How To Eat a PeachbyHeathen Hemmingway©
Hello again. I always try to make time to correspond with my readers. I have corresponded with a few good folks via feedback lately, and it has come to my attention that more than one of the emails had a common element. People who don't know how to eat pussy. I know, I know. It's rather blunt, putting it that way. But that was the gist of it in a nutshell. So I decided I would commit a few hundred words to print about one of my all time favorite past times. Now keep in mind this is not a how-to for giving head. This is just a collection of observations I have made from my own experiences. Everyone has their own certain way of giving and receiving. We all like it our own way. To me, oral sex is good if you both get your cookies and everyone is happy.
One: Porn's skewed vision of cunnilingus.
We've all seen it. A porn flick where the guy is giving obviously bad head. The woman is faking and exaggerating as hard as she can. The man is apathetically licking her vagina like it's a stale lollipop. Next thing you know he's jabbing away at her and then here comes the money shot. Pop. Wow, how freaking disappointing. For those of who enjoy giving head, that's a waste of film. Shouldn't he be excited about it? Hello? Furthermore, when you're tongue fucking a blistering hot blonde, why would you bother idly licking at her pussy? Dammit man eat what's on your plate. Force her legs apart and dive face first in that sucker then don't come up til you've blown a fuck bubble.
Two: Lack of foreplay ruins the experience of getting head.
Ok. So let's assume you know how to give good head. If you're a guy and your girlfriend drops to her knees in front of you, digs your pride out of your shorts and goes to town on it, that's fine and dandy. For a guy. Most women don't want the 'give it to me right now' treatment when it comes to receiving oral sex. Women enjoy foreplay and for them it is often a precursor to good oral sex. Be sweet to her. Use a gentle hand. Talk to her, slowly undress her. Whatever it takes in particular for her. For a woman even good casual sex is a mental experience as well as physical, so cater to her emotions as well as that hot little pussy that keeps calling to you.
Three: A quick lick don't cut it Mister.
Considering what most women have told me over the years about receiving oral sex, it seems most times that a blowjob lasts a hell of a lot longer than eating pussy. So your girlfriend has just given you a nice long sloppy hot blowjob. You're blissfully brain damaged and you have lipstick on your dipstick. Your last three functioning brain cells think 'well I ought to give her some head in return'. So for an entire forty-five seconds you go down on her. Whatta man. You got a good blowjob and in return you've pissed her off. If she can tell you're rushing it just to get it over with, she's not going to enjoy it. Giving good head isn't just about making that token gesture. You have to show her you are enjoying it. Don't you like it when she's inhaling your cock and she looks up at you with that insatiable look in her eyes? Well return the favor!! Think about it. We men think about pussy approximately once every seven seconds. So when you're actually with the pussy and not thinking about the pussy, why not enjoy it? Sheesh!
Four: Read the road signs.
Every woman likes to receive head in her own little way. Some women like it to be soft and non-invasive. Some women want you to crawl up in that sucker and set up housekeeping. If you enjoy foreplay and petting, etc. then talk to her. Tell her what you like about her and why. That will excite her, no doubt. Try to find out what excites her the most then slowly tweak it. If you dive an all gung ho without reading the road signs first, then she's going to be disappointed. She will probably be sweet and LIE about it, but chances are she won't get her rocks off.
Five: Drop the macho shit.
Face it. There's nothing macho about eating pussy. You've got your tongue in the softest, most sensitive part of her anatomy. This is no time to play Die Hard With A Boner.
Six: Don't be shy.
I remember the first time I went down on a girl. It was in the front seat of my old Pontiac Grand Le Mans. ( I wish I had that car now. It was so big you could fit nine women, me and a midget with a camcorder all in the front seat ) I had been finger fucking my girlfriend for a few minutes when she asked me to go down on her. I was dying with anticipation but I was also nervous as hell. Afterward she said she enjoyed it and gave me a big ol' hug. I told her it was great, but I honestly didn't know if I had enjoyed it or not. It was dark and we were on a back woods road. I was nervous as hell to begin with, and so was she. We all go through those awkward moments, and that's cool. But once we're all grown up and we live in the big bad real world, things change. If you have a hot little thang in your life and she wants you to kiss the kitty, brother you better lie down and deliver. It may be a push for you, but the rewards are unreal. Once you get past the initial embarrassment it's very damned enjoyable. Think about it this way, how often do you get to see a vagina in extreme close up?
Seven: Make your own mojo.
Once you've been around a little and you learn the basics of giving head, don't sit on your ass the next time you're with your girl and give her some plain Jane head. You gotta diversify. You can't just flop down between her legs and lick like a thirsty dog. You've got to make love to her with your tongue. Don't just make the simple up and down motions you see in porn. Exhibit some interest in what you're doing. Explore with your tongue. Touch her in places you've never touched before. Kiss her pussy as if it were her mouth. Fuck her with your tongue. Gently grind her clitoris and labia between your teeth. Play with her breasts, rake your hands across her skin. You have to stimulate her in whatever way gives her the most, well, stimulation. Women who have been stimulated emotionally or psychologically can achieve a higher level of clitoral sensitivity. What this means in plain english is, if you learn how to give her the warm fuzzies then she will jump ten feet high the first time you wrap your lips around her clit and suck on it. And keep in mind, every woman like a different degree of roughness when you're playing with her clit. Don't just assume she likes it rough and hard. Test the waters at first, gauge her responses and see.
Eight: Go with the flow.
Sometimes a woman will develop a rhythm to her motions if she enjoys the way you go down on her. Pay attention to it. Slide your finger inside her and gently massage her g spot while you suck on her clit. Keep your motions in time with hers. If she likes what you're doing and she wants to lead the way, then by all means let her. If she gives you feedback in the form of shoving your face deeper into her pussy, whatever you do DON'T STOP. I have been told that a woman's orgasm is more of a 'building up' sensation than that of a man. So I can understand why it would be insanely frustrating to be close to orgasm then have your partner stop what they are doing. That probably accounts for half the divorces in the world.
Nine: Take it like a man.
So you've been with your partner for a while. You enjoy going down on her, and with time you've learned how to really make her squirm. Now, think about that gluttonous satisfaction you get when you blast a hot shot of cum all over your darling girlfriend's face. Why shouldn't she enjoy the same? Good sex is often a power trip for both partners. If you know how to make her cum, then make it an experience for her. Revel in the moment. Bury your tongue in her pussy as she cums, if she moans then moan with her. If she starts screaming then keep it up til she can't scream any more. Women don't climax nearly as often as men do, so make it as intense as possible. Once you've been with her a while you'll know the signs that say 'I'm about to cum'. When you can sense she is close, don't back down. Sure your neck hurts and your mouth is getting dry. Big freaking deal. And when she does cum, be receptive to it. Myself, I love pussy. The idea of going down on my girlfriend and feeling that hot trickle of fuck running down my chin drives me crazy. She's worth the effort and she will enjoy the power trip. For me being able to make her cum is a power trip as well. Then...... after she recovers from her orgasm and she catches her breath, brother you're going to get the blowjob of a fucking lifetime.
Ten: The X-Factor.
Some guys just don't like eating pussy. Oh well, everybody has their ways. And out of the three or four billion women on the planet, I am sure that three or four of them don't like getting head. Ok, maybe it's more like one or two of them. Poor souls.
Fade To Black
( Psst. Some of you may recognize this. Yep, it's me! )