Introducing the Idea of a Threesome

Imagine that extra pair of hands, that extra pair of lips, not to mention the extra "good" parts. Whether you want to add an extra man or woman to your relationship, it starts with being honest. First with yourself, next with your partner, and finally, you have to be honest with your guest.

Why am I not enough for you?

Oh yeah, you might hear that and it's a good place to start. Why do you want a threesome? If you can't answer that simple question, you better figure it out. Are you hoping to be with another person? Is that your motivation? Believe it or not, a threesome isn't "sanctioned cheating." Maybe you're interested in being with a member of the same sex. Not a bad reason for having one. "I want this and I want to share it with you." Maybe you're so enamored with your mate, you want to share them. That's fine, as long as it's not some fucked up way to test yourself. "I don't think I'm a jealous person, but I want to find out." The point is, start with a little introspection. It's like the old journalism watch words, "Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why?" When you're playing with yourself and thinking about the thrill of a threesome, give a little thought to that last part, "Why do you want this?"

But I like what we do, I don't need someone else.

Fine, you know why you want a threesome. You have a good handle on what excites you about the idea. What about your partner? Why the hell do they want one? And who says they even do, you fucking pervert? I know. Ouch. But you can't have a threesome by yourself and you damn well better have a good sense of your partner's wants, needs, and desires. When you pitch this idea to them, are you really going to be selfish and say, "I want this, fuck you?" Hey, if that's your attitude, here's an extra piece of free advice: be ready to duck!

There are lots of ways to enjoy a threesome, none more "right" than another. Maybe your partner has a exhibitionist streak and they might enjoy being watched by a third. Or, your partner has a voyeuristic streak and might get off on seeing you lost in passion from a different point of view. Maybe your partner loves adding extra toys to the bedroom, supplementing the body parts you each own. If you're partner agrees there's just not enough cock or pussy in the bedroom, you're well on your way!

The flipside is a partner who loves being exclusive. If that's their definition of love, then you need to scrap the idea of a threesome. It ain't happening, okay? Deal with it.

So, um, I was sort of thinking, um, that maybe, you might want to, you know...

Yeah, when, where, and how do you bring up the idea of adding a third to your little love nest? For us, it happened organically. We were having a general conversation about fantasies (okay, we were having cybersex with each other while I was out of town) and the idea just popped up. My wife enjoyed the thrill of a toy and me. From there, it was easy to ask, "How fun would it be to do that in real life?" From there, we were off and running with fantasies, open conversations, and careful considerations.

I'm not going to tell you how to talk to your partner, that's something you should already know how to do. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be considering a threesome. But if you never mention the idea, it's probably won't happen. My advice? Blurt it out sometime. When and where doesn't matter as much as getting it said. (Though whispering it in their ear over dinner at the in-laws might not be the best idea.) Once the idea is out there, you can do the most important next step: talk about it! Explore the fantasy. Talk about needs, wants, and desires.

Dude, there is no way I can just blurt it out! You trying to get me killed or worse?

Okay, I heard you. You want this, really bad. You've fantasized about it a bazillion times. You're pretty sure your partner might, sort of be into considering the idea if you can just say it in the right way. What then? I'll set aside the obvious: you're probably projecting your fantasy on your partner.

Drop hints, darn it. Start as subtle as you want, but don't blindside your partner with the idea. Refer to the example above (go ahead, scroll up, I'll wait. Done? Good). I already knew my wife enjoyed the feel of me and a toy inside of her at the same time. We were loosely on the topic when I dropped the bomb, "How fun would it be to try that in real life?" (Her response? "Wow! Really? You sure?" and "I never really thought about really doing it.") Start with hints that it's something you're interested in. "I love when you kiss me after going down on me." Or, "Sometimes, I wish I could just watch you making love from afar just to see how beautiful you look." Or, "Mm, I love this kind of porn." Direct him or her to some hot Literotica.com stories that include your preference. Find a hot movie to watch together that includes your preferred activity.

For the record, here's how it went for us. I'm bi, something my wife didn't know when we married and something I was in denial about at the time we got hitched. Sure, I had had my previous same sex experiences, but I wasn't ready to own them. When we started adding toys to the bedroom, it was because toys can be fun, not because I was trying to make up for the second prick I didn't own. But as our relationship matured, and our playfulness in the bedroom grew, I began to realize I sort of missed being with another guy. I didn't realize I wanted a threesome as much as I wanted to share this other side of me with my wife. (Yeah, I know that doesn't make a lot of sense.) What's more, I became curious about seeing my wife another man. Sure, I had all the usual fears: Would she still want me? What if he was bigger? What if he was better? What if she wanted him more than me? But the idea still thrilled me and the idea of her seeing me with another man thrilled me even more. I wanted this and I had a feeling she would be open to the idea if I could only bring myself to mention it to her. I did. She was. And the rest is history.

Whether you're in a same gender, transgendered, homosexual, or heterosexual relationship, adding a third starts when you understand why the idea excites you. But it doesn't happen until you bring it full circle and consider your partner's needs, too!

I am a married, bi-guy in a committed and loving marriage. My wife and I have enjoyed MFM and MMF threesomes, engaged in lifestyle events, as well as meeting individuals for one-on-one play. We don't consider ourselves swingers or experts on the idea of being a swinger. I have only my personal experiences and anecdotes to guide me. Hopefully, I've either given you some worthwhile advise or entertained you for a few minutes. Have fun!