I Am Jack's Life Ch. 19 & Epilouge

Author's note and acknowledgements

This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now.

I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat.

When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it?

I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it.

So I spent another year trying to sell it.

Well nothing happened.

And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction.

So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good."

So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life.

So NEXT, some disclaimers.

This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life.

So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway.

If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me.

*****

Abby and I were married on my birthday. At the beach house of course, there was no place else to have it, it was our favorite place in the world. Except maybe that tiny little hostel room in Germany. Abby had not smiled when I suggested that.

Neither Beth, nor Anna, had showed up for the wedding. In fact, Beth had taken off from Kimmy and Todd's within a week of arriving; about the time Abby and I had announced our engagement. It was better that way I think, but it hurt to think I might have lost two of my friends forever. I worried especially about Beth. Not that I told Abby that. But I think she was worried too, once she settled into the idea I wasn't going anywhere. That took a while.

The wedding was small actually, and fairly informal. Neither of us had wanted a big production. Friends and family, though there was hardly a difference at this point. Todd and Kimmy were the best man and groom. My mom held Little Todd during the ceremony. She flashed me quite a few grandmother comments during the reception. I think letting her hold the baby had been a bad idea.

Our honeymoon was short. I was starting my first teaching position in less than a week after the ceremony. We spent the four days alone at the beach house and pretended we were in Croatia again. In an overwhelming display of generosity, Abby's parents gave her - us, the beach house as a wedding gift. I didn't want to take it, but I was overruled. Abby was raised by lawyers after all. I've gotten used to the idea. It's a beautiful house. Also of being overruled a lot. That's my wife.

Life was good. And as life does when it's good; it suddenly got complicated.

Beth called.

#

Abby answered the phone this time.

"Hello?" she answered cheerfully from her position on my lap. We were watching the Green Hornet. The old black and white one obviously.

There was a female voice, I figured it was wither Kimmy or one of her other girlfriends.

"Beth?" she said after a second. I looked down.

"Beth calm down, I can't understand you..." Abby said again. Now that I was listening I could hear sobbing girl voice.

Abby sat all the way up. I paused the movie and watched expectantly.

Abby and I had been married less than a month. We were still getting used to the idea of the title changes; 'husband', 'wife', though to be honest it hadn't changed much about our behavior toward one another.

She listened for a second, "No Beth, we'll be right there. Hold on."

It must be life or death if Abby was willing to drop everything and rush to Beth's side. She hadn't exactly been Beth's biggest fan since, well. Yeah.

"Got it," she wrote down something in a piece of paper. I only recognized one word from the scrawling.

"Hospital"

I got up and grabbed my keys.

I made the forty minute drive in about twenty minutes.

I rushed into the front desk, Abby just steps behind me.

"Elizabeth Jenkins," I blurted to the nurse. She typed it into her computer and then pointed to the elevator, "Third floor, maternity" she said.

Wait.

I stopped, I'd already taken two steps toward the ER.

Maternity?

"There's no rush, sir, she's not due for a couple of hours yet according to her file."

Wait.

Huh?

Abby took my hand and we walked to the elevator.

In the elevator, Abby whispered, "Oh god Jack..."

I didn't say anything.

"It's been eight months... Almost exactly eight and a half months."

I didn't say anything.

She squeezed my hand.

We were directed to a room near the back of the maternity ward.

As I entered the room the first person I saw - was Anna.

She looked terrible.

Her hair was cut very short, punkish. It was died white with blue and pink tips, which didn't look half bad. But she looked like she'd lost twenty pounds. Her figure was almost gone. She looked strung out. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, but not from crying. She got up out of the chair as I walked in.

Beth was on the bed. She had an IV in, and was sitting upright and awake, but she looked like she'd been crying a lot recently. Her face was pale and pallid.

Abby walked in behind me and froze.

"Hey guys," Anna said after a couple of seconds of terrible tension.

I swallowed with great difficulty.

"Hello Jack," Beth said with a tiny voice, "I thought you should be here to sign the birth certificate."

It had been life or death.

Life, as it turned out.

#

About twenty minutes later, Abby and I were downstairs in the lobby, getting some terrible coffee from a vending machine. Anna was standing with us. She acted awkward and out of place. She was.

"I kept telling her to call you," Anna said. She sounded stoned. Not a lot, but a little. She smelled like marijuana.

Abby wasn't looking at her. She was looking everywhere but her. Though, she wasn't looking at me either.

"She's been staying with you then?" I asked. My voice was cold. I was in shock still.

Anna nodded and stuck her hands in her back pockets. "Kurt didn't know me, and then she got a job working at the record store I do, so it was convenient for both of us. Then we, well she, figure out, well, you know..." she nodded up the maternity ward.

I sighed.

Abby said, at last, "Is there any chance it's not Jack's? Has there been anyone else?" she blurted out.

I winced.

Anna shrugged, almost indifferently "Not unless she was preggers already when she and Jack hooked up. In which case she's farther along than the doctor's think. But there hasn't been anyone since that I know of."

I sighed. I knew it was mine. The timing was perfect. And Beth had been having her period when she first started staying with me.

Hey, I notice these things when I hadn't had a girl staying with me in months.

Abby sighed and crossed her arms tightly.

Anna rubbed the back of her head, "So. Got married huh?"

Abby ignored her.

I nodded, "Yeah, a month ago."

Anna nodded like this was just total casual party talk, not like neither Abby or I hadn't seen her in two and a half years, or that the last we'd heard she was in rehab - which obviously hadn't worked - or that Beth wasn't upstairs about to give birth to... my child.

"Congrats. I'd have gone, but uh, my invitation must have been lost in the mail," she said. There was an edge to it. Like she thought she was being clever.

Abby shook her head and walked back to the elevators, "No, we only invited friends and family," she said.

I grimaced. Anna looked like Abby had slapped her in the face.

I suppose she had.

"Sorry about that, " I mumbled.

Anna shrugged, "No, she's right. I've been wrapped up in my own shit. We were done and they all picked you over me. I was shocked as shit when Beth showed up. But I guess it didn't take long to figure out why. All her other friend's had turned her away."

"Oh, fuck off, Anna!" I hadn't meant to shout it, but a couple of nurses looked at me. I lowered my voice again, "No one chose sides except you. Kimmy has been out of her mind worrying about Beth. We all have. She just disappeared. Not unlike someone else I know."

Anna didn't say anything, but I could see I'd gotten under her skin.

We had a way of doing that to each other.

I walked back to the elevator.

Anna didn't follow me back up.

Abby was sitting in the room with Beth and they were talking quietly. I don't know about what. I've never asked. But they shut up in a hurry when I walked in.

"I'm so sorry Jack, I should have told you months ago. I was just so afraid..." Beth started, I held up my hand.

"You're right, you should have. But what's done is done," I said.

Really, it was that simple to me.

I guess Abby saw the look on my face, because she didn't try to say anything either.

#

A few hours later, I was a father.

Abby and I were both in the delivery room. Anna had left again. I didn't care.

We were both there when you were born Lizzy.

Abby and I were both there.

#

When they came back to me with the paper work, my name was on the birth certificate as the natural born father. There was a place for me to sign.

I picked up the pen.

Abby said, "Jack." her voice was strangled, terrified.

I just looked at her.

"You... you don't have to sign it. Not right away, not ever. We don't have any proof..." she said. She was desperate. She was terrified of losing me, I could see utter panic in her eyes.

"There isn't anyone else it could be Abbs," I said in my soft, my just for her voice.

"That may be true, but you sign it now, and that's it. You wait, and we have options. Let me call my father..." she said.

I hardened my gaze, "Abby, you've known Beth longer than anyone. Longer than me. Longer than Anna or Kimmy. Since Kindergarten. She's been your best friend for nearly twenty years. You tell me. Is she lying?" I locked my gaze with hers. My wife's.

She lost it, she buried her face against my hand.

"God Jack - please - please, I can't lose you again, I can't." she pleaded.

I set the pen down and lifted her face up.

I took my other hand and wiped her tears away. "Shh baby." I said softly. A new note to my just for her voice. A just for my wife note, my partner, my best friend forever.

"All this means is I acknowledge I'm that tiny baby girl's father. Not that I am leaving with Beth, not that I am leaving you. Is it complicated? Yes. Is it a mess. A total fucked up mess. Will we figure it out together? Yes. I believe in us Abby. I believe in you and me," I said. I kissed her.

She kissed me back. A total surrender of all of your heart and soul kiss. In a lot of ways it may have been the most heartfelt and intimate kiss we've ever shared. A kiss that hangs up in the space-time tapestry of my life - of our lives. Maybe even the center piece of the whole story.

It's hard for me to see the whole picture most of the time.

I signed the piece of paper.

Then I went to go see my daughter.

#

Abby stood with me outside the glass, holding my hand. She's been there from the very first second. Sharing my hopes and fears. Sharing it all.

Elizabeth Abigayle Wallington was born at 12:42am on September 22^nd 2000. One year to the date from the last day of the European adventure Abby and I had taken across the pond.

#

I wish, desperately, with all of my heart and soul; my very being, that that is where the story ended. That is where the credits had rolled. But there is a little left after all, for the proper context.

Context, my dear friends - my dear daughter, is everything.

In stories, in relationships, in love, and in life.

#

It was Abby that said Beth should come and stay with us after you were born. After all, we had a six bedroom house that was paid for. It was a million times better than Anna's rat hole apartment. Abby clung tightly to me every night Seriously, I think she cinched herself to my chest like a vice-grip. I didn't mind.

She and Beth even started falling back into their old best friends routines. It was terribly confusing for me sometimes. But I was satisfied with my choices. I had no regrets. It was not easy, but I was where I wanted to be. With Abby.

I think Abby even started getting used to seeing me hold you. I know it killed her at first. I watched her heart break every time Beth passed you to me. But she never said anything. She even started holding you herself. I think the first time she did she finally broke down and let herself fall in love with you. Before long I could tell she was just as in love with you as I was. She sang to you out on the deck, swaying to the music of the surf and life. She gave herself to you, totally and completely.

#

Life, was something resembling good.

#

It was the screaming that woke me; loud and booming, a man's voice.

I bolted down the stairs and froze at the bottom.

In my living room, Beth was standing clutching Lizzy to her chest. The baby was crying, and there was a man standing across from her holding a gun.

Kurt.

"Is that my baby?!" he demanded.

"No, she's not! Go away Kurt, just leave me alone!" Beth pleaded.

Abby came down behind me. I put my arm out and stopped her.

"Call the police," I said in a loud clear voice.

Kurt jerked his gun in my direction. Abby froze.

"You! I told you to stay away from her or I'd beat your ass!" he shouted.

Lizzy was screaming.

I did not feel anything like fear.

It was rage.

But it was cold, calculating, rage.

I had to keep his gun on me. I stood in front of Abby.

"You need to go, Kurt," I said as calmly as I could manage. I wanted to leap off the stairs and rip his throat out.

"I'm taking Beth and my kid with me!" he shouted, he went back to pointing the gun at the two of them.

"They aren't going anywhere with you," I said in a super calm voice. Kill. Rip. Shred

"She's not your Kurt! She's..." Beth looked me.

"Mine," said Abby loudly, "She's mine and Jack's."

"YOU LYING BITCH!" Kurt gestured with the gun. I took a couple of steps forward, ready to leap in front of my wife or daughter if need be.

That was the whole of my thought. My daughter. My wife.

Not Beth.

My brain was not frozen, it was working, a million miles an hour. I was calculating the time since he'd come in, probably tripping the silent alarm. Calculating the amount of time since the missed confirmation call from the security company. Calculating the response time based on the average patrol path through the neighborhood.

Calculating that we still had way too long to wait.

We needed seven to ten minutes. We had maybe ninety seconds before this got out of hand.

"She's right," I said calmly, "The baby girl is mine and my wife's. Please leave her out of this."

Lizzy screamed.

Kurt was obviously drunk and or high. Probably both.

"Yes, that's what I've been telling you!" Beth pleaded. "Let me just set her down..." she went to set Lizzy down on the couch.

"STOP!" He yelled.

I took another few steps forward.

He pointed the gun at me.

I heard it go off.

I didn't hear Beth scream. I didn't hear anything else. I just heard the gun shot.

I was having a hard time standing.

My legs weren't working right anymore. I tried to grab the banister to hold myself up.

"JACK!" I heard Abby scream. There was a new note in her voice. Total. Terror.

I tried to tell her I was fine, the bullet had missed me, but as I was sinking to the floor I felt a cold spot in my upper thigh. I looked down and saw bright red.

Ha, only a leg shot. Heroes get shot in the leg all the time, I was fine.

I could still kick this mother fucker's ass.

James motherfucking Bond.

I fell face first on the ground.

Beth was screaming. Kurt pulled on her hair. I watched - like on a movie - as Abby swept in and tried to help me. She was frantically pawing at my leg, trying to stop the bleeding. She kept telling me to stay with her. I don't think she understood I wasn't walking anywhere at the moment.

"Abby, get Lizzy!" Beth.

My wife scrambled up and tried to take the baby from Beth's outstretched arms.

Kurt screamed again gestured wildly with his gun, "DON'T MOVE!"

"Please don't take my daughter!" Abby pleaded, her voice wavering in terror and worry.

He pointed the gun at my wife.

I was going to kill him for that. I just needed to stand up.

Abby faced down the madman with the gun, "Please," she pleaded, "My baby."

Her voice trembled.

Kurt jerked Beth over to hand Lizzy over. Abby swept our infant into her arms.

Beth let out a strangled sob, and then Kurt started to drag her outside to his car. I heard another gunshot.

The universal tapestry swam before my eyes, and I think I started to see the whole picture.

Just for a second.

Life is a series of moments. Etcetera. Etcetera.

Freeze frame on the hero's face with the camera spinning up into an infinite star field.

Fade to black.

#

When I was fifteen years old, a girl named Beth Jenkins asked me if I did any tutoring.

All I'd be able to do was stare at her breasts.

A decade later she gave birth to my daughter.

It never rains in California.

It rained for Beth's funeral.

#

They'd struggled for the gun on the front porch. He'd shot her. I still go to his parole hearings. He might be out in another ten years. The DA and the judge were friends of Abby's father. Maybe twenty.

It had been Anna who told him where Beth was. He'd found her at a party when she was pretty wasted, and roughed her up a bit; enough that she'd spent some time in the hospital for a fractured rib and broken collar bone.

I haven't spoken to her in ten years. But I probably don't blame her nearly as much as she blames herself. Todd told me a couple of years ago she was staying sober and running again. Training for nationals. I hope I can watch her on TV. I might even root for her.