I Wish

I wish I had met you sooner.

I wish I had been with you when you first began. I wish I had been that "best buddy" you made in kindergarten, that little boy who had teased you with a spider at the end of a stick, and then mumbled a sorry while holding a freshly picked dandelion after you cried to a teacher. I wish I had been the one to challenged of the school bully when he tried to take your lunch, I wish you had been the one to scold the other girls when they laughed at my haircut. I bet the adults would have called us "Bonnie and Clyde" as we trekked about the playground, ignoring dodge ball and hopscotch in favor of our own self styled missions. What wonders we might have found, what adventures we might have had.

I wish we had grown up together

I wish that we had come up together through school. I wish that we had been in each other's classes, struggling together in the maelstrom that is high school. Oh, we might have had different classes, we might have had other friends, but when one needed the other was there without question. Would you have helped me with my Math? Would I have helped you with you English? Would those who tormented you have been so eager had I been standing nearby? Would the pain I suffered been as unbearable had you been there to console me? Would we have been King and Queen of the Prom? Or would we have taken pride in our title of Outcasts? I can't help but wonder.

I wish I had been your first

I wish we had been together when the first stirrings of sexuality began to bloom. I wish I had been there to watch your breast first to bud, when your hips had first began to curve. I wish you had been there the day my voice cracked, the day I began to trade in the scrawny, scarecrow body of boy and filled out in the hard, strong body of a man. I wish your lips were the first mine touched, I wish it your hands had been the first to explore. Would it have been a quiet, romantic night when the parents were away, or the cramped confines of a backseat in the rain? Would we have shyly moved forward, eager but uncertain? Would we have attacked each other ravenously, both desperate to sate the hunger that had built for so long?

I wish I was your mate

I wish it had been me who asked you wear his ring. I wish it was your ring that now road on my hand. The wedding wouldn't have mattered; big or small, blessed by our parents or cursed by our in-laws we would have made it work. What I would give to have come home to you, what I would sacrifice to have you come home to me. Home, a word, a sentiment, not a physical place or location. Home is where love is, where we feel safe, comforted, appreciated. I would loved to have a home with you, to love and laugh and fight and fuck in security and privacy.

I wish I had given you a child

I wish it had been my seed that first put a child in your belly. I wish I had been there when you first began to swell with life. I would have cherished you like a goddess every day and every night. I wish I had been there to here the first heartbeat, to feel the first kick, to suffer the first mood swing, and join you in being the first to welcome a new life into this world. I can think of no greater happiness, I can see no greater pride.

I wish you were here now

The nights grow longer and colder and I find my arms missing you more each night. I know it can not be helped, I know canyons of emotion and bastions of harsh reality stand in our way. I know there is only so much either of us can do. But I look to the stars and I seen your outline, I look to the moon and see your face. I long for you and I feel you long for me. How cruel fate is, how hideous her humor and wit to allow us, two whose bodies and souls feel so much for each other must be kept apart. Of all the wishes I make, of all the yearnings that plague my heart, the greatest is to be with you again.

I wish I was with you now, and that you were with me.