In Her Eyes

So after my four years at Harvard, I said goodbye to my dream of Yale Law and hello to MIT and an MBA. It was a bit unusual for someone to be admitted with such a limited amount of real world work experience. Giving up my summer vacations for internships certainly worked in my favor.

I would like to say that it was my academic reputation and interview skills that earned my internships at four of the largest employers in Boston. But I honestly think it had more to do with the fact that I was going against the grain. Hundreds of students were competing for an opportunity to be the next financial 'whiz kid', partner, or big wig, but it often felt like it was only me that wanted a chance to learn about a company's IT department. A consulting firm, hospital, law firm and a multinational bank were all on my resume by the time I graduated from Harvard with honors.

I spent the next two and a half years at MIT learning about innovation and emerging technologies, business and entrepreneurship. It was fast paced and fun and tiring. I didn't take breaks, I interned. But I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted my own company, to be in control of my own destiny. But I didn't know how to fund my brilliant plan and was certain I was about to wallow in the despair of my very own cubicle, pinching every penny so that shareholders could make a nice dividend, waiting for a chance to realize my dream.

It didn't quite work out that way.

***

I met Susan during my last summer internship after MIT, in the children's ward of a hospital. She was a nurse and she was beautiful.

"Hi. I'm from IT. Someone called about a computer problem."

Her smile lit the room.

"Oh, thank god! I have no idea what I have done. But I am sure it is bad. I cannot access the patient files. It's like they have disappeared."

"Well, let's take a look. Shall we?"

I was trying not to stare, but it was difficult. She had a glow about her and very suddenly I had this surge of energy that I could barely contain. I needed to do a good job. I needed to impress her. Her name. I needed her name.

"I am David Stephens, by the way. I'll be solving all of your problems today."

She giggled, "Susan White, and I'll be the eternally grateful one watching over your shoulder."

Her blue eyes sparkled as she spoke. I heard a quiet melody ringing in the air. I thought it was angels singing to announce that one of their own was in my presence. It was her pager.

"Oh, that's for me. I am sorry. I have to check on a patient. I'll be right back."

Fortunately, her problem was easy to diagnose. Someone had accidently deleted several files from her desktop making it impossible to for her to access the patient database. I didn't think it was her fault since the time stamp on the deleted files was from several hours earlier. I accessed the back-up server, restored the missing files and watched Susan.

She was a vision. She moved around the patient's bed with a reassuring smile. She stopped to hold the little girl's hand before she left. She took time to explain her actions to the girl's seemingly distraught parents. You could almost feel the tension in the room ease as she completed her tasks. Then she was back.

"Sorry about that. Duty calls."

"What time did you start your shift?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"When did you start working today?"

"Umm...about 30 minutes ago."

"Well, then, I am happy to report that your problem is fixed and that you weren't the cause."

Then that smile again. Wow. I needed to remember to breathe.

"Oh my god! Really!" She spun to her terminal and started typing. "YES! Oh, you are a life saver aren't you!"

"No, Suze. I believe that is your job. I just help with the computers."

This time as she slowly turned back to me she had an appreciative smirk on her face. I smiled back.

"Thank you, David. You are very sweet."

That ended the first meeting with my future wife. I returned to my department with a suggestion on changing access permissions to some of the more important network files and a heart brimming over with joy.

***

Susan was normally a confident, caring and loving person. But when she knew she was in the wrong she couldn't muster the courage to be straight with me. It had only happened twice before on two inconsequential, minor issues. Once she had forgotten to make reservations at my favorite restaurant for my birthday. The other time, she had backed her anniversary present, a brand new convertible VW Beetle, into an SUV after a day of shopping at the mall.

Her cover-ups were almost comical. There was a new restaurant she was dying to try. Didn't sushi sound exciting? She had forgotten to refill her gas tank and didn't want to risk getting stuck on the side of the road. Couldn't we just take my car to the parent-teacher conference?

I suppose I could have taken these as warning signs of bigger problems to come. But would you have? Two minor issues in almost 15 years of marriage. Nah, I don't think so.

***

I wasn't dreading returning to my home. But I wasn't sure quite what to expect. I had spent most of the afternoon alone with my thoughts, a luxury that comes with being the boss.

I knew Susan would be ready to take another shot to tell me what was on her mind, without actually having to tell me what was on her mind. I also knew our next foray towards the truth awaited me at home. But I have to admit I was surprised by her tactics. I walked into a quiet home, which was completely out of the norm. No children, no dinner. Only the faintest sound of music coming from outside on the deck alerted me to anyone being home.

I opened the sliding door leading to the deck to a surprise that let me know I would have to be the one to end this charade. Susan was going to keep upping the ante until she felt she could live with her guilt.

"Good afternoon, Shannon." I said to my sister-in-law.

"Well, hey there Dave. Long time no see."

"Well, some parts I have never seen."

"Oh come on, Dave! Seen one pair, you've seen them all."

"Where are the kids, Susan?"

With all the false bravado she could muster my topless wife set her margarita on the deck table. She did her best seductive turn my way clearly so that I could get the full effect of the thong bikini bottom that barely covered the lips of her pussy, and definitely didn't cover the rosebud in the back.

"They are at my parents for the night, David. You see...Shannon and I were feeling a little naughty and definitely didn't want to be worrying about tan lines. Just a day for fun and sun by the pool for us girls."

"Yeah, OK." I replied.

I was trying to look into her eyes, but the mirrored Ray-Bans were trying very hard to block my gaze. This had gone on long enough. Three days. Do you ever fantasize about other women? Have you ever considered swinging? Do you know anyone with an open marriage? I sighed trying to steel my resolve. Having her sister flashing me with her naughty bits had tipped the scales.

"Susan, do you love him?"

Shannon almost shot out of her chaise lounge. Her breasts bouncing back and forth as she whipped her head around to look first at me and then her sister. Her mouth was hanging open in shock. On any normal day, I would be hard pressed to not think about shoving my cock in there to fill the void. But not today. Hey, don't judge. I had been a faithful and loving husband, but I was still a man.

"Wh..what...are y...you talk...talking a..about, D..David?" my wife sputtered. I knew it was the worst case scenario. The beautiful, confident woman who was my wife had been replaced by the slut with a quivering lip.

"Well, Susan. I can see you are not ready to tell me what has actually been bothering you for the past three days. So I guess I'll have to wait. But I don't want to be misunderstood. I will not be fucking your baby sister so that you feel better. Clear?"

I had never been so angry or so sick to my stomach. I wanted to reach up and grab her the throat until all the pain in my gut had been choked out. But, I would just never do that. I couldn't.

"Holy shit..." Shannon gasped. That mouth was still open, maybe....nah.

"David, I...I...I..." There was a single tear dropping off her check now. But I really didn't give a fuck. I was close to losing control of this situation. It was time to get out of dodge, before I left myself in a position without any options.

"I'll be back on Monday. Take all the 'fun and sun' time you need. But be ready to talk when I get back."

It is amazing how a day's worth of tanning can turn into an ash white appearance with just a little bit of panic.

"It was lovely to see you, Shannon. I am sorry I'll be leaving so soon. Oh, and nice tits. Thanks for sharing." Her mouth was closed now, but the blush was new.

I stood to make my way back into the house, pausing at the door. I could hear Susan sniffling, in an attempt to stave off out and out crying.

"By the way, Susan," I turned to her one more time.

She didn't even try to look at me.

"When I get even, it will be on my terms....not yours."

I stepped into the house and started closing the door.

"BITCH!"

I think the first sound I heard was her puking up a day's worth of margaritas. It was hard to tell. I was fairly sure that the second sound I heard was her balling, gasping for breath between wails. I know for certain it was Shannon who said, "Jesus Christ, Susan! What the fuck have you done?!"

***

I spent the better part of a week, trying to work up the nerve to ask Susan White for a date. It was quite unusual for me. I wasn't lacking in self confidence. I had asked many beautiful women for dates and had rarely been turned down. But I wanted this to be perfect for some reason, and I was deathly afraid of rejection.

As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about.

"Um, excuse me. David?"

Her angelic voice broke me from my day dream. I gazed her smiling face for what had to be the better part of an hour. OK, maybe just a few seconds.

"Hi."

"David, I uh need a favor."

"Anything for you, Suze."

Then that smile again. I was hooked. No doubt about it.

"One of the other pediatric nurses is getting married this weekend and I need a date. Would you be interested in being my escort?"

"I would be honored."

And that is how I found myself knocking on the door of the ground level apartment of my future wife. Our first date. I know it was crazy, even I would have told you that. But I just knew.

"Hello, David."

"Hello, beautiful. Shall we?"

"Lead the way kind sir."

The wedding was tasteful, but uneventful. I sat next to Susan holding her hand occasionally. I barely took my eyes off her. She would glance at me intermittently, always with a smile on her face.

The reception at the restaurant was where Susan really shined. She was the heart of the party. She wasn't the center of attention and never sought the spotlight but she did move casually from group to group and left each of them smiling and laughing. I think the reception would have died a quick death had Susan not kept the blood flowing. Sometimes I followed her around like a lost puppy, other times I would hang out with a group of guys by the bar shooting the breeze. I turned down a dozen ladies requesting dances.

"I am so sorry. I am just waiting for Susan to come back." I said over and over in my politest voice.

As the evening wore on and the dance floor filled, Susan returned smiling up at me. "I am not certain I was prepared to defend my turf against so many ladies this evening, Mr. Stephens."

"Whatever do you mean, Miss White?"

"It seems that I have unknowingly taken the most eligible bachelor off the market and several of the young ladies in attendance are none too pleased." She lowered her head. "I am sorry I left you alone here, David. You didn't have to wait for me. And you certainly could have danced with anyone you liked."

"I plan on dancing with the someone I like, Suze. And I'll wait to take you to that dance floor until you are ready."

"Well, OK then."

She gave me that little smirk and took my hand. I never let it go for the rest of the evening. Fast songs, slow songs. Not even during the last dance when her head was leaning against my chest and her breasts were pressed against me. I tried my best to keep my hard on away from her, but every time I attempted to move away she moved her hips back into me. Finally, I just gave up and enjoyed the feeling.

We chose to walk back to her apartment. It wasn't that far. We chatted as we strolled. About everything. About nothing. It was wonderful.

When the moment of truth arrived, she gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. It lingered for minute and then she stepped away and paused.

"David, I..." she looked like she was contemplating something but she was just a little unsure. After an almost uncomfortable moment she steadied herself and continued.

"David, I would like to invite you inside, because I know I don't want the evening to end. But I don't want to give you the wrong impression about me. I seem to be wrestling with my own thoughts at the moment."

"Can I say something?"

"Sure."

"OK. I just want you to know that I am fully prepared to defend my turf against any gentlemen caller because I will definitely be taking you off the market permanently. And, if you invite me in, I promise to stop only for a brief moment of thanks before I start making sure that you never regret that you did."

We started trading passionate kisses almost immediately. It was a good thing that she lived on the ground floor, because we would have been naked before we got inside her apartment had she lived any higher up.

We had been dating non-stop for three months when my life was changed forever. And not in any way I was hoping.

***

I went straight to the office from the airport. My flight from New York put me back in Chicago just before noon.

I had spent the weekend with my favorite hobby: listening to the rock bands of Poughkeepsie at various venues. Miss Davis had me out of Chicago within the hour, after I left my wife and her sister on Friday night. It was a very nice turnaround time considering the short notice I had given her.

Some people say that the pop punk sound of southern California is the best thing since sliced bread, and they have the record sale numbers to prove it. I say those people don't know shit. In my opinion the greatest bands of our generation have come from Poughkeepsie and I had a very relaxing time. It wasn't quite the same as my college days and I felt a little out of place being so much closer to 40 and not as close to 20. But I was there to listen to the music, not party. So the weekend had served its purpose.

When I arrived at the office, Maggie was waiting at my conference table. Miss Davis had already ordered our lunch.

Maggie was as beautiful as ever. I was glad she was my friend. I was even happier that she was my lawyer. I had changed my dream long ago, but Maggie hadn't. And she was the best of the best: detailed, dedicated and ruthless. Her firm handled all of our contracts, she handled my affairs personally.

"I don't want to be a weekend dad, Maggie. At a minimum I want shared custody of the kids."

"Right to the point, eh David?"

"Well, Mags you've had almost 72 hours so I am sure you know more than me. Why don't you tell me?"

She looked at me for long time before she spoke.

"It has been a very short term affair, David."

"Short enough to satisfy you, Maggie?"

There must have been something very interesting on the table that Maggie needed to study. Finally she whispered.

"No, David."

"I know she is your friend, Maggie. I am sorry."

"Jesus, David. Why in the hell would you be worried about my feelings?!"

"Because, I love you, Mags. Always have. Always will."

"She is such an idiot. She'll get nothing, David. What a stupid bitch. God, listen to me on my soap box. I'm sorry. "

"Maggie?"

"Yes, David?"

"Who?"

***

It was the third year of our marriage before we had our first big non-argument. Susan wanted to talk about something. As usual, she was calm and collected. Sitting across the table from me, sipping a glass of wine she began, "You know I will never be confused for a super model, right David?"

"Only to those who aren't looking at you through my eyes, Suze. I have no doubt you are a super model."

She blushed as she smiled. My God, she was beautiful.

"What I mean, David, is that I will never be able to compete with the models and actresses that are around you every day. And to be honest, I wouldn't even want to try."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I knew where this was coming from. As my company's reputation began to take shape, I decided to make sure that we took a very active role in supporting any worthy charitable organization in the community. And I don't just mean sponsorships and checks. I mean active participation, most importantly volunteering time. I encouraged our employees to participate the best way I knew how. I demanded more of myself than anyone. Susan and I spent nearly all our free time volunteering for literacy groups, children's advocates, performing arts organizations and at nearly every community event.

Our volunteer efforts kept our company front and center in the community and allowed me to make contacts from all over Chicago and beyond. Our employees felt more connected to our community and our customers benefited from improved understanding of what they needed to be successful in our region. Most importantly to me, I got to do my favorite thing. Spend time with my Susan. I got to share her with the world and let everyone see how lucky I really was. Every weekend was another opportunity for Susan and me to have an adventure, without ever leaving her newly adopted home town.

It did have its drawbacks. The more we were in the public eye, the more I got hit on. Even with Susan right by my side, which she almost always was. Most were the subtle innuendos that I had been rejecting for most of my adult life. But more recently, many attempts would best be described as blatant propositions. One weekend for example when the hired spokes model, who had just come off the stage after presenting a deserving family with a check symbolizing free groceries for a year, turned to address me. She handed me her business card and said, "I think we would have incredible sex. Call me if you'd like to find out. Your wife can even watch if you want." Then she spun on her heels and left, exaggerating the sway of her hips as she departed.

I turned to Susan and laughed as I threw the business card in the trash. "What do think she meant, Suze?"

Susan smiled, but her giggle reflected the absolute shock that both she and I were feeling.

"Oh, I think you know, dear."

"Well, I am only a man, Suze. So forgive me if sometimes I have to ask for help when these things need clarification." I put my arm around her shoulder and held her to me as we made our way to the parking lot. I held her hand our entire car ride home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"There is no competition, darling. And there never will be. Everything I am is yours. Forever."

"David, I don't mean to whine. But you have to know what a hunk you are. I mean, Jesus, Dave. You are a damn babe magnet. And well, shit, I am me. Don't you ever feel like you settled?"

"No, honey. That thought has never crossed my mind."

"David, I know I am being a bitch here. But make me understand. Make me believe you. Please."

"With pleasure, sweetheart. Suze, I looked for you for years. From the minute I left home after high school until the day I met you, I was on a mission. Find the person who made me as happy as my mom made my dad. It was one of the final things he and I seriously spoke about, just after he was about to ask me if I was gay."

I had to chuckle at that memory.