I'd Go Gay For Youbybi_cathy©
This is only a one scene story that I wrote quickly under the influence of a short burst of inspiration. I believe it stands on its own, but it can also be the beginning of a longer, more elaborate plot. Let me know in the comments if you'd like me to write a continuation, I can't promise that I will, but if there's enough demand, I might.
"What about Megan Fox?" Tim asked and Sam whistled as he nodded in approval.
I looked at Kate and we both sighed in exasperation. Megan Fox. What on earth did men see in her?
"Come on, you've already dismissed Angelina, and now Megan. What's wrong with Megan?" Sam sounded like a big fan.
"Typical male reaction. She looks good but she's too... Uhm... How can I put it?" Kate fell silent, looking for the word.
"Plasticky," I threw at her.
"Yes, that's it, plasticky. She's like a Barbie doll, kind of unreal. I don't get the fascination with her."
"Alright then, suppose that's true," Tim continued, relentlessly trying to find the sexiest female celebrity, "if Angelina and Megan are out, who does that leave?"
I shared a glance with Kate and we both shrugged, unable to come up with a name.
"You're asking the wrong crowd," Kate simply stated. "I don't think we're wired to answer that, at least not us straight gals anyway."
I nodded in approval and added, "it's just that naming someone else as the sexiest woman alive is a lot like us saying we're not sexy enough. We don't want that kind of competition, and we certainly don't want anyone to start comparing. However," I added then shut up abruptly.
"However?" Sam urged me to continue, and I regretted having opened that door, but oh well...
"However, if it was the other way around, you know, not the sexiest woman for you to gawk at and us to compete against, but the woman I'd go gay for, then I could, potentially, have an answer for that."
"Oh," Tim and Sam replied in unison as Kate kept a straight face.
"It's a small distinction, but I suppose your definition of sexy is just the body, whereas I'd pick her also based on talent, feeling, brains. Facial expressions and eyes are extremely important to me as well, so I'd never go gay for someone as blank and bland as Megan."
"Sounds like you've thought this one through, honey," Sam said with surprise and a hint of excitement in his voice. He took my hand and squeezed it.
"Oh I have. As a matter of fact, I have a list of top 5 women I'd go gay for." I laughed to make it sound like I hadn't spent too much time thinking about it.
"We're listening. Don't stop," Tim urged me on.
"But you have to promise not to laugh, or argue. As I said, these are not the typical male version of sexy, they're just awesome and that does it for me."
"And by it, you mean you get hot and flustered for them?" Sam joked while squeezing my hand even harder. I frowned, took my hand back, slouched into my seat with a pout on my face, so he feigned innocence. "What? I just wanted to make sure we're all on the same definition page here!"
"We all know what it means," I angrily retorted then sat back straight. "Alright, number one is Stana Katic."
Sam raised his right brow slightly and seemed taken by surprise, "She's the Castle woman, right?" I nodded. "Not bad, she's tall and sexy in a European kind of way. So what makes you tick for her?"
"Uh, with Stana, it's the full package. She's hot, I mean we all agree on that. She's a brilliant actress and also funny and shy in real life, she sings, she speaks so many languages. Her Russian accent? To die for. And she has that kind of look that you just know would be perfect in a leather jacket, a gown, or a t-shirt and jeans."
"You really do like her, eh?"
"She is my number one for a lot of valid reasons," I winked, "the primary being her hotness in a black dress at some red carpet event. Wait, I need to Google that photo, you'll understand." I took out my phone and started searching as Sam and Tim stared at me, a bit surprised by how this whole conversation was shaping up.
"Remind me to check your Internet history when we get home, honey. I'm starting to think I'll find a lot of interesting stuff there."
"What makes you think I don't know how to use private browsing or erase my history?" and as he was about to have his mind blown by that comment, I found the image, "Oh there it is! Hawt. Super hawt!"
I showed them the photo and they both stared a few seconds longer than necessary, making my point for me. I then turned the phone to Kate, who had surprisingly stayed silent this whole time, as opposed to how fiercely she was debating the non-sexiness of Angelina Jolie a few minutes earlier. She looked at the screen for a split second, and she just said with indifference, "I suppose she's better than Megan and Jolie."
"I approve," Sam said as he took my phone again and surveyed Stana's photo from head to toes several times. "If you ever see her and have the chance, you have my blessing to go for it. Just make sure you call me so I can either watch or eavesdrop. Or, you know, come back and explain in full details how it all went. I fully approve."
"Thanks," I snickered at his blessing. As if I'd wait for it if I ever met her. "Number two is Sasha Alexander and Jessica Capshaw." I knew I had their attention there so I explained, "yes, number two is a threesome! Sasha is in the first two seasons of NCIS. She's now the blond morgue doctor in Rizzoli & Isles. Capshaw is the peds surgeon on Grey's, the perky happy lesbian. So she's had some...training I guess" I faked a throat clearing sound. "They're both friends and married to men in real life, but they look and behave very similarly, they even admit that. They also have that innocent cuteness about them, plus their eyes are just gorgeously expressive."
"A lesbian threesome, uh. Who would have figured?" Sam looked deeply into my eyes with what seemed to be a newly found appreciation.
"Actually, there are even more rules there. I wouldn't go gay for either of them alone. I think I'm more interested in seeing them together. That'd be absolutely gorgeous to look at. And they both have to have short hair. I just don't like them in longer hair. Jessica's first appearance in Grey's is in shoulder-length curly hair, and she almost made me melt in her cuteness."
"I think I found a pic of them together," Tim showed his phone to Sam and they both nodded. "I get it," they're sweet. "I just don't see the eyes thing."
"You have to see them acting. They don't even have to pronounce a word to get their point across."
"Threesome approved." Sam tapped the table twice, as if he was appointed judge of my gay fantasies. "Number three?"
"That one you'll know. Mila Kunis."
Tim whistled and Sam did a hail gesture with both his hands while happily blurting "Mila? Honey, you rock!"
"Yup, those eyes, those lashes? Umph," I faked a satisfied grunt. "Plus she has that good girl gone bad vibe to her, totally does it for me." Sam laughed. "Are you approving this one as well?"
"Only if you tape it. I'm not letting you come back and say, hey, honey, I slept with Mila Kunis, and then not have some proof or any visual memorabilia of that."
"What makes you think I'd come back?"
"Oh oh oh, touché!" Tim snorted and Sam feigned an angry face.
"Laugh all you want, this is what you're coming home with, tonight." He gestured towards his body and I blew him an air kiss.
"And number four is Jordana Spiro." They both raised their eyebrows in silent questioning. "She's not that famous, but she was in Harry's Law. Now she's in Mob Doctor. Actually, she is the mob doctor in Mob Doctor."
"Nope, not ringing a bell." Sam shook his head. "Google her," he asked Tim.
"Way ahead of you, here she is." They both looked at the screen for a bit. "I don't get this one."
"She's very girl-next-door. Nothing special there." Sam agreed. "You'd go gay for her but not for Megan Fox?"
"Absolutely. There's something about her that gets to me. Kate, back me up on this one." She had remained silent again for the whole conversation and didn't even look at me when I asked for her opinion. She simply rolled her spaghetti for the hundredth time over the fork and I was starting to wonder whether she was freaking out. After all, we had spent our entire childhoods together, never discussed anything but boys and men, and yet here I was explicitly telling our boyfriends in no uncertain terms, that I had a few girl crushes.
Tim, not sensing the tension, gave his phone to Kate and asked, "babe, would you go gay for that or Megan?"
She gave a quick look to the screen and shrugged, "neither," then unrolled and re-rolled the pasta again.
She was obviously annoyed, and I realized we needed to steer away from that conversation before it got even more awkward between us.
"And number five?" Sam asked, even more oblivious than Tim.
I glanced at Kate and simply knew there was no way I could tell them my number five, not even as a joke. She wouldn't take it well.
"Uhm, I guess there's no number five," I lied. "They're five women, the threesome counts double," I felt slightly proud of the way I was digging myself out of that hole. I looked at Kate again and was happy to see her finally taking that spaghetti from the dish to her mouth. That conversation was over, thank goodness, and I was ready to go back to my burger.
"What about you, babe?" Tim suddenly said and I nearly spit out my first burger bite. Men simply don't know when to shut up.
Kate raised her eyes from her platter and asked, "what about me what?"
"You don't have a list of women you'd go gay for?"
"Come on, not even a girl crush?"
She blushed and lowered her face. The redness in her cheeks was quite obvious to the three of us, and while I knew that this was better left unquestioned until I was alone with her, Sam and Tim didn't. They kept on pushing her, with Sam stating that she's obviously holding back on us, and Tim adding that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Clearly, he argued, she wasn't the only one to feel this way at times, as demonstrated by my elaborate top 5 list.
"Ok, Ok," she finally gave in, "I'll tell you but you have to promise to leave it alone." She turned her head slightly to me and added, "and not be weirded out by it. We're all talking hypothetically here, right?"
"As if I'd ever meet Stana Katic and have a chance to be with her," I giggled, even more oblivious than Sam and Tim to what was unfolding.
"So I suppose, if I'm ever, hypothetically," she stressed again and stared at me, "going to turn gay for someone, it wouldn't be a celebrity that I've never met before. It's just not me. I'd want it to be with someone I've known for a while, someone I like, and trust, and who I know is awesome."
What? That was all that my mind could muster to think at that point. Was it a hopeful figment of my imagination or was she really going there?
She stopped staring at her drink and turned to me again and said, in perfectly clear and unmistakable words, "I'd go gay for you."
That lump, the huge one that had been forming in my mouth for the past few seconds? I almost choked on that. She did just say it, right? The one sentence I was afraid to pronounce a few minutes ago? She had just gone and said it, like it was the most normal thing to tell your best friend of more than twenty years.
I think the men threw a couple of comments but I wasn't hearing anything else at that point. The only sound echoing in my head was her voice repeatedly pronouncing those words, "I'd go gay for you." She had certainly stressed that it was hypothetical, but to have had the guts to make such a statement, it meant she had thought about this at least once before, and...
"See, I knew that would be weird," I heard her say and that took me out of my daydream.
"Me?!" I asked, still not sure how to take this. Pretend it never happened, joke about it, talk about it later with her, admit I felt the same way about her? So many outcomes, so little time to pick one. But she made the decision for me, as she giggled and slapped my wrist playfully.
"Yes you, silly. Look at you, you're gorgeous, you're funny, smart, considerate, honest, you have everything anyone would want." The boys sounded a long oooooh in unison, and she dismissed them with a hand wave, "simply ask Sam, I think he'd agree."
Sam nodded and leaned over the table to give me a quick peck. He was certainly taking this a lot better than I was. I feigned a slight smirk. I felt annoyed. You simply don't blast out something like this and hide it with a nonchalant approach. At least that's not how I imagined it would go. There's no way the door was closed on this opportunity right after it being open for a split-second.
"That's it? You're not asking for details?" I looked at Sam and Tim and tried to hide that I was using them for my ploy.
"Uhm, no," Tim replied and Sam pretended not to understand my question. A few minutes ago, I was hoping they would leave it alone, and now they finally decided to do that? Their untimely awkwardness sensor certainly wasn't working in my favor.
"I guess it's overrated then, that men really enjoy the idea of seeing two girls together, kissing and such." I shrugged and pretended to move on, while still avoiding Kate who, I could feel, was burning holes in my skull with the piercing way she was staring at me.
"Oh we sure love that. But it's just weird with you two," Tim finally explained. Not helping my case, man.
"Oh Ok. What's with that anyway?" I asked, keeping the conversation in the same boat. I knew Tim wouldn't mind dwelling on the topic along with me.
"It's pure math. One woman is sexy. Two women is double the sexy. Plus, there's no bloke there to ruin it for us or weird us out for watching it. So it's twice as sexy, minus the gross."
"I think that's the best way someone has explained this to me," I smiled at Tim. He always had that no-nonsense approach and that's why I even tolerated him being with Kate.
"Plus, I think it's about the challenge. Are you man enough to handle two women at the same time? Every guy likes to think that he is. And there's also the challenge of turning them. I mean, you can tell they enjoy each other, but can you make them enjoy a guy instead?" Tim added and turned to Sam for approval. He was met with a blank stare. "Oh admit it, we all wonder about that."
"Sorry, I blacked out," Sam blurted. "I just had this mental image of you two together and now I can't shake it." He pointed at me and Kate, and I almost jumped in giddiness. Attaboy Sam!
"You don't think it's weird?" Tim asked him.
"Oh no dude, just picture it for a second. You'll see." They both fell silent, and Tim glazed over for a moment, as I tried to hide a big smirk from forming on my face.
"You're right, not weird anymore," Tim stated as he came back from his colorful imagination round.
"Pervs," I snickered.
Tim shook his finger at me and declared solemnly, "not pervs, no. In my mind, it's beautiful and very delicate."
"Same here, man. Soft kisses, little sighs, slow undressing, lots of caresses, all that sensual stuff," Sam added with a silly smile on his face that I was mimicking on the inside.
Kate, who had fallen silent throughout this whole exchange, slightly squirmed next to me, and I knew this was getting to her as much me. I didn't even need to look at her, despite her burning glances at me, to know that I was only a couple of minutes away from getting what I wanted. And she'd be ready and willing when it happens.
"Stop picturing that," I slapped Sam's wrist, threw a frown on my face to top it off and was about to slap Tim's when he abruptly took his hand away from the table and smirked.
"Can't help it. We like beautiful things, and you two? You'd be very, very beautiful."
"You couldn't handle it though," I challenged him and as he was about to reply, I stopped him, "na-ah, don't kid yourself, we're two awesome for anyone to handle it." Now all he had to do was bite, and I was ready to reel my fish in.
"Oh? Prove it. Kiss her. You, woman, have the blessing to french and tongue my girlfriend all you want." The fish took the bait.
"Ah, I know what you're doing there. I'm not falling for this. No sir, I am too smart."
"Don't make any excuses. You just challenged me. Prove me wrong." Reeling it in. "Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her," Tim started chanting while tapping on the table. Oh it's a big fish!
I feigned disinterest, and for the first time in ten minutes, turned towards Kate to give her my best can you believe them face. Yet, the way she was looking at me at that moment made me forget what and why I was doing this. There was so much fear, mixed with so much arousal, that I lost track of my thoughts and desires. I just wanted to hug her, and well, kiss her, but I didn't want to do it in front of Tim or Sam. No, I wanted that intimate moment to be private, and untainted by the reactions or the presence of other people. Could I backpedal on this one?
"Not going to happen, Tim," I eventually blurted with as much conviction as I could. I turned back to the boys but that look on Kate's face was still haunting me.
"Um, OK, I get it. You're a coward." Tim shrugged and it seemed as though we were finally done with that conversation.
I was about to sigh and put it all behind me until I would have the courage to confront Kate again when I felt her hand on my thigh. She had reached below the table and was squeezing me, thankfully, approvingly, or...was that a different kind of squeeze? And I suddenly remembered what she had admitted only a few minutes ago. I finally felt that surge of courage rise from where she was touching me on my thigh to my heart. I leaned into her neck and whispered, "I'd go gay for you too."