How I Met Your Mother Ch. 03

Thursday, 9:34 am

His fingers fumbled with the lid of the bottle of water. Eventually, they managed to open it and pour the cool liquid down his throat. As Andrew Hargreaves swallowed, he noticed his wife watching him.

"Save some for me," she said. Andrew screwed the lid back on and handed it to her. "So, having trouble keeping up?"

"Me? No – I'm just enjoying the view back here." He replied, smirking. "Your bum does all sorts of wonderful things to me."

"Cheeky," Leah quipped, handing him the bottle back.

"Precisely!" Andrew replied. "Okay, three more laps around the running track, then we'll head home. What time have you got to be in work today?"

"Twelve," Leah replied. "Tom wants a senior staff meeting this morning but a couple of the others aren't back until lunchtime, so there wasn't any point getting in early today."

"Okay," Andrew said, taking off before Leah had chance to react. "Quickest on the last lap gets the first shower!"

****

10:47 am

The idea of individual showers had turned into a joint effort within thirty seconds of Leah running the hot water. As Andrew threw a towel across to her from the pile in the airing cupboard he found himself thinking out loud.

"I miss naked Tuesdays."

"What?" Leah said as she wrapped the large bath sheet around herself. "We haven't done that since…well, since the kids were born."

"I know – that's what I'm saying – I miss it."

"I don't miss the fear of you leaving a nasty mark on the sofa." Leah replied as she scuttled past Andrew on her way to the master bedroom. "White was definitely the wrong colour for that."

"Yeah – shame about that, that sofa was comfy." Andrew plodded along behind her, drying his body off with his towel as he walked. "So I take it that naked Tuesdays are off the agenda for the foreseeable future?"

"At least until the kids have left home." Leah replied. She glanced over at Andrew – who was now studying his face in the mirror and staring at something. "What are you looking at?"

"The volume of grey hairs in my head is increasing exponentially." He sounded concerned. "Christ, I'm only just thirty-five and I'm starting to go grey like my Dad!"

"Andy, if you carry on doing things to me like you did in the shower this morning I couldn't care less if your hair is grey, blue or pink!" Leah said as she walked over to him. Wrapping her arms around his stomach and practically welding herself to his back, she looked around his shoulder at their reflection in the mirror. "Seriously, I thought the hand rail was going to break at one point." She kissed his shoulder. "So, what are you doing today?"

"I need to go through my notes for the convention speech I'm giving at TerrorCon later. Then Diane wants me to get together with her and that new assistant of that she hired for me at some point today. Christ knows why she's hired her – I can't see why I need one." Andrew replied. Leah reluctantly pulled away from him.

"I can – if you didn't have me organising things you'd forget where your clean socks are each day."

"I have clean socks?" The mock expression of shock on his face made Leah laugh. "Wow – what's next? Man walking on the Moon?"

"Shut up." She said. "All I'm saying is that I don't think it's a bad idea – besides, you're not Diane's only client. She's your agent and editor – not your slave."

"Well, here's a crazy idea, why don't I pay you to be my assistant?" Andrew said. Leah opened the bottom draw of her tallboy and pulled out some underwear. "Think about it – you can make me cups of tea all day long, get me a sandwich whenever I need one, unlimited blow jobs on demand…"

"Mmm, you're really selling the role to me baby," Leah giggled. "I'm not sure I can do tea and sandwiches on demand though."

"And I thought that the blow jobs would be the stumbling block!"

"Oh, I have no problem with the blow…" her phone began to ring. It wasn't Leah's personal mobile; it was her office-issued one. She leaned across the bed and scooped it up from the bedside table. "Hargreaves…mhmm…right…okay…I'll see you soon then."

"I didn't think you had to be in work until midday?" Andrew sounded concerned.

"Something has cropped up – Alison is on her way over to pick me up." There was a new sense of urgency in the way Leah was getting ready now. "So, there's food in the freezer…"

"Don't worry about it – we've been through this before, I know what I'm doing," Andrew reassured her as he grabbed a pre-packed silver suitcase from the wardrobe. Leah looked at it for a minute.

"No, no, I don't need that." She said, grabbing her blouse and throwing it on without buttoning it up. "Can you get my grey suit out for me?"

"Okay," Andrew knew what the grey suit meant – it was usually the one Leah wore if she thought there was a risk of any trouble. "One lucky suit coming up."

"I keep telling you it's not my lucky suit," Leah replied as she snatched the trousers off the hanger. "I just feel comfortable in it."

"I'll go and stick the kettle on. Alison won't be here for twenty five minutes yet." Andrew said, leaving Leah in peace to get ready.

****

Leah finished the drink and put the mug in the sink at the same time as the doorbell rang. Andrew was standing in the hallway by the door, holding Leah's jacket for her.

"Be careful." He said as she snatched the jacket from his hand. As soon as it was on she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

"I will. Love you."

"I love you too." He said. Without another word he opened the door. Alison was standing on the doorstep. Andrew nodded to her, acknowledging the fact she was there without saying anything. He watched as they walked down the drive to the dark grey Range Rover waiting for them. Leah glanced over her shoulder once at him before she got in and the vehicle drove away. Andrew waited for a minute before closing the front door.

Then he went upstairs and vomited in the bathroom.

****

"At 8:32 this morning we received confirmation that a cargo flight operated by Global Supply Systems inbound from Tbilisi had landed at Stansted Airport with a suspicious package as part of its cargo manifest," Tom Benedict's voice was distorted over the speaker phone in the Range Rover.

"I'm sorry, what sort of package are we talking about here?" Alison asked.

"One of the handlers noticed that the crate was written up incorrectly – the item weighed in excess of sixty pounds when it should have only been forty-five. He reported it to his supervisor who had the local authorities open it up to determine if there was an additional import duty that needed to be levied." Tom added. "I'm sending the images to Leah's Blackberry now."

A few moments later the small device in Leah's hand beeped and a series of images flashed up on the screen. Contained within the wooden crate was a cylindrical tube that was attached to a large auto-loader device. In turn, that was fed by a magazine that appeared to be calibrated to hold something roughly the same size as an over-sized shotgun round. Attached to the main body of the device was a small hand-held element that looked like a weapon from a cheesy science fiction show.

"Jesus…" Alison muttered.

"A Dragunov AGS-30." Leah said.

"You recognise that?" Tom asked.

"You might say that." Alison groaned.

"It was a prototype semi-automatic grenade launcher developed by the Russians in the late 1990s as a successor to the AGS-17," Leah said. "Its original spec was around the concept of a portable urban pacification system, but it was soon clear that its scope extended way beyond that."

"It's capable of firing thirty millimetre, programmable smart grenades up to seven hundred metres. It's got a rate of fire of sixty high explosive rounds per minute. The little ray gun looking gizmo is a remote laser targeting device; it can store up to twenty independent targets at once." More images of the device flashed up on the Blackberry as Leah continued to explain the origin of the weapon. "The Russian company designing it ceased production once it was revealed in the testing phase that it was prone to over-heating, but they lost five of the working prototypes before they went out of business."

"Look's like Jovan's ghost has come back to haunt us." Alison muttered.

"Where was this being shipped to?" Leah asked Tom, partially ignoring Alison's statement.

"There's no forwarding address – the shipping manifest said that the purchaser was going to pick it straight up from the airport this afternoon."

"How long until we reach Stansted Airport?" Alison asked Michaels, who was driving.

"About forty-five minutes." He replied as both women felt the surge in power as he pushed the accelerator down.

****

Hagley Hall

May 2001

"Ladies and Gentlemen please raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Andrew Hargreaves," Bryant Mayhew raised his glass in a toast to the couple as they made their way towards the dance floor. As Andrew held Leah's hand, he saw the look of joy on her face.

"I can't believe you're actually getting me to dance to Elton John's The Way You Look Tonight," Andrew whispered into Leah's ear.

"Nothing you say right now will spoil how happy you've made me today," She replied as they danced. "But if you want to get lucky tonight then you'd better watch what you say about the choice of music for our first dance."

"Oooh, threats Mrs Hargreaves?" Andrew mocked her. "You really think that once you've had a few drinks you'll be able to resist me?"

"Contrary to popular belief Mr Hargreaves, you are not as charming as you think you are," Leah quipped as Andrew pulled her closer to him.

"Hey, doesn't matter, you signed up to obey me. Remember that part of the wedding vows? You're my woman now; you've no say in the matter." Leah could hear the humour in his voice as she pulled back and saw the huge smile on his face.

"I knew we should have written our own vows." Leah replied with a smile. "But in case you've forgotten, that door swings both ways."

"I better be careful what demands I start making then huh?" Andrew responded as Leah put her head on his shoulder. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, kind of figured that." She replied. "Now kiss me before the song finishes."

****

Three songs later and Eric Douglas was on his way to getting seriously drunk. As he sat at the head table nursing his drink, Leah sat down next to him, wrapped her arms around him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"What was that for?"

"Consider it a thank you for being here." Leah replied. She noticed the glum look on Eric's face. "What's wrong?"

"I…I think that Alison is having an affair." The words just blurted out of Eric's mouth. "I'm sorry, I should just shut up, and you don't need this today…" He started to get up out of his chair.

"Nonono, come on, sit down," Leah said, grabbing his arm and virtually dragging Eric back into his seat. "What makes you think that?"

"It's all these trips she keeps going on, you know, for her job," Eric sounded upset.

"Eric, listen to me." Leah said. "Whenever we've been working away together Alison has never done anything that would lead me to think that she's being unfaithful to you." Eric took another swig from the flute of champagne. "I know she's not the easiest person in the world to get along with, but I do know that she loves you. Now get up and dance with me."

At the same time on the dance floor, Alison was in Andrew's arms as he twirled her around the floor.

"Thanks for sorting all this out while Leah was away – it means a lot to both of us." Andrew said.

"Don't mention it – consider it my wedding gift to you both in lieu of a new toaster," Alison replied. "What I said about upsetting her stands though – I can still make you disappear!"

"Stop it, you'll make me laugh and I might step on your toes…Hey, looks like Leah's finally getting Eric to his feet." Andrew said. Alison looked over his shoulder.

"I'm surprised he can still stand at this point – he hates weddings." She replied. "He's usually well on his way to getting drunk by now." Alison realised that Andrew was looking at her. She found his gaze slightly uncomfortable. "What?"

"You haven't told him, have you?" Andrew said. Alison scowled.

"How do you do that?"

"Answer me." Andrew said, ignoring Alison's question.

"Look, I admire the way how Leah and you are completely honest with each other," Alison replied. "It's brutal but it works for you guys because you know you can trust each other, but that's not the way I'm wired."

"He still thinks you work for a bank for Christ's sake," Andrew said. "At least tell him you work for the Foreign Office or something like that – you know, just in case."

"I appreciate the concern and I don't want to sound funny Andy, but what's it matter to you?"

"It matters because I happen to like Eric and if the situation was reversed I'd rather know a watered down version of the truth than have the reality hit me like a brick if something happened to Leah." Alison could see the earnest expression on Andrew's face. "At least I could, you know, prepare for it."

"God you're sickeningly good, aren't you?"

"Yes he is, and he's mine," Leah said, gently sliding in between Andrew and Alison. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to dance with my husband again."

****

9 weeks later

Late in the July afternoon, the sun scorched the Mediterranean shores below. Exhausted from a day of sun worship, water sports, and souvenir shopping, crowds of tourists began gathering at the outdoor cafes and taverns, which lined the city's waterfront. The scent of fried seafood began to drift throughout the harbour where a multitude of yachts and other pleasure craft were moored against the pier.

On the deck of one of those boats was an attractive brunette woman wearing a triangle top and string bottom bikini. Facing inland, she casually sat up and leaned her body backward against the palms of her hands. Looking comfortable, her right leg extended straight out in front of her, whereas her left knee was bent at a forty-five degree angle. She then tilted her head back, letting the bright rays glisten off her sunglasses, while her dark tresses of hair dangled downward.

Another woman, tanned but this time blonde stepped out from behind the cabin door. Barefooted, the newcomer walked out onto the deck wearing a pair of snug fitting blue jeans and a black, lace tank top.

"You need to put some more suntan lotion on your shoulders," said the second woman. "Otherwise you'll burn." Upon hearing the voice, Leah rolled over on her stomach. Bringing her hands behind her, she then undid the top of her bikini.

"Can you put some on my back then?" said Leah as she held up a tube of sun-screen.

"Hey, what did your last slave die of?" Alison joked as she picked up the tube and squeezed.

"I had them shot on a charge of insubordination." Leah smirked. Slowly, the lotion oozed out and fell onto Leah's back producing a curvy trail of white cream crossing over itself in a manner reminiscent of a moebius strip. Alison then placed her hands on top of Leah's shoulders, and began to rub them over her warm, sun soaked skin. Alison's hands smoothly slid over Leah, delicately etching themselves into the lean but firm muscles along her torso. Leah smiled, indulging in the way the massage relaxed her. By the time Leah's back was covered with a glossy shield, Alison applied a coat over the back of her legs as well.

"You know, you're almost as good as Andrew at doing that," Leah quipped. Alison retaliated by smacking her playfully on the back of her legs. "So are you all set for tonight?"

"Indeed I am! How do I look? Do you think mi amore will like me like this?" replied Alison as she stood up, leaned back against the rail of the boat and modelled her appearance. Leah lifted her head up and rested her chin on top of her right hand, which was propped up on its elbow. The bewitching gaze of her green eyes and free flowing blonde hair made Alison seem desirously untameable. Her lace top pressed against her skin and was hemmed at the ribs, showing off her flat waistline while the faded blue jeans she wore rode below Alison's navel, complementing the effect. Slung across her hip and below her belt loops was a thick, metallic lariat decorated with crystal and ornate patterns.

"You look like a tramp." replied Leah with a giggle

"That's right! Just the way he likes me. Maybe I'll even let him get lucky tonight," answered Alison with a sly grin on her face. "This undercover work can be so taxing."

"Whatever you do just be careful," said Leah as she pushed herself up off of the deck.

"Don't worry Leah, I can take care of myself." said Alison as she sat down on a bench, crossed her legs and strapped her feet into a pair of stiletto sandals. "Besides, I'll have you watching over me like a guardian angel."

"Only for a short while – after that you're on your own." Leah reminded her.

"I'll be fine," Alison said, hugging Leah and casting a glance at her watch over her friend's shoulder. "Okay, I've got to go."

Moments later Leah leaned forward on the rail and watched Alison head down the pier towards the town. As usual male onlookers' heads began to turn. It was amazing how easy it was for Alison to get men eating out of her hands, thought Leah. The swinging motion of her hips always caught the attention of the men nearby, while her flirtatious smile and wave dazzled them.

By the time Alison reached the waterfront a large crowd of people were parading down the walkways. At one of the outdoor cafes Alison could see Jovan sitting at a table. The sunlight reflected off his bald head and she could imagine his small, beady eyes eagerly pouring over every woman that walked in or out of the café. Looking every bit the part of a Balkan mobster, dressed in an ill-fitting suit that looked like it hadn't been dry cleaned in a month, he had a bottle of cognac in front of him, a cigarette in one hand, and his cell phone in the other. Sitting along side him were several large boned men in military haircuts; both of them looked displeased to be sitting in public rather than out breaking legs.

Undeterred, Alison came up from behind him. Because the bodyguards knew her, they made no attempt to stop her from nearing their charge. Instead they contently stared at her navel and very fit midsection. I could have killed him right then, Alison thought as she playfully blindfolded Jovan with her hands.

"Guess who?"

"Ah! It's about time you arrived," answered Jovan as he sniffed the fragrance of her perfume and placed his cell phone on the table. Reaching back up, he grabbed a hold of her wrist and guided the back of her right hand to his lips. After he kissed her hand, Alison leaned forward and kissed the side of his mouth. Once her lips made contact, the tip of her tongue protruded forward and tickled the inside corner of his mouth. In response Jovan turned his head toward her and tried to envelop her lips completely with his mouth, but before he could, Alison coyly moved her face away.

"Come on Jovan there will be plenty time for that later," she said as she sat down next to him, and poured herself a glass of water. Not before too long a waiter brought out their dinner trays and a vintage bottle of wine.

Meanwhile, out in the harbour Leah stood behind the wheel of the boat and gently steered it away from the pier. Once she reached her not too distant destination, she dropped anchor and went back into the cabin. When she returned she was carrying a black briefcase. Walking to the front of the boat she knelt down on the deck and pressed the case snaps with her fingers so that the top popped open. Inside the case were the parts of a high calibre rifle. Going about her business, she efficiently assembled the weapon. Turning around in the opposite direction she looked through the scope of the rifle out into the sea until her eyes found the two bottle shaped buoys she had thrown over board earlier.