It's Not Easy to Be a Love Goddess Ch. 09

Angela got her veterinary degree and went into practice, and I made sure to refer every pet owner I came across to her. My devotees were only too happy to take their dogs and cats to her office.

And after two years of successful practice, we were overjoyed to learn that Angela and Sam were to be parents.

I liked Sam. He reminded me a little of Barry—so smart and well read. I think he felt a little intimidated around me, but I always encouraged him to share his store of knowledge when he and Angela visited, because it was truly stimulating—intellectually, I mean.

Angela was glowing with that beauty unique to women in the process of ripening the fruit of their womb. I was so happy for her, thinking back to the delight I had felt when she had been the guest in my womb. Few joys in life equaled this; and few experiences brought more surprises! I was sure this would be an educational adventure for Angela and Sam.

I didn't realize what a singular blessing it would be to me.

But Reina Dawn came into the world on November 20th, and stole my heart in a way I would not have thought possible after having Angela.

I'm afraid Angela found it somewhat of a trial mothering Reina; but I was ecstatic when Angela told me how the little boys at Reina's daycare just wanted to give her kisses all day long. Now, here was a child I could relate to!

Reina became Grandma's favorite visitor. We painted our nails together, played dress-up, tried on jewelry and did make-up. We took bubble baths, lit scented candles, told each-other fairy tales, and collected pin-ups of all the modern day princes of the silver screen. At last, a willing protégé.

When Reina was four, her brother, Patrick Paul came along, and we called him Paul.

Paul had the most delicate features and exquisite, long golden curls. I cried the first time they were shorn. And it did not surprise me when Angela told me all the little boys at daycare wanted to kiss him all the time. He was awfully sweet and loving.

When he got a little older, Paul's distinction became even more apparent, as we discovered his inclination to join Reina and me in our tea parties, make-up sessions, and gab fests. He definitely had his favorites among the collection of male pin-ups.

Poor Angela. She got it into her head that I was to blame for her children's behavior. This was not easy for her to take, and we had some tense moments at times. I tried to remind her of her own words, that her children needed the freedom to be themselves, to be different from their mother; but she liked hearing that about as much as I had.

She even went so far as to ban the kids from grandma's house for a while; but when they protested loudly and persistently enough, she let them start coming over again.

Angela reluctantly agreed to have the Blossoming Ceremony for Reina; with the stipulation, of course, that we leave out the part at the end. She told herself it was just a meal to acknowledge that Reina was growing into a young lady. According to her, Reina was not going to have a tutor anymore than she had had one. That was just as well, since I still didn't know of any men who would be worthy of the position.

Dare I confess, however, that I became the accomplice to Reina's novitiate? Well, I didn't think she should have to do the kind of itinerant preaching I had done in my early days. After all, there was my Temple, free for the asking, and it was time for Reina to move into her calling. Far be it from me to thwart the will of the Golden Axiom!

I think Angela suspected what was going on, but she just chose to ignore it and hope it would go away. She didn't want to deal with it, didn't really know how to prevent it, so she just pretended it wasn't happening. Reina and I took this tacit permission and ran with it.

Again, I felt so honored to share the wisdom I had gained over so many lifetimes with this ravishing, buoyant, enthusiastic nymph. She worked diligently and patiently to achieve skill. She was careful to take the wine and wafer I provided her regularly, and allowed Darian to minister the golden cleansing energies through her head. She was a joy to apprentice.

Once again, Paul tracked right along with her, passing similar milestones four years to the rear. I knew he would be ready for something like a Blossoming Ceremony of his own when he reached puberty, and I puzzled over how to meet his needs.

I was sitting in the kitchen one day, pondering this question with a frown, when it suddenly hit me! Maybe Darian could mentor him! Darian was used to working mostly behind the scenes, and his forte was in ministering to me, a woman; but he had certainly observed me a lot with men.

Perhaps he could help Paul with what I now knew was his own calling, as sure as Reina had hers. After all, the gay community needed the gifts of Love and Cosmic Oneness just as much as anyone. My grandson would be the missionary to a whole segment of the population I couldn't reach! Here was another great honor bestowed upon me by the Golden Axiom.

* * * * * * * * *

Paul came to me one day, and wanted to have a talk. I could see by his serious bearing that important ideas were stirring within him.

"Grandma . . ." he said, and then paused. "I'm not like other kids."

He looked up at me with tears shining in his eyes.

"I'm not like other boys," he said, as the tears spilled over his cheeks.

I looked at him lovingly.

"I know," I said.

"Why not, Grandma?" There was an ache in his voice.

I chose my words slowly and carefully.

"Because you're special, Paul. You have come into this world with a special Gift which is yours to share with other boys and men."

"They don't want my Gift, Grandma. They don't want it at all . . .

"They spit on my Gift, Grandma. They want me to fight and wrestle with them. They'd rather I punch 'em in the eye than be nice to them, Grandma. They don't want me."

The sobs erupted then. I took him to me, and he heaved his misery on my shoulder.

I felt so sad for him. So sorry. I thought I had a tough job in this world. I didn't envy Paul the strength and forbearance it would take him to fulfill his mission. All I could do was try to add my own strength to his. But my heart was breaking along with his.

Finally, once he had gotten himself under control, he looked me square in the eye.

"I don't wanna be special, Grandma. I'm not gonna be."

I met his gaze with equanimity.

"No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do, Paul. But you will never be truly content until you obey the call of the Golden Axiom."

He hugged me then.

"I love you, Grandma. I'm gonna go now."

* * * * * * * * *

I had not felt this dejected since that day, so long ago, when Angela had refused her Gift. Why did this have to be so hard?

Once again, Darian seemed to have more faith in the situation than I did.

He repeated his mantra, "Give him time. Give him time."

That was easier for Darian to say than me. He wasn't as emotionally involved as I was. His heart wasn't breaking like mine.

I cried and cried. And then I dried my tears, and watched Paul put on his armor, and march out into the world, a stoic little soldier. He threw himself into his new role with gusto, and ended up with what was, in my opinion, more bloody noses and cuts and bruises than his share. His tough exterior didn't fool me any, but the other kids at school seemed to be buying it.