It’s Hard To Explain…

"This is really hard to explain."

"Well, I am a little confused, which is why I want you to explain it to me. Do you like eating your cum?"

"Well, the answer is yes and no"

"I can certainly understand the no part of that, but the yes part of you answer is what I don't understand. I mean, it's not something I would have asked you to do if you hadn't told me you wanted to do it."

I now flushed with embarrassment. I don't think she could see my shade of red since we were in our car heading to meet friends for drinks and dinner, but I was pleasantly uncomfortable. I hadn't expected this conversation at all, but I had always wanted to have it. Sitting in a car talking about such a personal thing with my wife was fine, but I think it would have been easier if I was in a more vulnerable position. The normalness of our environment made the abnormal ness of the topic that much more difficult to talk about. But here we were, and the conversation was started and I knew I would be honest and try to answer her questions. I really wanted to tell her exactly how I felt and this was as good a time as any.

"OK, the "no" part of the answer is easy, no, I would never eat my cum just to eat my cum. That is not attractive to me, I have never done it and I would never do it. I have thought about it of course, while masturbating, but it's just impossible to do. There is nothing sexy about it, the taste and the texture isn't attractive and, well, I just wouldn't do it."

"But you do do it, you lick it from me, or off of me, you have done it a number of times and you don't seem to mind it, in fact you seem to like it. You have even written me little notes telling me you want to do it more often and you are now starting to like the taste"

I have written her notes telling her I want to do it, that I have enjoyed doing it when she asked me, that was true. The reason for the notes is that saying it out loud, even in the throws of passion are not easy for me, or for any man I would guess. Talking about it here would also be hard, but I now knew it was absolutely necessary.

"OK, here goes. You know that I like the feeling of being submissive to you. Not in a beat me or spank me or abuse me verbally kind of way, but in a loving and tender way. I love being in love with you and I love having you know how much I love you and desire you physically. I don't want to be your slave or treated as a dog, I don't want a Mistress or a Queen, I just want you to know I would do anything you ask of me, and I love to hold you, the feel of your skin, your smell, all of it."

"I do know that honey, and I love you too."

"I know, thanks, but this feeling of submissiveness..." I was now struggling for the right words for the concept.

"This feeling of submissiveness is not just an emotional thing, which it definitely is, probably 90%, but it's a very physical thing too. And the 10% that is physically carries an unequal importance than the numbers would imply. By that I mean, the physicality of the submissiveness is a driving force in maintaining that submissive head space. And I enjoy that submissive head space, it calms me, it is uncomplicated, it is simple"

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"I'm not sure I can explain it but I'll try. Men in general are physical beings. Spatially we see things more in form and function. It is one of the reasons there are more men engineers, mechanics, construction workers, we physically make things like bridges, buildings...wars, but that is another topic. We also see and desire woman in a much more basic sense, we see boobs, hips, butts, face, lips, eyes, and hair. Women on the other hand see the equivalent physical things in men, but the importance on those physically attributes is secondary to personality traits. Is a man funny, smart, kind, a good provider and such. The physical attributes, in general, are secondary for many women. But the physicality for most men, on first glance is important.

"Where are you going with this?

"My pubic hair is shaved."

"Yes it is, I know that."

"You never asked me to do that"

"That is right, I never have asked you to do that."

"Over a period of time I trimmed, cropped and then finally just shaved myself bald."

"Yes you did, and again, I never asked you to do that."

" So when we shower together, it's embarrassing for me to be naked in front of you shaved, but I like it. In fact I like being naked while you are dressed because my baldness amplifies my nakedness. Often it amplifying my physical desire for you, in that I'm usually a little hard, if not totally hard. When we make love, I have commented on how good my shaved cock looks sliding into you, and you have agreed. I have told you how good it feels to have your pubic hair against my shaved pubic area when I'm in you all the way"

"Yes you have."

"All of those things are true, but here is that 10% thing, when we are going to sleep and I'm naked lying next to you, my nose pressed into your neck and one hand resting on your crotch, your pubic hair under my hand and between my fingers, I get hard. I get hard because of physical desire of course, but also because, in my head, my shaving is an outward, now excepted part of my submissiveness and you not being shaved amplify that your acceptance of my submissiveness. Whether spoken or not, that increases the psychological aspects exponentially. So a little thing like shaving has a huge effect in my head."

"So it's some sort of head game?"

"Well to a degree. In all things we are equal in that we share the burdens and responsibilities of our family and life together. My submissiveness says to me, and I hope to you, in some things I need you to allow me to serve you, physically or emotionally. I need you to not be my equal, but to take the lead I need you to allow me to love you, at some times, so much it hurts. I need you physically, to be in control at times, to physically direct what happens. More often than not, at night, while in bed using your body to direct my body, or take pleasure or give pleasure. The physically submissive part just exploits the psychological part. Giving control is what I need to do, you taking control is what I hope you will do. Again, this is a very subtle thing. It's a pat on the crotch, a squeeze of my balls, a back rub for you, better yet an orgasm for you and not for me. It can also be an orgasm for me too, but only after doing something enjoyable for you."

"OK, I kind of get that, but I still don't really understand about the cum eating"

"I'm getting closer, just bear with me for a few more minutes."

"OK, I can do that, are you embarrassed telling me all this?"

"Yes, but I like the embarrassment too, it is a physically thing, you know, beating heart, flushed skin and all, and it's about time I told you I think, don't you?"

"Yea it is, I just wish you had told me all this earlier."

"I think I needed time to think about what I feel, to kind of think it out, so maybe this is the right time, we'll see."

"OK then, this is the right time, so tell me."

"OK the cum eating part. Again, this is a physically manifestation that reinforced the psychological need of submissiveness. No heterosexual man eats cum. It is more than taboo, it is an affront on a man's masculinity, it is gross, and it's not done. Of course that is just bullshit because women are expected to take cum in their mouth and swallow all the time, but not real men. So when I ask you to make me eat my sperm, it's not that I have a desire to eat my ejaculate, quite the opposite, especially after I orgasm. The desire is totally gone and the idea is unappealing, to say the least. But if you ask me to do it, or tell me to do it as part of my willingness to prove my submissive, the act of cum eating takes on a totally different dimension for me. For me to do it for you, at your direction is the ultimate example of my willingness to give myself physically in the most submissive way. And yes, when I first put my face to your cum filled pussy, the smell of my sperm is well, not appealing. But I also know I must swallow it all. I immediately drop into a submissive head space where the only thing that is important is doing what you asked me to do. It is not about eating cum, it's about proving to you, unequivocally, that I will do whatever you ask. It is the ultimate outward display of my submissiveness. After I swallow my first glob of cum, I get a rush, you know, knowing I have done it. I feel like I have really proven something to myself, but more importantly, I have proved to you how much I love and need you. And then, licking and swallowing the rest of it is just pure pleasure. I mean, you have heard me moan when I do it. Your pussy is so slick and wet and warm. You are so open because I have just been in you, you are a beautiful pink because of our lovemaking. It is just unbelievable"

"Wow"

I look and you and smile. "Yea, wow."

"So when I told you to pull out and come on my stomach and lick that off?

"After I got that first big dollop of cum on my tongue and swallowed it, just pure cum, not mixed with your wetness, I said to myself, I can't believe it, I did it! I just swallowed pure cum from my wife's stomach, and I LOVED it. At that moment in time I actually liked the way it tasted and felt in my mouth and down my throat. It was the craziest feeling in the world. I thought, she finally turned me into the cum slut I have always wanted to be for her. She now owns me!"

"Wow"

"Yea, wow."

"So if I made you cum in a glass and poured it into your mouth that would take this whole feeling even further?"

"Ya, I think it would."

"Are there other things that would take it further still?"

"There probably are, but I'm not ready for that yet, I don't think"

"Do you know what those things are?"

"No I don't really. I mean, my fantasy of being your cum eating husband are just now becoming a reality, so I haven't considered other fantasies becoming a reality. I think some fantasies are best left as fantasies/"

"I agree, but I would like you to tell me all of them anyway. Can you do that?"

"I can and I would be happy to, we can go through some of my fantasy writings and we can discuss what kind of stuff we may be able to explore. The truth is, this is about as kinky as I can get, for at least a while".

We had just parked at where we were meeting for drinks.

"You were kind of saved by the parking lot here, weren't you?"

"Yea, I really was. "

"Do you need a moment for your cock to go down?"

I laughed, "I'll be OK, I' just hope there isn't a wet spot on the front of my pants, I'll have to get out to see."

"That would be hard to explain"

We got out of the car, and though I could feel wetness from my pre-cum on my leg, there wasn't anything on the front of my pants.

"Lucky you", she says.

"By the way, I'm going to want you to lick it off my stomach again tonight, OK?"

"Please, I'm going to have another hard on by the time I get inside"

Now it was her turn to laugh.

She pulled my arm to her and hugged me to her breasts and said, "You really are my cum eating husband aren't your?"

"Yea I really am, and I love it, thanks"

"You are very welcome"