It Meant Nothin'

"YOU CHEATING SLUT! YOU FUCKING WHORE!"

The man burst in just as she reached up to put her arms around my neck then stood on tip toe to kiss me, a wide smile on her face. The door crashed back, knocking into a small table and sending a vase of flowers and a small pile of mail flying; the vase smashed into a thousand wet pieces with its own forlorn floral tribute scattered around it, as the envelopes fluttered down like birds coming to drink at the new little pond that had been created.

She jumped away from me, a look of shock replacing the smile, and we turned to face him; her perfume lingered in my nose. The envelope in her hand slipped from her fingers to join its fellows on the floor.

I looked at him. He looked taller than me, maybe six feet, and he was certainly heavier set and younger, maybe thirty. His expression was contorted with rage and his face was turning puce as his volcanic emotions sought escape.

She was in her late twenties, not beautiful but definitely pretty: brown eyes, short brown hair and a very trim little figure. Her dress clung to her body in all the right places and was short enough to show that she had good legs.

He was dressed in a suit and tie, and with his well groomed hair appeared to be a business man of some type; although from the sight and sound of him at that moment, he clearly wasn't feeling very business like - or civilised.

"Barry!" She exclaimed. "You've got it wrong. It meant nothing."

"Don't give me that crap Heather. I know what I saw. I've only been out of the house for half an hour and you're locking lips with this old creep."

I rather resented that description; I don't think fifty-four is all that old. Discretion is the better part of valour though and I started to edge away, rather hoping that there would be an opportunity to slip out of the door. Barry was moving further into the hallway, in full flow now.

"If I hadn't had to come back for the files I forgot you'd probably be on your way to the bedroom by now." He turned his gaze back to me. I'd made it half way to the door now. "As for you arsehole....." he lurched towards me and I rushed to the door. I felt him shove me hard in the back and I half fell, but managed to keep my balance on the steps, then staggered several paces down the path. I half turned and saw him go back into the house. Relieved he wasn't coming after me I continued to back away. I could hear him still shouting at his wife; she was presumably answering but too quietly for me to hear, although he didn't seem to be giving her much opportunity to speak.

"You faithless bitch! Don't you tell me you love me.

"What? It's exactly what I think. No. Shut up I don't want to hear anything else from you.

"Are you mentally retarded, you stupid cow? I said I won't listen to your pathetic excuses. Get out! Go on, go and join your wimp of a lover, he obvlously didn't want to fight for you."

He reappeared at the door, dragging Heather by her arm; the look on her face suggested his grip was painful. For a moment I was afraid of what he might do to her and decided to wait and make sure she was safe.

"Wait there slut, you can take your stuff and you'll never need to come back" he said as he stomped up the stairs. As soon as he disappeared, she returned to the hall and picked up the envelope that she had dropped, and a shoulder bag, then returned to the path, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

A window opened and a large red suitcase came flying out to land on the lawn, followed by armfuls of clothing, then toiletries and make up. Eventually Barry appeared at the window.

"Go on bitch. Get your crap off my lawn. If there's anything I missed, tell my solicitor."

"Please Barry. I don't want this. Please talk to me, I love you. I'm sorry if I've upset you."

"I've already told you, I don't talk to cheating whores. You'll forgive me if I don't believe that shit about loving me."

Heather had stopped crying now and was even beginning to look irritated.

"Barry. Come and talk to me now if you love me. I promise you, I'm not having an affair and one kiss, that meant nothing, does not make me an adultress."

"I don't love you, harlot. What makes you think I could ever want you back. The only reason it was just one kiss is because I caught you before you could go any further."

"That's not true. I really do love you. If you'd only talk to me you'd see how silly this is."

"What kind of a mega-wimp do you think I am? There isn't a cat in hell's chance I'd talk to you now. You should have read those stories I tried to show you on the web. A Real Man doesn't put up with any shit from his wife. If she messes about she's out and no excuses. At least I learned that much from those guys; there's nothing to be gained from going soft on a bitch wife. Now fuck off."

This was almost becoming surreal, Barry hanging out of the bedroom window and Heather on the path looking up: a sort of back to front, black comedy of the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene. Heather was definitely angry now.

"Barry, this is your last chance to be reasonable. Get down here now and talk to me or you'll be sorry."

"God all fucking mighty, are you brain damaged? You're threatening me? And just how do you plan on making me sorry? You seem to have forgotten the prenup' we signed. I keep the house and the car, and everything we bought with my salary, 'cos you weren't working. In fact you get jack shit. I'm going to tell my solicitor to enforce every clause."

"So you get nothing of mine either."

"Big deal. You haven't got fuck all. You're so stupid I'm well rid of you. NOW PISS OFF WITH YOUR LOVER."

He slammed the window shut and a few seconds later the front door too. Heather was picking up her clothes from the lawn.

"Can I help?" I asked.

"Thank you." We picked up the clothes and toiletries which she threw into the case. I offered her a lift, she accepted and she sat in the passenger seat whilst I put the case in the back. We drove in silence for a few minutes before I spoke again.

"What will you do now?"

"Go to my mother. She'll give me a hard time - she told me not to marry him."

"Will you try and patch it up with Barry?"

"There doesn't seem much point any more. He was always a little jealous, but it was quite sweet really, almost endearing. Then he started reading the comments on that web site and actually believing they were right; I'd credited him with more intelligence but I was wrong. Thank God he didn't follow any of the kinky ones." She smiled for the first time since she kissed me.

I dropped her at the station and she said she'd be OK.

When I got home I recounted the story to my wife who thought it most amusing.

"You might at least show some concern at the risk to my safety. He could have done me serious bodily harm."

"Well you shouldn't let strange women kiss you."

"But really, it meant nothing. I bet even you'd kiss a strange man if he'd just given you a cheque for a one and a half million pound lottery win."