I Will Love You Forever Pt. 2 Ch. 16

Dewey paused.

"Let's take this a step further" Saul said. "Let's say that you kill me. Are you ready to go to prison for killing a white man? You hate white people, I get it and I even understand it but is it worth spending the rest of your life in prison for? I've been there and I'm telling you that it's not a place that you want to be."

"How about I just beat your ass and don't kill ya?" Dewey asked. "I can make it so that you can't come back here to work."

"Dewey, the only way that I'm not coming back to work is if you kill me." Saul said standing straighter. "You need to understand something, I'm not afraid of you. If I have to kill you to protect myself then I will. I'll feel bad about it, but I will do it. The way I see it is that we have two options. One, you kill me and go to prison for it or two; we walk out of here and stay away from each other. This little talk remains between us."

Time slowed as Saul waited for Dewey to decide what he was going to do. He kept his eyes on the man looking for any sign that he was going to be charged. Suddenly, Dewey turned around and walked out leaving a very relieved Saul alone in the bathroom. Saul slumped back against the sink. He had been lucky and he knew it. He would still have to watch himself, but he thought that the issue with Dewey was resolved.

"Where have you been?" Harry asked when Saul came back to their station.

"I had to take a leak." Saul replied.

"We just saw Dewey and thought the worst. Did you see him?"

"Yeah, I saw him in the bathroom" Saul replied. "We talked and it's alright."

"He didn't kick your ass?" Harry asked surprised.

"No, but we agreed to steer clear of each other." Saul replied. "Are things still slow?"

"For now" Harry replied. "We'd better eat while we can. I heard that there's another full train coming in about an hour."

Saul felt proud as he listened to Harry talk. His command of the English language had vastly improved ever since he started teaching him what he knew. His mind was quick to grab and understand some of the concepts that he-Saul had had difficulty with. On occasion, the two men discussed their futures.

"I never thought about it" Harry said one day when Saul asked him what he wanted to do with his life. "This is all I know and you know that the future of the black man is up to the white man and I mean no offense by that."

Saul couldn't deny the truth in what Harry said, but he couldn't believe that it would and could never change.

"But things can and will change" Saul replied. "The president has a committee..."

"Saul, let me tell you something," Harry broke in, "a committee don't mean nothin'. All they do is sit around saying pretty words. It's easy for you to say that things are gonna change, but friend or not; you still white. You will always be believed over me. That's just the way it is. But- I hope that you're right. I'm not going to believe it until I see it."

That discussion took place the week before and Saul was hoping to finish it. A loud whistle blew indicating that a train was coming in took care of that.

"Damn!" Harry exclaimed. "So much for lunch."

They didn't get another chance to sit down for three hours. The train had been filled to capacity and as hard as they tried not to keep people waiting, it happened. Several people refused to pay because they had to wait. Finally the supervisor got involved.

"Look here folks" His voice boomed. "These boys are going as fast as they can. Now, if you're in a hurry; feel free to take your own bags to your vehicle. But if you decide to wait, there will be no discounts or courtesy deliveries given."

With that, he turned around and walked away ignoring the grumbling passengers as he did so. In the end everyone ended up paying, but the truly disgruntled gave no tips. As they walked home, Saul brought up the conversation about the future that had been interrupted the week before.

"So Harry, do you really believe that things won't change?"

"For you maybe" Harry replied. "No matter how much schooling I have and how well I dress, I'll be nothing more than a nigger. You on the other hand can walk out of here, put on nice clothes and blend right in. Let's think about this, you got professional athletes who are black- are they treated any better than I am? Hell no. The same goes for the black entertainers..."

"Yes, but Harry; what about the changes that have happened?" Saul asked. "Interracial marriage is now legal. Laws are being passed..."

"How does that help me?" Harry asked. "So what- I can marry a white woman now. How does that help me get a better job? How does that make me eligible to rise up in the ranks? You can say all you want about the laws that are being passed, but who's going to make sure that they're followed? Other white people that's who! So tell me, how does that help me?"

Saul stopped walking and looked over at Harry. They had discussed this issue before, but Harry hadn't been so-angry.

"I'll tell you something else" Harry continued. "I've been reading the papers and seeing what's going on in the Southern states and it isn't right! Your damned laws aren't doing anything!"

"It takes time..."

"You know, let's not talk about this anymore" Harry said as he started walking away.

Saul watched him walk away with a feeling of disquiet. The person that he had just been talking to was different somehow. It was a subtle change, but it was a change nonetheless. He decided that he wouldn't bring the subject up again unless Harry did.

"Are you coming?" Harry called back when he realized that Saul wasn't with him.

Saul jogged to catch up with him, gave him a glance and then looked away. His friend was changing.

The phone call from Saul's mother came a week later.

"Saul! Get your ass in here" the on duty supervisor called. "Some woman calling- says that it's a family emergency!"

Saul ran into the office not looking into the angry face of the supervisor. He snatched the phone from the desk and spoke into it.

"Mama!"

"Hey Saul" his mother replied. "Is everything alright? I got your letter and it scared me."

"I'm fine, are you moving?"

"No, can't afford to- but we'll be careful. Are you sure that you want to do what you're planning?"

"I have to, I have to go now; but please be careful."

"You too and Saul? I may not understand or agree with what you're doing; but I am proud of you for keeping your word."

"Get off the phone!" The supervisor bellowed.

"Mama I gotta go, kiss everyone for me" Saul hung up and left the office without offering any explanations. He wished that his mother would reconsider moving, but he recognized the tone in her voice. She wasn't leaving even if money wasn't an issue. Reggie's thought about the lawyer being able to help him came to mind.

He made a unilateral decision, his family was going to move whether they wanted to or not. The only way that was going to happen was if the lawyer helped him. The next thing was going to be making contact with the lawyer. His next day off wasn't until the weekend when the lawyer would be off. That left calling him and hoping that he would agree to meet with him during the weekend. He couldn't ask to use the office phone which meant a payphone. He felt around in his pocket for change, but then realized that the number was at home.

"Damn it!" he cursed and then stopped realizing that it was no way for a future minister to talk. He took a deep breath and realized that it was probably for the best that he didn't make the call anyway. He could take the evening to organize his thoughts and make the call during his lunch break the next day.

The rest of the day passed slowly because none of the incoming trains were full.

"So is everything alright with your mama?" Harry asked.

"They're fine" Saul replied.

"Look, I'm sorry that I blew up a last week. I guess I just had some things on my mind and didn't want to talk about things that aren't going to change."

"Understood" Saul replied. "Is it something that I can help you with?"

"No, it's alright now. By the way, I read that book you gave me. I didn't know what some of the words meant, but I still liked it. Is Alexandre Dumas really a black man?"

"He's part Haitian and French" Saul replied.

"And white people read his books?"

"Reggie seems to think that many whites don't know about his heritage. If you want, I can go to the library and get some of his other book for you. Better yet, why don't we go and get you a library card?"

"I... I think that I would like that. Saul, I want to tell you something. No matter what happens, I'll always consider you a friend."

"Harry what's going on with you?" Saul asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to tell you that. When can we go to the library?"

"We can stop by on the way home if you want." Saul replied. The feeling of disquiet was back.

"Not today, I have to get home- what about tomorrow? We get off early."

"Sure, that sounds good. That way I can return some books that I borrowed." Saul replied.

After their shift, they walked home in relative silence. Saul kept glancing over at Harry wondering what was going on with him.

"Aunt Cora's making chicken potpie for dinner, want to come?"

"Nah, I got to get home. I'll see you tomorrow at work" Harry replied.

Saul gave Harry a sharp look, but didn't say anything. They usually walked to work together on the days that they got off early. They parted ways at Saul's house. Saul watched Harry walk away with a sinking heart.

Joshua met him at the door.

"Harry isn't coming?"

"No, he said that he had to get home" Saul replied.

"He turned down Cora's chicken potpie?" Joshua asked surprised.

"I know, that surprised me too" Saul replied. "He's been acting kind of strange lately."

"Well, come on; supper's waiting." Joshua said as he headed toward the kitchen.

Reggie was already in the kitchen when Saul and Joshua got there.

"It's about time!" he exclaimed. "I was about to start without you."

"I'm glad that you didn't" Saul teased. "There wouldn't be anything left. By the way, I heard from my mom today."

"And?" Reggie prompted.

"She isn't going to move but she promised to be careful."

"Does she understand what you're going to do?" Joshua asked.

"She does and while she doesn't agree or understand it, she says that she's proud of me. One of the reasons that she gave for not moving was money" Saul said. "I think that its time that I called that lawyer."

"I agree" Reggie said as he reached for the potpie. "I have a question though. Does this Ellis know where you are?"

"I... I don't know" Saul replied. "I doubt that mama would have told him even if he asked. What are you thinking?"

"If he doesn't know where you are, that would provide a measure of safety for your family" Reggie replied. "Not only that, how many prisoners have been released since you left? Maybe he'll suspect one of them before he thinks about you."

"Maybe- but I don't think so" Saul replied. "I don't know why I think that, but I do."

"Son," Joshua said softly, "you know that this could get real ugly don't you? You'll probably have to go back to South Carolina if this thing goes to trial."

"I know" Saul replied. "I'll do what I need to."

"Your mother is right to be proud of you" Cora said patting Saul's hand. "I know that we are."

Saul swallowed the lump in his throat. He had come to love Joshua and Cora as if they were family.

Later that night as he lay in bed, he thought about the events that brought him to where he was. It started with him accidentally killing his father. In an odd kind of way, it had been a blessing in disguise. Not that he would have killed anyone to get to where he was, he might have gotten there anyway; but going to prison had put him in the path of Jacob Lincoln.

It also put him in the path of Lawrence Goodman whose money had gotten him to California. Saul was almost certain that Lawrence was spinning around in his grave at the way in which the money that he had given him was being used. He chuckled softly and then turned his attention to his pending phone call to Nick Alexander. In his mind, he organized the conversation as he would like to see it happen. His belly filled with butterflies as he thought about the ramifications of what he was about to do.

****

Nick sat in his office reading briefs while Hana made dinner. His stomach rumbled reminding him that lunch had been several hours ago. He and Will were keeping a close eye on the whereabouts of any known Klansmen in the area as well as Andrew Kelly's group. It helped that Peter was now a full time student and could keep an eye on things at the college.

Like Kenji and Patricia, he was more than ready for a time free of drama and danger. He hoped that that time was now, but his gut was telling him otherwise. In any event, he was determined to enjoy the peace while it lasted.

His mother had called twice since he and Hana married and neither conversation had gone well. Hana knew about the first call, but not the second one. He hadn't told her because it would only upset her and bring back the feelings of guilt at the way she had treated Patricia. The first phone call his mother had apologized, but it was a conditional apology.

"I'm sorry for the way that things went, but..."

The second phone call was more of the same with an exception.

"Our wedding anniversary is in two weeks and we'd love for you to come to the dinner, but please don't bring her. I wouldn't want anyone to say anything to hurt her feelings-"

"Mom," Nick said interrupting her, "Hana is my wife and if she isn't welcome to come to dinner, then neither am I. Have a wonderful anniversary dinner."

"It isn't that she isn't welcome" his mother insisted. "It's just that... well, you know; it's our anniversary and-"

"I get it" Nick replied sharply. "As I said, have a good time."

Nick flushed with anger when he remembered the conversation. It faded a little when he remembered that while his own prejudices weren't as severe, they had still been prejudices. It had taken meeting Kenji and Patricia to change that. He supposed that he could cut his family a break, but he had no intentions of exposing Hana to their hatred. It was enough that she had to face it from the outside world.

What concerned Nick was what was happening in Korea. Most people couldn't tell the difference from a Japanese person from a Chinese let alone a Korean. All they would see was the slanted eyes and go from there. He sighed heavily and tried to concentrate on the brief in his hands. The feeling that things were going to get worse again settled in the pit of his stomach.

He was becoming more concerned about the civil rights situation in the United States. Blacks were becoming more disgruntled and rightfully so. Even though laws were being passed, he wondered who was going to make sure that they were abided by. There were Klan sympathizers in congress, both houses and even in the president's cabinet. He even worked with a few in his office. To their credit, they kept their opinions about Hana to themselves but he knew that he was the topic of lunch time conversation.

Unable to concentrate, Nick laid the brief down on the desk and closed his eyes. For reasons that he didn't understand, Andrew Kelly's parents entered his thoughts. He couldn't even begin to fathom what they must have felt and what they were going through. It had been such a useless waste of not only his life, but that of Vincent Vaughn.

"Nick!" Hana called. "Dinner is ready!"

Nick stood up, stretched and went to the kitchen where Hana was waiting for him. He walked over to her and hugged her.

"Nick? What is wrong?" Hana asked hugging him back.

"Nothing- I just wanted to hug my wife. Is there a problem with that?" he teased.

"No, but I also know when something bothers you."

"I was just thinking about Andrew Kelly's parents and the waste of life because of hatred. Hana, I could have been like that. I mean look at my family. They're just as racist as he is and I hate to admit it, but I felt the same way that they did."

"I don't believe that" Hana replied. "If that were true you wouldn't have helped Kenji and Patricia as you did. You would not have helped me and Joben's daughter. You wouldn't have placed yourself in harm's way for me and Kenji and we wouldn't be standing here as man and wife."

"But I still held those beliefs" Nick countered. "There is no degree of racism is there? It's like saying that someone is a little bit pregnant when either they are or they aren't. Either you're a racist or you're not. I may not have wanted to hurt anyone and I may not have called anyone derogatory names, but the sentiment was there."

"Then that makes me as guilty as you are and I cannot say that I did not use the derogatory terms. I stood by and did nothing while Hiroshi and Joben planned to harm Patricia" Hana replied. "But what matters is that we are no longer those people. We cannot forget what we were, but we cannot allow it to color what we have become."

"I know that you're right" Nick said hugging her tighter, "but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself or my family."

"I understand" Hana replied. "Even after all of this time, I still feel a deep guilt for what I did or should I say, what I didn't do; but it is the past. Kenji and Patricia have forgiven me and now I think that it is time that I finally forgive myself as you should forgive yourself."

Nick hadn't realized until that moment how hard Hana had been on herself.

"I think that you're right" he said after a few seconds. "You're one smart lady" he added with a kiss.

***

Saul dressed for work double checking for Nick's number. As an afterthought, he put more change in his pocket. He replayed what he planned to say in his head. He was scared but determined to follow through on living up to his promise to Jacob. The question was, would he be believed and what could be done about it. He was still concerned about his family, but hoped that Reggie was right about Ellis not making the connection between him and whatever happened.

He saw Harry and waved at him as he put his lunch away. Harry smiled and waved back relieving Saul of any anxiety that he had about him. Thankfully the morning was busy but not so busy that it would interfere with his lunch break.

As soon as it was time for lunch, he took off for the payphones hoping for one that was in the corner and not being used. Luck was with him. Saul picked up the receiver, put it back down and then picked it up again. He took the piece of paper with Nick's number out of his pocket, looked at it and took a deep breath. The enormity of what he was about to do took his breath away. He was potentially placing his entire family in danger because of a promise.

He took a deep breath and dialed the number. To his surprise, Nick answered the phone.

"Nick Alexander here."

Saul's mouth went dry and he couldn't speak.

"Hello?"

"Ummm hello, is this Mr. Alexander?"

"Yes it is, may I help you?"

"I... you don't know me, but my name is Saul Mullins."

"How can I help you Mr. Mullins?" Nick asked.

"I'm the one who sent you that letter a while back... the one warning you about Ty..."

"Where are you?" Nick interrupted.

"Before I tell you that, I have more information" Saul said. "But-I need your help first."

"What kind of help?"

"The information that I have could put my family in danger. I need to know that they'll be safe before I tell you anything."

"Where are they?"

"South Carolina."

"Let me explain how this works," Nick said, "you have to give me something. I know that you're reliable because the information in the letter you sent was accurate, but this is another matter."

"Alright, how about this?" Saul asked, "Warden Ellis."