Hot 'n Cold Ch. 02byMandartany©
Oh Lord, let me just die now. I feel irrational fear of never being able to breathe normally again and a more rational fear of having humiliated myself in front of the first person ever to make me hyperventilate. It really isn't just the physical task making me breathless but that combined with Aleksi being within a touching distance, is just way too much.
I sure was close to fainting for a minute there...
Now Aleksi's hand is pressed gently on my back, making assuring strokes and holding me down. I can feel the coolness of his fingers against my own boiling body heat. Keeping my head between my legs I have a marvelous view in sight, Aleksi's bare legs are right next to mine, covered in dark curly silky looking hair. I wonder what they feel like. I can hear him speaking like from distance and suddenly his words hit home: "You look great and have a beautiful toned figure that tells you do some exercising..."
The absurdity of the situation is appreciated and I can't stop the laugh rising from the depths of me. It doesn't take me long until I'm laughing out loud and start to sit up straight again. Feeling bit flustered and bubbly, I look directly into Aleksi's eyes. He still hasn't moved his hand from the small of my back and he has a look in his face, that is totally mortified.
"I'm so sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean..." he starts.
"Look," I stop him. " I'm poor with any kind of sports and this is only the thing I was trying to avoid and I really do suck in the most simplest of things." I laugh again "Thank god we didn't have that on tape or it would have had to be cut off from the show!"
"No, you don't suck, don't be stupid." Aleksi looks almost insulted.
He is talking about me, right? Is he serious?
"Unless you want to..." comes slyly with a wicked smile.
No way did he just say that! Ok, now I know he really is flirting to me, and I know I felt the vibes earlier too!
"Umm..." I try to clear my throat and I don't feel like laughing anymore, even if he was joking. I'm out of words, panic rising again.
"Sorry, that was a silly comment, let me make it up to you," he looks sincere. "I'll skip the rest of the workout and do it tomorrow morning. Let's hit showers and grab take out coffees from the hallway and finish this interview somewhere more comfortable like, in the locker room. I still have a good half an hour before I must hurry."
"That's ok," I say, now avoiding his eyes and looking around for my glasses. I spot them on the bench next to him. He sits between them and me. I really don't feel like leaning over him and getting them. Should I wait for him to move?
Aleksi lets his hand fall from my back and his eyes follow my gaze to my glasses by his other side. His hand is now really, really close to my butt. His thumb actually touches one of the cheeks.
"Sorry, here are your glasses. It wasn't very nice of me taking them off you. But you look so cute without them. You look like Harry Potter in a fight with them on, hehehe..."
I think I'm blushing again. I know it makes my skin glow in a bit different shade and not like the deep red like, the fair skinned get. Like Aleksi would, in my situation. But still, it's a massive blush!
I surprise myself thinking what Aleksi would look like with burning cheeks. Darn sexy I'm sure. Wonder if he gets full body blushes. I notice myself trailing off again. I can't seem to be able to focus, even in my own embarrassment.
I'm not shy with people normally and I can stand my ground but it takes all of me not to turn, collect my legs and run as fast I can. I guess I'm like that, the one who doesn't give in to his fears.
Instead I turn my body more and more to him and shift my hand over his body in a deliberate slow motion that brings my face even closer to his. Blush or not I try not to let him know how scared I am of my own reactions to his closeness and his manners that change between wicked and kind and his playful words and oh his eyes and lips and....
Play it cool now, Jaime!
The side of my upper arm touches his chest and I look at him over my shoulder, really close now, as my fingers reach for the glasses. All either one of us has to do is to move an inch and our lips would be pressed together. This moment feels longer than forever, but neither of us makes that move.
I see the color in his face changing and his eyes sharpen. I did that to him, and the thought makes my heart jump an extra beat. This is definitely new to me. I move away and put the glasses on.
New and insane. Too exciting. It's like only been seconds but it feels like hours have passed in our near kiss.
"Why don't you go and take the shower, I really don't feel like I need one. I'll just change and get the coffees waiting." I try to sound as neutral as possible, but I'm afraid that my voice comes out a bit too low to sound normal.
"Ungh... fine." He looks into my eyes with coil black lashes surrounding his light blue ones. They look like husky dogs eyes. Alert and icy. They seem to be looking right into my mind.
Aleksi darts his eyes away from mine. He stands up and walks to our stuff, then lifts my bag and hood. I watch him move towards locker room door, carrying both of our bags.
He's carrying my bag, so I just stand up and follow him... I can take care of my own things, even if my bag is the size of a medium luggage...
Walking behind him, I notice how his butt moves, with every step he takes. Thoughts of being an independent man disappear and I get a sudden urge to run against him and place my body tightly to his sexy back and wrap my arms and legs around him.
Oh, how I want to jump on him...
Naturally, that's not something I do. So I just continue to follow him. I can feel my dick lengthening moving in my pants, caused by the vivid image in my head.
I feel tremors all over me.
Where did this overwhelming feeling, that my life is about to change, come? It scares the shit out of me. I'm totally fine with the way things are in my life. Not complicated. Dull in a way, but definitely not complicated.
I don't need any of this. I'm sure Aleksi isn't even serious with me. Sure he's just playing me along as he sees how he affects me. That's it. Show him I can play too, make it for laughs. I can do that. I'm funny, I'm witty. I work with words all the time. Easy...
As I enter the dressers, Aleksi is already by his locker taking off his runner's top. My bag and my hoodie are right next to him. He didn't see me earlier and so he doesn't know my locker is in this side of the room. My locker's key is in the pocket of the bag. I walk next to him trying to look indifferent and keep some distance. Aleksi seems to get shivers with the cooler air hitting his skin that is exposed under the top. He chuckles when I get closer slowly, weak step by weak step. I try to keep my eyes on my bag and not his toned chest with tiny, adorable, pink erect nipples.
As I turn my back, after quick grab of my bag, he takes off his shorts and towels himself up for the showers.
I wait until the shower starts to run, the peel off my clothes with a speed of lightening, thankful of having my ordinary outfit on. I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself if we were both naked; at the same time, in the same room. Ideas of us naked together run in my mind, when I put coins into the coffee machine.
Wow, didn't see that coming. Jaime really didn't seem like a boy who would act on a challenge. Ok, maybe he actually isn't that shy of a fellow that I thought he'd be. I like that. I like the way he reacts to me. I like the way I react to him. It feels so different than with Tim. Or any other cute guy.
I let the shower hit my face and smile against it. Is it good enough a feeling to explore it a bit further? Is it worth jeopardizing my stabile routines? I imagine Jaime's smaller form naked, tightly against mine and suddenly there is no other answer to that question. I want him.
First I didn't even make the moves intentionally. I just acted on an attraction. And when he started to have the hyperventilation attack, I totally did pull back.
Then Jaime turned the tables on me and I didn't feel like I'm in control anymore. I can't stand the feeling of losing control; I've fought to hold on to it forever. I'm good at being in control; the only people who ever have had the power to make me feel powerless are my parents.
And apparently now this Jaime boy. It's like I can't control my feelings or my needs and I really, really do feel an enormous attraction to him. I feel I want to slide into his warm shine.
The hot shower runs down my body, steaming up the bathroom. It's been a while since I've had sex with Tim. Over a year now. And I did get laid regularly with Tim before that. He is the only one I've had sex with. Or even kissed, for that matter.
I feel my cock rising when I think about Jaime changing his clothes just a door away. I can imagine how his fingers close the buttons of his loose jeans, and how his pink hoodie covers up his flat, t-shirt clad stomach. I wonder again about his tattoo. It's big, it's colorful. It must be something as beautiful as the boy carrying it. I have never had any will to get a tattoo myself. And they don't appeal to me in general, but with Jaime it doesn't bother me at all imagine him with it. In my eyes, he is perfect.
I lather my body, deliberately ignoring my erection. I turn the shower cold, despite hating it. I stand under the icy drops that feel like daggers on my body. I can't stand long under the shower and shivering heavily, I turn it down. The erection didn't fade. Great.
As I walk back to my locker, the room is empty. Jaime has apparently gone to get the coffee for us. I dry myself and start putting clothes on.
When he arrives I'm totally dressed and even have my scarf around my neck. I still feel dizzy after the shower. I've only got myself to blame. I put my iPhone on a music player and it starts to play HIM's "Salt in our Wounds". I feel calm and asserted when listening to music and this Finnish band has the best effect on me.
Jaime looks me with wonder and but doesn't ask about the music. He offers both cups "I didn't know if you like milk in it, the other one is black."
I take the black one. Jaime sits next to me but keeps some distance. He curls his legs up elegantly and puts the recorder between us again.
"Continuing here with the interview with Aleksi Connors post practice" his deep voice almost purrs. "The music in the background comes from his player." He looks me in the eyes "I know this question wasn't on the list, but can you Aleksi, tell us about the band? It sounds really emotional type of music."
Shit. Why didn't I think about that, the music transfers too to the recorder... "I can turn it down!"
"No, it sounds good, I think I'll be playing the band in my show later if we can find it with my producer Lisa."
"Ummm... It's a band called HIM, His Infernal Majesty, that is. They play love metal, and it's a Finnish band. My old friends back there sometimes send me tips about what's currently hot in Europe. And HIM is quite big now."
"We'll definitely look this band's music up then. So do you still keep much in touch with your Finnish friends?"
I blink involuntarily a couple of times.
Apparently Jaime has decided to skip the old questions altogether.
"I have relatives there and sometimes few of my childhood friends and I chat on Facebook.. Thanks to the social network the world seems a lot smaller than when we moved over here."
"How old where you when you moved?" Jaime looks at me with genuine interest.
"I was eight. And miserable of course" I give the last line easily with wonder why I said it.
Jaime's expression is unreadable. He moves a tiny bit closer. "What is this second song called?" he asks.
"It Is All Tears."
"I would have thought you'd listen something different, while doing sports."
"Well, I never listen to music when I practice, but every time I feel a need to ground myself, I put it on."
"And now you feel that kind of need?" Jaime moves even closer. I take a gulp of my coffee.
"Um, yeah, I'm not that good with interviews."
"That's a surprise, given that you were brought up with a high profile politician in a family." He doesn't look like he's trying to offend me. Is he?
"I try to avoid making comments about politics or my stepfather's career."
"Ok, moving on with the questions."
He goes back to the listed questions and there is nothing but general questions about running, competitions and my studies. I feel relieved and also a bit weird, being the one who has given all the answers to Jaime and the listeners of course.
Jaime works in the campus radio, he is extremely hot. Other than that I know nothing about this cute older boy next to me. He has the kind of presence that makes my mind blank. I give my answers with ease and notice that I am speaking more freely about me, that I thought was possible.
After about 15 minutes from the start Jaime thanks me and presses the stop button of the recorder. I had almost forgotten the little machine. He puts it in his pocket and flashes a shy smile at me. Things turn queasy again.
"So, when do you air this?" Aleksi looks me in the eyes again, all the time actually.
"Tonight, around 8pm. Are you gonna be able to listen to it?"
"No, my parents have this formal dinner with some influential fundraisers in the guest list. I must be there, to play the role of a good son."
"Aren't you one?" I ask in amazement. He looks at me with a frown. Aleksi seems to me, picture perfect, a real poster boy.
I look at him intently. Then it hits me. He is the gay stepson of a conservative right wing politician. I suddenly feel a sorry for him. "You're not out?" I blurt. Then I nearly faint that I said it out. How the hell I made that assumption.
He looks at me with a pure shock written in his delicate face.
"You don't know what you are talking about." His face is now definitely red and voice louder. "I don't know where you got that impression, but I'm not gay."
He collects his stuff in a hurry and doesn't even put the winter coat on when he storms to the door. "Don't even imagine of putting any of your assumptions in the show or you'll get a long line of family lawyers at your door."
I'm left with my mouth agape about what just happened. Ok, maybe he really hadn't said anything about being gay. But he definitely did hit on me there in the gym. I felt the attraction, it was there. I didn't imagine that. I didn't fight against the feeling because it was between two men but simply because I'm better off without any kinds of relationships, friends aside.
I mentally punch myself. I forget all the time that I hang around with my own rainbow group of friends, where everyone is pretty much outside the heterosexual normative. Have I forgotten how hard it is for many gay people to be out? I wish I hadn't said anything to Aleksi. It was way too soon to make any kinds of assumptions about him. No matter what the vibes were,
I realize I'm ok with the possibility of being gay myself. I know the issue has been there all along but nothing has ever brought it into surface.
Wow, never expected to this outcome of this interview. Or to this day, for that matter. This morning, the café turned out to be somewhat prophetic.
Aleksi: 8 pm
Eeva and Eric Connors stand at the end of the formal lounge of the mansion, surrounded by the guests. Eeva looks polished and attractive and too young to be 40 years old. I look at her socializing and at times, see a few glimpses of the mother she used to be, before things turned closer to the opposite. She was such a caring and touchy-feely person and now she hardly touches my hand when she seeks for contact. It's like after Eric came into the picture, I became invisible. They never wanted anymore children and I guess I can be grateful of that. Eeva smiles and waves her hand in a small gesture towards me. I turn around and find it was meant for Timothy.
Oh, Tim looks so handsome in his dark suit, as always. He presses his side tightly into mine and whispers into my year: "Wanna test the punch, sugar?"
He makes my lips curl, I take his arm and as we leave the room. I have no interest in the punch but we take the drinks offered by the waitress and continue our way towards the stairs. I drink mine in with one gulp. I feel the want to share what happened tonight with Tim, but am unsure of what exactly did happen.
I still have totally mixed feelings about the interview. About Jaime. About Jaime calling me gay.
Tim sweet talks with almost everyone, as we pass them, and it takes 15 minutes and three more drinks each before we're clear. I don't think my folks are gonna miss me anymore tonight, since I did make the appearance.
We walk upstairs and into my rooms. Yeah, I don't have just one room here. It's more like a damn suite. I don't live here anymore, but the rooms are still at my disposal. It never really felt home here in the Connors mansion but the good thing was that, I could fool around with Tim as much as we wanted without ever being caught. If the servants guessed, I'm sure they didn't tell anyone. And if my parents did know, they were too discreet to confront us, as long as it wasn't in the open. I don't think they knew a thing and now it's all a past.
"So how did that interview go? Was it a total inquisition?"
I could feel the alcohol starting to affect. I never drink, especially in the training season or in the middle of the week. I'm really not at the drinking age for that matter. There has always been alcohol served around these kinds of evens without questioning my age. I normally don't take even a one glass of champagne. Today is different.
"It was weird." I turn my thoughts into Jaime. "Remember the boy in the café? The one I told about, whose mittens I still have? The cute one with the Harry Potter --glasses? The one who..."
"Yeah-yeah, I'd remembered from the first cue there. It's not like you talk about guys all the time." Tim looks humored. "What about him?"
"He was the one doing the interview. Jaime Kennedy."
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope, so I got to see him again and actually talk to him." I lean on my back on my bed and close my eyes. "I think I hit on him. I couldn't help it. He was so gorgeous..." I shut my eyes even tighter.
Tim's voice is low when he finally speaks. "Is that a bad thing? Did this, James or what was it, knock you out or something?"
"Jaime. And no, he was embarrassed and out of place at first I think, but then he kinda had this attack and after that everything changed."
"He wasn't prepared to exercise and I think I pushed him a bit too far unintentionally and it was like with those asthma attacks you got, when you were younger."
"Uh, did you make him run laps, heh..."
I don't respond to that. I don't feel like wanting to laugh on Jaime even when he's not present. "The thing is that the guy actually responded to me and for a moment we nearly kissed. It freaked me out to my gut."
"Woooow, I don't see a problem here. You liked him he liked you. Why didn't you just diu-diu-diu..."
I chuckle on that. "It's not that easy. He's not like you. I'm not like you. I mean I don't know him. And I can't trust him if I don't know him. For what I know he could be spreading this over the air, as we speak."
"Jaime's radio show is on air now, the interview?"
"I don't wanna put it on."
I just shrug. I don't even know the station. "I know the interview, I was there, you know? I don't wanna hear myself speaking."
"Ok then. You can tell me more about this mysterious Jaime-dude after I sneak to get us a few more drinks."
Oh well, that'll give me some time to come up with another subject to talk with Tim. I don't feel right about talking about Jaime. It's Tim for god's sake. The one I spent my teenage years rolling in bed with; the one, who moved on and left me to deal with the new kind of loneliness.