more."

Judy looked skeptical, after all I had rented the room for two nights when we checked in, but bless her heart she didn't say anything. I said, "I'm going to clean up a bit and be back in no time."

I didn't actually take that long. By the time I'd bought another box, to go with the box I had in my overnight bag, I knew I was ready. The second time started out worse than the first. Because the first condom had slipped off I decided to use two the second time. Unfortunately, I slipped them on before I was fully hard. Cutting off the blood flow they kept me from getting fully hard until tore one off.

With my pressure relieved, I was able to concentrate on Judy and brought her to an orgasm before I tried to enter her. The only other mistake I made was because neither of us knew that a hymen could be torn more than once. Since my first entry wasn't complete I'd only partially ripped it. The second time I was surprised when she yelped as I finished the job.

That was the only mistake that I'd made the rest of the weekend. By the time we left the room on Sunday, Judy loved oral sex as much as I did. Unlike my first girlfriend she was anxious to have me cum in her mouth, and she always swallowed.

We were married during the following Christmas holidays. We lived in Round Rock, and both finished a year later. Except for those first two times, I couldn't remember a single time when I wasn't certain that Judy enjoyed sex at least as much as I did. Thinking back to the last few times when we'd made love, I was certain that she'd been more than satisfied.

Nor had I been inattentive. Even with all the extra hours I'd been working she'd never said a word about being lonesome or needing more of my time. You've heard the expression "I worshiped the ground she walked on." In my case it was true. When we built this house, I made a trip back to Georgetown and took a grass plug from their soccer field. It was from the very the spot I'd first seen her. I bought enough sod of the same type of grass to make our yard, but that little plug was the first thing I planted. No, our sex life was the stuff of dreams. Our family life? Frankly, although Judy would never allow me anal, about the only thing we never tried, I was convinced her shit didn't stink.

I pursed my lips, I couldn't find the answers in our past. As I fixed myself a cup of Twinning's China Black tea, I tried again to summon some sort of emotion, even pain. I still felt nothing. I could generate faux feelings, but real emotion of any kind were just beyond me. I think my sub-conscious understood that I couldn't deal with the pain yet, and I didn't have the stamina for the rage I felt earlier. Besides, I needed to be unemotional if I was going to salvage anything from the fetid swamp where Judy had cast me.

I'd known our marriage was over as soon as I realized that she was cheating. As I was destroying the bedroom last night, I knew I wanted to hurt her, to punish her. I WAS surprised this morning to find that I'd slashed everything in her closet. I had shredded all of her underwear, and ripped up everything else in her closet. I hadn't even been aware that I'd gotten my fish filet knife from my tackle box until I saw it on the floor near the bed. That realization brought back memories of a boyhood friend and it terrified me.

Desperate not to revive that gruesome memory, I began to review what I knew about Judy's affair. First, she'd said she'd thought about marrying him. I wondered why that concept wasn't causing me pain. My mind shied away from even the image of a fully clothed Judy in that man's arms, but the idea of her getting married to him didn't seem to bother me at all.

I explored that line a bit further with that same unnatural detachment. I felt to the fiber of my being that Judy still loved me. I was certain that if I pushed it I could "win" her back. I knew all her levers, and I had the advantage of the twins and her own moral code. I knew how guilty she had to be feeling, and if I were honest how easy Judy is to manipulate.

I then thought about man who was fucking her. I knew a fair amount about her boss, James Capote. In his late forties, he'd been divorced from his second wife for over five years, with two children, a boy about to graduate from Midland Lee high school and a daughter two years behind him. According to Judy he was always trying to increase his access to them, but only had them every other weekend and alternating holidays. He didn't even get them over the summer.

I'd met him many times shortly after Judy started working, but not at all for the last three or four months. I didn't like him from the start. He had wandering eyes. Although I could understand him going after Judy, I had trouble believing that Judy could have actually fallen for him.

That line of thinking tempted me to go down the "what if" memory lane, or the "what did I do wrong" path. Instead, I went to my computer and began to research the divorce laws in Texas. I discovered that a divorce can be final in Texas in as little as 60 days after the filing. The decree had to be read in open court but the parties didn't even have to be there if it wasn't contested. The quicker this is over the better I thought.

There were forms you could print out, for a fee, and I gladly paid. I spent several hours thinking about what I wanted out of a settlement and how I could get Judy to agree to my terms. I finally decided that I wanted what was best for my girls. I thought about calling and cancelling our credit cards, emptying our bank accounts, but I decided that as much as I hated Judy right now, I didn't think she'd try to steal from me, or from our girls.

I wanted the house so the girls wouldn't have to move. We'd borrowed every penny of equity to help me start my business, which had only amounted to about ten grand. With the prize I'd be able to borrow what I needed to buy Judy out. With the award my business was going to be worth a fortune. I didn't want her, or more importantly that asshole Capote to have any claim. That was another reason to get this done quickly. The awarding of the prize wouldn't be made public until the big banquet in three months. The winners wouldn't be publicly announced until then, but it wasn't like the academy awards, the winner sometimes knew in advance. Held in New York City, I'd been given a heads up since I normally wouldn't have made plans to attend. Hell, if I wasn't winning a prize I couldn't have gotten a ticket.

Yes, that was another excellent reason to get this settled quickly. Which meant I had to provide a fair division if I wanted it done. I was torn between wanting everything that hinted at our life together gone and wanting to have as few changes made as possible for the girls. I decided that I'd have an appraiser come in a value everything we had, including the things I'd destroyed. I'd offer to buy replacement stuff in addition to her half of our property. We would alternate picking what we wanted until someone reached half the total value.

I went through the rest of the housekeeping details of how to sunder our relationship, making notes and adding specifics to the forms I'd bought. By evening I thought I had a plan I could live with and that Judy would readily accept. I realized that I hadn't eaten a thing all day and that the very thought of food turned my stomach. Still, if I was going achieve my goals, I'd need my strength. Not trusting my culinary skills I wondered what kind of food would go best with slicing up our life together. I ordered pizza.

As I ate my mind returned to what I could do to hurt Judy, to make her hurt. I knew that when I got past the denial stage the emotional pain was going to be unbearable. But how could I make her feel that kind of pain too. Leaving me wasn't going to hurt her, not like it was me. I mean sure there would be regrets, but she was leaving me for someone. I would be the one alone. There was nothing that I could do that would break her heart. Yet as much as I was in denial, as unacceptable as what she had done was, I didn't think I could stop loving her. After much internal debate and rationalizing I realized that it wasn't my choice to keep her or send her away. She made that choice when she accepted Capote into her body. Having a wife do that was something I would not live with, period.

If it wasn't my choice if she stayed or left, what was the worst that I could reasonably hope for? Then it came to me, the perfect solution. I still had to ask myself if I could pull it off. Judy had always been deferred to my wishes. It used to drive me nuts that I could never get her to tell me things like where she'd like to go out for dinner. She might pout later about my choice but she refused to ever give me her opinion unless I made an issue out of it.

Could I use that to push her into what I wanted her to do? Ultimately it would be her choice. Still, I knew I had a good shot. I knew her... perhaps not as well as I should have, but I did know what sorts of pressures she responded to, and I knew I could bring a lot of pressure... Late into the night I plotted and planned. This was going to take a very delicate touch.

Judy called a little after eight. I took several deep breaths before I answered. "Judy, you've made your choice; even if you didn't mean to you've made the choice for both of us. The question now is how this is going to affect the girls. You know divorce is always hard on kids, especially ones the girls' age. The question is, do you want a war or are we going to work to make it as easy on them as possible."

"Matt, please let me talk, I'm sorry I hurt you, I love you, I don't want you to hate me... I never expected for it to get this far, but I still..."

I almost lost it when I heard the wordLOVE "Judy, every time I hear your voice it just makes me hate you and what you've done more. Do you realize the effect this sorry affair is going to have on the twins? We're trying to raise them with values and morals. How are we going to explain that you threw away the most solemn vows a person can make for some recreational sex?"

Judy was sobbing, "It wasn't like that..."

"Oh really! Even after months you still hadn't decided to marry him. How's that going to sound to the girls?" I paused and let the silence linger. Then I continued, "I'm sorry, I managed to reach my folks and told them to plan on keeping the girls a little late. If you agree, I'll have them brought over here at five and we can give them the news together. Otherwise I'll tell them alone.

"I will be civil to you while we talk to the girls but that's the last time I ever want to hear your voice until we're divorced. I'm working very hard not to say the things I want to say. You will always be the mother of my children and we will have to talk about them. Just don't push me right now."

"Matt, I really didn't mean to hurt you, it just..."

"Yeah I know it just worked out that way. Let's get this done as quickly as possible. I'll pay for an apartment for you, I just hope you don't plan to live with your asshole unless you get married. That would really wrap them." I paused and let my heart rate slow. "I'd like to keep as much of this sordid mess from them as I can. It's up to you, you're calling the shots."

"Could I come right now and talk..."

"No."

"Please Matt, I don't want it to be this way..."

I cut her off. In my most forceful voice I said, "Our marriage has been over from the second you spread your legs for him" I sighed dramatically. "Whatever your reasons you killed it. So let's just bury it as decently as we can." I paused for emphasis then said in a wistful tone, "I really hope you'll marry him. Not just for the girls, I think it'll make it easier on me too. I don't want to think you killed our marriage just for some hot sex..."

I then let the silence build. Finally Judy slumped and said, "Okay Matt, if that's what you want, I'll do it your way."

** ** ** ** ** **

If there's a hell, I've been there. The detachment stayed, or I think I would have died from the pain I saw in my little girls when Judy started the "You need to know that your daddy and I love you very much, but sometimes adults make mistakes..." talk.

She went on for several minutes using euphemism the girls didn't understand. Finally I said as gently as I could, "Your mommy has fallen in love with another man and now she wants to marry him. I've said it was okay so we will need to get a divorce."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I would have done anything not to have said them. A poem by Omar Khayyam I learned in high school ricocheted around in my brain and I had to fight back the tears.

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Nothing has changed in the ten centuries since he wrote that. My whole universe consisted of their two precious faces. I couldn't even see the rest of their bodies, just two little masks of pain. I wasn't much older than they when the father of a friend on my soccer team murdered his mother and then killed himself right in their living room. His little sister and my friend had been hiding in their room as their parents yelled at each other. The only thing he remembered hearing before the shots was his father yelling, "They're better off with dead parents than this."

There had been a terrible fight between his grandparents for custody, and his mom's parents who lived in another state won. I never saw him again, but at that moment I knew just how his father had felt. It took every erg of my willpower not to get my gun and kill Judy. I've never hated anyone like that in my whole life. I thought I had, but until I saw what this was doing to my daughters I hadn't the tiniest inkling of what real hate was.

I know other things were said, the girls asked questions and Judy must have answered them. I couldn't hear a sound. All I knew was that I was holding two waling little treasures. Finally a question penetrated, "But, Mommy why don't you love Daddy anymore?"

I blinked and color returned to the world. I saw a creature, it couldn't be human. No human could bear the pain written on the body that looked like Judy's. Its face was a confused contortion of pain trying to radiate love to my daughters, "Mommy still loves Daddy, she will always love Daddy..."

I jumped in, "You won't understand this until you get older, but Mommy had to choose and she choose him. Sometimes people love more than one person but you can only be married to one. Mommy needs to be married to Mr. Capote, but we're all going to try to make this as easy on you as we can. Mr. Capote will love you very much, but I will always be your daddy. You're just getting an extra person to love you, just like mommy is."

Carrie, always the more demonstrative of the twins pulled herself out of my arms, rushed her mother and began to windmill blows on Judy using every ounce of her strength. Laurie followed her sisters lead a few seconds later but she'd picked up a long brass kaleidoscope from the coffee table. Her first blow cut Judy's forehead just above her left eye. I grabbed Laurie back, but made no attempt to help Judy. Instead I said in a voice that sounded unnaturally cold, "You've upset the girls, I think you'd better go. I'll let the Captain know when you can pick up your stuff."

Judy stood, blood pouring over her eye, and walked into the kitchen to get ice and paper towels. When she returned a few minutes later both girls had their arms wrapped around me and were crying. Judy started to open her mouth but I cut her off. "You will be staying with the Captain won't you, or do you want the girls to only call you on your cell?"

Washing her face had taken off her makeup and her eye was swelling shut, but her voice was calm when she answered, "It's where I've been the last two nights. I haven't said anything yet... I hoped we'd talk to him as a family..."

I cut her off again, "Girls, please go to your room, your mother and I need to talk alone for a few minutes."

As soon as they'd left I said, "As much as I admire and love the Captain, he's your father and I think you need to tell him alone. Besides, I'm sure you'll want to start planning the wedding."

I took a deep breath, "I've got a packet with some legal papers I've drawn up. I'd like you to take them with you. This is my plan for how to divide our property and settle our affairs... sorry bad choice of words. I will agree to pretty much anything you want, except the girl's custody and your using my name... I'll relent on that if you marry Capote as soon as this is final, it'll help hide what happened from the girls, but either way, I want this over in the minimum time, which is sixty days from Monday.

"I sort of lost it a minute ago, but if you'll agree, we can meet with our lawyer in the morning and work out a deal. I'm sure your boss will give you the day off and I want the papers filed by tomorrow night. If we can do that, I'll promise to do everything I can to help your relationship with the girls. I'll never tell them, the Captain, or anyone else that you're a lying cheating whore who tore up our happy home."

Judy had been looking like she wanted to interrupt but her tears finally started to fall. Without a word she turned and walked quietly out the door.

When I finally got the girls down for the night, I retired to my chair. I put my head in my hands and I whispered, "The Captain, oh shit, this is going to kill him. I'm so sorry this had to happen to him; he doesn't deserve this!!"

Judy's father had retired as an admiral, although he never served in that rank and refused to use the title. His last command had been one of the super aircraft carriers. A botched landing when he was riding backseat with a pilot new to the ship had left him paralyzed from the waist down. Although I had never been able to think of him as crippled, he lived in a wheelchair and had to pee through a tube. Judy, a very late first child, was fathered just before his accident.

Judy's mother had passed away from cancer when Judy was still in junior high, and the Captain raised her all by himself. I've never met a finer man. He was as much my father as my own, more. No, that's not fair, my father was a good dad, he just spent his life as a petroleum engineer and geologist. He was gone more than he was home, and while he did his best we were never close.

It was different with the Captain. I had always said I could never leave Judy unless the Captain left her too. He was the first man I'd ever admired who also treated me like a man instead of as a kid. Judy and I still had almost a year and a half of school left when we got married. Even I knew I was a bit immature for marriage, but the Captain brought out the best in me. Trapped in a wheelchair, still he was the most intimidating man I'd ever met and... I guess I could go on for days about how I felt about him and the influence he'd been in my life.