Is She, Isn't She? Ch. 03

Ashley groaned aloud in pure frustration. She gladwrapped Jeanie's abandoned plate and rammed it aggressively into the fridge for later, threw the pot into the sink with a clatter to be washed up tomorrow, stormed into the shower, and tried to calm herself down under the hot water. It was now almost three in the morning and she was physically, emotionally and psychologically exhausted.

How had this happened? she asked herself. What was wrong with this picture? She, Ashley, was supposed to be having sex with someone that night! But Tasha was gone and so was Jeanie.

Damn Jeanie to hell. Again. Tasha didn't answer her phone when Ashley called, so the blonde left a voicemail saying she hoped Tash was okay, then cleaned her teeth and climbed into bed. Damn Jeanie, damn Jeanie, damn Jeanie! Little bratty witch!

"No, I don't want to be with someone who's unsure if they want to be with me," she murmured sleepily into her pillow, as she got tireder and tireder, closer to the edge of sleep. "She couldn't even touch me anyway ... I need someone who needs me ..." after giving herself the pep talk she needed, she closed her eyes and drifted off into a deep, if unhappy, much-needed sleep.

Only to be woken forty minutes later by a hammering at the front door. She moaned, loudly. What was this? It was like the day that never ended! She slowly sat up, eyes aching as they opened.

The knock sounded again, slightly more timidly this time. Ashley groaned a second time, swung her legs out into the freezing cold of her bedroom, and walked like a zombie to the front door. She pulled it open.

Jeanie stood there, looking miserable. Ashley hadn't buzzed her into the building, the brunette must have been sitting downstairs in the lobby for the best part of the last hour, thinking. She had her arms folded tightly across her stomach, and was looking at Ashley yearningly, with panicked tears brimming in her eyes.

"Ashie, I'm sorry ..." she started to say, a catch to her voice, but Ashley just reached out an arm, grabbed a handful of Jeanie's shirt, and yanked her into her arms.

Jeanie's whole body was chilled from sitting out in the cold lobby of Ashley's apartment block. Ashley's, in contrast, was toasty warm from bed. Jeanie was struggling not to cry over Ashley's shoulder. Her small nose was pressed into the fabric of Ashley's pyjama top and she was sniffling, hard. One of Ashley's hands went to the back of Jeanie's dark hair and cradled the brunette's beautiful face into her neck.

"It's okay baby," Ashley crooned tiredly, reaching around the girl with her spare hand and closing her apartment door again, with Jeanie safely inside with her. "Come on." She held Jeanie's hand as she took her back to the kitchen, and sat her down again. Then the blonde dragged her feet to the fridge, pulled out the omelette she'd made earlier, threw it into the microwave, programmed it, and stood back, wiping wisps of blonde hair from exhausted green eyes.

"Ashie, I don't want to eat," Jeanie mentioned, beginning to slide off the stool again, but Ashley simply walked back around the island bar, placed a hand on Jeanie's shoulder and set her gently back down.

"You need to, it'll be good for you," she droned tiredly, as the microwave beeped.

She retrieved the plate and set it in front of Jeanie, with a knife and fork. Then she leant on the other side of the counter tiredly, to make sure Jeanie ate it. Jeanie placed a tiny mouthful in her mouth, by the looks of things unwillingly, and just to please Ashley – then took a second, larger mouthful, and then a third, then a fourth. Apparently, she liked it.

"Yummy?" Ashley asked, trying unsuccessfully to rub the sleep from her eyes.

"Yes, it's really good!" Jeanie sounded surprised, as she began putting it away quite speedily. "I didn't realise how hungry I actually was!"

"Mm," Ashley gave a tired smile. "I knew that would be the case, honey." She leant her elbows on her bench and her chin on her hands, and closed her eyes, dozing softly while Jeanie ate. She really was totally exhausted, and her sleep had been interrupted.

Jeanie looked at her while she swallowed, and when Ashley opened her eyes to check on Jeanie's progress, she saw the brunette looking intently at her, with overflowing affection in her eyes.

"You're tired Ashie, you should get to bed," she murmured.

"I'll wait for you, love," Ashley mumbled without thinking, shutting her eyes again.

Jeanie cleared her plate, licked her lips, and continued looking at Ashley – whose eyes remained closed sleepily. Jeanie continued staring at Ashley for a good thirty seconds, then quietly got down from the bench and put her plate in the sink. The small clatter it made as it hit steel jolted Ashley awake, and she straightened.

"Want to use my toothbrush?" she asked Jeanie, blinking rapidly.

"Yes please," Jeanie nodded. "Can I borrow some of your pyjamas too?"

"Yes," Ashley floated off like a ghost down the hallway. "Just help yourself in the bathroom, baby. I'll be in my bedroom, I'll put pyjamas on your side of the bed."

Five minutes later and Ashley was crashed out in bed, body groaning for sleep. Jeanie walked in, changed, and slipped under the covers beside her.

"Thankyou for letting me come back in, Ashie," she thanked her, voice shaking again. "I ... I ... I'm so sorry, about the mess I made of your night, I truly ..."

"Hush baby, sleep now," Ashley murmured, fading fast. "We'll talk in the morning. I'm glad you came back. I just want you here with me."

"Ashie," Jeanie slid closer to her in bed, her voice just a whisper, until her head was sharing Ashley's pillow. A hand came up and gently traced down the skin of Ashley's cheek. "You're so precious. You're so beautiful."

"Hm," Ashley murmured, barely there. "That's nice, darling ..."

And then she was asleep.

Ashley's phone began ringing next to her bed, startling her into consciousness. She grimaced painfully. Her body was telling her that it definitely would have preferred it if she'd stayed asleep.

Jeanie was snuggled right up close to Ashley. There was a lot of space in Ashley's bed but Jeanie had ignored all of it, and was as close to Ashley as she could get without touching her, not wanting to crowd the blonde as she slept, but wanting to be as near to her (obviously) as possible.

At the buzzing phone, Jeanie had her face screwed up (adorably) with her eyes squeezed closed as well.

"Ashie, make it stop!" she pouted in a cutesy voice. "Just make it stop and fall back to sleep with me!"

Ashley deadly reached out an arm, seized her phone, dragged it to her head and answered it. "Hello?" she rasped into it deadly.

"Darling!" a perky voice answered on the other end of the line. "It's your mother! How are you?"

"Oh! Hi mum, I'm good!" Ashley returned, checking the clock by the bed – it wasn't early. Quarter to ten.

"I'm actually in the area, sweetheart, I drove in to do a bit of city shopping. It was a spur-of -the-moment thing – anyway, I'd like to see my daughter! I'm going to drive around, now that I know you're home. I'll see you in about ten minutes?"

"Ten minutes?" Ashley repeated, as Jeanie's eyes widened in bed beside her. "Um ... sure, okay mum, that would be great, I'll see you when you get here!" She hung up the phone.

Jeanie was now sitting bolt upright in bed. "Your mother?"

Ashley climbed out of bed and stretched, eyes observing Jeanie carefully. "Yeah. I'm going to put the kettle on. She drinks black tea like me – do you want one too? A tea or coffee, I mean?"

"I can't meet your mother!" Jeanie gasped out, voice alarmed, as though the idea of it was absurd.

"Okay Jeanie, that's fine!" Ashley tried her best not to snap. "I just didn't want you to think that I didn't want you to meet her, that's all. You can wait in here and then sneak out once we're in the kitchen, okay?"

Jeanie pursed her lips.

"And while I'm here ..." Ashley took a breath. "Listen, I don't want to guilt or pressure you into anything with me, okay? I know you care about me, but I really don't think you're going to be able to go through with ... us. I know you came back to the bar to talk to me about it last night – but I think the only reason you did that was because I ... maybe manoeuvred you into it."

Jeanie raised her eyebrows in surprise, but didn't say anything.

"There's evidence that you're just not that into me, Jeanie, and that's okay!" Ashley forced herself to continue levelly. "You hooked up with that guy. And you can barely touch me." It killed her to admit it right to Jeanie's face, but the blonde was strong and swallowed it down. "You're just ... not, like you said, gay, or even bi. You were just experimenting, all the facts point that way. And I ... pushed you, for something more, because of my own feelings."

Jeanie narrowed her eyes slightly, but still didn't say anything, listening silently to Ashley, on her haunches on the bed.

"I made you feel bad, and guilty, and pressured you to give me more," Ashley went on. "I just ... I didn't mean to push, you know, Jeanie? I was like ... I was fighting for you, trying to get you to care for me because I wanted you but ... I have to let you go. I was being selfish. This is just not right for you and I have to accept that. So, I'll close the door now, and you can sneak out after I let my mother in, okay? And I'll see you soon. No hard feelings. You're a beautiful girl."

And she blew Jeanie a kiss, from the frame of her bedroom doorway, just as there was a loud thumping on her front door. Her mother must have been closer than she'd said she was on the phone – she'd already arrived.

Ashley closed her bedroom door, allowing Jeanie privacy to get changed, padded down the hall still in her own pyjamas, and opened the door for her mother, an attractive older woman with a short bob of matching-blonde Ashley hair.

"Darling!" she took Ashley into an immediate hug. "The man from room three let me up! Not dressed yet? And you don't look very ... settled. Did I wake you? Did you go out last night?"

"Come in mum," Ashley gave her mother a wane smile. "I did go out last night, yes. It was a late night. I'll put the kettle on. How was shopping?"

The two women walked into the kitchen and Ashley flicked the kettle into action, and got two cups ready, while her mother chatted about how busy the shops were and how many birthdays she'd bought for.

"Good morning!" Jeanie's voice suddenly slotted smoothly into the conversation.

Ashley frowned in surprise and quickly turned. Jeanie stood with her arms folded, and a half-smile on her face. She was still in Ashley's pyjamas, which Ashley thought was exceedingly odd indeed – she'd expected Jeanie to get changed, fast, and high-tail it out of the apartment, after the obvious panic the brunette had displayed at the thought of meeting Mrs James. But Jeanie had apparently, and unbelievably, chosen to stay – and she was making no secret of the fact that she'd slept over.

"Hi, I'm Jeanie," Jeanie held her hand out to Mrs James, and Ashley's mother took and shook it, looking pleasantly surprised herself.

"Sandra. Sorry Ashley, you should have told me you had company!" Mrs James apologised to her daughter. "It's good to meet you, Jeanie. Are you and Ashley ... um ...?" she smiled tolerantly and left the question hanging.

Ashley opened her mouth to quickly deny it, but Jeanie beat her to the punch.

"Yes." Her voice was determined and firm, and she shot Ashley a meaningful look across the kitchen. "It's all very new though."

"Ashley! You never told me you had a new girlfriend!" her mother turned and reproached her daughter.

"We were still figuring things out," Jeanie rejoined easily. "We weren't really official until very recently."

"Yeah," Ashley fought out, desperately trying to mask her obvious shock in front of her mother.

"Okay, well – I'm just going to duck down the hall and get changed," Jeanie smiled charmingly at Sandra. "I just wanted to say a quick hello. I'll see you soon."

"Yes dear!" Sandra nodded. "Lovely to meet you."

Ashley distractedly pulled out a third cup – it looked like Jeanie was staying for breakfast and coffee with the blonde's mother ... Ashley shook her head as though to wake herself up, then set the milk carton on the bench and turned.

"Mum!" she stated. "I should probably get changed too; I don't want to be the only one in my pyjamas. Do you want to get tea on? I'll be right back." And she quickly disappeared down the hallway after Jeanie.

Jeanie was in Ashley's bedroom; she hadn't started getting changed yet. She was standing, thumbing through her mobile phone.

"My friends are all going nuts," she looked up, and revealed calmly to Ashley as the other woman entered the room. "I may have left them several hysterical messages last night, before the cops confiscated my phone. I had it on silent after that though. I just set them right then – they won't be bothering us for the rest of the day."

"Oh, good," Ashley nodded confusedly. "Jeanie ... I ..." her green eyes were extremely perplexed. "I don't know what to say right now. I'm um ... I'm just ... very very shocked. I'm just going to grab some clothes and get changed in the bathroom, okay, and give you some privacy and we'll need to talk ... some more after my mother's gone, alright? So um ... I'm just going to grab some clothes, okay hun?"

She made to walk past Jeanie, but Jeanie caught her with her hand on the flat of the blonde's stomach. There were only a few inches between them. Jeanie's face was soft and nervous, yet settled at the same time.

"Look, I need to tell you this quickly now," she stepped even closer to Ashley and whispered softly so that there was no chance Ashley's mum could hear them down the hallway through the still-opened door. "Ashie," she whispered to Ashley intimately, "I love you."

It was the sweetest whisper Ashley had ever heard. The blonde cocked her head, green eyes blinking, as though not quite believing her ears.

"I'm in love with you," Jeanie's voice continued quietly. "All my issues about being with you were to do with my fear of how the people in my life would handle me suddenly wanting to be with a girl. I never had ... an issue ... with loving you. My love, for you, is unquestioned. It was just ... my family ... my friends ... I thought they were more important." She paused. "But they're not," her eyes searched Ashley's, not missing a beat of the blonde's reaction.

Ashley's throat muscles moved. She was so shocked now at Jeanie's complete turnaround that she felt as though a bowling ball had hit her in the stomach.

"I've been denying it to your face, I thought I could overcome it but I can't," Jeanie whispered softly into Ashley's ear. "And it feels so right every time I look at you, that I don't want to. And another thing?" her dark eyes searched Ashley's. "You said I could barely touch you? You have ... no idea, how much I've wanted you ... longed for you ... I'm so hungry to give you pleasure Ashley. I want to touch you all over your body, I want to touch you everywhere, I want to lick you everywhere." Her low voice was so sexy. "But I didn't want to touch you the wrong way – I was afraid that you'd not like me anymore if I ... I was afraid you'd lose interest."

Ashley screwed up her face in immediate distress. "Jeanie!" she moaned. "I would never ...!"

"Ash!" Jeanie cut her off. "I've been holding back, and I haven't been touching you. I ... I realise how dumb this sounds, when I was trying to lose you, but I didn't want to lose you for that reason – for touching you the wrong way, when all I want to do is worship you. I know that's so ... ridiculous."

"How could you even think that?" Ashley demanded.

"This is new territory for me and I'm insecure about it," Jeanie replied earnestly. "I've never been attracted to a girl before, I've never had to deal with ... everything that comes with being attracted to a girl before, I've never been in love before. It's all been ... the craziest couple of months of my life."

"Probably the worst couple of months of your life," Ashley could only imagine the stress Jeanie must have been under.

"The best in some ways, as well," Jeanie returned, still quietly. "After all ... I got to meet Chantelle, she's a real keeper."

"Hey!" Ashley's eyes danced and she poked Jeanie in the stomach. "You naughty girl!"

"I'm sorry for what I put you through Ashley," Jeanie whispered. "I know perfectly well we had something going on when I slept with that guy. I felt it as well. I know why you were so angry. But I'm going to excuse myself and cling to the fact that we weren't official, because I couldn't handle the thought of legitimately cheating on you. I never want to be disloyal to you again."

Ashley continued to stare at her in complete shock.

"I know you're afraid that this might just be a phase for me Ashie, but it doesn't feel that way to me. I know I can't predict the future, but ... all I can do is tell you the truth of what I'm feeling now and ... and it doesn't feel that way to me."

"Jeanie ... are you sure?" was the only thing Ashley seemed to remember how to say.

"Yes, Ashie, I love you," Jeanie murmured back. "You're just so gorgeous. The only reason I got scared about meeting your mother was because I don't know how close you are to her – I thought you might have confided in her that I was mucking you around. And I was nervous because I wanted to make a good impression, and instead I was sprung and ... you know? It wasn't for the reasons you thought." She paused, then reached out a hand and dragged her fingertips down the side of Ashley's arm. "I want to be with you," she murmured. "Ashley ... I was so jealous when you were kissing that girl last night. It killed me. I just ... I need you. I love you. Believe me." Her eyes met Ashley's green ones and didn't look away.

"Ashley!" Mrs James' voice suddenly rang out, as Ashley's mother walked, smilingly, down the hallway. "All this frantic whispering going on down here! You should have just told me you were in the middle of something, ladies! I wouldn't have minded!"

Jeanie flushed. Ashley winced.

"Sorry mum, for leaving you sitting out there, we just needed to quickly discuss something."

Jeanie's hand slipped into Ashley's, fingers sliding together. Ashley pulled Jeanie's body a little closer, close enough to feel the younger girl's breath on her chin when Jeanie breathed out.

"Yes darling!" Mrs James leant up and kissed Ashley on the cheek, then Jeanie as well. "I'll invite you two around for dinner sometime soon, okay? And we can catch up and meet each other properly. I'll see you later!"

Ashley reluctantly let go of Jeanie to see her mother to the door. Her mother left, with a knowing smile on her face. Ashley slowly closed the door and turned back to face Jeanie.

Silence fell between them. Jeanie tilted her head and gave Ashley a little half smile. "Are we okay?" she asked her.

"I need to know you're sure," Ashley's brow furrowed, as she gazed into Jeanie's eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you have to be with ..."

"Shut up!" Jeanie approached her, then stroked a fingertip down Ashley's cheek. "Why don't I show you how sure I am?"

"Show me?" Ashley repeated, as Jeanie's touch moved slowly down the cusp of the blonde's chin, down the length of her neck, down to her chest, between her breasts, to her stomach, stopping when it reached the dent of her bellybutton.

"Yes," Jeanie confirmed, wriggling her finger softly in Ashley's bellybutton, before gently scraping her nails along Ashley's flat stomach, sending tingles along the blonde's spine. "Let me show you ... how much I want you ..." she moved her face towards Ashley's, and her lips pressed against the blonde's for a soft kiss. "How much I love you, Ashie," she whispered into her lips. "I'm nervous and I won't know what I'm doing ... but I want so much to please you."