Homemaker and Proud

When I started to explore BDSM almost two years ago, I never expected the 1950's household to be a fetish within that community. Yet as I have discovered it makes perfect sense. This is merely the public vanilla expression of my submission. And just as its sexual manifestations are built upon respect, trust and love so too is this side of me. I do not do it because I am forced, but because I want to show you how much I care. I take pride in expressing my feelings through the care I put into homemade cookie or cake, every ironed shirt or 'yes, dear/Sir.'

Still I find it strangely ironic that what for eons was the traditional role of the woman has become relegated to sub-set within the alternative lifestyle. That the honor of this profession, and yes it is a profession, has fallen so low. Yet at the same time, our societies are riff with violence, greed and strife. For me, there is a definite correlation between those two things.

I am a homemaker. And I am tired of apologizing every time someone asks me 'so what do you do.' It is an age old profession of honor and dignity that has fallen on hard times. From thoughtless remarks at dinner parties to the rude comments of Cherie Blair, wife of the former British Prime Minister, that called us unambitious and suggested that it has negative impacts on our children, we are devalued.

Homemaker is a good old fashioned term from the 1950's. I am not a housewife. I did not marry a house. I am not a stay-at-home mom. As any mother knows staying-at-home is a fallacy as there are school runs, playing in parks, Scouts, soccer and a million other things. But the term 'home-maker' goes beyond either of these to express the mobility of the job.

But the hidden benefits of what we do had been lost on this modern society that places a dollar sign on everything. Yet our traditional role has always been to empower our partners, raise responsible children and fill the gaps in social care for our communities. Since the demise of these traditional roles, divorce rates have soared, the education system has failed and our communities are fractured. Our society is broken...because we no longer stand into our roles as women.

Let's look at all the things that we traditionally did and put a price tag on them:

Cook: Without nutritious, home-cooked meals prepared with love by a homemaker, fast food restaurants have grown to a multi-billion dollar industry, obesity is one of the biggest challenges facing our taxed medical industry, and our food budgets are getting larger and larger with prepared foods. Do you know that the number one predictor of success in school is a child that regularly sits down and eats dinner with his or her family? What does that stay about our value as chef? (Average salary $48,000)

Housekeeper: This may seem like a menial task and it is often assumed that this can be done in less than an hour. The truth is that cleaning, laundry, washing dishes and the like can take several hours depending upon the number of people in the family and the size of the home. In fact, with small children it can sometimes feel as if it is a job that is never done, the moment one room is clean another is messy. (Average salary $19,000)

Chauffer: School runs, soccer practice, dropping Him at the train station or airport. It seems that we are always on the move, in the car, going somewhere. (Average salary: $25,000)

Personal assistant: Running your errands, picking up your dry cleaning, scheduling your appointments, these and many more tasks were traditionally done with a kiss on the cheek and a yes, dear. Now busy executives pay big dollars...and never get those tender kisses. (Average salary $35,000)

Mother: I hesitate to even mention this one, because the simple truth is whether we work outside the home or not this is a responsibility that is irreplaceable. But the hard costs of childcare alone can run into the tens of thousands of dollars for each child. And again...no one to kiss those boo-boo's. (Average cost of $10,000)

Psychologist: Time was that men were greeted at the door with a kiss and the words, "How was your day, dear?" They had someone to listen to their troubles and genuinely care. Instead they now pay therapists hundreds of dollars a month...and you guessed it, no kisses. (Average cost of $100/hour)

Sex worker: Speaking of all those missed kisses, yes, the element of a willing and loving sex partner. These days both partners are often too tired from their rushed lives of acquiring the latest gadget, those designer labels, that new car or that bigger house to nourish and care for one another. That stupid old perfume commercial for the 1970's promising that "You can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let him forget the romance, because you're a woman," has just not panned out. (Average cost of $200/hour)

Volunteer: We were once the life blood of our communities. We baked cupcakes and helped teachers as Homeroom Moms. We took a casserole to our elderly neighbor and took the time to just listen to them. We lead Scout troops, manned cookie booths at the Little League games and helped out at the food pantry. We did these things simply because we cared and wanted to make the world a better place to live for everyone. (Teaching assistant $15,000 and Personal Carer $17,000)

All those dollar signs fail to correspond to one magical ingredient...love. We personified caring in our world. We were the champions and guardians of our homes and our communities. And without us, society is reaping the whirl wind of greed. We have new cars, bigger homes, the latest gadgets and high fashion, but none of it fills the hole in our soul.

Our children are not greeted at the school gate, bus stop or front door with a smile, a snack and a 'what did you learn today, sweetie.' Our partners do not come home to a kiss on the cheek, a warm smile and a 'how was your day, dear.' Our elderly have no one to look in on them. Our schools cannot turn out a decent showing for a single parents' night. But our jails are full. Our neighborhood parks are falling apart. Our schools are failing. And our souls cry out for the tender care of...a homemaker.