It's Always Been You

Best wishes and God's blessings to all. Thank you all for the votes on "The Light of Dawn" which allowed me to win the monthly contest, I just hope it's not the last time.

MoogPlayer

P.S. Don't forget to vote.....

~~~~~~

Hi, my name is Mark Albertson, and I'm forty five years old. I stand six feet tall, weigh a hundred and ninety pounds, and I have dark brown, almost black hair and sky blue eyes. At the time of what I'm about to tell you happened, I was barely thirty- two years old, an Electrician by trade, and when I wasn't working; I lived what most would call a reclusive life. I hadn't always been that way though. I met a girl named Kerrie Hill during my freshman year of college. Soon there-after, we fell in love and then got married right after we graduated.

However, after three wonderful years of marriage, or at least I thought so, and also to make a horribly long story short, I came home from work early one afternoon and found her in our bed fucking the nineteen year old kid that lived next door. Needless to say, our marriage ended....very badly. Because I was twenty-five at the time, I climbed into a shell and hid for the next five, or so years.

I had given up on both women and love. Women became nothing more than something to fuck on occasion, and the word love meant nothing more to me than a word that women used to get their way, or at least that's how I felt at the time. During the first few months of being single again, I felt very bitter. And after I'd had enough of my friends' wives or girlfriends setting me up on blind dates with their friends, most of which ended in disaster, I climbed into my own world. It was a world that was safe from heartbreak, shattered dreams, and pain. I bought fifteen acres of very thickly wooded land and built a house right in the middle of it all, away from everything and everyone, and that was my sanctuary.

Chapter One

I had just come home from work one Friday afternoon and my telephone began ringing the moment I set foot in my house. "Hello," I said, into the receiver.

"Hi, Mark," my little sister, Taylor, said on the other end, "What're you doing this weekend?"

"That all depends," I suspiciously laughed, "Why?"

"Well," she began, giggling into the phone, "I'm having some friends over for a barbeque tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would like to come over. You haven't been out of that house except to go to work for years. Please say that you'll come....for me, please?"

I could never say no to Taylor, who herself was twenty-eight at the time and had just gotten engaged to her college sweetheart, a guy named Travis Henderson. He's a nice guy that loves my little sister and....oopps, I'm getting ahead of myself.

"Alright, Sis," I smiled, "What time do I need to be there, and do I need to bring anything?"

"At one o'clock, and just bring yourself," she said, "And thank you, Mark. I love you very much, big brother."

"I love you, too, baby girl," I smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow."

~~~~~~

I was up and awake by nine o'clock that next morning, and as I sat on my back porch drinking coffee, I began to remember why it was that I'd chosen to live the way I'd been living, or should I say existing.

As I thought of all the pain that Kerrie had put me through, I began to get mad all over again. Only this time, I was mad at myself for ever allowing someone to control my emotions like she had. And in doing so, I felt the sting of tears as they hit my eyes and began their journey down the cheeks of my face.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Mark?" I said aloud, "Gut up and be a man for fuck's sake, and stop thinking about that whore." As one can see I was still hurting, and with that said, I was also afraid of getting hurt again. But still, today was a day that I was going to spend with my little sister who, after our parents were killed in a drive-by shooting in front of a grocery store one day while I was at work and she was away at college, became the only family I had left.

Let me take a moment to describe Taylor. She's five feet, four inches tall, has long blonde hair that flows past her little waist, she got that from Mom, and big blue eyes the same color as mine. And because I had never looked at as more than my baby sister, I didn't know all the particulars that most guys want to hear about. But let me say this, Taylor is a very beautiful girl, that much is certain.

~~~~~~

"Hi, Mark," Taylor cooed, as she hugged me tightly, "I'm so glad you could make it."

"I told you I'd be here," I smiled, as I hugged her, "Besides, nothing's too good for my baby sister."

"Damn, right," Taylor giggled, as she led me out to the pool in her back yard.

Because they'd invested it correctly, the annuities of the stocks that Mom and Dad had bought tripled upon their deaths. And the money we inherited was, by far, more than either of us could've ever imagined; leaving both Taylor and me not ever having to work again if we chose. But our parents, God love them, had raised us correctly, in that we both wanted to contribute to our inheritances with earnings of our own, hence the reason we both worked regular jobs and each had our own houses on our own properties.

As Taylor led me through her house, I looked around and saw certain things from both of our childhoods, like pictures being proudly displayed as they hung on the walls, or sat in frames on various surfaces throughout her house. It was reminiscent of being in Mom and Dad's house, and it left me with a soothing feeling of comfort.

~~~~~~

Once we were out in the back yard by the pool, I discovered that Taylor and I were the only ones there. But before I could say anything she smiled and said, "No one will be here until two o'clock, but I wanted to talk you alone for a while. I hope that's okay, Mark."

"Of course," I uneasily replied, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I never see you anymore," her eyes beginning to fill with tears as she spoke, "You stay holed up in that house all by yourself, way out in the middle of nowhere." Then she threw her arms around my neck and cried, "I miss you so much, Mark. Don't you understand that you're the only family I have left?"

"Shhh...Don't cry, sweet girl," I softly said, gently hugging her as tears fell from my own eyes. It was then that I began to realize that in becoming such a recluse, I'd hurt the one person that I loved more than anyone, or anything on earth.

"You and Kerrie have been divorced for well over five years now," Taylor sadly replied, "Don't you think it's time to move on?"

The look on her face nearly ripped my heart out by the roots, and in doing so, also made me realize that my precious baby sister was right. But still, I was terrified of being hurt again, and at the time; I didn't want to even consider getting out anywhere, much less getting into another relationship. But with my baby sister being the kind and caring soul that she is, I smiled and said, "Taylor, sweetie, I know that you love me and that you're only looking out for me, but I'm just not ready to start dating again."

"And why not?" she pointedly asked, "I know a lot of different girls who...."

"I told you, Taylor," I firmly replied, "I'm not ready."

"Dammit Mark," she spat, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me," I angrily replied, "I'm scared, alright, are you happy now?" and then I turned away so that she wouldn't see the fear that was written all over my face.

"Aw Mark, I'm sorry," she replied, gently placing her arms around my shoulders, "I know that Kerrie was a nasty fucking bitch and that she hurt you very badly; but you can't be afraid of living because of the actions of one stupid assed whore. There are some really wonderful women out there, I promise. You just have to give it a chance, that's all."

I couldn't believe the language that was coming out of my sweet little sister's mouth, but to keep from hurting her feelings by laughing when I knew she was being serious, I simply smiled and said, "Okay, I'll think about it."

However, we never got to finish our conversation, as Taylor's guests began arriving before she could reply.

~~~~~~

"Holy shit, Mark," smiled Abigail Collins, Taylor's best friend since the first grade, "I haven't seen you in forever. How have you been?"

"Hi, Abbey," I grinned, "I'm doing well, thank you."

I hadn't seen her since were all in high school together, when I was a senior when she and Taylor were both freshmen. At that time she was just a skinny wisp of a girl with dull dark brown hair and glasses. However, she had most certainly undergone some major changes since then, and damn did she look different now.

Her hair was now a full shiny dark mane that fell just past her waist, and her complexion was a smooth olive color. Her glasses had been replaced by contact lenses, making me wonder if her eyes had always been so blue. Her face was almost elfin as her pretty little nose was slightly upturned and her lips were just full enough to enhance the beauty that she'd grown into. She stood somewhere in the neighborhood of five feet, eight inches tall and couldn't have weighed anymore that one hundred and twenty-five pounds at the most. Her body was one which would make men drool all over themselves, well, every one but me....at that point anyway.

"It sure is good to see you again," she smiled, hugging me, "You handsome thing, you."

"Uh...Yeah," I uncomfortably answered her, trying to break away from the hug quickly without offending her, "You too, Abbey."

~~~~~~

Because Dad had taught me how to use an outdoor grill when I was fifteen, Taylor made certain that she enlisted my help with the cooking. There were several whole chickens that had been cut up, not to mention the hamburgers and hot dogs, too. I didn't mind at all, hell, it was worth it just to see the delightfully happy grin that Taylor was wearing all afternoon. It was then that I began to realize just how much I'd missed my sister and that it had been far too long since we'd seen one another.

Don't get me wrong, I'd talked to her on the phone several times over the course of my self created solitude, but when I began to think about how long it had been since I had last seen her; it made my heart break a little more when I realized that it had been almost fourteen months.

"That's it," I told myself. I would never be away from Taylor for that long again just because I was feeling sorry for myself. That was also the same day that both my heart and my soul began to mend, slowly leading me from that dark place I'd fallen into so long ago.

~~~~~~

"So, tell me, Mark," Travis, Taylor's boyfriend asked, "How's work treating you these days?"

"It's work," I chuckled, as I manned the grill, "But it pays the bills, I guess."

"It sure is good to see you getting out and about," he grinned, "We've all been real worried about you, buddy."

"Thanks, Travis," I replied, patting him on the shoulder, "It makes me feel good to hear you say that."

"Well, it's true," he smiled, "Just ask Taylor."

"Which reminds me," I mischievously grinned, "When are you gonna make an honest woman out of my sister?"

"I already asked to marry me, Mark," Travis haplessly replied, "She said that she didn't want to even think about getting married until she was at least thirty."

I laughed and told him, "I guess she gave you a stay of execution then, huh?"

"Not really," Travis said, "I really do want to marry her, Mark. But she's got her mind made up about it, and you know how she is."

"That I do," I chuckled, "That I do."

"What're you two over here talking about?" Taylor asked, coming up behind Travis and kissing him while putting her arms around his neck.

"We were talking about what a stubborn wench you can be," I laughed.

"Who're you calling a wench, you fucker," she indignantly asked, "Besides, I'm not the one who's living out in the woods like Daniel Boone or somebody."

"And just who are you calling Daniel Boone, little girl?" I laughed, smacking her on the butt.

Taylor leaned over and kissed me on the cheek while she pinched me in the stomach and giggled, "You'd better watch it, buster."

~~~~~~

Once the food had been cooked and everyone had been served, I finally got the chance to sit down and eat something as well. I hadn't been sitting down for more than a few minutes when Abbey plopped her self right down beside me and sweetly asked, "Is it alright if I sit down next you to eat, Mark?"

"Of course you can, Abbey," I teased, "Besides, after I cooked all this stuff, you'd better eat it."

"You're silly," she giggled, as she took a bite of chicken, and then after she'd chewed it up and swallowed, she said, "Damn, this is good. You're going to make some lucky girl very happy one of these days, you wait and see."

"Not me," I said, with no emotion whatsoever in my voice, "I already tried that once and it didn't work."

"That's because Kerrie Hill was a stupid bitch to begin with," Abbey replied, "You did nothing wrong, Mark."

"Look Abbey," I smiled, "I know that you mean well, but I really don't want to discuss this while I'm eating, okay?"

"Okay," she giggled, "I don't blame you either."

"Damn, girl," I chuckled, "You're as bad as Taylor, I swear."

"Oh, no I'm not," she giggled, "I'm a whole lot worse that she ever was."

~~~~~~

Later that afternoon as I was preparing to leave, Taylor walked me to the door, then smiling, turned to me and said, "Thank you for coming, Mark. I've missed you and I love you, and I never want us to go this long without seeing each other again, okay?"

"Okay, baby girl," I smiled, hugging her, "I promise that I won't ever let this happen again."

~~~~~~

The next day, Sunday, I'd spent the morning doing some cleaning up around my house. Granted, I may have lived alone, but that doesn't mean I was a total slob. I built a three bedroom house where the master bedroom connected to the back patio. I didn't have a pool like Taylor, nor was I ever home enough to really use it. Plus, I was always working, trying to keep my mind busy so, I didn't have the time that was necessary to maintain it either. But still, I enjoyed the occasional visits from the very few friends I had back then and we would always grill out and eat on my back deck.

I had just finished cleaning my house, when, some time around noon, I heard a knock on my front door. "I wonder who that could be," I thought. Surprise is not the word I would use when I saw who was standing on my front porch as I opened the door. Being floored would better describe how I felt when Abbey smiled and said, "Hello there, Mark. I asked Taylor if she thought you'd mind if I came over to visit, and she thought it was a great idea so, here I am."

Nothing pisses me off more than someone who comes to my house without calling me first and/or, just appears, unannounced. However, this was someone whom I saw often throughout my childhood to my late teenage years and she was Taylor's best and oldest friend. But because she was stunningly attractive (did I just say that?), I made an exception when I smiled as I escorted her into my house, and said, "Hi Abbey, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Well," she coyly replied, "I really enjoyed talking to you yesterday, and I was wondering if you had any plans for today."

"No," I smiled, "I just finished cleaning my house, and that was all I'd planned to do today, why?"

"Well," she slyly began, "I was wondering if maybe....."

~~~~~~

"I still can't believe that I let you talk me into this," I groaned, as I spread out a blanket that Abbey tossed me from the trunk of her car, onto the sand along the shore of the Pacific coast.

"Stop fussing, Mark," she teased, "Besides, you need to get out and about a little more these days."

"I guess," I laughed, "All we need now is a picnic basket."

"You know?" she giggled, "It's funny you should say that."

"Why?" I suspiciously asked, "What're you up to now?"

"Well," she smiled, reaching back into the trunk of her car and retrieving a medium sized cardboard box full of food, "Taylor had all this food left over from yesterday, and she told me to take it with me so that I would have something to feed you once we got out here."

"So, you and Taylor thought all this up by yourselves, did you?" I pointedly asked, knowing that I was going to have a rather firm talk with my sister later.

Abbey placed her hands on her hips, and with a definite glare in her eyes, she angrily replied, "No, Mark, Taylor had nothing to do with this, she just gave me the left-overs. If you wanna get mad at somebody, then be mad at me."

Abbey had most definitely grown into a beautiful woman, but what stuck me the most about her was the look in her eyes when she was mad; and damned if she wasn't even more beautiful just then. I could tell that my silence was making her angrier by the second so, in order to calm her down, I gently asked her, "Why, Abbey? Why do you want to do this? You know that I'm still fucked up in the head, don't you?"

As the angry scowl drained from her face, it was replaced by a sweet smile as she slowly sat down beside me, and taking my hand into hers, Abbey looked into my eyes and tenderly replied, "I've known you since I was a little girl, Mark. And yes, it was mainly because Taylor and I were best friends; but you were always nice to me, even all the times that Taylor and I got on your nerves."

"Ya'll were a handful sometimes, that's for damn sure," I grinned, as some of those memories came to mind, "I also recall my Mom chewing my ass once or twice because of you two."

"Yeah, I remember," she mischievously giggled, "Taylor said that you also got grounded once, too."

"I sure as hell did," I laughed, "And it was yours and Taylor's fault for making a mess in the kitchen after I'd already cleaned it."

Her eyes were dancing like candles by this time, as they began to cast a spell on me; a spell that, had I really thought about it, would've terrified me at the mere suggestion of such a thing. Still though, I wasn't afraid because at the time, it was nothing more than two friends simply remembering the past. So, for the rest of the afternoon we simply sat and talked about anything and everything.

I never realized that Abbey was just as devastated as Taylor and I at the news of our parent's death. I was so caught up in my own bullshit that I never even noticed. I also realized that day just how long I'd been wallowing in my own self pity, and it was time to stop being afraid. The bad thing about my being afraid was, I could no longer remember exactly what it was that I'd been afraid of to start with. Something inside of me began to change that day, but I was still unaware of it at the time.

~~~~~~

As I was working the next day, I'd placed a red tag, indicating that I was working on a particular circuit, over the same circuit breaker in the panel which supplied power to the building we were working in. All of a sudden it felt like my whole body being was covered in fire ants, and the last thing I remember was the sound of someone yelling and the bright flash of the fixture I'd been mounting on the ceiling as it exploded in front of me.

~~~~~~

When I opened my eyes again I was in a hospital room with my sister, Taylor, standing over my bed as tears rained down her face.

"Mark," she fearfully cried, "Mark, sweetie, are you alright? Can you hear me?"

"I'm alright," I croaked, my entire body aching, "But I could sure use something to drink."

"Oh my God," she continued crying, only this time hugging me tightly, "I was so afraid that you weren't going to wake up."

"I'll be alright," I smiled, as she poured me a cup of water, "What happened?"

"Do you remember anything, Mark?"