tagReviews & EssaysIt's All About Sex

It's All About Sex

byPositiveThinker©

It's All About Sex.

Everything in life is about sex. Isn't it?

After living, surviving, and thriving on this Earth for longer than I'd want to confess to, there are so many things that I don't know and so many things that I wonder about. I wonder how differently my life would have been had I been born a woman instead of a man. Don't get me wrong. I'm not gay or a cross dresser, I was just wondering is all. I wouldn't mind being a woman for a day or a week, just to see what it's like and what their internal monologue is, so long as I can switch back to being a man, again.

Don't get me wrong. I like being a man. A man is all I know. Actually, I wouldn't know, I have no idea, actually, if I'd like being a woman better than being a man.

Certainly, women aren't going to tell a man what it's really like being a woman. They don't want us men to know that being a woman is better than being a man and that we men got the shit end of the stick with all of our sexual organs being exposed out in the open like that. They'll all say that it sucks and they'll all say that they wish they could be a man, but none of them really mean it.

To be honest, if I was a woman, I'd always be feeling my boobs and masturbating. Okay, I do that, masturbate, as a man all the time. Only, wow, it would be awesome if I had a rack, a set of jugs, big boobs, tits. Sorry, I digressed.

Maybe I wouldn't want to switch back to being a man, once experiencing what it's like being a woman for a day or for a week. Maybe after all this time the females have it better than the males. Wouldn't that be a kick in the ass. Who is to know?

I kind of suspect women have it better than men because if you ask any woman if she'd like to be a man, they'd all say no. Now that I think about it, now that I hold it up to the light of inspection, it makes sense. A woman not wanting to be a man would explain why, except for Chastity Bono, now Chaz Bono, and a few dyke lesbians, who are really too ugly to be women, they may as well be men, there aren't many women who cross dress. Think about it.

Yeah, I know that women complain a lot, but that's their thing. They complain about childbirth, having to care for babies, and taking care of kids. Suck it up. They complain how everything in life is more geared and favored for men. Suck it up. Only, if it's so bad being a woman, how come none of them want to be a man. Yeah, I know, I'm on to something here.

It's about time we men called these griping women on some of this stuff. It's about time we men organized. It's time we men banded together, like the women did with 9 to 5 and NOW.

"Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men..."

Who's with me? Hello? Hey, where'd all you guys go? What do you mean, supper is ready and you have to eat. You bunch of pussies!

I've come across a lot of men who want to be women or who emulate women. Think about it. A lot of gay men are effeminate and, act, walk, and talk like women. Some of them dress in women's clothes and some even wear makeup. I'm not complaining or ridiculing someone's sexual orientation or lifestyle, I'm just making an observation, so as to make a comparison. Few women emulate men in the way that men emulate women, is my point.

When was the last time you saw a woman act, walk, and talk like a man? Did you ever see a woman spit or chew tobacco? Did you ever see a woman pick a fight, start a bar brawl, steal a car, or curse like a sailor?

Did you ever see a woman do something stupid? Wait, that's not right. That's not what I meant to write. What I meant to write was, did you ever see a woman do something as bone headed as some of we guys do? That's not right either. Never mind all that, but you get my point.

Seriously, when was the last time you saw a woman wearing a tee shirt too tight with her gut hanging out and pants that showed her butt crack when she bent over? And how many women shave their heads, so that they can have a bald spot that must be covered up with a baseball cap? Did you ever hear a woman intentionally and loudly burp and fart in public?

Now, think of all the men who allow their hair to grow down to their shoulders so that they'll look more like a woman. See? I told you I was making sense and it's not just the scotch that's making me write these ridiculous things.

Still, I know there are a lot of cross dressers out there and just as I support their right to cross dress, I sympathize and empathize with them for being ridiculed. Only, I could never be one of them. Seriously, I'd never do what women go through on a daily basis just to get ready.

Between the makeup and blow drying their hair, wearing bras, uncomfortable panties that ride up their asses, and pantyhose, forget about it. Not to mention, I could never keep my knees together long enough to sit like a lady and I can't cross my legs in the way that they can. Okay, maybe if I didn't have testicles that got in the way, I could sit like a lady and cross my legs, but not the way that I'm built, as a man.

I was sitting at the Mall, resting actually, before diving in another crowded store to finish my Christmas shopping. My favorite thing to do is watching people. I saw a lot of old people at the Mall and the women still had their hair done, wore makeup, and had a little wiggle to their walk. It was obvious to me that women, even older women, enjoy being a woman. Compared to the men, the women still cared about their appearance.

Whereas, when I looked at the men, it was obvious that none of them wanted to be there shopping at the mall. They were all lumbering and looked pissed. Many of them weren't shaved and wore clothes that looked like they slept in them. All the men looked, old, fat, and tired. Not one of them appeared happy that he was a man or happy to be alive for that matter. Maybe it had something to do with Burl Ives singing a Holly, Jolly Christmas or Jose Feliciano singing Feliz Navada for the billionth time.

Yet, even with some of the older women that I saw, judging them by how they walked, talked, and appeared, it's all still about sex. I wonder if I'll be still thinking about sex, preoccupied with sex, and having sex in my seventies or eighties, should I still be alive (cough, gasp, wheeze). When I think about having sex with someone in their seventies or eighties, it's gross. Yet, if I was that age, it's all relative. Who knows, maybe when I'm eighty, I'll be lusting over a hot fifty-year-old, such as, Miley Cyrus in a one piece swimsuit?

Hey, my elder years could be the best time for me, being cooped up in a nursing home with a bunch of bored, horny women who used to be and look hot. Wow. Hubba hubba.

"Look out, it's time for my Vick's Vapor Rub. Who wants the honors? And don't forget the Bengay for my shoulders and back."

Yeah, I can imagine myself being with a nice seventy-five year old, one who doesn't look a day over seventy.

"Hey, Honey, before you take your teeth out to blow me, let me see that picture of you again, of how you used to look when you were a hippie at Woodstock. Wow! Gees, you were hot back in 1969. Okay, I'm ready. Take out your teeth and give me a gum job."

I don't look my age. Everyone tells me that I look ten years younger, at least, and people are genuinely surprised when I tell them how old I am. I attribute how I look younger to genetics, of course, my Dad didn't look his age. I mean, certainly, my Dad looks his age now, especially since he's been dead for five years.

Also, I never smoked. I rarely drink for that matter. I think smoking and drinking to an excess ages you.

Plus the fact that I still workout regularly. Jack La Lanne, his wife Elaine La Lanne, and Arnold sold me on staying fit and keeping active. I've never been a couch potato.

Do you think, Jack La Lanne, the king of pushups is still having sex with his wife Elaine? What do you think? He's the only living hope and sexual inspiration that we older guys have. Go get her Jack!

I even bought their juicing machine, but to be honest, the only juice that tasted decent was the carrot juice mixed with apples. I'm sorry, but I just can't drink green juice. Maybe if I was the Hulk, I could and the green juice gave me super human strength, then I would. Maybe if the green juice was in a juice box with all kinds of chemicals added to it, where I couldn't see the color of the juice, I could drink it, but yuck! It looked as gross as it tasted, like nuclear waste.

I know that I'm not as horny as I used to be. I must be down a quart on my testosterone.

"Fill her up with high test."

I swear, every spring it was as if I was in heat. Gees, I was preoccupied with sex and with women. I'd spend my lunch hour walking the parks, where all the women gathered and sat on the grass eating their sandwiches, while treating me to up skirt sights. Ah, those were the days. Now, I just watch up skirt videos.

I wonder, do you think we have sex in Heaven? Michelangelo always painted good looking Angels. Then, I heard that all Angels were male or sexless. Then, again, when John Travolta played that Angel, Michael, he was always horny. I wouldn't mind having sex with an Angel if she looked the way that Emma Thompson looked in Angels in America.

With her hair blowing back and her nipples showing through her Angel outfit, she looked really hot, didn't she? Only, she was angry. Maybe she was angry because she was dead. I don't know.

Who out there knows the real truth about Angels, not that I'd ever be an Angel or ever make it to Heaven? I figure if I made it to Heaven, I'd be so happy to be there, that I wouldn't even give sex a thought, unless, that is, there was a cute Nun. There's something erotically hot about a nun, so long as they don't have facial hair like Mother Theresa had.

What do they wear beneath their habits? Does anyone know? I mean, are they given Nun underwear at the convent or can they go to Victoria Secrets like everyone else and wear whatever they want? If there are any Nuns reading stories on Literotica and if they happen to read my story, I'd be curious to know more about Nun underwear. It would be weird if their bras had little crosses on it and if there was a laundry stamp on their panty that read, Jesus.

I'm not trying to be sacrilegious. I'm just curious is all. Is it all about sex? Is everything in life about sex. It is, isn't it?

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