I'll Be Home for Christmas

"Do you have to ask?! Yes!" My brother would kill me if I came home smelling like weed, but I could chew some gum and spray some perfume before I got home. Without hesitating, I stripped off my gym clothes, threw them into my bag, and got back into my previous outfit. Getting stoned would likely be just as effective as hitting the treadmill. And a lot less sweaty! I followed Jackie outside to her little sports car and she drove us up the hill a few miles to a secluded little spot best known as a make out spot, but better known to us as a good place to smoke. I didn't do it very often, but once in a blue moon was a nice way to relax. Jackie had been the one to corrupt me into smoking for the first time, so it was our thing. Most of the kids at my school were doing much worse, which was my way of justifying it, of course.

As she lit the joint she had pulled from her purse, she gave me a look that I knew meant she wanted me to spill the beans. Jackie was one of the only friends I had who actually knew about the horrible relationship between me and Ryder. Since she'd never met him, it gave me someone safe to talk to. I took a long hit and held it in for as long as I could, before half-coughing, half-exhaling.

"I'm so uncomfortable with him being home. It's already so awkward and it's only been like a day. He's a jerk and he gets under my skin and he brought Adrian and Adrian saw me naked by accident. And then when I saw Jordan earlier, he started saying weird shit that reminded me of my brother while we were hooking up and who wants to think of their asshole brother while they're messing around with someone?" I realized I was talking really fast and took a breath as she passed the joint back to me.

"Oh sweetie." She gave me a light hug from the side and patted my hair. "It'll be okay. He's only there for Christmas, right? Like a week? And you know if you need to get away, you can always call me."

"Thanks, J!" I said with a smile. I let her hold onto the joint for most of the time as we chatted, knowing I didn't want to smoke too much. By the time we'd finished the joint, I was already a bit of a giggling mess, something that came naturally to me without drugs. Jackie dropped me off at my car and I managed to make it home in one piece. Popping a piece of gum in my mouth, I walked through the front door. My brother and Adrian were sitting on the couch playing Call of Duty with the volume up loud, both of them wearing headsets. I came up behind Adrian and put my hands over his eyes, laughing as he screeched.

"Hey Kenzie." He said, continuing to play and not turning around to look at me. "How was the gym?" My brother turned around and glared at me. I sniffed the sleeve of my sweater. I definitely smelled like weed and the look my brother was giving me told me that he smelled it too.

"I'll talk to you about that shit later, you little bitch." He said with a sneer, turning back to the game. I shrugged and headed upstairs, slamming my door behind me and falling on my bed giggling. "Make us something for lunch!" he called from downstairs. Lunch? I looked at my cell phone, which read 5 PM. I guess considering we had lunch around 2:30, it was an appropriate time for lunch.

"Cook for yourself!" I said, as my stomach grumbled. I lay on my stomach facing the window on the opposite wall from the door, opening the curtain and watching cars drive past and people jogging and walking dogs and various other things. I heard a creak on the stairs and my door flew open and closed behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. "Hi Adrian."

"What are you doing?" he rested a hand on my back. "You say you went to the gym, but you smell like weed and sex."

I blushed. "Shut up, you know I'm a virgin."

"That doesn't mean you don't do other things."

"I've only messed around with one guy." That much was true. I'd kissed a few guys, but Jordan was the only guy I'd really done anything with. "And I've only smoked a few times. Is he really mad?" By "he", I meant my brother, which we both knew. I giggled. "I don't care if he's mad." I rolled onto my back and looked up at Adrian standing above me. "You know, I waited years for you to see me like a normal girl and not just a little sister. And then you had to see me naked. That was so embarrassing!" He ran his hand up the front of my sweater, stopping at the bottom of my breasts.

"It wasn't embarrassing for me. You're beautiful." He said nervously, looking back at the door. "But you know nothing can ever happen between us, little lady. Your brother would straight up kill me." He grinned and tousled my hair. "You hide up in here and I'll try to calm him down about the weed. Maybe I'll make us all lunch since you made breakfast?"

"Thanks, Adrian." I smiled at him and ran my hand down his cheek. "You're not so bad looking yourself by the way." He raised an eyebrow and left my room, shutting the door gently behind him. I could hear the quiet rumblings of the guys' voices as Adrian banged pans around in the kitchen. I knew my brother had smoked weed for years and done much worse stuff as well, so the look he gave me was very confusing. I was not a little girl anymore!

I lay around in bed until the smell of pasta sauce came wafting upstairs and reminded me how hungry I was. I checked myself in the mirror, seeing how red my eyes were and how tousled my hair looked and shrugged. Not much I could do about that. I skipped down the stairs, taking a seat at the counter in the kitchen, grinning at Adrian as he finished up cooking what smelled like spaghetti and chicken breast, with leftover veggies from last night. "Thanks for making lunch."

"No problem. You cooked us breakfast." Adrian said, even as Ryder grumbled and glared at us both. I grabbed at the plate that Adrian handed me and started inhaling it, reminding myself of the way guys normally ate. I was so hungry that I barely stopped to taste how good it was. "And obviously you didn't eat enough of it." He took a seat next to Ryder, the both of them watching me scarf down the noodles.

"Yeah, too much weed clouding your normally classy brain?" My brother rolled his eyes, taking a bite off his plate. "You're lucky mom wasn't home to smell that shit on you."

"As if mom would know what weed smelled like."

"Either you and I have a talk after lunch or she's going to find out."

"Jesus, okay. Can I eat in peace now?" I started chewing slowly, trying to enjoy the taste of Adrian's surprisingly good cooking, but Ryder's presence had taken away my appetite. "Never mind. Thanks, Adrian," I pushed the plate towards them and got up. I was still high and my mind was whirling. The last thing I needed right now was a serious discussion. I lay down on the couch in front of the TV and turned on Scrubs. I could feel the tension in the air and knew that my brother was probably going to lay into me the first second he could. His best friend being there was likely the only reason he hadn't already started screaming at me.

"Hi loves!" My mom came in the door, arms full of groceries. Adrian rushed to help as I pulled a blanket over me, hoping to cover any possible leftover scent of weed. I turned up the TV and buried deeper into the couch, giggling profusely at Zach Braff's humor. "How was your day? Did you guys get along? I only have a few minutes before I have to leave again for a meeting, but I wanted to bring home some groceries. Looks like you made breakfast and lunch for yourselves, though. I'm so proud." She joked with my brother, nudging him as he ate at the counter. I tore my eyes away from the kitchen and looked back at the screen. I always wondered how they decided to make Zach Braff and Donald Faison best friends in Scrubs. It was an unlikely pair in real life. That much was for sure. I felt a warm hand on my foot and saw that Adrian had sat down on the arm of the couch by my feet.

"Hey. So, I managed to convince your brother to take it easy on you. But knowing him, that doesn't mean it's not going to be nasty."

"Thanks for trying." I said my eyes still on the TV. My mom bustled by, not bothering to kiss me or say goodbye to Adrian. She merely waved and shut the front door behind her. I pulled my legs under me and tucked the blanket under my chin. "Can I just enjoy my high before my dad gets home or my brother inevitably screams at me?"

"I'm just trying to help." He sat down next to me on the couch and didn't say another word. The silence was comforting and his hand rested on my feet, keeping them warm. Two episodes later and my dad had called to say he was Christmas shopping with my mom and they'd be home around nine. Great, plenty of time for me to be home without either of my parents, so my brother could safely yell at me. Speaking of the devil, right as I was thinking about him, he came over to the couch and addressed Adrian first.

"Bro, do you think you could stay down here so I can talk to my sister upstairs?"

"Are you sure that --"

"Yeah, we'll be fine." He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me off the couch and led me upstairs, his fingers tight around my forearm. When we reached his room, he tried to get me to step inside, but I shook my head.

"We can talk right here, Ryder." At least Adrian could bear witness to what he heard if it got completely out of hand this way. My brother drew in a breath sharply and glared at me.

"What the fuck were you thinking, going out dressed like that to meet who-knows-who and getting stoned? You think that I wouldn't know what that shit smells like?"

"Are you kidding me, you smoke weed all the time. And who the fuck knows what else! And I didn't go to meet some random person, I went to the gym."

"Don't you talk to me like that, Kenzie. I'm a grown ass man; I can do what I want. And I'm away at college, not still living at home. Do you know what mom and dad would do if they caught you?"

"The same shit they do anyways, yelling at me for no reason, because I'm not a 'star student' like you?" He looked like I slapped him in the face and growled,

"How fucking dare you! I earned my grades!"

"That doesn't mean you're not doing a bunch of illegal, bad shit meanwhile."

"This is not about my actions. This is about you, you little bitch."

"What are you mad, because I got stoned while you're stuck here playing video games?"

"I'm mad because my little sister has no business dressing like a little hoochie mama and smoking pot. What else do you do that I don't know about, huh?"

"I don't do anything. I have to act like a perfect little girl, because you've set the world's best example somehow, so convincingly, any fuck up I make is a gigantic mess."

"How often do you get stoned? Are you selling yourself for drugs?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I exploded, shoving him into his room and slamming the door behind me. "Are you seriously fucking suggesting that I sell my body just to smoke weed? What kind of person do you seriously think I am?"

"You're acting like a stuck-up little sl—"

"Don't you dare!" I put my hand up to slap him and he caught my wrist, grabbing me hard, pushing my back into the door.

"Don't YOU dare talk back to me like that. I'm just trying to make sure you're not getting into trouble!"

"Yeah right! You're such a hypocrite!" he was fuming mad, glaring daggers at me, as he stood mere inches away from me. My brother was six three, towering over my five foot frame, and I practically shook with anger and fear of what he was capable of doing. Letting my wrist go, he ran his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes in an obvious attempt to calm himself.

"Just because I can handle myself doesn't mean you can. And I know you didn't really go to the gym. Who goes to the gym dressed like a little fucking tramp?" I decked him square in the jaw before he could say another word and regretted it the second I did it.

"Fucking bitch! You're such a shitty sister! Fucking accident that never should have happened." He cursed, rubbing his jaw as he shoved me away from him. Tears welled up in my eyes and I stormed out of his room, slamming the door so hard on the hinges that it shook. I slammed my own door behind me, as I crossed the hall into my bedroom, crawling into my bed and burying my head into my pillow as I cried. I could hear my brother's door open and his feet slam down the steps, surely going into the kitchen to bitch about me to Adrian and drink from my parents' liquor cabinet.

I couldn't believe that my brother had actually gone so low as to call me an accident. It didn't even matter if it was true; he had said it to hurt me and it had worked. He and I had fought through the years, but it had never gotten as bad or as malicious as tonight's fight had. It had drained me emotionally and physically. I felt exhausted from crying and fighting and all of the stress. By the time I stopped crying, my high had fully worn off and I was just left feeling depressed and sleepy. My phone buzzed a couple times, signaling I had two new texts, but I didn't even want to look at them. I buried my face under my comforter and hoped that my parents wouldn't call us all for family dinner when they arrived home. The last thing I needed was my mom and dad questioning me why I was crying and the potential for another blow up, or even worse, my brother telling my parents why he was yelling at me in the first place.

A few hours later, I woke up and looked around my room. It was dark out and obviously late in the night. I could hear the muffled sounds of my parents' voices downstairs, mixed with the TV and Adrian's voice. I couldn't hear Ryder; he was most likely drunk and sulking. I got out of bed and walked across the hallway to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and splashing water on my face. I bent over the sink, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and just leaned there for a minute, not wanting to move. A soft knock sounded on the door, scaring the hell out of me. "What?" I said roughly, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Honey, are you okay?" It was my mom and she sounded concerned.

"I'm okay, just really tired, mom." I opened the door and smiled at her, passing by towards my room. "I think I'm going to call it a night."

"It's pretty late, and your father and I didn't sleep in. I don't think your brother and Adrian slept as late as you did either, so we're going to call it a night soon as well. Sleep tight, hun." She gave me a warm hug and let me go off on my own to my room.

As soon as I'd peeled my clothes off and crawled into bed, I looked at my phone. A couple texts from friends that I ignored, but the most recent one was from Jordan. "I wish I could have made you come at the gym today. I've been hard thinking about it all day." I grinned. That was a nice note to go to bed on. I set my phone next to my pillow and closed my eyes. My pussy throbbed in response to the message, obviously still angry with me for being so close to orgasm earlier and not getting a proper release.

I closed my eyes and let my fingers slide downwards over my body, cupping my breasts and stomach and hips. My fingers found their place between my legs. I was so after everything, but my body needed some attention more than I cared about Ryder's stupid tactics.

It never seemed to matter if Jordan got me off or not, as soon as I was alone, all I wanted to do was rub myself until I came. My eyes fluttered closed as I tried to think about anything but what was right at the front of my mind: Adrian walking in on me naked. It's not like it wasn't likely to happen at some point or another, but the way he had reacted was so primal and sexy, it had stuck in my mind.

My fingers found my clit wet and hot, and I moaned out at the sensation. The way Adrian had looked at me and not even attempted to force his eyes away really brought out the exhibitionist in me. I had always had a discovery fantasy, although not quite like that. I had always fantasized that I would be having sex with someone, especially something taboo like an especially dirty type of sex or sex with someone of importance like a teacher or a priest who I shouldn't be doing the nasty with, and getting walked in on. I always thought I'd come on the spot, just from the excitement and embarrassment of being caught.

But of course, you have to fuck to be caught fucking. And that much hadn't happened yet. I rubbed my clit hard with my thumb, letting one finger slide down and inside my slick tightness. I pulled the finger out of my pussy and let the wetness dribble onto my already wet clit, whimpering at the warm sensation. I felt close already, my body tensing in preparation for the orgasm that was about to wreck my body. As I rubbed my clit in fast circles, my moans picked up in volume and got higher in pitch. I kept biting my lip to keep it down, but it felt so good, the moans kept slipping out.

The thought that my brother and Adrian were right next door sent a chill down my back in a creepy and unexpected way. Thinking about the fact that either of them could walk in on me right now made my body tremble and suddenly I was coming. I shrieked in protest and then groaned lowly as I kept rubbing my clit, my back arching off the bed and the orgasm tearing through my body as my legs shook. It didn't last long, but it was powerful and my body felt tingly as my back came back down on the bed.

My cheeks burned. How could I have just had an orgasm over the idea of my brother and his friend walking in on me touching myself? What was wrong with me? I brought slick fingers to my comforter, wiping them off ashamedly, the smell of me thick in the air.

"Kenzie, you okay?" I heard the voice, concerned, coming through my door. It was Ryder. Ryder was standing outside my door while I lay naked and still coated in my own cum.

"Uh, yeah, I'm okay."

"I heard you scream or something. I thought you hurt yourself." I pulled the comforter over my head in embarrassment. Oh my god, he'd heard me cum.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." I said, wanting to crawl into the shell of my bed and never come out. I heard the door open and Ryder stepped inside, shutting it behind him. I pulled the blanket down to my chest, holding it tight against me. "What are you doing?" I asked with wide eyes.

"What are YOU doing?" he said, leaning against the door, a smirk on his face. "I wanted to talk to you about some stuff, but I thought you were sleeping. When I heard you yell out, well, now I know you're awake." It was obvious that he was pretty intoxicated, but he wasn't slurring. Obviously college had taught him how to carry on a conversation while drunk.

"I didn't say you could come in."

"Since when do I have to ask?"

"Since you practically ripped my hair out of my head after calling me a frigid bitch and ordering me not to lose my virginity to any stupid jocks last time you were here. And then you called me a stupid bitch and a mistake!" I spat out, suddenly angry. Tears sprung to my eyes but I fought them back. The last thing I wanted was for my brother to know he'd made me cry. I didn't know what to expect from him if I did cry. The normal brotherly thing to do would be to comfort his little sister and apologize, but knowing Ryder, he'd probably gloat. He had just arrived home a day earlier and he had already managed to make me feel like total shit a couple of times, with his smirking and rude comments. The look in his eyes, however, was unexpected. It looked like he felt...bad.

"Oh, Kenz." He looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets. Was he really going to drop the act? "I just wanted to make sure you didn't make a stupid mistake and fuck some stupid jerk who didn't know what he was doing and would tell the whole school." He sat down on the edge of my bed without asking. My heart started beating faster. I should have told him to stay away, but then he would ask why and I would have to admit I was naked under the blanket. I pulled it even tighter against me as he awkwardly tried to explain himself without being sappy. "I wanted to protect you, I guess. I was mad."