How Deep Is Your Love For Me

"Brandon, so you're going to just not tell me what you think about the song?" I asked him even though I was afraid I already knew.

"You know already how I feel about It." he declared while walking out of the bathroom past me and over to his closet where he started searching through his clothes.

"Are you coming with me or not?" he snapped as I just stood looking at him get clothes out.

I folded my arms waiting for him to answer me. He tossed a pair of jeans and a shirt onto the bed. Ignoring his snapping at me I reminded him that he was the one who asked to hear the song.

"Yeah! My bad, I guess." He went back into the bathroom and closed the door.

I went into the bathroom and showered then got dressed.

We rode to the greens in his car. We didn't speak much on the way there and every attempt at trying to close the distance between us was met with resistance from him.

I tried taking his hand in the car but he brushed mine off as if he couldn't shift with mine on top of his. I knew very well that he could.

"What did I do?" I finally got up the nerve to ask him while we were on the golf course, in the middle of a round.

He had been about to take a shot when instead he turned to look at me. Anger still burned in his eyes.

"If the two of you love each other so much why don't you stop making other people miserable and just get back together?" he roared at me.

He didn't even give me the chance to answer or defend myself instead he continued on in his rarely ever heard loud voice.

"Oh that's right, he's married with a fucking kid and you're pretending to be involved with me so his wife doesn't suspect anything and take him away from you for good."

I felt slapped. I guess it must have registered on my face because he abruptly stopped talking.

"I didn't know that was the way you see our relationship." I spoke sharply. I hadn't known.

"Sorry, I'm not a fucking song writer." he snapped.

"If that's the way you feel maybe we should separate." I said hoping that he would say all the things I wanted to hear like no, I love you, etc.

Instead he just glared at me for a second and then just walked away. "Yeah that would be your solution." he said over his shoulder.

I followed him grabbing his wrist and trying to get him to stop walking away from me. This is how I know what we have is real every time he touches me, every single time, I feel it all through my body like an electrical shock. I felt it now although I was the only one touching.

He did stop walking but only long enough to remove my hand. "Let's just go." he said to me.

I followed him at a slower pace until we got to his car and he unlocked the doors.

We didn't speak for the rest of the afternoon; we just walked around avoiding one another. I spent time in the living room on the couch while he stayed holed up in our bedroom.

Finally after trying to write and not being able to I went into the room with him. I stood in the doorway undressing.

"Sex is not going to fix this." he told me in a matter of fact voice.

"What then? Do you want me to leave" I asked him.

"No I'm like you." he said turning to look at me, "I don't know what I want."

"If I didn't know what I wanted I wouldn't be here." I snapped as he turned away from me.

His eyes blazed as he turned back to me. "Where should I start? Losing her the only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not and who I want to be. No way to know how long she will be next to me—lost and insecure— should I go on?!"

He repeated the words so succinctly though he'd only heard them once.

"It's just a song!" I told him.

"Yeah I know." he responded.

I wanted to know what he meant by that but I was tired of fighting. My cell phone rang right then so I went to pick it up off the bed.

"Hey." I said as Hunter spoke to me.

"I know I wasn't supposed to call till Saturday but I've been working on something and I need you to hear it."

"I'm kind of in the middle of something right now." I told him cryptically.

"Does he have to know every fucking detail of our lives Keera?" Brandon roared.

"God Bran—let me call you back Hunter."

"No don't call him back; just go move in with him maybe you can be their nanny or something!"

I felt those words through my entire body as my phone slid from my hands. Then I was attacking Brandon physically.

All he did was try to restrain me but I was flooded with too much pain, tears ran down my eyes as I began to sob.

All I could think of was how betrayed I felt by him in that moment, his eyes what I could see of them were black with anger as his hands held my wrists to keep me from slapping him once again.

When I calmed down he let me go and I think neither of us knew what to say. My behavior had said it all. He left the room and I sank onto the bed. My tears continued to flow and I just lay silently crying over the realizations that I had recently made.

I lifted my head when I heard a car pull up into our driveway. It was Hunter. I hurried to the front room but Brandon had already left to meet him. I rushed outside between them.

Hunter's face was red as he leapt from his car. Brandon's was calm but angry.

"Guys please don't do this." I begged.

"Did you fucking hit her?" Hunter yelled but thankfully not running over me to get to Brandon who chose not to run over me either.

"No I didn't." Brandon said coolly, in a very detached sounding voice or maybe he was just holding his temper at bay.

"He didn't hit me Hunter, I hit him and I was wrong!" I turned to face Brandon who was looking at Hunter. "I'm sorry."

I turned back to Hunter. "And I'm sorry you came all the way over here. I feel like an idiot." I said as more tears fell from my eyes.

"Can you give us a minute please?" I asked Brandon who was still looking extremely pissed.

I had to beg once more before he sighed heavily then turned to leave.

"You're not an idiot." Hunter said to me "He should—"

"It was my fault Hunter." I said to him. "He hates the new song."

"Camille does too." he admitted. "But I really don't give a fuck about what Camille hates right now."

"Do you want to meet tomorrow and just make some music together?" I suggested.

"Yes. I'm feeling too damn suffocated."

"I know, maybe five days was a stretch". I grinned and he laughed but it was a harsh laugh.

I know what it meant, why can't i stay away from you. Neither of us had the answer to that.

"So tomorrow then." he confirmed.

I nodded my head up and down smiling at him and feeling as if the sun had come out again after a storm.

I went back into the house. Brandon stood in the living room like he was waiting for me. He had an overnight bag at his feet.

"I'm leaving." he said. "I'll be at James's for a while until I can find my own place."

My heart twisted in my chest and I moved to block the front door. I pulled my clothes off and advanced on him even though his face was set in stone.

It took a few minutes to get him to respond to me but when he did he was fierce and punishing. He screwed me up against the door. I didn't care that he was being rough or hurting me. He came deep inside me. I didn't come at all.

***

His come dripped between my legs as I asked him to come to bed. I'd looked in his eyes, knew how turned on he was. He followed me. We stayed in bed for the next few hours while he ravished my body.

We'd had intense sex before but never with such desperation and abandonment. I was too swept away by what was going on to think about it.

I fell asleep with so much of his come on me, in me. His body was wrapped around mine in our sheets as we both dozed off utterly exhausted.

When I woke up the sun had set and Brandon was gone. He left a note saying that he would be back to get his stuff when I wasn't home.

*****