How to Seduce Your Professorbyzondar37m©
Back in the heyday of the sexual revolution, many beds on and off-campus were bouncing with professors and their students. This still happens, but it is much less frequent, in part because of genuine concerns about academic professionalism, but in part because of a more paternalistic and hypocritical sexual atmosphere. As a long-time student and now college professor myself, I thought I would share some advice for students who find themselves attracted to their professors, and want to take a shot at seducing them. I'll be writing this from the perspective of a female student trying to seduce a male professor, but I think it all applies, mutatis mutandis, to every other compatible combination of genders and sexual orientations.
Sexual harassment rules on college campuses today are extremely strict. In many schools, a professor can get into trouble EVEN if you consented to have sex with him, and EVEN if you are not currently in his class, and EVEN if you never even reported the incident. All that is necessary is for the school to find out somehow that you two had some kind of romantic relationship, and the professor will almost certainly lose his job. Now, my own view is that this does not mean that professors and students should never sleep together. In any case, if you want to sleep with your professor, let him know and let him decide for himself what he wants to do about it. Remember that you are not forcing your professor to sleep with you. He is a grown-up, and he can decide for himself whether he wants to take the chance. Furthermore, even if he turns you down, almost any professor will be deeply flattered by a student who comes on to him. Believe me: the memory of you in his office will be vividly in his head as he sleeps with his next girlfriend, or makes love to his wife, or while he is, ahem, "lathering up" in the shower.
But in the current legal and political environment, you should keep two things in mind. First, any professor with an ounce of brains is thinking, "If I make a pass at a student, even one who I think has been flirting with me, and I misjudged her feelings toward me, my career is over." Consequently, YOU are going to have to make the first move (and maybe the second and the third too). This may be especially hard for you if you are a woman. Many women are used to dropping a few hints, and then having the guy ask them out. YES! I know that this is a generalization, and that it is not true of many women. But I suspect that many women will have to work a little bit to seduce a professor, and take more charge of starting the relationship than they may be used to. Second, if a relationship does start, you and he have to be VERY discreet.
I also assume that you don't want to be fatally humiliated while making the first move. So you'll have to be a little bit subtle in bringing up the subject. The first step is to decide when to make your move. I know this is difficult, but I strongly recommend that you wait until AFTER you have completed any course that you are taking with the professor. Any teacher with the least professionalism will turn you down cold if he thinks that you want to trade sex for grades. Of course, you can still lay the groundwork for seducing him while the course is still going on. Some of what you should do is obvious. Dress sexy. I'm not saying you should look like a streetwalker, but revealing outfits are nice. It doesn't hurt either if you absentmindedly play with the top button on your blouse, or reach inside your blouse to slowly scratch an itch. But there are other ways to flirt with a professor that might not occur to you. Pay attention during class. Keep eye contact with him. Do the readings and the assignments. Ask questions during class. Don't worry about being the best student in the class. If you are a terrific student, that's great, but you don't have to be. Honestly, most professors are really touched by a student who's making a genuine effort in the class, even if she doesn't have a lot of natural ability.
Once the semester is over and the grades have been handed in, make an appointment to meet him. DON'T go to his office hours. Other students may show up, and you need privacy. Wear something sexy, but not slutty. Go in and tell him what a great time you had in his course, and how much you think you learned. Then say something like, "But, actually, the reason I'm here doesn't have to do with the course. I really respect your opinion, and I have a personal problem that I wanted some advice about. Uhm, do you mind if I close the door?" At this point, you will start to know where you stand. If he refuses to let you close the door, even after you've explained that you want to talk about a personal problem, then you don't have a chance with him. (Sorry.) If you find yourself in this awkward situation, tell him some cover story that you rehearsed beforehand, like, "My roommate's been drinking an awful lot, and I'm wondering whether I should confront her about it. What do you think?" Let him prattle on for a minute or so, then smile, thank him, and get on with your life. (His loss!)
If he lets you close the door, here's what you say next. "I have a friend who is very attracted to one of her professors, and she wants to approach him about it, but she's not sure whether she should. I mean, we know that students and teachers aren't supposed to have relationships, but I just think that's such a paternalistic rule. As long as the student is very discreet and no one finds out, who does it hurt?" Now you need to gauge his reaction to what you've said. If he seems really ruffled, or if he speaks out against teacher-student relationships in no uncertain terms, then he's not interested. In that case, thank him for his "wise advice" and say that you'll pass it on to your friend. On the other hand, if he agrees wholeheartedly with what you have just said, then he's giving you "the green light."
If that happens, skip to the next paragraph (on "moving in for the kill"). On the third hand, if he seems to waver, and maybe points out some of the ways in which having a relationship with a student might get a professor in trouble, but doesn't seem entirely convinced by what he is saying, then he PROBABLY wants to be talked into it, or at least wants some assurances from you that you are really committed to being discreet. At this point, you should stress things like the fact that "your friend" would never tell anyone about the relationship, that "she" realizes that it would have to come to an end at some point, and that she is okay with that, etc. (If you're feeling confident, you might even switch to, "Well, if I were her, I'd tell the professor ....") And don't forget the basic rules of flirting. Keep smiling! Laugh if he makes any jokes. If he seems to warm to you, slide your chair a little closer and casually touch his hand or knee while you're saying something.
If he seems to be flirting back, it's time to move in for the kill. If you think he's close to agreeing, but you think you need another icebreaker, try "As long as we're on the topic, I'm just curious: Have you ever had a relationship with a student?" If he says, No, but doesn't seem put off by the question, ask, "Have you ever been tempted to have a relationship with a student?" And, if all else fails, try, "Maybe we could talk some more about this some time over a beer. I know this great bar off-campus. It's kind of my secret: I've never seen anyone from school there." If he evades that question, then he's either not interested, or a moron. (Come to think of it: if he's not interested in you, then he is a moron!)
So carpe diem! Seize the day! You have a chance at a sexual relationship, and those are always great, and this one is even better, because it's illicit! As the Bible says, "Stolen waters are sweeter!"
I'm happy to get any reactions to this essay (other than telling me that I'm a letch who should be allowed to teach -- I know that already). I'm especially interested in whether my advice worked, or didn't work, for you. (Juicy details would be much appreciated!) I'd also be interested in seeing a guide written by a student about whether and when a professor should proposition them.