How to Write a How-TobyNoira©
In the end, you know perfectly well that you are the source of all knowledge that ought to be impacted into the world. You are intelligent, smart, and witty and you have things that need to be said. But how will you impact your brilliance into the world?
WRITE A HOW-TO SOMETHING ARTICLE, of course! What is that, you say? You don't know how to write a how-to article? Then today's your lucky day.
How to write a how-to article.
Step one: become brilliant. You can't very well instruct the world in how to take over the universe in seven easy steps if you don't know a damn lot about taking over the world. So get started. Crack out your evil villain lair, hire a few minions, dig out encyclopedias and read up on what you want to know. Knowledge is the first step in the path to imparting your brilliance to the world, and you can only get smarter.
Once you become an intelligent super-genius, only then can you possibly think to write an article on how to do something or another.
Step two: find a completely original, one of a kind topic that no one else has ever written about. Look, honey, it's been done: there's already fifty-seven articles on blowjobs, one hundred and twenty-six on other forms of oral sex, and probably seventy-three on aural sex besides. But then, this is the internet. Anything and everything that you can possibly think of has already been done. You will always be unoriginal. Check originality off of your list and pick something you're passionate about.
You don't want to write the same article as Joe Blowjob over there. You want to write your article, and presenting your originality to the world requires a touch of passion. Find something you're absolutely passionate about and learn everything there is to know about this topic. Then get writing. Maybe you've grown a new type of orchid. Maybe you can wire-wrap jewelry. Maybe you know how to code a webpage. Whatever your passion is, someone else has probably written an article about it already, but that doesn't have to stop you.
Pick something you know well, and feel would be well received.
Or even just pick what you know well. Popularity isn't everything. Certainly it helps to tailor to your audience—on Literotica a how-to article about sex will be best received, but on a jewelry site, a how-to on making earrings would be better appropriate to your audience than a titillating instructional video on giving blowjobs (using a banana as a guide, of course). But both sites would appreciate an article about making penis jewelry. Use your discretion.
Step three: Condense your knowledge into a nutshell. Sure, there might be a billion and twelve different ways to use a paperclip but most people probably don't give a damn. Particularly on the internet, brevity is a virtue. Write out draft one of your article, and then condense, condense, and condense some more. If you find yourself going on at length, consider breaking your article into multiple pieces.
Optimally a how-to article should consist of an introduction to the topic and a few simple steps that can be followed to reach the end goal, whether that be orgasmic bliss or a rather interesting piece of jewelry to be passed down for generations to come. It doesn't need to be an essay twelve pages long. You're not writing a thesis, just a simple instructional piece.
Step four: learn to write. An article riddled with grammatical errors is inevitably going to receive ridicule. You don't have to have a bachelor degree in English to be able to write, but you should know how to spell common words (invest in spellcheck) and how to tell the difference between your and you're; their, they're and there; and it's and its. An understanding of commas is critical. It's certainly to your benefit to know how to craft an appealing sentence.
Remember, if you're going to use a literary medium to present information to an audience, it's up to you to know how to use that medium to the fullest. If you were making a video tutorial, then you would want to use that in ways that written instructions couldn't manage: showing visual instructions and writing instructions are two very different things.
The advantage to a literary medium is, of course, that it can be quickly reproduced. Where someone cannot print out a video, they can print off a copy of instructions before going to their workshop.
Not everything requires a video or images. Instructions on jewelry crafting may be best served with a hearty helping of JPGs but a good, sexy how-to may only require your imagination and the best of words to lead the audience down the right path. Some people may be put off by pornographic imagery.
Consider also what you're writing about. Where any artistic how-to ought to come complete with pictures, and an acting how-to definitely ought to have a video, a writing how-to would be best delivered with text and style.
When you're writing instructions, it's up to you to invest your time in understanding the literary medium, and then injecting your voice and a good bit of wit to balance out the droll. Not only should you know the basic minutiae of grammar, but you should be able to best chose your words to create visuals, carve out the instructions clearly in your reader's mind, and hopefully give them a bit of a smile along the way. Why do you think people go to the internet for snappy blogs with a good sized spoonful of brevity rather than tedious textbooks written by aging professors from 1818? A short and memorable lesson does a world of good for the modern learner. Keep it short, funny, and sweet for the best chance of your instructions sinking in.
Step five: write your article! Combining your knowledge, an understanding of writing, and a bit of humor, make sure everyone knows that there are twenty-six ways to use an old t-shirt while having sexual relations with a handmade chair.
Remember, only you can write your article. Everything else is just style.