I Stop Losing

***

"How often do you fuck during the week?" Ed asked me out of the blue, halfway down a bottle of vodka.

"Excuse me? Before Tanner or After?"

"Whatever." He waved with his hand for me to get on with it.

""I dunno. Three, four, five times a week."

"And how long does it last?"

"That's sort of personal." He just cocked his head at me. "Okay. Call it a half hour or so a day...a session? Sometimes two or three sessions a night." My mind went to her telling me she spent two hours fucking Tanner day before yesterday.

"So call it three to six hours a week at best."

"Yes."

"There are 168 hours in a week all told. So most of the relationship is actually spent out of bed. You want to try and keep her. So that means you need to deny her a chance to forge a non-sexual relationship with him. Give her an ultimatum."

"Yes, but sex in bed includes watching some TV, massages, cuddling...conversation."

He shook his head. "I know. And she'll probably dine and watch movies with him. There's nothing you can do about that. But she doesn't get to show off her 'boyfriend.' She doesn't get to share him with anyone. It's better if she's stuck in a room with him."

"But she said she's been fucking him almost daily for a month!"

"Hopefully the glamour will wear off for one or both of them soon."

"And if it doesn't, or if she lies and starts taking him out?" I pressed.

He shrugged helplessly.

***

She seemed to think about this. "Okay...if it has to be that way. That's pretty much all we do anyway." she said, twisting the knife. Why was she acceding to this so easily? This just raised more questions.

She watched me for a few more minutes and went to the utility room. She stayed there for a while. When she left, she went into her room, changed clothes and went out the door. She didn't tell me where she was going, but I knew. She went to Tanner.

I wearily pushed myself up out of my chair, went into the office, picked up the red Sharpie, and put a small red X on today's square.

***

That was, as they say, the opening salvo. I showed her the stick. Now was time for the carrot.

That isn't quite accurate. My time not spent at work was a mixture of the carrot and the stick. It was time to go shopping and be proactive.

For a change, she came home after work and went straight to me on the couch. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. And I promised to let you know where I was going and when so I broke the deal." She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a long lingering kiss. Thank God I tasted toothpaste!

Deal. There was no deal. There was her doing what she was doing over my wishes and her justifying it to herself! But now I could see she wanted to continue telling me things, so I decided to break her train of conversation and get my licks in first.

"Yes. And I wanted to apologize too. Here." I brought out a large gift bag. She gave a gasp of surprise and opened it. Inside was an attaché case she had pointed out a while back as a potential birthday gift. Since I was pretty thick with gift hints and insinuations, she had to be pretty direct and told me exactly what she wanted. "I just wanted you to know that I valued you a hell of a lot more then anyone else does." And it would be a cold day in hell before I bought her any more sexy clothing just so she could wear them for that ass.

She caught sight of what I was working on. "Wait a second. That isn't your old laptop..."

"Nope. Guilty as charged." I said with a bland look. "Since you aren't going to be around so much, I figured I needed something to keep me distracted." I stared at her, daring her to make a single comment. I'd gone to Best Buy and gotten one of the most expensive models and put it on our card.

She looked steadily at me, and I could see a million comments whirling through her brain. "Well...it certainly looks nice." She paused again, fighting herself. "Well, you've been such a good sport about Tanner. I guess I can't really complain, can I?"

"No, you can't." I said directly. This was going to be some expensive fucking of hers. "And I'm not a good sport. I still want you to stop seeing him."

She hesitated and pretended she didn't hear that. A very nice talent. "Well, what do you want for dinner? Oh...by the way..." she started again.

I cut her off again. "Here." I said, thrusting an envelope into her hand.

She blinked in surprise. "What's this? There's more?"

"Oh, it isn't much. These are a set of tickets I got to see Blue Man Group at the theater this Friday."

Mel stared at me, obviously shocked AND conflicted. "I wish you had given me a bit of warning. I had already made plans for this Friday." She actually looked me in the eye when she said this.

***

"That feels like I'm bribing my wife." I said glumly.

Ed winced. "Well, how many women do you see who marry skid row bums? Women want providers. People who see to their needs. Sex is just one of them. You need to make sure you see to hers. Do you think he's giving her gifts? Do you think he's spending a penny on her? She's free pussy to him."

"So you need to make sure that you wine and dine her, get her socialized, and take her out and make sure he can't do the same."

He took a long swig and continued. "Besides, if all your friends see you doing all this for her and things go awry..." he trailed off and I nodded.

***

Twice that week I took her out for dinner and dancing. Twice that week, she told me she was going to haul Tanner's ashes. Mostly she was gone only for a few hours. After all, these were work days and she had a lot to do during the day. Each day after she returned, I went into the laundry, and that outfit and those undergarments went into the trash. I don't think she noticed, at least not yet.

She acted a bit guilty every time she came back and wouldn't describe what she did. I didn't press for details. I simply asked "Did you go out with him?" And she always said "No." That sufficed...for now.

The next afternoon, Melanie was sitting in front of a huge pile of papers on the kitchen table, rushing to correct them. As a school teacher, she had a lot of homework to bring home and correct. She had tests and lesson plans to make and she'd had a busy week so far.

She saw me and smiled, and scooted out the chair next to her as she started to divide the piles. In the old days (Damn her that they were the old days) we'd sit together and I'd help her wade through them, making funny comments about her students and checking each other's math. It was one of our many bonding moments.

I walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer.

"Honey, I'm so glad you're here! I'm just swamped! I have to do three lesson plans and there is a test tomorrow and I got backed up with my homework."

From her expression, she hadn't made any connection. This was something we did. It was a couple thing and it put me in a quandary. I enjoyed helping her. I enjoyed supporting her. This was one of those little things we shared together. But if I helped her, I'd make it easier for her to go fuck Tanner.

"Sorry honey, I'm sort of tired and I had some stuff I need to do on the computer," I said regretfully.

"Babe, I could really use your help!"

"I know. But I'm tired and the reason you're behind has nothing to do with me."

"Wait just a minute! You took me out twice this week. It's just as much on you as it is on me."

Frowning slightly, I considered this. Then I picked up the papers and put them in a pile. I skiffed off a quarter of the pile. "You're right. I'll do this in the office. And any time me taking you out puts you behind, I'll be glad to help you out. But only then."

"Can't you just sit here and do them?' she asked sadly.

Okay, I relented. And I did more then I offered to do. We had a nice time, but the gargoyle that was looming over our marriage was in her mind. And I only relented that time.

***

Friday came and she dressed in one of her sexiest outfits again. I sat there, reading a book as she walked through the living room. "This is your last chance. Blue Man Group is only here for this weekend. I can promise you you'll have a much better time with me then there. You get Dinner, Sex AND a show."

She just smiled wickedly. "Yeah, sure. Honey, I don't see why you don't just switch the dates to Saturday. I'm only going overnight tonight."

"I can't." I didn't get into the details of why.

"Well, I already made this promise, so..." I made a mental note to draw in a red X for today. She gave me a kiss on the lips and walked out the door with a little overnight bag.

Yes, I was seething with frustration. But I put my game face on. I had places to go and things to do.

***

I woke up late the next morning and surprise, surprise, Melanie had graced me with her presence. I untangled myself from the sheets. Her side of the bed was undisturbed, so she hadn't actually been to bed with me. But she was cooking breakfast. I checked the clock. A late breakfast.

I wandered into the bathroom for some bladder relief and to brush my fangs and wash my face. While scrubbing away with the tooth brush, I heard our landline ring. I could hear Melanie answer it. She sounded upbeat for a few moments, and then I heard a catch to her voice and her tone instantly changed. She quickly wound up the call.

I saw her in the mirror, gazing at me in an indescribable fashion. "That was Abby. She said they had a great time at Blue Man Group with you yesterday." She stopped. "You didn't tell me that you invited Abby and Ryan to go as couples."

"Nope." I squirted some shaving cream and started to lather my face.

"She wanted to know why I wasn't there. They were surprised when I wasn't. You didn't tell them I was busy?"

"Nope." I started to run my Mach 3 razor over my skin.

"What did you tell them?" she asked carefully.

"I said that you had other plans that you couldn't change. They couldn't do Saturday so I left things as they were. We had a great time."

"Damn it! I could have made arrangements if you'd given me the whole story! Not played these mean little tricks."

"Nice. Real nice. It wasn't enough to go out with your husband. It has to be your husband...and something else. That isn't a mean trick and you had every opportunity to do the right thing and come with us. I didn't tell them until I showed because I was hoping that you'd get an attack of the smarts and reschedule your fuck session. Tanner is in town longer then Blue Man Group is."

Mel was taken aback by this. "I guess he is..." She rallied "But that still doesn't change the fact that you blindsided me! Why didn't you cancel when I didn't change my mind?"

"Why? Would you prefer I stay at home weeping because my wife found it more important to fuck some other guy then to go do something social with her husband and friends? Sorry. Not wallowing in grief. I had a wonderful time." I lied. I spent most of the evening deflecting well intentioned questions and couldn't stop thinking about her at Tanner's place. I guess I was a better actor then I thought. "Besides, it would have ruined their evening too. Exactly how many lives do you want to ruin so you can screw around?" I asked. Now this was nonsense but it sounded good in my head.

She stopped a second, closed her eyes and shook her body. "You know what? I'm not going to worry about this, because you aren't going to let anyone find out about this."

"I'm not letting you do anything." And I kicked the bathroom door closed in her face. Damn it, I nicked myself. Then I went into the shower and had a good cry. She was getting even more contemptuous.

***

All day Saturday, things were pretty chilly around the apartment. She didn't go out, but she wasn't talking to me. Sometimes I wished we had moved into a bigger place. When the tension got too thick, I'd take a few laps around the block.

Sunday was something different. Again she made breakfast and she behaved a lot warmer to me. Small touches. Little jokes. The things that couples do. I invited her to a walk in the park, and she accepted. No mention was made of Tanner and I felt slightly better.

Later that evening, she cooked one of my favorite meals and asked if I could wash the dishes. I agreed and I heard her run the shower.

I was just drying the last dish when I felt a puff of warm air in my ear. "I've been neglecting you and I want to make up for it. Go hop in the shower and I'll be waiting." I turned and she was dressed in a very nice negligee, a soft green color which complimented her skin.

Now I know what a lot of guys would be thinking. That I should cut her off. How the hell could I stick my dick where another guy has been? Well, I already was. She hadn't been a virgin when we met and she'd fucked Tanner a lot before we met. This was nothing new. And cutting her off would be cutting her off from a key aspect of relationship intimacy. Maybe I wasn't as good as Tanner in the fucking department, but I knew he didn't love her as much as I did. Every guy who did a one night stand, or was with a girl with serial boyfriends was doing the exact same thing that I was. Why should I sexually deprive myself? Why give Tanner a monopoly? She might be illegally subletting her pussy, but I had conjugal rights damn it!

Granted I was starting to lose my temper. Did she think throwing me sloppy seconds was going to make up for the blatant disrespect, particularly since I was getting less sex then before that no good dirty cock-in-the-mouth showed up?

Besides, it was the carrot and the stick...

I got out of the shower and lightly dabbed a bit of scent on. I was smoothly shaven and I even fixed my hair, even though it was going to get mussed up very soon. Very quickly, I checked to see if her toothbrush was wet. It was.

She was lying in bed, leaning on her elbow, with her legs decoratively positioned to show them to best effect. God I missed her!

I mirrored her on the bed and put my hand on her hip. Then we both leaned in, and touched out lips, just lightly. The passion would come, but it would build slowly. We just lay there, only our lips lightly massaging each others. Occasionally one or the other of us would cheat and we'd feel a flick of tongue against the sanctum of our teeth, teasing one another.

We continued this for a few minutes, then my hand came up and I pushed my fingers through her hair, releasing a floral cloud of the scent from her conditioner, a scent which said 'home' to me. My fingers lovingly massaged the back of her skull as we stopped being coy and started to explore one another's mouths. We worked our way to breathing hard and I started to stroke the nape of her neck with my fingers while tracing my tongue down the other side.

At this point, I was getting a bit impatient and pushed the strap of her nightie down of her shoulder. The hemisphere of her breast was exposed, with just a trace of nipple showing, so I gave it my attention, kissing the skin on the top, using my lips to make little squeezes on the skin. She gasped as the satin slid off her nipple, revealing it to my tongue. Small light tweaks caused her nipple to harden. "Harder, harder' she whispered as I continued light and gentle.

I licked the underneath her breast, where there was just a trace of salty sweat and she hissed, running her fingers through my hair. She started to press down on my head, and I complied, going lower, lower. I lounged a moment, worshiping her bellybutton with my mouth, the curve of her belly, the breadth of her hips. Her silky smooth skin whispered under my tongue and lips, the light flavor of her skin lotion a familiar tang.

At the top of her mons pubis, I kissed her lightly and then I ducked my head even lower then she was pressing. My lips traced up from her ankle, little nibbles, licks and kisses up her calf and to the back of her knee. A broad, full tongue lick went up her milky thigh as her hips rolled under the stimulation. "Yes...yes...yes." she gasped encouragement. I started up her other leg, to a small groan of disappointment, following the same trail to the Promised Land.

She firmly grasped my ears and started to drag my face toward her labia. I looked at it. It was newly bare. I put my cheek against her inner thigh and rubbed against her tender skin. Even freshly shaved, she could feel the rasp of my rougher skin and it always ignited her. I looked up at her closed eyes and her placid face.

I blew warm air on her labia, causing a few drops of her nectar to leave little trails across her lips.

Then I tugged my head free and pulled myself up toward her face. She looked at me puzzled. "Honey...you weren't done." Reaching across her body, I opened by nightstand drawer and dug underneath my latest book to grab the foil packet. Glancing over, she saw what I was removing. "I'm still on birth control..." she protested.

"I know." I had checked her prescription. She gasped for breath, but I don't think it was in passion. I rolled the condom on me and pushed inward. She didn't resist, though she did make a little grunt and a choking noise which was impossible to interpret. I slid in and out of her, holding her knees, looking at her face, which was turned to the side with her eyes pressed closed.

For some reason, she didn't seem to be having a very good time.

After I rolled to the side, I skinned the condom off my penis. She rolled over to the side, shuddering. "That...that was hurtful! That was....just...awful."

"I see no need to compete with sexual perfection." I don't think she had an orgasm and I didn't care.

She rolled over facing me. "At least Tanner is man enough to not mind licking..." her mouth suddenly made an 'O' and her face revealed its shock. I stood and started walking toward the bedroom door. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she screamed to my retreating back, knowing that she had done something unthinkable, something she had strenuously avoided except when I had pressed her for details early in this catastrophe.

I walked into the living room and started clearing some magazines from the couch. She ran in behind me. "Honey, I said something stupid! So stupid! Please, please come back into the bedroom. Please! You have to forgive me. I just...talked without thinking. I'm not doing this to hurt you! I just can't..." She was tugging on my arm and pressing herself against my back which made the task take twice as long.

I had finished and looked at the couch. Then I turned and started to walk back to the bedroom.

"Oh thank you, thank you! Let me make it up to you. I haven't had a chance to give you a really good blow..." she trailed off as I picked up my pillow and went to the closet for the spare blanket. "You're being..." she started hotly, but was finally smart enough to shut her mouth and just watch me leave.

I hate sleeping on the couch. It's lumpy and cold and narrow. But it was better then sleeping next to her that night. I still felt like I was losing, but I wasn't the only one if the sounds that came out of the bedroom were any indication.

***

The next week was surrealistic. I perused the newspaper every day to find interesting things to do together. Museum, plays, dances, etc. And for the first three days, she agreed to anything. I mean a planetarium for god's sakes! I was just desperate to make sure that we were sharing things together as a couple. That she saw that a cock, however good, wasn't worth this relationship.

Every so often she'd take phone calls which she'd answer, chat for a minute, and hang up...then she'd suddenly need to use the bathroom or run to the store for something. I wondered if she thought she was fooling anyone.

It was Thursday night when there was an unexpected knock at the door. Melanie had gone to the store. I opened it. Outside was a seriously pissed off looking Beth, her sister.