It's Legal on Other Planets! Ch. 01

Alyssa let out an awkward laugh then, glancing at Kruune—who merely raised his hairless eyebrows and looked at her expectantly.

"Well, I've...kind of already been...seeing...Lord Kruune. For awhile now."

"I got that."

"Alyssa," he said.

"I'm getting there," she responded.

"You might as well just tell me," I sighed, wondering if she wanted to get married to him or something.

"I've been, um, seeing...a lot of the Konlogath."

I blinked.

"Professionally, sort of."

I blinked again. "You're a prostitute?!"

"Not exactly," she said, and bit her lip again.

"If I may," Lord Kruune broke in. "The term you use in your language applies only in that there is an exchange of goods or services for sex and companionship. The term 'prostitute' or any of the more derogatory terms bear little further resemblance. To us, there is no vulgarity or shame in this. A quislanan is a much honored female—indeed, Alyssa is one most honored and even revered."

I didn't know what to say to that. He just called my best friend one of the greatest whores in the galaxy. As he was left uninterrupted, he continued, while Alyssa shifted on her feet awkwardly and folded her arms around her belly.

"Among the Konlogath, there is no stigma to female promiscuity. It is, in fact, a trait held in high esteem to us. But it is unfortunately very rare, as our females are typically both more reserved and more monogamous than those of your species by nature. This has both biological and psychological factors. Our females form very strong bonds with their mates, while males are often not quite so focused. That said, there is virtually no stigma to sexual promiscuity; in fact, we hold quite the opposite view."

"So you're saying your women don't cheat and ours do?"

"In a sense," he nodded. "The desires to enjoy one's sexuality are very much respected, but unfortunately it is rare to find a female other than a male's own partner who shares this desire. We occasionally turn to outsiders from our race, yet even this is a challenge.

"My people are dramatically more psychic than the vast majority of your own. It is rare to find an individual among your species with both the physical and psychic appeal to satisfy our males... and, on occasion, our females. Alyssa has proven over the years to be remarkably appealing on both levels."

I looked at Alyssa in disbelief. "But you hardly even go out!"

"I never go out with human men," she said, looking away a bit guiltily. "They don't really excite me all that much anymore. And it's so hard to find one that isn't a jerk or doesn't have huge problems...and I really don't want to give up being a quislanan."

She seemed sad when she said it, and fearful. It was only after the words had escaped her lips that she could look me in the eye.

My surprise and sense of culture shock were overridden in that moment by my loyalty and love for her. Alyssa was effectively my only family. I wanted her to be happy, no matter what. And it dawned on me then that maybe I really was the only (human) person she knew who wouldn't judge her. Her family had thrown her out years ago because she wasn't the wingnut religious conservative they wanted her to be. Hell, in those first couple of years, I practically supported her myself.

"So why would you have to give it up?" I asked tentatively.

"Because..." she began, almost pleadingly, and then stopped as if afraid to say it.

"Because you are now the Lord of House McLoughlin, Kyle," Lord Kruune said. "It falls to you to bless this, and to act as her lord, or to refuse and keep her within your House. The Konlogath will honor this decision, whichever you should choose."

"You need my permission to be a pr—" I stopped myself. "A quislanan?"

"Yeah, and...um...your involvement."

"Woah," I said, "what do you need me involved for?"

"A quislanan must be the honorable daughter of a House," Lord Kruune said. "Alyssa has acted without a House for too long as it is to satisfy concerns of tradition and culture. Were she to continue to do act on her own, she would very quickly find the Konlogath unwilling. It would fall under several taboos. To be in a House, however, all honor, tribute and wealth in the Empire comes through the lord. In this case, that would be you."

"The simple way to say it is that you've...got to be sort of my...pimp," Alyssa said, eyes downcast.

That didn't seem right at all. "You mean I get paid while you're the one doing...stuff?! How the hell is that okay!?"

"Surely you would come to an honorable arrangement within your own House," Lord Kruune shrugged.

"Kyle, I've already made a fortune," she said. "I never said anything before because I couldn't tell you everything. But now that it's all out in the open...I'm rich, Kyle. And it all goes to the House, which means we're rich. Or we will be as soon as we start converting things to cash. And I'm -- we're already owed favors and boons and protection from noble houses and generals and..." she stopped. I was staring.

"How many aliens have you slept with?!" I blinked.

"Oh, Alyssa hardly sleeps while performing!" Lord Kruune declared with beaming pride and total innocence. He reached out his hands in a wide, grandiose gesture. "She is exalted throughout the Empire!"

My jaw dropped. Alyssa blushed and looked away again.

"So this is totally up to me, and I have to participate in...in negotiating? And everything she gets paid comes to me?"

"Correct."

"Why can't I just say she's free to do what she wants?"

"Again, there are deep cultural concerns. Alyssa must abide in good faith by these traditions, or her time with us is ended. We cherish her, but we cannot bend our traditions any further than we already have. She must be part of a proper House, and must act properly within that House. It requires a proper Lord. She has waited for years hoping that you would be the one, Kyle of House McLoughlin."

"What if I say no?" I asked. Alyssa looked at me then, desperation and a pleading look in her eyes.

"Then, beyond honoring what is already owed to you," Lord Kruune said gravely, "my people shall be gone and trouble you no more."

I couldn't take that look from Alyssa. "What, you already said you're rich and stuff already! Why would you have to keep doing it?"

"I don't 'have' to. I want to, Kyle. It's...it's..." she searched for the words. "It's wonderful. It's amazing. I really like being a quislanan. I'm practically the quislanan. They treat me like royalty, and they're all so genuine. I'm already fine with you sharing everything that comes with it if you want it. I want you to share the rewards, Kyle. You're the only family I've got. If I can keep doing this and be in your House...I'm fine. I'll have everything I ever want anyway."

I swallowed. I guess it wasn't hard to imagine that she just really enjoyed the job if they treated her that well. So Alyssa likes big green dudes. Who am I to judge, right? "So...what's all this entail?"

"Do you want details of the acts we--?" Kruune began.

"No!" Alyssa cut him off. "I don't think we have to go there quite yet. Kyle, if you're okay with it, I'm going to go away for the weekend to...see...Lord Kruune's liege."

"Alyssa. We must be honest."

She sighed, and stammered. Her face flushed a bit as she said, "I'm going to have sex with his lord. And probably some of his household. If you'll permit it."

"I should also like to fornicate with Alyssa during the journey," Kruune said hopefully. "And the trip back." Alyssa gasped a little, and stifled a nervous smile. It was dawning on me just how she felt about this.

"You're getting horny just talking about this, aren't you?" I asked.

She nodded, but it was Kruune who spoke his mind. "Alyssa and I are psychically arousing one another as we speak. I should dearly like to see her shed her robe."

"Kruune!" Alyssa objected, her cheeks flushing more.

"Oh, well go ahead," I said, but I wasn't serious. Before I could point out that I was joking, Alyssa disrobed, revealing a very sexy white lingerie set—silk and lace bra and panties, matching garters & stockings, and a more amazing body than I had ever expected. I had seen Alyssa in a swimsuit a few years before, but...damn. I could see her breathing get even heavier, her full breasts heaving noticeably under my surprised gaze and Kruune's appreciative narrowed eyes. "I didn't mean just do it!" I blurted out.

"Kyle. You're the Lord of House McLoughlin," she explained, rolling her eyes. "If we're gonna do this, we have to do it for real. I have to do as you say from now on. Whatever you say. That's part of the deal." She looked me squarely in the eye. "And I'm fine with that."

That, like everything else that had been said, practically floored me. "Alyssa...this is really what you want? And this is safe?"

"Oh, yes, Kyle, it's totally safe. Neither of us really could be any safer than with me being quislanan."

I couldn't believe what was happening. Seeing Alyssa dressed like this, though, and hearing how much she wanted it, I have to admit that my suspicions gave way to temptation. It was getting me more than a little horny, too.

Finally I just figured, y'know, fuck it. This is what she wants. She's already been doing it for years. I was never jealous of her boyfriends in the past. It's not like I felt jealous here -- maybe a little envious now that I see her like this, but not jealous.

And it's not like I had a problem with prostitution. I have (and had) a problem with exploitation. That part of it's just fucked up. People who force others into this sort of shit should be thrown in jail or shot. But in the abstract, if someone's cool with selling sex? If it's really a matter of personal choice? I say let 'em. You have a problem with it, you offer 'em a better job yourself. I asked, "So other than being in charge, what's in it for me?"

With that little question, Alyssa's eyes lit up, and a mischievous grin spread across her face. "Well, like I said, we've already got lots of money stashed away. Gold and stuff. We just have to liquidate it, but there's...millions."

"Wow," I blinked.

"That's just the start, though. The really good stuff is...Lord Kruune?"

"As we have a vested interest in your continued survival and good health, Alyssa has already arranged and implemented certain chemical and psychic treatments on you both," Kruune said. "Your youth will dramatically outlast that of your fellow humans—and moreover, you have been immunized to viral disease and harmful bacteriological infection, and a number of potential genetic maladies have been corrected in your DNA."

"When the hell did this happen?!" I blinked.

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "Aliens! Duh. They took care of you because I told them to when I was your...um...guardian. While you were still a child." She smirked. "Like, last year."

"I got visited by aliens when I was in fucking Afghanistan and I don't even remember!?"

"Uh-huh. And probed," she grinned evilly. Alyssa reached down to her discarded robe -- and the view was gorgeous, by the way -- to pull a small pill out of the robe's pocket. She handed it to me. "Swallow this," she said.

"What is it?"

"It's a biological activator," Alyssa smiled. "There's some other adjustments I had made on you as part of payment for this weekend. They took care of it while you were sleeping the other night."

"Your wounds from battle shall trouble you no more within the next few rotations of your planet," Kruune added, "and the last few adjustments to protect you from infections will be fully effective."

Figuring I was already all in at this point, I went ahead and swallowed the pill. Alyssa's grin broadened. "Isn't it cool? No STDs!"

"On that note," Kruune said, "as your enhancements take hold, you will find yourself able to control some bodily functions more directly. As a case in point, the Konlogath only become pregnant when both partners are deliberately willing and intending on such. While you were still under her guardianship, Alyssa directed that you be rendered highly functional but sterile. That is still your current condition, which will come to fruition as the biological activator does its work. Does this meet with your approval?"

Highly? What did that mean? "Um. Yeah?" I blinked. My head was swimming. "Well, I guess I don't really know what I can ask for anyway. Is that everything?"

"I might've arranged some surprises for you for the immediate future," Alyssa admitted with an expectant but bashful grin, twisting around entirely too enticingly in her excitement. "But it's not really anything outside of what's been covered. You'll see soon enough."

"That is all that has been agreed upon up until now," Kruune said. "As I bring the entreaties of the Emperor himself with me, there is a great deal to be offered. As you say, though, you are not yet familiar with what is appropriate or within our means. The Emperor can and will offer as much as to make you the ruler of this world."

My jaw dropped. That was crazy. Alyssa looked like she was about to say something, but I replied, "I think that might be going a bit far. I don't know if planet Earth is ready for all that."

"There's no other catch?"

"Nothing that can be foreseen," Kruune nodded. "And nothing intended. On my honor and that of my liege, all is as we have stated."

"And all I've gotta do is whore out my willing...House member?"

"Daughter," Alyssa corrected.

"Oh, 'cause that makes this so much less perverse," I remarked dryly. "Okay. So all I've gotta do is whore out my 'House daughter' to space aliens who are honor-bound to treat her with deep respect and humility?" Yes, thank you. I caught the irony in my statement. If my desk wasn't so far away, I'd have slammed my head into it many, many times already.

"Uh-huh," Alyssa said. Kruune only nodded.

Alyssa's eyes were still pleading. It was what she wanted. (And holy FUCK did she look hot!) I couldn't say no. "It's a deal."

"Okay. Cool. Thank you, Kyle. We should probably be going," Alyssa added. "This, uh, job is already all worked out. You won't have to do anything until the next one comes up."

"May we take our leave, Lord McLoughlin?" Kruune asked.

"Wait, hold on. I'm not going with you?"

"No!" Alyssa burst. Then she quickly calmed herself. She gave me the glare. "No, you've got that other thing to do this weekend, right?" With her head turned away from Kruune, she indicated him with a roll of her eyes and glared at me again. Kruune, for his part, simply seemed eager to get going. He also seemed to really like the view of Alyssa from behind. I couldn't blame him.

"Oh, what, that thing that's better than going into outer space with you?" I hinted heavily.

"Yes," she gritted her teeth. "That thing that wouldn't be nearly as weird as watching me work before we've had a chance to talk privately. And like I said, I left you surprises."

"Alyssa! I didn't mean watch, I just...um...oh wow. Yeah. Sorry." I took a deep breath. I totally wanted to see outer space, but really, she had a point. This was bound to be really awkward. I guessed the stars would have to wait for me this time.

"When are you gonna be back?"

"Tuesday night. I promise, Kyle, I'll tell you everything else you want to know. Look, my wallet's on my desk and my PIN numbers are the last four of my license plate. Just go nuts with it, okay? What's mine is yours now. I mean that. And have fun with your surprises. Go nuts with those, too." She quickly gripped me in a hug and a kiss on my cheek that, given her current state of intimate dress, very nearly made me explode. "Thank you so much, Kyle!"

"Uh, yeah, sure, I guess," I muttered, not feeling crestfallen or forlorn at all nearly so much as just not really knowing what I was supposed to do with myself as Alyssa took Lord Kruune's arm and walked out toward the kitchen and back door with him. My eyes immediately tracked straight to her ass. Tight, pouty, bubble-shaped perfection accented by lace and...holy crap.

I stopped myself. I had to stop following her. There were boundaries. I was only going to drive myself crazy. However they took off, be it spaceship or beaming out like Captain Kirk -- reversing who wore the green body paint, of course -- I totally missed it in my effort to get a grip.

Then I was alone in the house.

All alone.

I looked left. I looked right. Nothing. The only sound was the hum of the refrigerator doing its refrigerating thing. My hands curled into fists that softly punched against one another pensively.

I went back to the couch in the living room. Even that felt pretty out of place. Really, though, what was I to do? What do you do when your dearest friend -- your only family, really -- what do you do when she bounces out to some alien orgy in outer space?

Honestly, Alyssa hadn't turned me on like that in years. Like I said, I was conscious of how attractive she was. But I'd been in the close-enough-friends-to-be-siblings box more than long enough to have accepted it. I hadn't thought about wanting to be with her myself in years. I thought more about other women I wanted to be with, and when I thought about Alyssa, it was in terms of hoping she'd find a good, solid boyfriend.

Apparently, she preferred the green kind that paid a fortune up front. Which, you know, was cool, I guess? I mean I guess they were nice to her. She enjoyed it. And I certainly couldn't blame them for wanting her, 'cause now that I'd really seen her work it, I was insanely turned on.

Turned on and all alone. 'cause Alyssa just took off with some aliens. Leaving me there. At home. All alone on a Friday night.

The doorbell rang. I went to the front door, opened it and found the answer waiting for me outside.

Monica leaned on the doorframe in a white outfit that was mostly just thin lacy straps. There were "cups" around her breasts that were mostly present to give only the teasing pretense of covering the wonders underneath. There were stockings, too, held up by garters attached to those straps I mentioned. For the most part, though, Monica was all smooth mocha skin, breathtaking curves and a confident gaze.

Just past her was Stacy, whose ensemble showed a little less skin but broadcast sex appeal every bit as loudly. Her black lace bra and panty set didn't need to do much to enhance her assets. She wore black stockings without garters along with a quiet, knowing smile.

They stood on the front porch of the house that Alyssa and I shared dressed like porn stars without a care in the world.

It was Stacy that spoke first. She stepped up, past Monica, to move where she could drape one arm around my shoulder without crowding Monica out of the way. "We really like you, Kyle. A lot. We were both wondering...How would you feel about skipping the first date," she suggested coolly, leaning in close enough to say it straight into my ear, "and all the handholding and all the small talk, and instead going straight to the really fun stuff?"

"I don't..." I swallowed. I was so horny I was shaking, and I really did want to just tear what was left of their clothes off, but at this point part of me was waiting for the punchline or the guy with the video camera to show it was all a prank. That, or something worse. Mainly, though, I was a little bit afraid of myself in that moment. "I don't know what to say."

Still leaning casually -- sexily -- on the doorframe, Monica reached out with her free hand to trace her fingers down my chest. "Alyssa told us everything. Showed us everything. We know about the aliens and what she's doing." I blinked in surprise, and she just nodded. "She also told us you're the greatest guy she ever knew...and that you would really need a couple of attentive, adoring, slightly slutty girlfriends right now."