Housemate Wanted / Room for RentbyPnkOcelot©
Student room for rent. Southampton, UK. £270 pcm
Please ring Naomi Peterson, Holly North or Lottie McGregor
But before you call us, please read the following so you know what to expect. We've each written a little bit about the house.
Heya, we're looking for a new housemate, but there are a few conditions.
First, you will have to love the sound of me fucking. Sorry if that sounds a bit forward, but it has to be said. I'll be in the room next door, and I'm told that I'm very loud. I don't mean to be – it's just that when a guy's getting it right it's only polite to shout and scream and squeal, just to let him know.
Last year there was a quiet Russian girl in the room. Natalia and I didn't talk much for about the first fortnight, but then one morning I was downstairs in my pyjamas watching Jeremy Kyle, and she came into our large and spacious lounge.
"I hear you have the good sexy last night," she said
"Yeah," I agreed.
"Also," Natalia said, "I hear you to come many many times."
"Yeah, that too," I agreed, wondering where this was going. Natalia paused for a second, trying to find the words.
"And when you comed you make noise of stucked leetle peeeggy," she added.
"Sorry," I said, "was I too loud?"
She looked embarrassed for a second.
"No. Is good. I like the sexy noise. It makes me feel (how you say?) 'ot and 'orny." I smiled and wondered if she had learnt English exclusively from pornographic films.
"So, Maoni, are you be upset I listening?" she asked.
"No". Strangely, I was not upset at all. I knew the walls were so thin she couldn't help hearing, but some exhibitionist part of me was quite excited at the thought of her listening in, "No Nat, I'm not upset. It makes me feel 'ot and 'orny too".
So the next time I brought someone home, I was very careful to be loud. As I've said, I'm not usually quiet, but I wanted to make sure I gave Natalia a good show.
I think the guy might have found it strange that I was describing everything. "Yeah, undo those buttons... keep kissing my boobs.... Get your trousers off... keep touching me there..."
And then the "Ohmigod it's huge," and the gagging noises, and groans of delight muffled by his cock halfway down my throat.
Then the "uh, uh, uh, ah, ah, eh, eh, eh, eh, ohgod, eh, eh, eh, eh, uh, uh, uh, eh," as he started fucking me, slowly at first, then building up (uh, eh, eh, eh) then harder and faster (eh-eh-eh-uh-uh-uh) and him yelling (yes, yes, yes) and shouting my name and telling me how he loved fucking me.
I was enjoying it, but all I could think of was Natalia on the other side of the wall hearing all of it, maybe naked, maybe sitting on her bed, her fingertips between her thighs, her long blonde hair hanging down over her hard pink nipples.
"Ah,ah,ah,ah,ah,ah,ah," his hands were on my hips, my legs spread as wide as they will go, my breasts bouncing,
And I imagined Natliia behind the wall, her fingers caressing her clit, hearing everything.
"Fuckofuckofuckyes." I came, with a noise that was half groan, half shriek, "Hu-u-u-u-u-oo-oooh," and melted into him.
Downstairs, the doorbell rang, and I heard Natalia scampering down to answer it. I pulled on the boy's shirt, and crept out to the top of the stairs to see who it was.
"I've got a very important exam tomorrow," said the guy from next door, crossly, "and it's 2 am and I can't sleep because of your... because of the noise".
I had been right. Natalia had been naked, and had wrapped herself in a small towel to answer the door.
"I sorry," Natalia lied, "I was watching mine pornography – should I turning down the volume?"
"Yes," he said "please do."
The towel was slipping slightly, revealing the top of Natalia's boobs. He was watching it intently.
"I sorry," Natalia repeated, "but in Rooosia me and mine boyfriend make sexyfilm and now I lonely and cold in rainy England I watch to remember goodsexy times."
She was toying with him, and I could tell she was enjoying it. The towel was still slipping, still very slowly. A few centimetres and he'd see her nipples.
"I can give you goodsexy times in England," he offered, lamely.
She laughed, and waggled her finger at him. "yes, but you have important exam tomorrow," she reminded him, and closed the door.
I think that's enough of an introduction from me,. Sorry if it's a bit graphic, but you should know what to expect here, and I would like someone who's going to enjoy my noises in the night.
Hey. Please be our new housemate. We are four fun-loving girls, soon to be three once Natalia goes back to Russia (boo hoo). We are Naomi, Natalia, Lottie and Holly (me). I should probably tell you about the others.
Naomi – Naomi's Dad bought this house for her (lucky bitch) and she keeps us all awake with her noisy sexlife. She's hopefully warned you about it, and it's a warning worth listening to. I usually just turn my iPod right up, but when she really gets going the whole house shakes like when the washing machine does its spin dry cycle.
I assure you my own sexlife is quieter, and probably more satisfying. I have a lovely faithful boyfriend, and we usually go to his house whenever he's going to give me a proper seeing-to.
Natalia – Natlia is the Russian girl, but she's moving out so you won't get to meet her. She was lovely, although she did seem to learn from Naomi about having extraordinarily loud sex at all hours of the day (even lunchtimes). Sometimes Naomi and Nat would both be going at it at the same time in different rooms. I think they had competitions to see who was the loudest, or who could have the longest orgasm. They'd move their beds, and each get their boyfriends to fuck them up against the wall between their rooms, so you could hear them from halfway across the street: thrusting thighs and the banging of bare arses against the plaster.
Lottie – Lastly, there is Lottie. It was her stupid idea that we all write something for this advert. And she keeps interrupting me on MSN while I'm trying to write this, even though she's only in the room next door. She will probably go through and correct all my spelling [yes I will – Lottie] and take out any bits where I say she has extreme lesbian tendencies and once did something unmentionable with a horse and a vacuum cleaner [I didn't, but I hope this shows how childish Holly is - Lottie]
Lottie wants to be a poet, but she never writes anything, (or if she does she never shows anyone), which is probably a good thing because she'd probably just write about her own boobs – she's a wee bit obsessed, you see, and never shuts up about them. [this is not true - Lottie]
She's just told me we should write about ourselves in this, not each other – so I'm Holly, five foot six, blonde (with highlights), friendly, bubbly, bouncy, fun, etc. I like to drink white wine (and champagne on special occasions) and giggle. I like Italian food, nice clothes (none of that Primark rubbish!) and I have LOTS of shoes. My first boyfriend at uni promised to buy me a new pair of shoes every time we had sex. Bad mistake! After about six weeks my cupboard was completely full of shoes, and I'd almost bankrupted him. I was an insatiable little whore back then!
I'm sorry I told you that. I didn't want to sound prudish between Naomi describing the sound of her orgasms and Lottie giving detailed descriptions of her thong collection.
Lottie likes to show off her thongs. Or perhaps she likes to show herself off, because about once a day she's come bouncing into my room with nothing bit a scrap of cotton over her clit, asking if this particular thong is too revealing or makes her look fat. I usually try to help, but I know she really just wants me to admire her boobs.
Lottie has extreme lesbian tendencies. Last term the lock on the bathroom was broken and I accidentally walked in on her and Natalia having lesbian sex in the shower. They deny everything, but if you do move in, Lottie will probably spend the first few days undressing you with her eyes, and peeping in through the windows when you're getting undressed! [this is not true – Lottie]
Anyway. That's enough from me. Lottie will edit it through anyway and remove all the interesting bits.
Charlotte (Lottie) writes..
Hi. I'm Charlotte. Most people call me Lottie. Never ever call me Charlie, or I'll make you hurt in places you never knew you had (and not in a kinky way.)
It was my idea to get everyone to write something – hopefully you'll get a sense of what it's like to live here. It's based on something we did in my creative writing class – describing the same events and characters from different perspectives. But with real people it means that we have to think about what they're going to say, and argue back.
I suspect I will be accused of three things
1) being a lesbian
2) being obsessed with my boobs
3) being obsessed by my underwear
So first, despite what Holly says, I am not a lesbian. There was an incident in a shower last term, leading to a misunderstanding. Natalia and I both had early lectures, and both overslept. We both needed a shower, (me because my boyfriend was away and I'd spent the evening drinking wine and needed to wake myself up – Natalia because she was covered in the stale sweat and semen of whoever she'd been fucking the night before).
It's quite a big shower, so we decided to share. There was nothing scandalous about it. We were both in the shower, cleaning ourselves. Then Natalia asked if I'd put shower gel on her back, so I did. There was nothing dodgy going on, but Holly walked in, saw the two of us in a steamy shower and drew her own conclusions.
I do have good underwear. My boyfriend once said my thongs were thin enough to cut cheese, but I don't think they are. Maybe a soft cheese like dairylea, but not cheddar or anything. I do know they can cut through chocolate cake.
About a month ago. Holly was out for dinner but the rest of us and Naomi's boyfriend were home. We were all a bit drunk, and there were two chocolate cakes in the living room (I think Holly left them there). None of us could be bothered to wash up a knife, so Natalia suggested I used my G-string. I was wearing a skirt, and knelt on the floor, slipping my string down to my knees, and neatly sliced one of the cakes into three pieces.
Naomi tried to cut the other cake. I think her thong was too wide or too elastic, or she was trying to use the waistband rather than the pussy bit. Anyway, she spent a few minutes contorting herself around to do it, covering her thong in chocolate cream but failing to cut the cake. We were all laughing at how clumsy she was, and her boyfriend was really enjoying it.
Natalia and I were each eating a slice of the cake I'd cut. I'd pulled my thong back up, and felt the cold chocolate cream between my bum cheeks and melting on my labia.
"Sorry girls," Naomi said, and lifted her skirt to give herself a clearer go at the cake , showing us her neat Brazilian wax. We could all see she was wet. Awkwardly, clumsily, she tried to get the thong at the right angle to slice the cake, spreading her knees and bending down towards it. Finally she slipped, landing in the cake.
"Uuuh, get me a towel," she said
"Don't you dare move," said her boyfriend, "I can handle this."
Naomi's boyfriend went for it. He moved a kitchen chair to the middle of the room, sat her on it and cleaned her up good and proper. He licked up every smudge of the chocolate, and then kept going. He was good. Really good, and Naomi let him know.
He didn't seem at all embarrassed about doing it in public – well, not really in public, but in front of other people. Nai seemed to enjoy it too. I mean, I could see how well he was doing it, and most girls wouldn't be bothered who was watching.
"Shall we go upstairs," he said
"No," said Nai. Not until you're finished.
So we all had to watch him eat her pussy. It was awesome.
So, I think I've gone into too much detail. I've got a feeling the stories of what goes on in this house could probably be a much longer book, but this will do for now. I hope you choose to come and live with us, so the adventures can continue.
Hi. I lived at Glynborne Terrace last year. I'm back in Moscow now, but Lottie has asked me to write about what it was like. Now I'm along way off, I can tell you what it was really like, and what I got up to.
I fucked Naomi's boyfriend. Whenever we had a chance he'd show me what he could do. And I know it's wrong but we'd make Naomi listen. Those nights when her boyfriend was 'away with the rugby team', and she was alone, playing with herself behind the wall, it was him drilling me. I'd usually have to stuff a pair of panties into his mouth so she didn't recognise his voice. Sometime I used my own, sometimes I used Naomi's, rescued from her dirty laundry basket. He seemed to like that.
The first time, she was suspicious. She asked him why he had no bruises if he'd been playing rugby. The second time, I made sure he had bruises.
I also fucked Holly's boyfriend a few times. He was difficult because he lived further away, and she was so protective. The best time was a quickie on their first anniversary - Holly popped down to the co-op to get some more drinks, leaving the two of us alone. He had his trousers off almost before she had left the room, and had the rubber on before she was out of the house. I lifted my skirt, and he fucked me on the sofa. He'd only just got the rubber off when she came back. He tied it off, and handed it to me, pulled up his trousers and returned to his seat. Stupidly, I slipped it into my mouth and pretended I was chewing gum, holding the knot in my teeth and rolling it around with my tongue when Holly came back.
"I got two cheap chocolate cakes too," she said, unpacking the bag. "we can have those later."
"Great," I said.
"Lemonade?" she asked me,
"Ice?" she asked
"Yeah", I murmured. I couldn't open my mouth in case she saw.
"Or we've got those limes from last weekend, haven't we? Would you prefer lemon of lime?"
"Lebon," I burbled. I'd bitten the wrong part. There, in full view of his girlfriend, my mouth was suddenly full of his warm come. He saw what had happened, and smiled as I swallowed it back.
While I'm making confessions, I fucked Lottie's boyfriend too. We always used to do it on Thursday nights. She had a creative writing lecture on Friday mornings, so he could leave without seeing her. One night he'd really gone for it – we'd done everything. I felt filthy and needed a shower, but Lottie got to the shower at the same time and suggested we shared. I couldn't really refuse, and once we were in there we started cleaning each other.
So she washed her own boyfriend's come out of my hair, off my back, out of my ass. I was terrified she'd recognise the smell of it, but she didn't.
I felt really bad. So once we were out of the shower and drying off, she leant over and kissed me, I didn't complain.
Sorry girlfriends. I thought you should know.