Imagine There's Still Love Ch. 01byEdgarJames34©
He heard the front door close, then heard her heels clicking across the stones of the entryway and then across the hardwood floor of the great room. She walked like a Goddess, pranced and strutted and prowled like a predator she cat. He could practically see her, just from the sound and the memory. How many times had he waited for those sounds of her returning home to him? How many lifetimes had he spent in torturous splendor while she lived out his fantasy?
Why didn't he feel the same about her anymore? How had it all gotten away from him, from them?
"Hello Jonathon," she said, her voice so quiet that it was almost trembling. She leaned against the kitchen door jam, reaching down to remove first one high heel and then the other. Somehow being suddenly six inches shorter did not diminish her power and dominance even an iota.
"Hello Lucinda," he replied from his perch on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter.
"I saw you at the cemetery, but you were gone so quickly that I could not find you after the service. How have you been, baby? "
He ignored her question, taking a long sip from the bottle of Heineken he was holding.
"Hope you don't mind that I let myself in," he said, holding the bottle up for an instant. "I found this in your fridge...be sure to thank whichever of your boyfriends I stole it from. "
She sighed and forced a smile. "I wasn't sure when I was going see you again. You left without so much as a note, and that was more than two months ago."
"Only seemed right to come back for Oliver's funeral. I didn't know him very well, but he seemed like a nice enough guy."
"I'm glad you did." Her smile stretched her dimples and her eyes seemed to sparkle. "He was a nice man...a good man."
"I suppose I'll have to just take your word for how good he was." He raised and lowered his eyebrows.
Her smile faded. "Was that really necessary?"
"None of this is really necessary, I suppose. I could leave if you like."
"No. I'm glad you've come home."
"Not really my home any more, is it?"
"Of course it is."
"You do remember than my name is no longer on the deed since Arthur paid the place off? He demanded it be in only your name, if I recall."
"I've missed you," she whispered.
When he met her gaze, there was a glassiness to her the bottoms of her eyes. Where was the woman who found life in the garden that day five years ago? Where was the woman he had submitted to? This woman seemed more like the Lucy he had married, more like the mother of his daughters, more like the woman he had asked her to change from. Where was Lucinda?
"Sure you have," he replied, a veil of laughter caressing his voice. "I'm sure the other four boyfriends have kept you more than busy while I've been gone."
She chuckled softly. "They do keep me pretty busy."
There she was; just a hint of the evil Lucinda in that laugh. He did not allow himself even a hint of a smile, no emotion at all, in fact, as though it no longer mattered. He stared at her as though he was already gone again, and her smile also faded again.
"I'm sorry sweetheart...I didn't mean to... "
He waved a hand of dismissal in the air, slowly shaking his head. He was no sweetheart to her anymore. There was only a tired man who had had enough.
"So you are leaving again? " she persisted.
He shrugged. " Part of my job to travel now."
"I talked to your boss a few weeks ago. Angela said you took over the Asian supply chain. Isn't that a step back for you? You were managing the whole region from here, weren't you?"
"I have the whole Pacific rim now, so eventually it will work out better. At least it allowed me to escape all of this. To escape from you. What difference does it make anyway?"
"Only all of the difference in the world baby," she said. " What do you mean, escape from me?"
Was there fear in her voice? Odd. What to make of that? He took another sip of his beer.
"Looks like you're doing okay without me."
"I can't imagine my life without you," she continued. "I always believed that we would grow old together. I always dreamed we would die in each other's arms."
"That's really romantic." He breathed a disgusted chuckle. "Going to be a little crowded, isn't it?"
She sighed deeply. "You do remember that this whole boyfriend thing was your idea, don't you?"
"You planning on growing old and dying with all of them too? Jim is only fifty four. And Arthur is what? Fifty nine...sixty? I'm almost sixty six. You think I'll outlive either of them?" He did not try to hide the bitterness in his voice.
"You are twice the man either one of them are."
There she was again. There was Lucinda, as powerful as ever. How was he supposed to fight off his pride and the swell of love that invaded his tough exterior when she talked like that to him? What was she trying to do? Was she trying to give him hope, to tempt him back?
Did he really want her back? Could he go back? He loved her, loved everything about the memory of their old life together and most things about the new life in the last five years, but could he ever figure out a way to survive the bad too? Could they ever go back to something he could live with?
"Twice the idiot maybe. I was so fucking stupid. It seemed so right...so exciting and so thrilling. There was so much emotion, so much of a thrill from the unexpected. So much passion for the dominant woman you became. So much adoration inside of me from my submission to you. Biggest damned mistake of my pathetic fucking life. "
"Don't say that...I know better...I know what's in your heart...remember? I adore that submissive man."
"Maybe you knew what was in my heart when we started out. But you lost track of what was in my heart when you started giving yours to someone else. I was stupid...childish. It was a fantasy, for crying out loud. I should have never mentioned it. Never should have brought it up."
"I never gave my heart to anyone but you. You're still the only man who will ever have that. What happened was just the natural physical psychology of dominance and submission. It was only natural the way it turned out. We needed this...you needed this...I grew into what you needed and I wanted...you know as well as I do that we never would have made it without them...without Bull anyway. "
Was that true?
Possibly. Probably. Damn.
He hated the torrid and powerful mix of thoughts and emotions that were swirling through his head.
"Then I guess it really doesn't matter anymore, because we can't make it with them either. I've had more than enough of being second, or third, or whatever. I would just as soon strangle that old fucker as look at him. We could have had a double funeral today. "
She gasped slightly. "I see." Her voice was so small that he could hardly hear her and Lucinda almost disappeared again. "You do know this really isn't about him, don't you?"
"Like hell it's not. Who in the hell do you think it is about?"
"You begged me for this. You do remember that, don't you?"
He looked at the floor, sighed deeply then tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, all in an effort not to meet her gaze. He knew she would have him again if he looked into her eyes.
"And do you remember how we did not like each other very much after the girls graduated and moved away? Do you remember how lost and confused we both were? Do you remember that I was ready to run away, to pack it all in and leave you after more than thirty years of marriage?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Then you got this idea about being in submission to me. It was our only hope...the only thing that could save our marriage. You begged me to take contol of you, but I didn't know how to do that...didn't know how to be whatever it was you wanted me to be, and that only made everything worse. If Bill hadn't been there to teach me, we never would have made it. You were miserable...I was miserable, but Bull saved us...and you know it."
"Then how did it all get so fucked up?" He pounded his beer on the counter, some of the foam spilling out of the bottle. "How did it end up getting so far away from me that I don't care if I get it back? How in the hell did I lose you so bad that it doesn't seem to matter anymore?"
There he was again, the old Jonathon Thomas. There was the man she did not like very much, the man she never would have stayed with. There was the man he put away that day in the garden. He did not like that man very much either. He admired and needed some of his strengths, but loathed his lack of compassion. Could he somehow be both men? He had been trying hard for most of the last five years.
Lucinda sighed deeply, removed her dangling earrings, and pulled her tight black heavy sweater top over her head as she marched to the breakfast table. Her blonde hair pulled and crackled in the static electricity as she shook it free and tossed the sweater on the table.
"What are you doing?" Jonathon snapped.
"You remember the rules. Bull demands that for any serious conversation between us that we have to be completely naked. We have to feel vulnerable if we are really going to understand each other...to really get in touch with each other. You seem bent on leaving me...on throwing us away after everything we have been through together. In my book, that's just about as serious as it can get."
"I'm not taking my clothes off. Bill can go fuck himself. Or you can. "
A harsh glare past over her face as she unzipped her long tight woven black skirt and let it fall to the floor. She bent over and plucked it up, folded it, and laid it on the table.
"He never has, and never would, violate that trust, even if there were enough blue pills to do that for him."
"Whatever," Jon scowled.
" Did you know that once upon a time he was just like you? Did you know that his wife was dominant and that he was submissive? "
Jon was silent as he absorbed that. That was not true. Was it?
" I'm not even sure I think that's possible. "
" She died almost fifteen years ago. The loss was almost too much for him. He thought about killing himself. Somehow he discovered a will to carry on, and he put all of his energy into helping others. That's how he became a therapist. That's how he came to help me...us. "
" He sure as hell didn't help me? "
" Oh yes he did baby, " she replied as she reached both hands behind her back and unclasped her black Victoria Secret bra.
Her large breasts stood out proudly and magnificently as she slipped the bra straps off of her shoulders and shook the garment down to her hands. She quickly tossed the bra on the table.
She was a vision. No man in the world would ever guess that she was sixty one years old. Most would guess that she was thirty-five. Some might guess she was forty, but few would guess a day over that. Her blonde hair was shoulder length and full, her skin smooth and tight and her carriage well defined and toned. Her breasts were perfect, her stomach flat, and her hips were rounded flawlessly. Her arms and legs were defined like a dancer. She was the shear perfection that hundreds of thousands of dollars of another man's money had purchased.
But something was new. Large silver and diamond studs adorned each nipple of her D cup breasts, and it was all Jon could do to keep his mouth from falling open.
"Got your nipples pierced?" He could not stifle the bitterness in his voice. "So which one of them had that idea?"
She smiled and let out a brief chuckle as she twisted her shoulders back and forth, swinging them from side to side. "That was Jim...I think he was jealous of Arthur a little bit."
"But Arthur bought those for you over three years ago...why would Jim be jealous now? "
"Arthur took me on a trip to Cabo a few months ago. He wanted to show me off a little more than usual, so he bought me some really tiny bikinis that were made out of some almost transparent fabric. They were like being naked when they are wet. When I modeled them for the other boys, they got jealous and started a kind of competition to make their mark on me."
Jon closed his eyes and fought for control. He was on overload for several reasons. First, the mental image of those other men competing over his wife's naked body made him sick to his stomach. Second, he was putting the pieces of a two month old puzzle together.
"You never did tell me about that trip, " he said quietly. " I wondered where you went."
She was silent for a moment, and her expressiom was impossible to read.
"It was just a spur of the moment thing," she finally said. "I'm sorry."
"First time you ever left without at least talking to me about it."
"I said I was sorry."
"That was why I left you."
"I see. I promise to never do that again."
Did he believe her? Did it matter?
The real problem, however, was that as mad as he was about what he had just learned, he was also so excited that his groin felt like it might burst any second as his erection started growing. Same old shit, same old turmoil. It disgusted him, and he loved it. He hated himself for loving it, and loathed himself for hating the guilty pleasure. What he really hated was that he was lusting after Lucinda even more for her power to just do what she wanted.
Damn his mind was a mess.
Was this all her fault? Of course not, but that did not make it any easier.
He wanted the conversation to be over, but he also wanted it to go on forever. He had to ask more questions, and he hated himself for being so weak that he could not keep himself from speaking it out loud.
"So what was the competition about?"
"These." She pushed her shiny black panties to the floor and stood back up, displaying her shaved pubic area with dangling silver rings from her clitoris hood and labia on each side.
"They are absolutely vulgar looking when I put on any of the swim suits that Arthur made me wear."
Now Jon was stunned to silence. He blinked several times as he stared at her pussy, then realized that there was also a bull's eye tattoo centered above her slit.
"Must be hard to keep it shaved with all of the jewelry and ink?"
"Electrolysis...it's permanent. "
The significance of the fact that her pubic hair was gone forever came slowly to him and made him dizzy with fury. She would never even consider shaving herself for him, but she let another man pay for her to have it removed for life. Then the meaning of the tattoo came like a punch in the gut.
Bull's eye on a bare pussy!!!
He felt tears welling up in his eyes. How could he ever look at her vagina again? How could he ever look at her naked body again? He wanted to throw up, and the fact that his erection was as hard as a buggy spoke tormented him like no other kind of embarrassment ever in his life.
He climbed off of the stool and staggered out of the kitchen into the formal dining room, falling into a pitiful lump of flesh in one of the oak chairs as he started to whimper and cry. His heart was broken worse than any other time before, and for the first time he could remember at a moment like this, his erection began to whither.
"I guess that was a little too much, a little too quick, wasn't it baby?" she said as she followed behind him, a faint chuckle escaping from her.
And it was that laughter that got through to him. It was the sound of that evil side of Lucinda that gave him pause and strength and finally convinced him. He pushed himself to his feet and turned to face her.
"No, " he replied. " It was exactly what I needed. That was what I came here for. To get a harsh reminder of why I left...to make sure I never come back again. "
"You don't mean that...you're the love of my life...and I'm the love of yours. You said so yourself...a hundred times. You told me that when you begged me to find a boyfriend. You told me that when you begged me to cuckold you. Now take off your clothes...we need to talk."
Years of frustration and embarrassment at his own weakness boiled up inside of him in that instant. He tugged on his belt and unbuttoned his slacks. The zipper came down in a rush, then his thumbs found the wasteband of his slacks and his boxers together.
"That's right baby," she said softly. "Show me how much you love me. Show me that hard cock that says you will belong to me forever."
"There," Jon declared simply as his limp penis flopped out from the elastic band of his underwear. "That's how much I love you."
She frowned as she looked at his lack of erection, then she lifted her eyes to meet his with a look of wide eyed shock. He could see that she could not believe it. He stared hard back at her.
"That was all I needed," he said quietly as pulled his pants back up and tucked in his shirt. "A good healthy reminder of who you have become...of who I have become...and why I can't stay with you."
"You don't mean that?" she said. "I'm exactly what you need me to be... I'm exactly what you asked me to be."
"You're not always right...and you don't really listen."
She stood there, naked and defiant, as he turned and walked away. She waited for him to turn around as he made his way out the front door. He wondered how long she would wait for him to return.