tagHumor & SatireHow The Troll Grinched Litmas

How The Troll Grinched Litmas

byGaucho©

Author's note: In case you're not familiar with Literotica, it may add to your enjoyment of this story to know that the lady whose image adorns the home page of this site is named Erica and her exploits can be found in the chain story, "Memoirs of a Lady".

Every Lit
Down in Lit-ville
Liked Litmas a lot...

But the Troll,
Who lived outside of Lit-ville,
Did NOT!

The Troll hated Litmas! The whole Litmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
His butt plug may not have been screwed in just right.
Or maybe his tit-clamps were latched on too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Might be that his cock ring was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His cock or his tits,
He sat there on Litmas Eve, hating the Lits.
Staring down from his chair with a foul Trolly grin
At the lady whose memoirs were recounted within

For almost five years now he'd stared at that page
And every new sight of her filled him with rage.
Her tight, saucy buttocks; her jiffy-pop hair
That half-hidden look of "Come on, if you dare"
She made his blood boil, she made his skin twitch
And he muttered to no one, "I'll get you, blonde bitch!"

For he knew it was she who had started this site
A home for both readers and those who would write
Of topics outrageous and others routine
Provided, of course, you were over eighteen
A place where most any thought flourished and grew
Where very few things were considered taboo

She stood there each day, standing guard, taking stock
Like a bold mother hen watching over her flock
But the Troll snarled and hissed, "I'll set fire to your nursery.
"If I have my way, there'll be NO anniversary!"

Then he laughed and he laughed till he started to choke
But in truth he was nervous and when he next spoke
His thoughts were uneasy and his voice sounded queer
"Tomorrow is Litmas! It's practically here!"
And he growled, the blood in his shrunken cock thrumming
"I MUST find some way to stop Litmas from coming!"

For,
Tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Lit gals and gents
Would log on quite early with feelings intense
And then! Oh, they'd read! They'd read! Read! Read! Read!
And as they'd read, jerking, they'd scatter their seed!
They'd read all the poems and they'd read all the stories
Of sex in the bedroom, and at holes of glory

Then the Lits, old and new, would calm down and they'd vote.
And they'd vote! And they'd vote!
And they'd VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
They'd vote high or low and they'd vote cool or hot
Depending on levels of cream and dicksnot

And THEN
They'd do something
He just couldn't take!
Every Lit down in Lit-ville,
The snakes and the flakes,
Would join close together, some shy and some boasting.
They'd sit at their keyboards. And the Lits would start posting!

They'd post! And they'd post!
And they'd POST! POST! POST! POST!
And as the Troll thought of this Lit celebration,
He brushed it aside as just group masturbation.
"It's really quite funny," he thought with a smirk
"The whole world's caught up in this great circle-jerk!"
But the notion still rankled, "It's been almost five years!"
Why, the idea alone brought him nearly to tears
"I've put up with this nonsense for long enough now!
I MUST stop this Litmas from coming!
...But HOW?

So he stood and he thought
And he stared at his dinky.
It was a pitiful thing, rather small and quite wrinkly
The Troll parted his legs and he poked it right through
Till his useless appendage was hidden from view

And what happened then,
Well now, wouldn't you know?
An idea (and his dinky)
Both started to grow.

And as his poor wiener poked out past his hammies
He thought of those Litsters asleep in their jammies
"I know just what to do!" The Troll laughed in his cheeks
"I'll soon get the best of those hapless Lit geeks."

He went to his closet and rummaged his clothes
He found some black pumps and his last pair of hose
From under the pile, he fished out a red vest
"Now, this will be perfect to cover my chest!"
With tennis balls adding va-voom to his shape
And his dinky secured to his butt with duct tape
The mirror revealed him a vision in red
"All I'm missing is something to cover my head."

"What I need is a wig..."
The Troll looked around.
But then the Troll thought, "All of my good wigs are brown."
Did that stop the old Troll...?
No! The Troll simply said,
"If I don't have a blonde wig, I'll make one instead!"
So he grabbed an old mop and he cut off the threads
And he draped the old flop mop atop of his head.

But the Troll wasn't happy.
"I look just like Joan Rivers!
If anyone sees me, I'll give them the shivers!"
So back in his closet he searched and he dug
And something he found brought a smile to his mug
A Santy Claus hat in bright red, trimmed in white
"Now, that's just what I need to wear on THIS night!"

And he chortled, and joked, "What a great Trolly plan!
No one will EVER suspect I'm a man!
To Lits 'round the world and all over America
To Lits one and all, I'll be sweet Lady Erica!"

THEN
He grabbed his spare hard drive
The gazillion-byte model
And he laughed and he said,
"This should handle their twaddle."

With a tug on his vest
And a click on his mouse
He began his assault
On the sleepy Lit-house

The BB was quiet, all the forums serene.
The Lits were all dreaming of stories obscene
When he came to the first little thread on the screen.
"This is where I get off," said the Troll with a hoot
And he climbed in the thread with his hard drive to boot.

Then he made himself read and he tried not to gag.
"These people," he thought, "must be half in the bag."
He got stuck only once, like a spider in glue
As he pondered the meaning of Lumberjack Foo
He reached the thread end and he hunkered down low
"These postings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, like a slinky with tits,
Around the whole forum, and he took all the bits!
Profiles! Avatars! Sig Lines! Posts!
Updates! Web Links! Pictures! And Boasts!
He took all the data. And then, the old sleaze,
He transferred it onto his hard drive with ease.

When he finished that thread, he went on to the next
He added those photos! He added that text!
As quick as a flash and with little decorum
The Troll emptied all of the news from that forum.

THEN
With his hard drive in tow and his smile something hellish
He pondered the choice of his next act with relish.

He made his decision and he started to move
When he heard a small sound, interrupting his groove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a young Lit!
Little Laurel Lit bit, who was small in the tits.

The Troll had been caught by this tiny Lit lady
Who knew right away that his dealings were shady.
She said with despair, "Lady Erica, why?
"Why have you taken those threads away?" WHY?"

But, you know, that old Troll was so smart and so wise
And he knew that she hadn't seen through his disguise
"Now listen, young lass," the fake Erica said,
"It's really quite late and you should be in bed.
"Big doings tomorrow for Litmas, you know
"If you sleep too long, then you'll miss a great show!"

And little Laurel Lit smiled and she nodded okay
And she gave him a hug before going away.
But she couldn't resist saying, her voice like a snigger
"Your tits may be firm, but my nipples are bigger!"
He glanced at his chest, the round orbs with no tips
And he wondered, "Why didn't I think to add nips?"

"NOW,
"Where was I?" he thought, with his bushy brows bristling
Then he remembered and went back to work, whistling.
He chose his next forum and went on with his task
And he thought up some more lies, in case someone asked.

He ate up more cookies
Than Santa, the old louse
Leaving crumbs much too small
For a click of the mouse

THEN
He did the same thing
To the other Lit browsers

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Lit mousers

And the last thing he did, just to add to his glory
He went to the index and he "1"d all their stories

It was almost that time...
All the Lits, still a-snore
All the Lits, still a-split
When he finished his chore.
He patted his hard drive and he chuckled with joy
"Five years to build and one night to destroy!"

"Too bad for the Lits!" The Troll said with disdain.
"Their story is over and there'll be no refrain.
"They're just logging on! I know just what they'll see!
"A 'This Space For Rent' sign atop the marquee!'

"That's a sight," grinned the Troll
"That I simply MUST see!"
So he logged on himself, just to check the debris
And what he saw then almost gave him a stroke
"This must be a joke!" he sputtered and choked

For the sight wasn't sad!
Oh, quite the contrary!
It couldn't be so!
But THIS site was merry!

He stared down at Lit-ville!
The Troll popped his eyes!
The Troll got a terrible, shocking surprise!

For all the Lits down in Lit-ville,
The straights and the swishes,
Were posting Lit greetings
And spreading good wishes!

He HADN'T stopped Litmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

AND
The Troll, with his troll-cock tucked under his butt,
Felt wonder and worry creep into his gut
"Their web site is down; I'm quite certain of that!
"So how are they able to log on and chat?"
And he puzzled three hours, for the rest of the morn.
Then the Troll got a shock, like the blast from a horn!
"Maybe Litmas," he thought, "is no object of scorn.
"Maybe Litmas...perhaps...isn't just about porn!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Lit-ville they say
That the Troll's small cock
Grew six sizes that day!
His cock ring exploded! He jumped from his chair!
He had so little time and so much to repair!
He whizzed with his hard drive back down to the site
His juices were flowing; his jizz spurting white.
And he brought back the forums! And the site's inventory!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Troll wrote a new story!

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byGaucho© 8 comments/ 70703 views/ 2 favorites

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