I Know He's a King Ch. 08byJane Shield©
Author's note: Someone wished to know why Amram didn't know of her powers before she came to the army. Is it fair to say that I've already written that she knew that she had had premonitions before – like the one about Alexander's coronation (chapter 3)? The deathbringer business, well that will finally be explained in this chapter. And it is not as simple as it first may seem!
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Although I more considered Alexander as my best friend than anything else I would have loved to hear him say that he loved me. I loved him, it took all of my willpower not to hug him and whisper it to him every time we met. The longer time we spent together the harder it got to say goodbye.
Once when he was about to leave I tried to hide my disappointment in his short visit. It turned badly. We yelled and I tried to kick him, and then he just left. He did not return for a full week, and I was convinced it was my fault. I treated him like filth to disguise my... love.
When he finally came back he blamed his absence on illness – a cold that had gone really bad – but I did not forgive him. It was another of my attempts to keep my feelings for him inside of me. Of course it did go as bad as any other and he damned me for my 'perseverance to not forgive' him.
I was quite obstinate back then. Perhaps I still am.
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When I came spinning out of Alexander's room the soldiers avoided to cross my way. I guess I understand them. I must have been looking blazing mad. I was, but not as mad to kill anybody. I was more annoyed. But I wished I had a personal hitting bag to give a good hard punch. It would have sufficed with punching Vicdaen.
Wizer Joanja walked towards me when I came to the Moonsisters. A black piece of cloth brought my gaze towards her hand. It was a blindfold, and with it she was carrying rope. What was she going to be using those for?
"Nice to see you, Amram. Would you like to join me for supper?"
Supper? That was a word I had never thought someone would speak to me. Dinner or food perhaps, but not supper. It hit me that although Joanja was worth less in birth than me, she sure knew how to behave as if she was worth more than me. But then, I never cared about social manners with Alexander, who was the only one I ever had met with a higher social standing than me – except the village's priestess, the postman, the teacher, the teacher's mother and rest of the family, and then everybody else, but I never cared for any of them.
"Supper? Why not?" I answered and added after a glance: "Wizer Joanja."
Joanja led the way to her tent. While I followed her I wondered what she had in mind with inviting me for supper. She could not enjoy my company, that was for sure, and she would not do it to oblige Goovar. She was up to something and the most frightening reason came to mind. Was she going to kill me?
I would have a big laugh about it later but then I was scared to death, imagining her binding me up and blindfolding me and then gutter me while I cried for some attention nobody would give me. But then, I knew she did not like me, but I hoped I was in higher esteem than just a piece of meat in her way.
"Enjoying your thoughts?" she surprised me.
"Your thoughts of me killing you... I know were not fond of each other, Amram, but I have no wish to kill you."
"Uhun. How did you know?"
"How do you think I knew?"
"You're a telepath... Hey, that's not fair!"
"It's fair. I have a fair chance to know if you're going to kill me if you get mad at me. Then I will know, and I can make a run for it." She smiled at me. We stopped in front of Joanja's tent.
"You're not the type of person that seems to flee from the slightest danger."
"Slightest? You're a dangerous magical creature, Amram. And that needs to be seen to." With that she opened her tent and showed me no sign of food at all. By the way, it was not her tent either. I knew her tent was big and lay next to Goovar's tent – Yes, I knew where Goovar had her tent, awful thought. This was my tent!
The air flew out of my lungs as Joanja knocked me over and started tying my hands together. I got a good kick at her leg, but she just slapped my face and then after she made sure I could sit comfortably on the ground she sealed my eyes away from the world.
"I thought it was soup as usual for dinner, not me", I tried to laugh.
"I'm sorry, Amram, that I fooled you but... You're too dangerous to be walking around in camp like you've never killed two persons, one of which was a good soldier of this army."
"Two? No, only one..."
"Vicdaen told me that you killed the Wiliji in the fortress. I could figure it out by myself anyway, since you're always thinking about it. So, we have to keep you here in your tent, and we'll do a couple of experiments, trials, on you. This will not start today."
"How am I supposed to stay here? What if I need to do some business...? Hrm."
"I'm sure someone will help you if you call, now goodnight."
When she had left me in my tent, with hands tied at my back and eyes blindfolded, I started yelling. I could not believe that she would leave me here like this. It had to be a joke, but then Joanja never laughed by herself. She could be amused, but I never heard her laugh.
When I was sore in my throat, and nobody even came when I called for someone to let me loose so I could go and have a private moment, I quieted down a bit. I moaned in my stupid situation, but then again I could handle it. I knew my bed had to be to the right of me so I tried to scoot over a bit and soon I landed on my not so soft bed.
"Oh, hello, Amram", a familiar voice said. "Let me help you", Bea said.
With help I thought of her releasing me and taking of the blindfold, but she just helped me lie down on my stomach and pulled the duvet up over me.
"Couldn't you just untie me?" I asked of her but she did not reply my question.
"Have you never wondered what would happen if you killed someone you loved? Of course, by accident it would be, but it's a possible situation. You should take this as a good opportunity to learn to control your emotions, because they are what are helping you in your killings."
"I wouldn't do that..." I would not kill someone I loved. Or could something affect me that badly to make me take out the consequences on someone I loved?
"I know what happened today between you, Vicdaen and Alexander. You were mad, weren't you?"
"Not that mad. Not so angry I could kill."
"Twice you've killed in self-defence, but what if something really triggered your anger or hate. And picture that Alexander is nearby, and you looked the wrong way... isn't there a possibility that you could harm him, instead of what made you so angry?"
I knew I had problems, but I never thought they were this major. I had imagined that there were two possibilities with this magic and power I had felt the last month: either it disappeared or I could use it as a defence against threats. But now I knew I had to get used to it, learn to control it or I would do serious harm against people I cared deeply for. After the day we had fought the Wilijies I had been spat in my face and that alone had triggered the dark magic to almost kill. If Bea had not stopped me then, I would have killed not just once or twice but three times.
If Alexander was in the way I could easily kill him. If Vicdaen pulled more of his tricks on me I could kill him, and that would be a shame because I liked him as well.
"That could happen, yes", I answered finally.
"Good... Then, have a good night's sleep."
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In the morning I was awakened briskly by Goovar. She said that she would help me with 'business' – as I called it – and then with breakfast. It made me uneasy that she was to be the one to help me with that, and I almost asked her to send one of the other girls to help me, which probably would refuse, but I bit down on it.
While I did my thing, I imagined myself in a totally different situation – somewhere in a flowery land watching the butterflies fly between the flowers. It was the only way to keep me from thinking that Goovar was watching me half-naked and probably had a good time doing so. I had tried to make her promise me that she would look away but she could not resist the temptation. Before she tied my pants together she slapped my bum and remarked how beautifully shaped it was and how glorious the colour of it was. What was I supposed to respond to that? Thank you?
I did not like her touching my flesh. When she helped me back to camp she held my arm and I tried really hard not to flinch, but I did. "Don't fret", she said and stroked my back very intimately. She slid her hand from my neck down to my bum and then up again.
"I wouldn't if you stopped touching me", I retorted.
"Such a shame..."
But she did not stop touching me. While she fed me with bread and water for breakfast she stroked my arm occasionally and while she made sure that none of my hair was venturing into my mouth she slid her fingers over my lips slowly – and once she did that I was sure they were wet from her own saliva.
"Please stop, Goovar", I pleaded.
"Why? We're having such a good time... well, I am."
"You're making me uncomfortable", I squirmed.
"You should know how pretty you look when you're making those faces."
At that comment I tried to make my face as blank as possible, but it was as hard as not to smile when tickled, since she put her arm around my waist and kissed me. It was my fault that she could easily introduce her tongue to me because I was so surprised by this forwardness that I dropped my jaw.
Although I did not want it to happen I let her kiss me for a while. Since Vicdaen's kiss the day before I was curious if I would feel the same racing emotions that staggered my breath and made my heart jump if I was to be kissed by someone else. I did not. But then it was not the easiest job to get away from Goovar – she had me locked in her grip. So I devoted my whole force in my jaw to bite her tongue and I felt my mouth filled with blood.
"Oh, so you like it rough. You could've just told me, I am open to suggestions."
She pushed me down to the ground and started tearing my clothes apart. I remembered this position from before, but then I was more of a victim than just a very reluctant participant. I had never thought of Goovar as the kind of threat that the officer had been to me, I was sure that she wanted me to be as eager and as willing as her. I was not. Before this she had treated me with utter respect, she was subtle about it and only brushed the idea that we could be a couple. But I did not like girls in that way.
"Stop, Goovar, please." I felt resigned, calm and tried to lie as still as a limp dead body.
Goovar withdrew her hands from me but otherwise she made no notion that she obliged my wishes. I made an attempt at sitting up, but that was hard to do considering my back bound hands.
"I'm sorry, Amram", Goovar said when she helped me sit up. "I got carried away."
Was I wrong to say what I said next? I think I hurt her feelings, for what she was and what she felt for. I was still fuming mad and since I had no other way to give an outlet for my rage it just went as it went. But I'm deeply sorry.
"You disgust me. Don't touch me! Go away!" I yelled at her. "I hate you."
For a moment I believed she would slap me or hurt me in any way she might choose, but I realised that she had gone away. Did I hurt her that badly that she ran away, or had she decided to go while I was saying those words?
"Way to go, sister", a voice whispered right into my ear.
"Calem, what are you doing here?"
"No 'nice to meet you, brother' or 'long time, no see'? I thought we were family", he said and pinched my arm so hard I was sure I would get a bruise.
"You're not acting like family."
"No... Of course I'm family. And family has got to stick together. And I'd like you to do a favour for me." His breath stank and his body odour reminded me of a pig.
"A disfavour I reckon I'd like to do." I could not stand the sight of Calem, and partially I was happy that my eyes were blindfolded – but my hands were tied...
"Yeah, yeah. You remember that night when you killed an officer?"
"How could I possibly forget?" I greased on with sarcasm.
"Anyway, I want you to do it again."
He wanted me to do it again? No, no, no, no and no until hell freezes over.
"Not the killing part, I mean, the other part", he continued.
"The rape part?!" I cried.
"Well, if you put it that way, yes, but I don't consider it as rape."
Did I mention that he was my only and cherished brother? Did I also mention that he was a little slow in his head, and that he always fought with me and loved making fun of me? This was the brother that had ratted on me after that dreadful night in the officer's tent.
"So what do you consider it as?"
"He never even got the chance to..."
"He sure was thinking... And are you aware of that he wanted to kill me once it was over? Then he was going to kill Bea! How people looked up to him I have no understanding for, and he was no wonderful person. He fooled father – but then father fooled me, so I guess that makes it even..."
Whatever happened to me brought my thoughts back to that moment in my life when my father had 'sold' me to that officer that I did not even know the name of. How could you erase such a thing out of your life? But although that time was nothing I wished to look back on it was for good or worse. Sure, the officer had tried to rape me, but if it never had happened I would never have met Alexander again. Or Vicdaen.
"Go away, Calem. I'm not going to help you, and there's nothing you can do to persuade me."
"Don't you know? I'm a deathbringer. Go away before I do something you will regret happening."
He was quiet for a moment and then he pinched once again – it hurt even more this time. "You were never of the helping kind, Amram, and you never will be."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I yelled after him when he walked away. No, I never helped Calem, since he was father's favourite. He could get away with anything, and he often used that advantage against me.
Had this been a trial? Had Goovar been a trial? Then I remembered the night before. Had Bea been a trial? I did not know what they were expecting me to feel, but when I thought about Bea and what she said I felt more sorry than angry. Were all those words said just for the plain sake of these experiments?
Then I could not help me from smiling if Vicdaen would get to know about this. Oh, no, what if he came? While I lay down, hands tied together. Somehow the thought excited me, and I would not have pushed him away as I did with Goovar.
'What about Lex?' I thought.