How to Spot a Literotica AuthorbyLadynStFreknBed©
Have you ever wondered if someone you know is a Literotica author? The anonymity that the Literotica usernames provide may make it difficult to judge unless you know what to look for. Your librarian, coworker, or next door neighbor could be a Literotica author.
Here are some clues that may just help you determine if someone you know is a Literotica author:
1. They are especially inquisitive about other people's fantasies and past experiences if such information is readily supplied. Literotica authors may be fishing for ways to punch up the story they are currently working on. They may also be vigorously searching for unique story ideas.
"Okay, so she was on her hands and knees. Her twin sister was home from college too? Did her sister walk into the room? Did her uncle see you? The uncle joined in too? Then what happened?"
2. Their Google search history is uniquely bizarre. Not just anyone searches for the latest information on fetishes, mythical creatures, bondage tape, and lotions during a single search session, or do they?
3. They have a phobia of the number 1. Ratings mean a lot to some Literotica authors. Over time, the number 1 becomes a dreaded number. I wouldn't be surprised if eventually there is a support group for Literotica authors who suffer from this terrible affliction. Perhaps a special hotline should be established. Well, I guess that wouldn't work if the hotline was a 1-800 number.
4. They are always on the prowl for new synonyms for "cock" and "pussy".
"What's another way to say cock, shaft, manhood, bulge, or rod? Um, no, I already used that one too."
5. Upon reading the newspaper, they may ask hypothetical questions that are a little far-fetched. The story may have awakened the writer's muse. Where a writer's muse goes, he just has to follow. Following the muse, a Literotica author might appear to be going off on a sexual tangent.
"That airplane went down in a cornfield? Thank God, he and his wife weren't hurt. The FAA still doesn't know the cause of the crash? Do you think he was distracted because she was giving him head?"
Or, after reviewing another news story:
"He doesn't want to run for President? I wonder if his wife asked him not to. He probably spends a lot of time away from home. What if the real reason he spends so much time away is because he has a woman on the side? What if the other woman would try to persuade him to run because she is turned on by his political power? What could she do to persuade him?"
6. They might just take notes after sex. Many writers keep a journal or notebook and a pen near their beds. It's not uncommon for writers to say that they get some of their best ideas right before they go to sleep, in dreams, or first thing in the morning before they even get out of bed. Literotica authors might get their best ideas right before sex, during sex, in fantasies, or right after sex before they even get out of bed. See? That's not so different. But, that subtle difference could tip you off that your partner is actually writing a story for Literotica.
"Now wait, do that again...mmmm... okay, hold on a sec... Can you hand me that pen?"
Still not sure if your boss or mailman is a Literotica author? Well, there is one special test you can do to know for sure. Literotica authors share a special bond with the "The Three Billy Goats Gruff", and anything or anyone else adversely affected by trolls. Go ahead. Tell the fairy tale of "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" to the suspect and cheer for the troll. Watch her reaction. If she slaps you and condemns you and any trolls to an eternity of despair and punishment for your evil ways, she is a Literotica author. However, I am not responsible if her reaction is to have you committed to the nearest mental health facility.
Literotica authors are, well, surprisingly normal. They aren't sex-crazed kittens lounging in lingerie all day. Many have careers. Many are married or in committed relationships. Some have children. The only truly distinguishing characteristic of a Literotica author is that they work hard to entertain readers. I hope you will take some time today to vote and comment on some stories and poems. Take a few minutes to comment on your favorite story, if you haven't already. Literotica authors sincerely appreciate feedback. It's the only way for us to know if we are meeting our goal of entertaining you.