Infernos of LovebyIxchelLechuga©
Ixchel woke up every morning to the honey, honey smell of flowers in every damn corner of the house. She used to like it. She used to like that brought flowers so often and that called her so often. She used to like the way that looked at her. There was joy behind every single glance that Margot and she exchanged. Ixchel shined and sparkled for Margot. All she needed was Margot wearing gray slacks and Docs, sitting in the navy blue Camry listening to The Smiths. Margot's hot hand on hers and that stare that Margot had. The one that seemed to be coming from the bottom of her gut. Always those thick lashes lowered to her, like some kind of worship. Ixchel enjoyed being worshipped.
But worship and flowers turned into this: Ixchel pinned to the bed, screaming. "Get the fuck off of me Margot! Let me go!" Yeah right. Margot's hair sweeping past Ixchel's nose so that it tickled. Margot just giggled a bitter giggle and said, "No. Tell me what you were doing talking to Adrienne for so long and then I'll let you go."
"I didn't do anything. Get off! I am not joking with you. Just get off of me."
"Will you promise not to yell anymore?"
"Bullshit." Margot stared down at Ixchel for a moment before putting her hands around Ixchel's throat. She squeezed. Ixchel wriggled and tried to scream. She couldn't even squeal. Margot just watched Ixchel turn sort of blue. She brought her face down to Ixchel's so that she could almost feel Ixchel's face turning cold. Watery eyes closed as she released her hands from around the bruising throat. A moment to allow Ixchel to suck in some air, and then she got closer. Margot's lips pressed down on Ixchel's before she could take a second breath. A tongue invading her mouth. Ixchel's teeth rebelled. Teeth on tongue and Ixchel's jaws wouldn't give up. Blood trickled into both of their mouths and dripped down Ixchel's chin. A drop rolled down behind her ear. Margot shrieked a muffled shriek. Ixchel would not let go. She couldn't. But her jaw got tired.
Margot sat up and put her hand over her mouth. She wanted to cry but couldn't let Ixchel see her cry. Ixchel just lay on the tacky green flowered bedspread, still trying to catch her breath. Margot could only stare and hold her mouth. A drop of blood on her white t-shirt. Finally she went to the kitchen and filled her mouth with ice. She kept spitting out bloody ice because it was too cold. She came back into the room and lay down on the bed opposite Ixchel. Her puppy dog eyes stared at Ixchel for a long time. Margot wanted to apologize. She just wanted Ixchel to be nice. So she said, "I was just joking. You know that, right? I was kidding. I would never hurt you."
Five minutes later Margot had Ixchel by her collar, dragging her into the car. Ixchel was on the ground, trying not to scream, lest the neighbors hear something and peek out at them. Ixchel tugged herself free but still got into the car. Margot watched her closely as she walked around to the driver's side. Once Ixchel was inside, she knew that there really was no getting out until Margot decided it was time for her to get out. She just closed her eyes and pretended to be somewhere else. She was in Big Sur. She was driving down the coast with her Spanish lover, until Margot turned on the stereo. Duran Duran moaning sad crap at her. Margot sucking it all in. So now that they were in the car, now what?
"I just needed to talk to you away from the house. I need you to listen to me and you weren't listening to me inside the house. Just tell me why you are so cold to me? Why are you so sweet to everyone else and so mean to me? You used to be so sweet." Margot had started the car and was driving towards the freeway. She grabbed for Ixchel's hand.
"Maybe if you didn't watch me at school like some stalker I would be nicer to you." "I only do that because you make me not trust you. You still talk to Adrienne and I see the way you look at her. I just want to make sure that you and her are just friends. If I could trust you, then I wouldn't have to come all the way over to your school to see what you are doing."
They drove around the valley, talking. Margot slowly breaking Ixchel down. Margot sweet talking. Margot stroking her hand. Ixchel could only stare out of the window and let herself be pet and calmed. They ended up at Margot's bungalow next to the Otter's Music Store and over the train tracks and across the street from the Frosty Queen. The bungalow used to be such a comforting place for Ixchel. Back when she liked ditching school. Back when Margot was shiny and new and had two blond streaks in her short brown hair. And now it was just a cave.
Margot thought they were okay now. She just kept stroking Ixchel's hand. She switched over to sweet mode and was telling Ixchel how smart and wonderful she was. Margot got out of the car and opened Ixchel's door for her. She held out her hand for Ixchel to grab. Pulled back the mewling screen door and stopped to look at her Ixchel. "I love you, Ixchel." Ixchel knew that those were the wrong words.
They got inside and Ixchel plopped herself down on the brown plaid couch. Margot didn't turn the lights on and blue dusk was coming in like powder. Ixchel closed her eyes and made herself content. She pretended that things were the way they had been before. Margot turned on the stereo. The Smiths flooded Ixchel's ears. Margot skipped to the song that was Ixchel's favorite. She walked over to the kitchen and made a drink for Ixchel. Ixchel never drank, but she let Margot put the cup to her lips. She drank it and wanted to spit it out. But she didn't. She let Margot kiss her. She let Margot lead her to the bed and undress her. But she wasn't really in that dingy bungalow, on that mattress on the floor. She was in a tiny apartment in some dirty part of Paris, with Henry Miller. She didn't wake up until it was all over. It was dark outside, but she could still sort of see the bite marks on her breasts.
"I'm gonna take a shower now. I'll take you home afterwards, okay?" Margot didn't really wait for an answer.
Ixchel was done now. She didn't think about putting her clothes on and walking out of the back door to the alley full of piss and graffiti and diapers behind the house. But once she was outside, she had to think. Where was she going to go? Margot would find her at her house. But even then her house was so far away right now. Everything was so damn far away right now. She just started running. She ran down Maclay. She ran down an alley and behind the middle school. Her lungs were hurting and she felt kind of dizzy from whatever kind of liquor Margot had fed her. Her face was twisted into a knot and she was sweating and wanted to puke and wanted to stop, but she couldn't. Her legs just wouldn't stop. Cramping in her stomach was making her cry. She had to go home sometime. Even though she had been running for five minutes and she was sweating, she was damn cold. All she had on was her summer shorts and her The Who t-shirt. How long had it been since she had left the bungalow? How long would it be before Margot came looking for her? She ran past the church. She ran past the barber shop and the train tracks. But it really didn't matter how far or where she ran, did it?
Ixchel's All Stars had come untied and she was almost to the little market when she tripped on them. She hit her chin on the pavement. It bled a little and the pain rang in her head like a bell. She just wanted to stay there forever sprawled out on the sidewalk where the tree's roots had made a hump. She did stay there for a while. Maybe a minute. Maybe that was the minute that ruined her.
Eventually she got up and tied her shoes in double knots. She wanted to lay back down. Her head hurt. Her legs hurt. She was still catching her breath and her lungs felt like crumpled balls of paper. She sat up against a little wall for a minute. She thought about the day that she first met Margot. Margot had seemed so shy. Margot shorter than her and eyes timid. Eyes that glared up from a down bent face. She kept her hands in her pockets and barely spoke. In fact Ixchel didn't even know that Margot had a pierced tongue until they first kissed.
And then it was time to get up. Ixchel walked down a side street. She felt almost calm. She wondered if this was the way that it was supposed to be. It must be, otherwise how was it that Margot always found her? But then Ixchel thought about the bruises and cuts that Margot always gave her. Hadn't her family taught her that she deserved more than that? Wasn't she the most popular girl at school? She was. But Margot loved her so much. Margot was just afraid that Ixchel would leave her. That was why she watched her at school and drove her everywhere and called her so much, right? But then what about the times that Margot had tied her up? What about the time that Margot had locked her in the closet? Those were just arguments. Margot had a bad temper.
Ixchel had made up her mind that she was done with all of that. She was going to tell Margot that she was sick and that they were done. But could she really? What would Margot do?
She was only two blocks away from home when the navy blue car pulled up next to her. Margot rolled down the window and drove alongside her. "Get in the car, Ixchel." Ixchel only stared ahead and kept walking. Almost home. She didn't hear Margot shouting at her. She stopped for a second, seeing Margot's face above her as her throat tightened and her face drained blue. She heard Margot tapping at her window at three in the morning, begging to come in. She smelled her own blood soaking the carpet in the bungalow the time that Margot had found her sitting in David's car. And then Ixchel woke up.
She turned around and kicked her legs as fast as she could towards the little market. Margot was trying to reverse, but there were cars behind her and she couldn't. Ixchel turned the corner and tried to get to her house another way. She went down the alley again. There were no street lights there. She stayed close to the wall and was almost to the end when Margot passed the alley. She might not have seen Ixchel. She might have been going to her house now. Ixchel stopped dead in her tracks just in case she had been seen. She stayed there for five whole minutes. She stayed there forever. And then she figured that maybe it was safe. She walked down to the end of the alley and peeked out onto her street. Margot's car was not there. Maybe she was sick of looking for Ixchel. Maybe she had just gone home.
And she turned out onto the street, looking around to make sure. She passed the blue house. She passed the red house with the ugly fence and the terrorist shitzu. And she knew that she would make it to the end of the block safe. Until she heard Margot's voice. Margot's voice behind her. "Ixchel. Ixchel I still love you. You can't make me stop. You can't keep running away from me." She turned, slowly, in disbelief. It was not her imagination. Margot stood there like Ixchel knew she would be. Margot with her pouty duck lips and black coffee eyes. Her head slightly bowed down, looking up and up at Ixchel.
And then it was over. Margot held out her hand, and Ixchel took it. Her eyes were screaming out for help. Salt water covering her face. Mascara dripping even further down her cheeks. They walked to the car without talking. Margot opened the door, and Ixchel got in.