How to Post a Comment on LitbyCphucker©
First and foremost, the reason I am writing this is not out of anger towards specific comments I have personally received. I, along with most writers here I assume, appreciate any and all feedback left on their stories. Seriously, if I never saw negative comments, I would start to get a god complex and my writing would turn into self-indulgent feces. Feedback is the lifeblood of a website whose content is built on a structure of voting and ratings and comments. If you received a low rating on a story but there were no comments left, how would you know what your readers disliked? Please, please, if you read a story and feel that something could have been improved upon, at least send the author an e-mail and let him or her know.
Now, if you choose to leave a public comment, here are some basic guidelines you can follow to make everyone, including the author and everyone reading the comments, happier with their online sex life:
1.) Create a motherfucking Lit account and use it to post comments!
Quick, positive comments are nice, and maybe you're late for work, or your grandma is calling you upstairs to finish vacuuming, or you're so tired from masturbating that you don't have the energy to type anything except "Great job, now I need new underwear!" in which case, we understand. But if you'd really like to let the author know that you appreciated his or her work, log in and post your comment so we can see your username and know that active members of the Lit community are enjoying our stuff. I don't ignore anyone, but I have to admit that I pay much less attention to comments left by Anonymous. There is no connection to the reader, and I love being able to interact with you and thank you for your comments if you e-mail me.
And of course, that brings up the dreaded negative comment poster! Duh duh duuuuuuuhhhhhhh...
It's cool, ok? Really, it's cool. You took the time to read our story (we'll just assume you read the entire thing unless you say otherwise) and something about it rubbed you the wrong way, enough that you felt the need to share it with us. We appreciate that you're participating in the website, and your feedback is going to help us make the world a better......wait, what the fuck?! Anonymous? ANONYMOUS?! Really, dude? I mean, if you had just said something like, "You lost me after they did this or said that, totally unrealistic!" or "There were too many grammatical and/or spelling errors, and I had a hard time focusing on the story", then it wouldn't bother us so bad. That is the kind of feedback that will help improve stories down the road.
But when you say shit like "Oh my god, I can't believe you would write something so terrible! You're the worst writer in the world, you should go jump off a cliff!" or my personal favorite "This story offends my personal/religious ethics. I came to a porn story website and clicked on your story and the description told me what to expect, but when I read it and felt guilty afterward I decided that I should tell everyone that it's morally wrong" then you're defeating the whole purpose of what you intended. If you want the author, or anyone else, to respect what you say and take it seriously, then you have to post your comment under a username. We're not making you read our story, and we're not making you comment. If you choose to do both, and you have the testicles to be rude about it, then you need to fucking grow up and let us respond to your comment. Otherwise, you're wasting everyone's time (well not your own I guess, you apparently have too much spare time on your hands as it is).
2.) There is a limit to constructive criticism.
There's a difference between leaving a nice comment, and leaving too much information. I know you just finished reading that story that got you so turned on, and you couldn't quite finish masturbating before the kids started screaming or your wife came downstairs with the laundry so your balls are about to burst, but seriously dude, calm the fuck down! Sometimes it's like the reader is trying to get off on his own comment, I swear. "That was a great story!! I'm so hard right now, I really liked when this happened and they did this and that, oh and when she did this to his that! Amazing!!! You should have him impregnate her next time, and then get so and so involved, and then he pisses on her while she's blowing the dog, and then he cums on the cat, and then...and then...oh my god it was fantastic!!!"
That was nearly an actual comment I frequently receive. I'm happy that you're able to get your jollies off while reading something I did to express myself creatively. I'm really happy that you're reading at all, because I think far too few people know how to read these days. We're changing the fucking world here, people! But in all seriousness, comments posted on this website should be relatively short and sweet. You can send a comment to be e-mailed to the author and make it however long you wish. It might save some of you some embarrassment.
3.) Comments should be used to motivate the author, not tell them what to do.
No matter how you look at it, comments on stories are really intended to influence the author more than anyone else. Yeah, it's fun to read what other people thought of the story. And yes, it's enjoyable sometimes to read the negative comments from that pesky Anonymous, who seems to read almost every story on this site! I envy his freedom and recreational choices.
But comments are not the proper forum (and I feel there isn't one anyway) to give instructions to the author. Many people either get caught up trying to be constructive, or are just plain arrogant, and they feel they have the right to demand what the author should be writing about. "Next time, have them do this particular sex act" or "You should make them do this and that, and don't forget this family favorite, you know, the thing where your story has to completely change categories to fit my specific tastes?" No author is going to take that advice, because then it wouldn't be their story! If you want specific, detailed events to happen in a story, you should consider writing that story yourself. Unless you're posting as Anonymous, and then you should not for everyone's sake.
4.) Don't bother telling us how you fucked your whole family just like in the story.
Maybe it's just Incest stories that get this all the time, but it never fails that some guy (sorry men, but it does seem to be exclusively us who do this) who just has to comment that he also did exactly what happened in the story. Amazing! Not only that, but he also did this family member, and that one, and he's just a crazy hot dynamo who can't keep the relatives off his stick! Oh yeah, and did I mention how he took all his female relatives' virginity and impregnated them all? And they still do it every night? I'm so jacking off to your comment, man.
This seems related to #2, and is likely the result of excitement and a little insecurity. I can't totally discount this type of comment, because if I'm in a good mood, these ones will have me rolling. So I guess I should be thanking you! But I won't.
I guess that's about it. It was probably way too much information, but I've been meaning to write this for a while. I rarely get to try to be humorous in my sex stories, so please bear with me as my terrible jokes burst free from their restraints.
And as always, keep the comments coming!!!